30. CHAPTER THIRTY
The air was damp and heavy with the threat of thunderstorms. If they landed they’d be fleeting, but they had a real talent for catching drivers with their roofs down and umbrella-less pedestrians off guard.
The dark clouds on the horizon were far enough away to look like they could be swayed, brushed aside with a thought or a light breeze.
Effie hoped they would, if only to ensure the crowd on its way to the Book and Bar that night wouldn’t get caught in the rain.
Effie wandered from the window in her silk robe, feeling the buzz of a pent-up storm beneath her skin.
She’d been tamping down her anxieties in favor of good feelings with Theo and ignoring every other little hurt as of late.
A snide comment from her mother, a clipped dismissal from Louisa, a wave of grief so sharp and sudden it felt like a sniper shot.
They prickled to be released as she readied for the night.
A night celebrating Hope. Only within these walls, in the privacy of her room would she let her envy be acknowledged.
Thought of, not felt. That would be far too slippery a slope .
Effie stepped into a pair of dark-wash jeans that snuggled around her hips and cinched at her waist with a set of three gold buttons.
They flared at the leg around her peep-toe leather heels.
The peony-printed smocked top she pulled over her head boasted a sweetheart neckline that, after a few adjustments, hugged her chest most flatteringly.
She pulled her curled hair into an easy ponytail that showed off the elegant curve of her neck and allowed her gold hoops to pop against her suntanned skin.
Grabbing her go-to clutch, she gave herself a quick once-over in the floor length mirror hung on the backside of her door before stepping into the hallway.
She met her mother by the stairwell. “Are you going to the release?”
“I would, but I took over a weekend shift tomorrow so Anna could go away with her family for her birthday.”
“Oh, okay.”
Pamela checked her watch. “Isn’t it a little early for a midnight release?”
“Theo’s taking me to dinner first,” Effie said fighting the heat that tickled her spine.
“Someone is smitten,” her mother chirped before kissing Effie on the cheek.
“Be careful there. You know how men are.” Pamela smoothed a curl back from Effie’s face, the picture of motherly affection, but Effie only felt the condescension.
Condescension mixed with envy, and she was sick of it.
Her anger battled its way up her throat, but Effie swallowed it down.
“I do want you to meet him,” Effie said instead. It was at least partially true.
“I will if he sticks around long enough, love. Don’t worry.
” She patted Effie on the cheek. “Have fun tonight.” She slipped away and behind her bedroom door before Effie could summon the nerve to retort.
Effie bottled her feelings about how her mother assumed Theo was like her own romantic disappointments and hurried down the steps.
Tibby would be at the release. Louisa and Ellen said they’d make an appearance as well, so at least four Thatcher women might get the chance to meet Theo that night.
The thought of it had been exciting before her mother’s little display.
Effie bottled that too and stepped onto the sunset-streaked street where Theo waited.
With his motorcycle.
He held a helmet out to Effie. “I thought we could take a ride down the coast before a late dinner.”
Effie didn’t take the helmet. She assessed the bike instead.
It was a 2022 Heritage Classic 114 Harley Davidson, at least that’s what he’d told Effie when he revealed he rode a motorcycle last week.
She hadn’t heard much else he said about the bike, her pulse hammering in her head at the mere mention of it, but she distinctly remembered saying she wouldn’t ride it.
She gawked at the sleek navy body and chrome detailing.
He took good care of it, even if it was practically new. Not that that mattered.
“Effie?”
The stopper on her emotions wanted to pop, but she shoved this down as far as she could too. “We can take my car down the coast.”
She shuffled through her clutch for her keys, but Theo stopped her with a hand over hers. “It’ll be fun, come on.”
Effie stiffened. She wasn’t interested, but he looked so excited. “I thought I said I would sooner jump out of a plane than ride on this thing.”
Theo cocked his head in confusion. “You were being serious? ”
“Yes.”
Theo looked at her again, piercing through her in an unsettling way. “Hey, what aren’t you saying?” he asked.
“Nothing. It’s nothing. Let’s just take my car.” Effie spun on her heels and made for her Jetta parked around the corner. Theo jogged after until he could edge in front and stop her in her tracks.
“Effie, tell me what’s wrong?”
She didn’t want to share too much. She was too close to bursting to let any bit slip. “I don’t want to ride the motorcycle, okay?”
“That’s fine. I’m sorry I misunderstood, but . . . you seem mad?”
“I’m not mad.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“That thing you do with other people. With Hope and Brayden and probably everyone else, where you don’t say what you’re really feeling and you shove it aside, so no one else is uncomfortable but you. Don’t do that with me.”
Effie openly gaped at him. No one had ever seen through her like that.
It was unnerving, to say the least. Utterly endearing, if she was being honest. But she hadn’t been honest, not with her mom upstairs, not with him about the bike, and it bubbled up the bottleneck along with every other little hurt since they’d met. “I don’t want to get mad.”
“Why not? Do you ever experience your emotions as they come up or are they all living in bottles on a shelf somewhere?”
“You need to get out of my head,” Effie huffed, trying and failing to make it sound playful. She wasn’t mad at Theo, not really. She didn’t feel right unloading everything on him for such a minuscule lapse in judgment .
“Let it out. Feel it. Right now. Be angry, with me, with whatever else is going on. You’re allowed to take up space, Effie.”
“I don’t want to ruin the night.”
“I promise you, you won’t. Maybe I already did. I was the asshole that didn’t hear you about the bike. Despite it being so super safe I’d bring Lilah for a ride—”
“It’s not safe,” Effie said flatly.
“Well sure, some idiots think they can push the bike until it’s riding them and not the other way around.”
“You don’t have to be an idiot to crash it!” Effie screamed. “I hate motorcycles. I don’t want to talk about them, I don’t want to see them, and I sure as hell don’t want to ride them, so drop it!” Effie scrambled for a piece of gum in her purse. Everything tasted too raw.
To Theo’s credit, he didn’t balk or try to convince her otherwise. He ran his hands from her shoulders to her elbows in comforting strokes. “Okay, good. What else?”
Effie broke from Theo’s grip. “Effie, come on. Talk to me.”
“This is stupid,” she ground out.
“What’s got you so on edge tonight? It’s not just the bike.”
“It’s nothing, leave it alone.”
The rest of Effie’s feelings demanded the stage as her blood vibrated in her ears, years of stuffing down her anger surfacing with the rage of a long-dormant volcano. She stalked down the street again, but Theo caught up to her and grabbed her wrist to slow her down. “Effie . . .”
She looked him in the eye, his worry and affection so evident she nearly melted.
But her anger burned hotter, roiling in her gut at how wrong her mother was.
Effie tensed, ready to spill. Theo encouraged her with a nod.
She huffed a little growl and dug the pads of her fingers around the base of her neck.
It didn’t matter that Pamela wasn’t there to hear it, Effie yelled, “Not all men are disappointing, Mother! Not all of them let you down! Some of them are fantastic and never had a fucking chance to prove you wrong because they dumped their motorcycles and became roadkill!” Effie shook now, her rage and grief reaching a boiling point she’d never dared allow as she speared Theo with a glare.
The venom in her eyes did nothing to quell the tears.
His arms were around her in an instant. She collapsed into him, burying her face in his chest. He gripped the back of her head and held her like he could keep the pieces of her soul from cracking apart.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea . . . you never.
You never told me how he died.” She cried even harder.
Theo held her beneath the streetlights, taking in each crashing wave of her emotions.
“I wish you could have known him,” Effie whispered. “Maybe then we’d be halfway down the coast right now.” She clutched him closer, as silent tears pushed the receding tide of her grief back into calmer waters.
Theo kissed the top of her head. “What else?”
Effie caught her breath and pulled back, but Theo only slackened his grip, refusing to let her go entirely.
Her tears were brushed away with a thumb.
Theo took a deep breath. Together they exhaled and Effie felt lighter.
“Well,” she said, sniffling, “Hope is so sad that she and Brayden aren’t together that I can’t tell her how stupidly happy you make me. ”
“The evidence for that is thin tonight,” Theo teased as he swept another fat tear from her cheek.
Effie huffed a laugh. “Under normal circumstances. When you’re not daring me to feel my feelings. ”
“So feeling your feelings, not for you?”