Chapter Sixteen
The day clouded over, making everything dull and gray. Dane and I stood near his bike at the rest stop. His piercing green eyes pinned me as I stiffened in indecision.
As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I really liked Dane. I wanted his attention, but I couldn’t figure out how to show up in front of him. I was so damn insecure around him, all talk, no game, and he knew it. And god, that was so humiliating.
Now with him all but kidnapping me and pressuring me on this road trip, I felt a reckoning coming that I wasn’t ready for.
“You broke me in that forest.” I sucked in a sob that had unexpectedly tried to follow that sentence.
The muscles of his jaw feathered as he worked it, gritting back whatever words he wanted to say. The rest stop was in a valley on a slight hill, with highways on either side of us. It was like the whole world was moving by, but we were frozen together. He put his hands on his hips and walked around me in a small circle. The wind picked up, blowing my hair around. I held it back from my face, committed to watching him.
I used his silence as a cue to keep talking. “We were about to hook up and I was beneath you between those two trees. I took off my top, and you laughed at me. Like, full-on laughed at me. I get it, I have small boobs, but—”
“Are you serious?” he finally growled, turning to face me.
“That’s what happened!”
“That is not what happened, and you know it,” he said, his nostrils flaring. Sucking a breath, he gestured toward me. “When you took off your top, I noticed your armpit hair was dyed hot pink to match your hair. It was fucking funny, so I laughed. You flipped out.”
“You think my body is funny?”
“I think neon pink body hair on anyone is. If the tables were turned, you’d laugh too.”
I crossed my arms. “I dye my armpit hair pink to ward off douchebags. If a guy isn’t down with some body hair, I don’t want him.” I purposefully looked him up and down, feeling defensive. “It’s safe to say it works.”
“Oh, come on!” he yelled, arms flailing. “It was kooky and cute and, I don’t know, unexpected. Just like the girl I was falling so hard for. It was hilarious. I had to laugh! It was like finding a fucking troll doll under your shirt. There was absolutely no way to avoid it.”
I rolled my eyes.
He continued, “Oh, and let’s not forget what happened the second after. There you were, underneath me with your lacy bra and neon pink armpit hair. I chuckled because it was funny, big fucking deal. I was totally down to keep going because I’m a grown-ass man who doesn’t give a fuck about body hair.”
“Well then why didn’t you explain that!”
“I was too busy. Because the second I took off my shirt, you eyed my chest tattoo and asked, ‘Who’s that?’ like you were completely disgusted.”
I held up a flat hand. “It’s a very realistic tattoo. He was looking right at me, dude!”
He stepped closer to me, glowering. A prickle of fear ran up my spine. “It is my father,” he said, seething.
“Right, but it’s a bit weird to have a portrait of your dad on your pec. Like, clearly you didn’t think that through.”
“Oh, don’t worry, darlin’. I’ll never forget you saying, ‘When girls say they want a daddy in the bedroom, they don’t mean your dead dad on your chest staring back at them.’ That shit is going to live rent free in my head until the day I die,” he roared, pointing to his temple.
I chewed the inside of my cheek. I barely recalled saying that part. I’d been in such a humiliated haze, it’d clouded my thoughts.
“Low. Fucking. Blow, Maisie. Low fucking blow,” he spat.
“Dane . . . I’m . . .” I shook my head, not sure how to even apologize.
“How dare you mock his memory!” He angrily pointing to the ground. “How dare you judge how I remember my father. And to make matters worse, you kicked me in the fucking chest, so I fell backwards while you grabbed your top and chucked a pinecone at me. Like I was taking advantage of you.”
“I’m so sorry. I’ve lived half my life with my foot in my mouth. I’ve always been insecure about my boobs. I had just healed from getting my breast implants taken out so when you laughed, my mind immediately went to that.”
“I was loving everything I was seeing.” He gestured up and down my body. “Pink hair, perky tits, it was all keeping my attention. That’s why I was so confused. Then you launched into that shit with my dad and it stung even worse.”
Even though I was outside, the metaphorical walls were closing in on me. “I am so sorry.” Tears stung my eyes. “I fucked up. I grew up with a mean mom, so I feel like I know how to say the cruelest things because it was the only way I knew how to defend myself against her.” I sniffed. “And I think I was subconsciously jealous you knew your dad and had a good relationship with him.” My voice quaked. “I’m not saying that’s okay. I just think that’s what ha—” A sob gushed up my throat. “Happened.”
He took one step toward me and then two steps back. “Don’t do the crying thing.”
“I can’t help it!” I dabbed my eyes, feeling like the meanest, shittiest person on earth.
“I’m serious. I’ve been wanting to get this off my chest for almost a year, and I am righteously angry at you, but if you’re crying, something in me takes over.”
His own sentence was interrupted by my sniffles. “Please, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to make this all about me. You’re right to be angry. I crossed the line and made assumptions.”
Taking a calculated risk, I snaked my hand underneath his shirt to rest my palm on his bare pec, the one I knew had the tattoo of his father. “I am so sorry for what I said. I hope someday you can forgive me. I forget all the time about my armpit hair because I’ve been dyeing it off and on since college as a joke. Honestly, no one has laughed at it before. Either they ignore it or it’s a deal breaker. It’s not an excuse, but I hope you can see how I misread the situation. I thought it was my boobs. I was so nervous for someone to see me without implants for the first time after my surgery.”
He covered my hand on his chest. His heartbeat thrummed under my palm. “I believe you.”
I’d never connected the dots that he could be laughing at that. Even if I had, I still thought the moment would’ve been ruined with what I’d said about his tattoo. I had to face the reality that no matter what happened in the forest, I probably would’ve intentionally messed it up because I was so damn insecure and I hadn’t slept with anyone since Conner.
I sucked in some air. “My chest has always been my biggest insecurity, and I worried I wasn’t as pretty as the other girls you’ve been with.”
“It’s not like that, I promise you. You don’t have to impress me, Maze. I was already sold.” His shoulders slumped, his mouth drooping, like my confession had wounded him.
“How can I make this better? I know I hurt you. I want to make this better.”
“I need some time with you.” His Adam’s apple worked up and down his throat. “That’s how you could make this better. I don’t say that to guilt you, but you confuse me so damn much. Yet at the same time, I feel like I’ve known you forever. You drive me fucking crazy.”
“I feel the same way.”
His thumb rubbed my hand that was still on his chest. “We just get each other. That’s why we get on each other’s nerves so damn much. I need more time to figure it all out and really see you clearly. Away from Pine Bluff and our friends. Now that we’ve unpacked the forest thing, maybe it won’t feel like this huge elephant in the room.”
I nodded, transfixed by his quiet power. I didn’t know many people who would forgive someone so easily. I guessed that was the perk of Dane—nothing had to be a big deal. At times, it was infuriating, but in moments like this, I thought he was on to something.
We stood there in front of each other in loaded silence. I went on my tippy toes to wrap my arms around his neck. His forearms locked around my waist, holding me closer. “I’ll run away with you,” I whispered.
“Just keep going until we can breathe a little easier.”
The wind picked up, swaying us. “Until we can breathe.”