Chapter 29 #2
She scooted around to me so we could look at the pictures together.
Just last week Kiyor came to our house to take pictures of her and Alouri.
She set up a backdrop right in our living room and they did a ballet themed photoshoot.
They also took pictures in our foyer dressed up in Lourdes’ favorite color.
I understood this was Lourdes’ first Mother’s Day, so she wanted to go big but I still made fun of her for being extra.
But looking at the pictures I was thinking about following her lead and doing a Father’s Day shoot with Louri.
I’d never hear the end of it from Lourdes, but I’d deal with that to create everlasting memories with my daughter.
“These are nice,” I complimented, giving props where they were rightfully due.
“Really?” She fluttered her eyes. “It’s not too extra?”
“It’s still kinda extra,” I smirked. “But I’m fucking wit’ it. We gon’ have to blow these up and frame them.”
“Oh, that's a given. I’ma go ahead and schedule you a photoshoot for Father’s Day before it’s too late.”
“Well damn, just fuck what I want, right?”
“Oh please, you know you want to do a photoshoot, too.”
“I told you that?”
“No, I just know…but tell me this.”
“Tell me what?”
“Who is this bitch at our door?”
“What?”
Her eyes traveled to my phone that was faced up on the table.
I had all my notifications on, and that included the camera app.
Anytime someone stepped in front of any camera on the property, I was notified.
Lourdes could have been notified as well, but she insisted on having most of her notifications off.
She claimed it was overstimulating for her phone to be buzzing left and right unnecessarily.
I could understand that when it came to different social media apps.
I had my notifications off for that type of stuff, too.
I could care less to be notified if somebody liked or commented on my shit.
But I wanted us to be proactive when it came to the cameras outside of our house for safety reasons.
We also had cameras inside the common areas of our home.
“Wait, is this who I think it is?” Lourdes asked as I was picking up my phone. She’d already switched over to the camera app on her phone to view the live footage for herself.
“Man, what the fuck she doing here?” I grumbled while glaring down at my own phone screen.
“I don’t know,” she sighed. She put her phone down and held her arms out. “Give me Louri and go see.”
“I should leave her ass out there.”
“She drove all the way over here for a reason, Armias. At least hear what she gotta say.”
“I don’t think what she has to say really matters…it never has before,” I muttered, while removing Alouri’s empty bottle from her mouth. She immediately started fussing as I handed her off to her mama.
“Really Louri?” Lourdes kissed her crying face. “Why you doing mommy like that?”
“Because that’s my baby. You just carried her.”
She shot me the middle finger without even looking my way.
“Daddy will be right back to save you, Louri,” I laughed, while standing up.
Before walking away, I leaned down to kiss them both.
I was tempted to take Alouri with me to the door because she was reaching for me like crazy.
But I didn’t know what I was about to walk into, so I had to leave her with her mama.
“Aht-aht, don’t kiss me,” Lourdes moved her face away.
“Man, stop playing with me.” I grabbed her chin and pecked her lips.
“Alright, go ahead and go so this dramatic girl can stop crying.”
“My baby not being dramatic. She just loves her daddy.”
“And she loves her mommy, too.”
“Shit, I can’t tell.”
“Oh, you’re really trying it,” she tittered. “Just for that, I hope Rahesha beats your ass.”
“You would just let her beat me up?”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Defend your man.”
“Well…I would, but you said you don’t want me fighting. Remember?”
“Mannn, let me find out you scared of Rahesha and ducking action.”
“I’m never ducking anything,” she giggled. “But I see you stalling to go to the door and see what she wants. I don’t think I’m the scary one here.”
“Nah, I just don’t want to deal with this lady. I’ve been having a good day and I feel like she came over here to fuck it up.”
“You won’t know for sure until you go and see, Armias.”
DING-DONG!
“I guess she finally worked up the courage to ring the doorbell,” Lourdes said.
“I was wondering how long she was gon’ stand there looking stupid.”
“It’s giving she’s scared just like you are.”
“Man, let me go to this door ‘cause you tripping,” I muttered.
“Good luck!” She screamed to my back as I walked towards the back door.
Lourdes had actually hit the nail on the head as far as Rahesha was concerned.
I could sniff out fear a mile away, but with Rahesha it was super obvious.
She was playing with her hair, looking around, shuffling her feet, and chewing on the inside of her jaw.
She was worried, nervous, terrified, and everything else that was synonymous with being scared.
I was used to her being arrogantly sure of herself to the point where she didn't know what humility was. It was the reason she could never admit to being wrong about anything or apologizing unless I pushed her to it. Even when I managed to get an apology from her it never came with changed behavior. She left me with no choice but to cut her loose because she was set in her toxic ways. Whatever she was here to say today wouldn’t automatically make things go back to normal between us.
I checked my ill feelings towards her at the door before opening it.
I wasn’t going to be mean to her, but I didn’t plan on being fake either.
I was going to be cordial and hear her out like Lourdes had suggested.
“Wassup?”
“Hey,” she smiled nervously. “How ya’ doing?”
“I’m straight. What about you?”
“I’m doing good,” she breathed. “Can I come in? I’m coming in peace.”
“Are you sure? Because you had a lot of negative stuff to say the last time you were here.”
“I know, and I was dead wrong. I’m sorr-”
“I got all your text messages apologizing back in January.”
“Okay. I wasn’t sure if I was blocked or what because you never responded. Now I know you were just ignoring me.”
“Right, because those apologies came after my daughter was born. It seemed like you were saying whatever just to come around and meet her.”
“Honestly, being excluded from my first grandchild’s birth was a major wake up call for me.
But it shouldn’t have taken that to make me realize all the damage I’ve done as a mom.
You’ve communicated your issues with me too many times to count.
It’s my fault for not receiving it until it was too late.
I don’t blame you for ignoring me, Armias. I deserved that.”
“Yea, you did,” I replied evenly. I could appreciate everything she was saying, but one thing she said in particular jumped out at me.
I shouldn’t have had to go to such extremes to force her to see all her wrongdoings.
Plus, her words were just that. Words. I wasn’t about to jump for joy because she was saying all the things I thought she never would.
It was possible that she really had changed, and if she had then I didn’t want her slipping back into her old ways.
Therefore, I couldn’t slip back into my old ways of pacifying her, excusing her actions, and rewarding bad behavior.
“Right, and I understand if Lourdes feels the same way. If I was her I wouldn’t fool with me at all.”
“Yea,” I nodded. I could have eased her mind because Lourdes didn’t have the hard up energy she justifiably could have had for Rahesha.
I was the one standing on business when it came to us keeping her out of our lives, but Lourdes had been a voice of reason.
It amazed me that she was able to extend grace and give Rahesha credit for the positive changes she was making in her life.
I didn’t have it in me to do that and Lourdes wouldn’t have been wrong if she didn’t either.
Rahesha had been mean to her from the beginning and she’d said some foul shit about not only her, but her mom, too.
“Y’all are probably tired of hearing my apologies, right?”
“I won’t speak for Lo, but yea, I am tired of hearing it.
Only because I’ve heard you apologize before and it ended up not meaning anything.
I’m hearing you, though, and I’m looking at you…
your energy feels genuine and I can see remorse on your end.
But it’ll take time for me to fully accept you into my life again. ”
“And that’s understandable. I just hope a future relationship with you, Lourdes, and Alouri is possible.
I want to be a grandma y’all can count on, too.
But first, I have to be a parent that all my kids can count and depend on.
I should have been that from the beginning, so that you didn’t have to step in and do things you had no business doing.
I really am sorry for everything, Armias. ”
“I hear you, Rahesha. For real, and I really want you to be a good parent for the sake of my siblings. I also want Louri to have a good relationship with you, too. It’s up to you if it’ll happen, though. I don’t want to keep you away, but I will if I have to.”
“Hearing that there’s hope is enough for me.”
“Is that why you drove all the way over here today? To see if there was a chance that we could move forward?”
“No…because I honestly thought you were done with me,” she smiled weakly. “I came over here for a totally different reason. But after seeing you face to face…I had to get all that off my chest.”
“We’ve seen each other bukoo times this year.”