Chapter Twelve. #2
“It’s not finished,” Allegra teased.
“Use your imagination. This is the entryway, and here is a play area for the kids.” Shotgun moved into a space that had stud walls up. Continuing into a large area, Shotgun announced, “This is the lounge with an opening into the kitchen.”
“Not open-plan?” Allegra asked.
Shotgun winked and walked into the kitchen area.
“The entire back wall of the house will have bi-fold doors. You often spoke about having bi-fold doors in the lounge, dining room, and kitchen. It was something you really wanted. I incorporated it into the design. Above us is the master bedroom with a balcony. The base of which creates a cover for the open-air kitchen you dreamed of.”
Shotgun shifted over to another section. “This is Rain’s office, and mine’s next to it. There are closets and two half-baths thrown down here, too. Plus, a utility room, a large pantry, and a mudroom, as you spoke about having dogs.”
Allegra kept following as Shotgun walked around, and he wasn’t sure what to make of the expression on her face.
Once, he was able to read her every expression.
But not anymore. Shotgun hoped Allegra understood what he was attempting to say.
He moved again, pointing out the five additional bedrooms and the adjoining bathrooms.
“This is… very nice,” Allegra finally said.
“There’s a third floor. That has three rooms. One is a darkroom.” Allegra’s head snapped up as he said it. “The other is an office slash gallery, the third is an enchanted library you mentioned you wanted. You’ve seen them on BookFace and fell in love with them. I had someone design you one.”
Allegra was silent, and Shotgun walked towards her.
“You’re scared of me; I understand. Hurt you badly, even though you don’t remember it, but you recognise that deep down.
I fucked up, massively screwed up, and you took yourself away from us for two years.
But I never gave up hope. When I explained my sexuality to Chance, he offered this.
Everyone wanted it, Chance denied them. Claimed he knew he had to keep this plot. ”
“Why?” Allegra whispered.
“Because Chance said it was meant for the heart of the MC, which is what he called me. I say that’s bullshit, but Chance insisted I have the best plot for my family. When I accepted, I’d no idea if I’d ever see you again. But I had hope, and I worked to design the house you and Rain wanted.”
Shotgun moved towards the back area and beckoned Allegra over.
“We’re right on the lake. I’ve asked Apache to build a wooden path down to a dock for the kids to jump off.
This part of the lake literally drops steeply to about eighteen feet.
It’s deep. I can imagine the kids running down it and dive-bombing in. ”
Allegra remained silent, and Shotgun waited. This was in her hands now. He could only wait. Shotgun had opened his heart and had given Allegra a very sharp dagger to stab into it. If Allegra refused, Shotgun would be devastated.
Allegra
Well, it wasn’t an everyday occurrence to be confronted with someone building a house for you.
I gazed around, noting the little things Shotgun had pointed out to make it homely.
And he’d done it without knowing if I’d ever come back.
What was the answer to that? This was an immeasurable gift, and I recognised that. Fuck.
“I’m unsure if I want a triad again. Shotgun, how can I have a relationship when I’ve no idea who I am? Hell, you built me a studio, and I don’t even know if I can take pictures anymore.”
A sob hitched in my throat, and I looked away. I wouldn’t show weakness. A warm hand clasped my shoulder, and I was pulled into Shotgun’s chest, twins and all.
“You can. If that’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that, babe. That type of gift doesn’t fade. No trauma can delete that. The moment you pick up a camera, you’ll know what you’re doing. Got no doubt of that.”
“How can you be sure?” I whispered.
“Because I am. Sweetheart, your memories might be gone forever, but that talent isn’t.
And quit claiming you don’t know who you are.
You’re Allegra Spalding, survivor and fighter.
Hot-headed and stubborn. Kind and loving.
Logical and calm. Approachable and adaptable.
Strong and loyal. You bend and adjust, and nobody can take that from you.
That’s who you are. Stop saying you don’t know.
You do. And we see you,” Shotgun murmured.
Oh crap. That caused more tears. Those words sank into my bones.
“What if the old me returns?”
“And? Baby, you aren’t much different, and I’m sure your family will agree. A couple of minor quirks, but deep down, you’re the same girl I fell head over heels in love with.”
“Wow,” I replied. Guilt swamped me because I couldn’t say that back. I didn’t love him. Shotgun squeezed me.
“Don’t expect anything, Allegra. What attracted you to us before might have changed.
One day at a time, Allegra. If you decide to try, then Rain and I will be the happiest men alive.
But if you stay our friend, we’ll accept that too, even though that’s heartbreaking.
Don’t fall in love with one of us and not the other. That won’t work,” Shotgun murmured.
“No, that would be unkind.”
How did I explain that I was attracted to them, but didn’t know if I could love them?
False hope was cruel and spiteful, and I didn’t want to create that.
I leaned more towards Rain than Shotgun, even though he was gorgeous.
But a little voice inside my head screamed that Shotgun had picked Hellfire over me once, and he’d do it again.
Shotgun
He felt the barriers come down. Allegra was putting distance between them. Something had entered her mind, and it had caused doubt. They’d lost the moment. He stepped back and motioned with his arms.
“What do you think?” he asked to distract her.
“This will be beautiful. Even if I don’t… the twins will love coming here.”
“Shared parenting?”
Allegra tipped her head. “I should feel panicked at that idea, but I don’t. I’ve fallen in love with these little horrors.” Allegra shifted Wade’s weight, and Shotgun took him off her, and then Darcy. Both kids were half asleep, so he let them use his shoulder as he rocked gently back and forth.
“Maybe if I remembered the mother-bond between us, I’d be more against that. But I’m not. Don’t get me wrong, though, I absolutely love them to bits.”
“Then why are you knocking yourself out? Who gives a fuck if you can’t remember the bond? You’re forming that with them now. Same as Rain and me, we’re all in the same boat, but the one thing we can agree on is we love these kids, right?”
“Yes. Sorry…”
“Allegra, enough apologising for the amnesia. You didn’t choose it; it happened.
Stop being sorry; quit saying 'I don’t remember'. We all know you don’t, so baby, take a deep breath and embrace life.
A terrible accident that robbed you of the past, not your future. So, stop letting that hold you back.”
“Do you think I am?” Allegra asked, looking intrigued.
“Yeah. Many people let it imprison them because they’re ashamed of their actions or can’t move past a certain moment.
They’re trapped in time, scared, embarrassed, regretful.
You’re not. Nothing is stopping you from moving forward except yourself and fear.
Kick fear to the curb. Who the fuck needs it? ”
Allegra grinned. “You’re right.”
“Damn well am.”
“Show-off,” Allegra muttered, and Shotgun smiled.
Somehow, he felt a massive milestone had been reached.
He’d no idea what, but Allegra seemed lighter.
If he’d helped, then he was happy. He looked at her beautiful face and realised he’d break his back every day to get Allegra to love them again. She was worth it.