Chapter Ten. #2
“No. The doctors think the longer I go without a memory, the less likely they’ll return. Which is huge fun when someone says, hey do you remember? Nope, I genuinely don’t.” I managed to keep the bitterness out of my voice.
“Has to be hard, relying on everyone else to give you information,” Rain soothed.
“You’ve no idea. I’ve heard my family’s side of things, but that’s one-sided. I don’t know yours and Shotgun’s,” I said, gazing at them both.
“Well, I was a prick and dismissed your fears. Instead of listening to your worries, I ignored them and was a general asshole,” Shotgun stated.
I laughed, and Rain smiled. “That was honest.”
“True, but you were also a bitch. Neither of us talked to each other; we talked past each other. If we’d communicated better… who knows?” Shotgun admitted.
“True,” I mused.
“Yeah. You didn’t understand why I had to stay and fight, and I didn’t recognise your fears and needs.
We were both at fault,” Shotgun continued.
“Worse, I attacked with threats of a lawyer. It gutted me knowing what I’d said and how wrong I was.
You want the truth, Allegra? I was scared too; you’d given me and Rain our dream, and now Fury and his bunch of cunts threatened that.
Selfishly, my fear of losing our life together caused me to lash out. ”
“I wish I could remember what was said on both sides. But I can’t.
I know what my family says. Nana says you both loved me, that I blossomed with your care and attention, but I’m looking at you both, and there’s nothing.
No memory, no feeling. Am I attracted to you?
Probably Rain more than you, Shotgun, even though I think you’re gorgeous.
Maybe there’s a part of me that, deep down, despite the memory loss, recognises the blow you dealt. ”
“That’s fair.” Shotgun held my gaze before holding his hands out. “Where do we go from here?”
“Well, you need to meet the children,” I suggested, and both men stiffened.
“Twins?” Rain breathed. “Don’t say quints!”
I offered Rain a confused frown. That was random.
“Quintuplet,” Rain stated, pointing at himself.
“Ah. Damn, don’t know if someone mentioned that, but nope, no quints! I’ve superfecundation fraternal twins.”
Rain straightened while Shotgun looked slightly puzzled.
“Superfecundation twins?” Rain questioned, looking stunned.
“Explain,” Shotgun demanded, looking at us both.
“Surprise! You both knocked me up! You’ve a boy, Wade, Shotgun. And Rain has a girl, Darcy.”
Both of them stared mutely. Should I have been softer in my delivery? Oops.
“You had a child from each of us?” Shotgun asked in a strangled tone.
“Yup. Guess I was an overachiever.”
“A boy and a girl?” Rain whispered, looking stunned.
“Nana says I complain constantly because Wade has Shotgun’s looks, but your personality, Rain. But Darcy resembles you, but has Shotgun’s attitude,” I babbled. “However, I can’t really say because I don’t remember, but they’re a handful, so I’m told.”
“You’ve not seen them since the accident?” Shotgun murmured.
“No. Apparently, you put the fear of God into me with the lawyer threat. A couple of my cousins flew them home,” I replied, and both men winced.
“Where’s that?” Rain asked.
“A yacht that I kept on the move, it seems.” I frowned. That seemed a weird option, but my cousins assured me it was most certainly home.
“And where are the twins now?” Shotgun inquired.
“Flying back to the USA. They’re coming from Italy, that’s where I’d last moored up apparently,” I replied.
“And you’re going to allow them to visit?” Shotgun demanded.
“Yeah. We need to talk and really understand what happened between us, even if I can’t recall anything.
A deeper understanding now may help if I remember things later on.
I don’t want to be at odds with my children’s fathers; that’s unhealthy.
And don’t say it didn’t bother me before, because we’re unaware if it did,” I said, holding a hand up.
“And us?” Rain asked,
That took me by surprise. “What about you?”
“You were our third Allegra, our wife. We’ve missed you terribly, and your leaving hurt. Could you give us another opportunity?”
Shotgun offered a stiff nod in agreement as I gaped.
“What?” I stammered out.
“Give the triad a second chance,” Rain stated clearly.
I leaned back in the swing and studied them.
The request had taken me completely by surprise.
Shotgun stood slightly taller than Rain, maybe by two inches.
He wore jeans, a Henley and his cut. On his feet were shitkickers that looked worn.
Shotgun was the epitome of a biker. Rain also wore jeans, but his were newer and paired with a button-down shirt.
Rain’s hair was neatly trimmed, whereas Shotgun’s needed a cut.
Two totally different men with opposite personalities.
I’d already recognised that. There was a visible bond, whether they realised it or not.
They each sought reassurance from each other.
They were close, and it was obvious. I couldn’t see how I fitted in.
It was mind-boggling. What had been my place?
“The timing’s wrong,” I said slowly. “I’m struggling to learn who I am, what I like, and my previous life.
A relationship isn’t a good idea; that’s just more stress.
You two remember the old me, and that Allegra’s gone.
Who this me is, I’ve no idea. But I’m looking forward to meeting and learning about her. Honestly, I don’t need added pressure.”
“Possibly start as friends and see how things go? Keep the possibly of being a triad open,” Rain suggested.
“Again, not a good idea. Rain, I don’t even know myself, let alone my children.
Adding a relationship into the mix, and not even a normal one, a highly complicated one, is too much to deal with.
We need to build friendships. You might think you know me, but you don’t.
The woman you loved is dead for all intents and purposes.
I’m wearing her body, but I’m not your Allegra. ”
“I understand, and no pressure. Let’s start as friends who share kids and go from there,” Shotgun offered, and I nodded.
“That sounds perfect. The children will be home tonight, and no doubt they’ll be tired. How about I bring them tomorrow afternoon?”
“Great,” Rain replied, beaming. The expressions on their faces made me feel guilty, even though I was trying to make amends.
The old me had clearly made choices I couldn’t condone or judge.
Apparently, she had reasons, but I didn’t understand or know them.
Hopefully, I wasn’t just being a bitch to these guys. That would make me a supreme asshole.
“I’ll call an Uber,” I said as a police vehicle pulled in.
Shotgun looked torn. He obviously needed to stay with Rain, but didn’t want me getting into a stranger’s car.
“It’ll be fine. I got an Uber here; I can get one home. The doctors won’t clear me to drive; I’ve not even tried. Suppose I should check to see if I remember.”
Shotgun hesitated, but the officers appeared, and then another car arrived with some men in security uniforms. I quietly booked an Uber, and when it pulled up, said goodbye.
◆◆◆
“Allegra, I don’t like this,” Thatch stated the next afternoon.
“You’ve mentioned that about ten times,” I replied calmly.
The twins bickered in the rear, and I smiled.
The miracle of seeing them and having my memories rush back didn’t happen.
It gutted me as they both tackled me and kissed Mommy's ‘poorly’. Darcy had seemed scared at first until she’d seen Wade smothering me with love.
I ended up wrapping a scarf around my head to stop the frightened looks.
Whatever else I might have done wrong, I’d not harmed my children. They were happy, chatty, confident little things who were also highly opinionated. I couldn’t believe how well they spoke and reasoned for their age.
I wasn’t going to lie. I didn’t get a rush of emotion, but they were adorable, and I knew I’d love them all over again.
Luckily, they were too young to say, ‘remember this’.
It was hard for different reasons. Mainly because they were strangers, and that was upsetting.
I wanted to remember my children, and it deeply hurt that I didn’t.
Since they had arrived yesterday, I’d spent hours learning their little quirks and personalities. Darcy was unquestionably the leader. But Wade wasn’t far behind. The one thing that stood out was how comfortable they were with my family. They’d obviously all spent a lot of time with them.
Thatch and the cousins had tried to talk me out of taking the children to meet Shotgun and Rain.
They’d explained I’d been so hurt I’d not been able to face them since Shotgun called me a liar and manipulative.
But that was the old Allegra. New me didn’t recall the pain and grief, and was allowing them to see the twins.
If I regained the memories, then it might be a different matter, but for now, seeing Rain and Shotgun didn’t harm me or anyone else. And that was that.
Thatch pulled up outside Shotgun and Rain’s house, and I took a deep breath.