Chapter Twenty-Five
Dane wasn’t pulling away, but he was carefully neutral, picking the right conversations and questions. The day had clouded over once again, so not even sunshine was my company. He stood behind me while whale watching, bracing himself on the rail of the boat. I held on to his forearms, letting his strong frame steady me as I watched the midnight blue waves rise and fall.
Along with feeling exposed that he knew I was running from Boyd, something about our call with Kaylee and Harley this morning had irked me. I could twist Kaylee’s tits for asking me if I was staying in Pine Bluff. She had really put me on the spot with that one. Plus, I didn’t want Dane to think that was a possibility. I was relieved she knew about us, but her and Harley’s playful gamble brought me back to reality—I was just a tourist to Dane. Something so predictable people bet on it.
I wondered if I was the first person he’d done this with. Did he take all the women to this cute, little coastal town? Did the lie of whale watching come so easily to him because he had done this before? Was I on a pre-planned date and didn’t know it?
I racked my mind, going over all the things we had done. They’d flowed so seamlessly, one into another. Impromptu makeover, ice cream, rage room, dancing, and billiards. My front teeth dug into the inside of my lower lip. What if this was just one of the plots Dane followed to help a tourist loosen up? How had he planned everything so easily? My skin itched with the realization that I might be a gullible dumbass.
“Dane?” I whispered over the waves. The boat was crowded with lots of people, including some loud children, but we had found our own little pocket together toward the back.
“Yeah, baby girl?” His breath tickled my ear while he leaned in.
“Have you done this before?”
“Whale watching? Nah, not since I was a kid. Although, there’s a puffin tour I’ve wanted to go on, but it sells out every year within seconds.” He complained under his breath.
“Puffins?”
“Can’t a guy like penguins?”
“Sure.” I turned my head to look at him.
His eyes were kind but guarded. “Why do you ask?”
“I just wondered.” I gave him a quick peck and turned my attention back to the sea, my own emotions churning like the waves.
He leaned down again, popping my reverie. “Get out of your head and be here with me.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “How did you know I was all up in my head?”
“I know you.” He kissed my temple and started humming a song I didn’t recognize, but the vibration of it against my back calmed me down.
After we disembarked, we walked along a beach path with the last shreds of sunset. Dane spotted a fisherman pulling in and met him at the dock to buy some lobster straight from the cage. I was squeamish about how he was going to steam or stab it to death in the cottage to cook it, but I figured I better trust my Mainer man to know what he was doing. While he murdered the lobster, I excused myself to the front porch.
I checked some work reports and a text from my neighbor confirming she’d watered my houseplants. I had several feral texts from Kaylee, which made me smile.
Kaylee: OMG YOU FUCKED DANE!
Kaylee: You’ll have to tell me everything. You were glowing! And you guys are so cute together.
Kaylee: I just asked Harley. He agrees.
Kaylee: Okay, I guess you’re too busy getting the D from Mr. D! This time difference is a real bitch. I hate being so far ahead of you in Greece. Anyways, when you pull yourself away from fucking him, please call me. We have to talk about it. I love and miss you!
I hearted the messages, hoping I didn’t wake her up.
Me: I will tell you everything. Probably tomorrow while I’m driving and need the distraction. I love and miss you too! Make sure to put sunscreen on your titties.
I didn’t want to worry her on her honeymoon about my Dane drama or how Boyd stalking me had forced me to end up on this impromptu trip to begin with. Kaylee was a very loving friend, and I knew she’d prioritize me over her own honeymoon, so I had to deliver the news in a smart fashion. Thinking of her reminded me of Texas. Considering the rest of my journey back, I Googled Tilly’s to call them about my cards. A guy named Bronn answered and promised he’d safeguard them until I returned tomorrow. Once I ended the call, the Google search stared me dead in the face. I mindlessly started typing out Dane’s name, but stopped myself before I could press search. The squeeze low in my gut eased. I was being skeptical as fuck. Dane had been so kind and understanding to me, several times over. Lurking on him now felt gross.
It was a long-standing habit of mine to be mistrusting. I knew I was skeptical because my mom had made me that way. How could I trust anyone else if I couldn’t trust my own mother? The sole nurturer assigned to me at birth. I often wondered how she’d held me as a baby. Had she looked down upon me with disgust? Had she snarled her lip when I’d begun to cry? Had we ever laughed? Played?
A burning rimmed my eyes as my breath shallowed.
The most nefarious thing about my mom was her passive criticizing. I’d never been pretty enough for her. She’d run her hands over my skin and point out freckles, scars, or imperfections instead of simply caressing me with loving kindness. When I’d laid my head in her lap as a child, she would inspect my ears, making sure I knew my earlobes weren’t fit for hoops. Who knew even your ears could be wrong?
She’d interrupt my laughter to let me know my front teeth were a little bucked and I should’ve worn my retainer more often. If that wasn’t enough to make me self-conscious, I’d been warned to not crack my knuckles because my fingers were already thin and it would be just a matter of time until arthritis knotted them with age. Oh, and let’s not even start with the hair. It was too boyish and loud.
I could still hear her hatred echo in my mind.
Maisie, why do you need so much attention to begin with?
Being in front of my mother was like walking a wire. I’d lived on the edge of dread, knowing at any moment she’d say something that would shatter my self-esteem. I’d spent most of my life wishing I could figure out how to be enough for her, never questioning if maybe she wasn’t enough for me. Kind enough, thoughtful enough, reliable enough.
When she’d looked at me, I hadn’t been her child she loved with infinite selflessness. I’d been a mess to scan, to detect any flaw. I couldn’t just be in front of her. I’d had to apologize, contrive, and hide. My sole existence had been of her making, yet I was a continual affliction she lamented. How dare I be so needy? So wild? If there was one thing I’d learned over the years, it was that I couldn’t apologize my way into her heart. I couldn’t win over someone who’d fundamentally never wanted me.
It wasn’t until I’d gotten to college and surrounded myself with other women from all walks of life that I’d discovered how much I loved the feminine spirit. Drunk girls at parties had told me how beautiful I was. My boyfriends’ moms would give me genuine compliments and invite me to lunch. Female professors would answer my questions without sarcasm.
My time away from my mother had weaved me into the woman I was. And most days, I genuinely liked myself, but ever since my ass had hit the Maine state line, I’d been second-guessing and falling back on old patterns of self-doubt, indecision, and feeling fatally flawed. Perhaps it was because all of this made me feel so out of control. It was bigger than me. My feelings for Dane, everything with Boyd, the chance to sell Pretty Kitty, Kaylee moving on into married life, it was all so much.
Clasping my hand over the bracelet Kaylee had given me, I sucked in a deep breath, letting the cool coastal air calm me. I needed to find my center, to fight for my own story. I couldn’t let any doubt my mom had sown in my mind peek through.
My mom had made me feel lacking and unlovable, and now that Dane loved me, all my insecurities had bubbled up to the surface.
My head jerked at the thought as I doubled back on my own mental conclusion.
Dane loved me?
He’d certainly never said it, but it was obvious. I leaned forward to see him inside the kitchen, his gaze downcast as he scrubbed away at the sink. I realized at that moment that I loved him too. I wasn’t really sure when it had happened. It wasn’t a lightning bolt, but just a slow sizzle that notched higher with every hour spent together.
I wrapped my arms around myself as I mulled over the new realization.
I loved Dane. A lot. So much it kind of scared me.
But what was I going to do about it?
I snuck past him to put the dress he’d gotten me back on. I knew it meant a lot to him to see me wear it. I also fixed my hair that had been destroyed by the wind. Walking into the small kitchen, I caught Dane plating the lobster with potatoes and asparagus. I busied myself by searching for a lighter in the drawers, eventually finding one to light the taper candle on the table.
“Thanks for making dinner,” I offered.
“My pleasure.”
I stole a kiss before he pulled out my chair. He was back in the shirt he’d worn when we’d driven off that first day. It was plain white, but I loved how it stretched across his tattooed biceps, showing off the faint lines of his pecs and back muscles.
Dinner was delicious, and we chatted all about his passion for rebuilding and preserving vintage cars and trucks. He hated it when people painted them historically incorrect colors or, worse, when they named them something typical, like Betty.
“So the whole mechanic gig, you truly love it?” I asked.
“I do. My dad taught me everything I know. And I go to trainings to stay updated on all this new shit they’re doing to cars.” A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I know it sounds cheesy, but I like knowing I’m getting people back on the road, you know, enjoying their vacations and stuff. My dad took me fishing all the time growing up. I like to think I’m affording other little kids memories like that.” His lips parted to flash his white smile. “But don’t be fooled. I’m not noble. I charge out the ass for my hourly labor.”
I snickered. “What’s your biggest pet peeve?”
“When people bring in shitty parts they purchased on their own, expecting me to finish the job and somehow warrantee it.”
“See, this is why you need to open Fill’er up. Then you can distract them with a burger or something,” I joked.
“Something. I always have to be the bad cop. Lennie is too nice. He has all that peace and love hippie bullshit. It usually ends up costing me.” He squeezed lemon over his lobster pensively. “Fill’er up isn’t my only business idea.”
I forked a stalk of asparagus, delicately chewing on it. “Spill.”
“Night Owls. It would have to be in a bigger city, somewhere urban like near a hospital, but it would basically be a community for people who work swing or graveyard shifts, so the quiet hours would be flipped.”
“Niche but brilliant!”
“Speaking of niche, here’s one for ya, Down and Dirty. So basically, it’s a cleaning service that does all the random things you never think to clean. I’m not talking baseboards and gutters, more like all the heat vents in your house.”
This side of him was so cute. I must’ve been smiling at him like a fool because he wiped his mouth with his napkin bashfully. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“When was the last time you cleaned the vent in your dryer? Not the lint one, but the one that goes up the wall and out of your house.”
“Never, come to think of it.”
He pointed at me with his fork. “See! That shit is a fire hazard. Oh! And I have an idea for a revenge business called Hate Mail. I’m pretty sure I’d need a lawyer to clear it, but wouldn’t it be so funny to have a business where people pay you to send their enemies weird stuff like dead roses or dog shit?”
“We could even pair up with a private investigator to catch someone cheating and then attach pictures of the investigation to the bag of dog shit.”
His eyes gleamed as he pointed at me with his fork. “That’s even better!”
I bent my hands to make the shape of a box. “On our business card, we could write ‘We’re in the business of revenge.’”
“Yes!”
I silently swooned over the fact that I was saying “we” in regard to the future business plans, not “you.” And he didn’t correct me.
To hide my blush, I covered my mouth in my hand, scanning out the window to watch the waves. “That’s such a pretty lighthouse,” I said, nodding toward the island off the coast.
“Want to see it?”
I pulled my attention back to him. In the candlelight, he was indisputably gorgeous. His scruff had filled in day by day, resulting in a short beard. His smoky green eyes set on mine, making me feel naked.
“Yeah,” I muttered apprehensively. How would we see it? We didn’t have a boat.
He stood up from the table, knocking on it. “Do you have any of those bobby pin things from when your hair was longer?”
“Urm.” I got up to search my purse in confusion as he cleaned up our dishes. I presented him with a single black bobby pin. His eyes darted around the kitchen, landing on the stack of papers the host had left us with information about the cottage, what to do in town, along with some take-out menus. They were held together with a paperclip Dane pulled away with a smirk.
“What the hell is your plan?” I asked as he unbent the paperclip then held the bobby pin to the flame of the candle, melting off the rubber tips.
“My girl wants to see the lighthouse.” He blew out the candle dramatically. “I’m gonna show her the damn lighthouse.”
He took my hand, ripping me out the door, leading me down to the dock. He looked around before boldly stepping into one of the ocean skimmers, holding up his hand for me to take.
“What the fuck are you doing? This isn’t our boat!”
“Want to know who the most trusting people in the world are?”
I scoffed in bewilderment. “Who?”
“Rich, old people. Maine is full of ‘em. Now get your cute ass in here.” He grasped me by the ribs, all but hauling me inside.
I let out a giggle, steadying myself. “You’re so bad!” I kinda loved it.
He unwrapped the ropes holding the boat to the dock then turned on the flashlight on his phone and gestured for me to aim it at the trolling motor in the back.
“How are you going to turn this thing on?”
He snuffed out air, clearly offended at my question. Not even answering me, he swung the plastic cover up to study the motor inside it, fiddling with it for a second before a low rumble sounded as it churned in the water.
I squealed. “Oh my gosh, you did it!”
Taking his phone back, he pocketed it. “It’s almost like I work on motors for a living.” With his proclamation, he slapped my ass.
I sat down next to him, feeling giddy and free as he guided us out of the harbor, skimming the waves as we neared the island with the lighthouse. Along with a milky white moon, the stars dappled the sapphire sky. It was as if I were at the edge of the world, everything around me new and blue.
I caught Dane watching me, his expression soft and hungry.
“What?” I asked, feeling shy.
“I love how you look at the world around you. You really try to see it, and it’s so fun to watch you experience it all with a sense of wonder.”
“Oh yeah?” I crossed my legs, holding my dress down in the breeze.
He nodded. “Your curiosity is infectious.” Still manning the motor with one hand, he leaned over for a quick kiss. “And so are your kisses.”
When we made it to the island, he roped the boat to the dock and helped me out. From what I could tell, no one was there. Standing proudly on top of a gentle slope, the crisp white lighthouse contrasted the indigo sky. It was at least three stories tall and wider than I’d imagined. Black iron and windows topped the structure, with metal siding coming to a point at the top. Behind the tower, a modest colonial home with black shutters and a red door was tucked away, surrounded by a short picket fence meant to detour guests but not block the view. According to the plaque, it served as a nautical museum now and was no longer inhabited. You even had to schedule a tour.
“So it just sits empty?” I asked in confusion.
“Yeah, now that everything is electronic, you don’t really need a lightkeeper.” He shrugged.
I staggered back from the house, taking in the details of the white, bumpy tower of the lighthouse, wondering how many centuries of sea spray and secrets coated its exterior. Something about its singular beacon in the night made it feel lonelier than I expected.
Dane held the side of my face tenderly, coaxing me to look at him. “Hey, don’t be sad. It’s a good thing. It was probably really miserable to live out here.”
“Right. Plus, how cool is it that someone sacrificed their sanity to keep others safe? Pretty sweet if you ask me.”
“Let’s make up a story,” he said, a dreaminess to his tone.
“A story?”
“Yeah, like what you did about your dad’s jacket. We should make up a story of whoever lived here to make it less sad. I mean, usually it was family who passed the job down anyways.”
I eyed the house. “Maybe it was a couple.”
“See! Okay, maybe the guy was some retired pirate.”
I snapped my fingers, catching the idea. “The girl was a working girl who fell in love with him.”
“A pirate hooker?” he asked ruefully.
I snorted at the joke, wrapping my arms around his waist. “Exactly, a pirate hooker. Together, they lived here and knit nautical, striped sweaters.”
“And wrote poetry.” He turned to look up at the light. “About moths.”
“There we go!”
“Want to see the light closer up?”
“How?”
“Follow me,” he said, guiding me to the door at the bottom of the tower. He picked up the dangling padlock. “Can you believe it? It’s a historic landmark and this is the only thing protecting it. A fucking padlock.”
“Are you for real?”
“Yeah, that’s how it is at most lighthouses.” He turned on the flashlight on his phone again. I held it in silent agreement, aiming it at the lock as he picked it with the bobby pin and paperclip.
“Should I be concerned you’re way too comfortable picking locks and stealing boats?” I asked as he pulled the mechanism open, slinging the door wide.
“Nah, I’m just ready for whatever adventure life presents.” He flashed me a boyish grin and led me up the spiral staircase. At the top, I tried to catch my breath, unsure if it was because of running up the stairs or how Dane was making me feel.
I looked around at the observation space, grateful there was a couple feet between the light and windows so it didn’t feel too cramped. The light in the middle swiveled in the night, its beam trudging through the waves and onto the land in a steady, hypnotic pattern. Lights littered the shore, the mainland feeling sleepy and far away.
“I’m sure if I were alone, this would be creepy.”
He wrapped his arms around me from behind. “But you’re with me.”
“Yep, so everything feels okay. More than okay, really.”
“I got you,” he whispered, kissing the sensitive skin behind my ear.
I held his head, encouraging him to keep his mouth on my skin. His lips trailed over my shoulder, his fingers sweeping down the strap of my dress.
“Dane,” I whispered, fading into lust, my nipples prickling. He saw them harden as well, his other hand reaching to cup one of my breasts while his thumb lazily traced my nipple, getting it even harder.
“I love being around you, Maze.”
“I love being around you, too,” I confessed.
His voice came out lower. “And I love being inside you.”
“Yes,” I exhaled. “I love you inside me as well.”
I balled up my dress in my other hand, needing to expend some energy to not squirm as his scruff tickled the sensitive skin on my neck and shoulder. His hand covered mine at the bottom of my dress, both of us twisting the fabric as he licked and blew on my ear.
“I've been waiting all day for you to fill me up.”
He turned me around, pushing me against the glass window. “Oh, I’ll fill you up,” he growled.