40. CHAPTER FORTY
Theo’s Jeep idled at a stoplight on his way home from work.
He was getting home later than usual, the sun had already sunk well below the horizon.
He’d had another difficult client for his last appointment.
After the inspection, the manager reprimanded him about all the work he created for no goddamn reason .
Though Theo insisted safety and code and the staff’s wellbeing were reason enough, it didn’t stop the onslaught of insults he’d had to endure in order to get the guy to sign off on receiving his instructions.
In some ways, it reminded him of his first meeting with Effie.
Her irritation at having to meet his standards to pass inspection.
He wondered if it colored the rest of their interactions.
If she thought herself being inspected for approval, like he had a list of requirements for his girlfriend the same as he did for a commercial building to meet safety codes.
He choked on a laugh as he let his foot off the brake. Safety was his career, yet he had somehow failed to make Effie feel safe with him. Failed to show her that he was there to take care of things and that all she needed to do was be herself.
Theo ached at the thought of her sitting at home, navigating her grief. He felt for all of the Thatcher women and had been torn about whether to go to Beatrice’s art show and memorial.
After doing what he could for Effie that heavy morning nearly two weeks ago, he felt like he was becoming more burden than help. Like seeing him unsettled Effie in a way that had her covered in shame and confusion. He didn’t want to bring that to a day of celebration, so he stayed away.
The Jeep was quiet but for the rhythmic clink of his blinker as he waited to turn left into his parking garage.
He stretched his neck side to side searching for an opening.
Before long he parked and unloaded his things.
His messenger bag felt heavier than usual, each step a monumental task as he moved for the stairwell.
Theo almost forgot what it felt like to be optimistic about finding his soulmate.
He’d once been happy to float from relationship to relationship in search of the love he knew existed.
It had excited him to know that she was out there somewhere.
But now, knowing who she was, where she was, and that she didn’t want him back felt like a sick cosmic joke.
He didn’t want to keep fooling himself, that he just had to wait and she’d realize she wanted to be with him too, but he also didn’t want to admit defeat. He’d told her he’d wait, so wait he would. At least until it became less painful to move on than to stew in unrequited affection.
Theo reached into his pocket for his keys, not looking forward to another night without Effie asleep beside him.
It might have seemed rash to anyone else that after only a few months of knowing her, he was certain it was forever.
To Theo, it felt natural. As Effie had said with such self-loathing, she was the answer to his prayers, and he supposed that if all he got was those couple months, he would be grateful nonetheless.
He rubbed his eyes like he could unsee their breakup as he stepped through the door, shutting it behind him.
Theo hung up his bag and turned to find Effie sitting on his sofa.
“Brayden gave me his key,” she said lifting it as evidence she didn’t manage to pick the lock and break in.
Theo nodded and walked into the kitchen, despite the live-wire buzz that vibrated through him at seeing her.
He rested his elbows on the counter, his eyes trained on Effie.
He kept his distance, like trying not to spook a deer in the woods, but everything in him screamed to be near her.
She stood, clutching a leather-bound journal in her hands.
With a few steps, she landed on the other side of the island.
Theo couldn’t keep from drinking her in head to toe.
The blue and white striped sundress she wore bared her shoulders and hugged her curves to her hips where it fell in a soft bell shape to the tops of her knees.
She’d braided her hair to one side and the sensuous curve of her neck was on full display.
He wanted to trace its contours all the way to the pearl earrings that studded her ears.
Effie placed the journal on the counter. “It’s the one you bought from the store, right?”
Theo nodded. “Did you read it?” He wasn’t certain if he hoped she had or hadn’t. He had been out of habit in sharing his poetry with anyone and felt insecure about how good it was. After poetry slams in college, it became more of a personal form of therapy than anything to be read aloud .
“I wanted to,” she confessed, and her cheeks reddened in that sweet embarrassment that had him wanting to brush away the color. “But I didn’t.”
Theo debated whether it was a good idea to ask why she came by and risk sending her running when Effie blurted, “I don’t want to die without knowing if this is real. I don’t . . . I don’t want to put off the good things.”
Theo ventured around the counter until he breathed Effie’s air. She smelled like rosemary and mint. Her cornflower-blue eyes met his and he couldn’t stop the hand that reached for her cheek, his thumb smoothing over its blushed curve.
Relief eddied around him. The sense of optimism returned. He wanted to confess everything. To say the words they’d danced around for weeks, but still not wanting to speak, lest this moment was as fragile as it felt, he pointed to the journal. “Flip to the last poem.”
Effie quirked her brow but did as she was told.
She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she flipped through page after page, presumably noting that every poem within was about her.
About them. She reached the last page and looked up at him.
“This is dated a week before we broke up,” she said a bit breathless, and Theo couldn’t help but stare.
The Sky Is Blue
Some things I know (like the sky is blue) without a thought or feeling. (It is truth in vibration and spirit and faith. )
I yield to no doubt (for doubting is not knowing). I need no proof (for Sunshine, the proof is in the language of our souls when we are silent.) I trust no other to share my life (because in knowing there is no returning
To ignorance
To before
To without.)
This is the marvel of receiving that which my soul yearned for (the solidity of the untouchable.) This is the heartstring plucked on its perfect note. It is the vow of a man who follows his knowing (like a compass through the jungle.)
Some things I know (like the sky is blue) and you and I are what they meant when they spoke of destiny wrapped in Sunshine on the dark side of the moon.
Effie’s cheeks hurt from smiling as she read.
Whatever fear she had about Theo knowing what they were to each other so quickly, so assuredly was washed away with every word.
As she read aloud she was treated to a palate of flavors like a sumptuous seven-course meal.
Theo, whether knowingly or not, had written a poem that had her mouth watering with every savory remark, every delectable, filling phrase, every sweet notion.
She laid the book back on the counter, her curiosity over what other lovely things he’d written about her pushed aside for the time being. Theo gripped her waist with his strong hands.
He looked at her like she was the whole universe wrapped in a sundress.
There was a question in the way he held her, the way he wouldn’t take his eyes off hers. She was ready and she said so with a nod.
The smile that spread across his handsome face sent Effie’s knees wobbling. She knew if his fingers weren’t curled into the flesh at her hips she’d have fallen right over. “Effie Rose Thatcher,” he said, voice heavy with importance and laced with a deep yearning. “I love you.”
Effie knew it was coming but her heart fluttered all the same. “I love you too.”
Effie had said I love you many times. To Grams, Hope, and all her family.
She’d said it to the cat they had when she was little and to Issa on more than one occasion.
Each time it had tasted the same, like crisp lemon water, refreshing and bright and full of zest. But when she said it to Theo, it was fuller, sweeter.
Like freshly squeezed lemonade on a hot summer day.
“What does it taste like?” he asked, and Effie nearly swooned all over again at his awareness that her mind mulled over the way her synesthesia responded to I love you .
“Like the sweetest lemonade I could drink every day for the rest of my life.”
His fingers were soft as they brushed her hair back from her face. “I’ve seen you all along, Effie. Soft.” He brushed a teasing touch down her neck. “Sweet.” He brought his hand to her cheek. “Magnetic. The only woman I’ve ever loved.”
She barely had time to inhale before he hoisted her onto the counter. His lips met hers and she welcomed him closer, her thighs cinched around his waist. He placed one hand on the counter, the other bracing her back as he worked his way up the column of her neck with tender kisses .
Effie tingled all over as she arched into his touch.
He took his time exploring the curve of her collarbone, his hand roaming over her back.
Theo planted taunting kisses along her jaw whispering thirst-quenching, lemonade I love you’s between breaths.
He tried to bypass her lips, but that wouldn’t do.
Effie clutched the back of his head, fingers tangled in the thick blond locks she’d imagined running her hands through so many weeks ago.
She couldn’t get him close enough. The taste of his lips and the sweetness of his breath were driving her wild.
She scooted closer to the edge of the counter suffocating the last bit of space between them.
This was what she’d been waiting for. This devotion, this affection.
This promise of forever and the love that went with it.
It had been there all along, but she’d kept it blocked, unable to receive it before.
She tried not to chastise herself for the wasted weeks when she could have been savoring this feeling.
Every touch made her shiver with a desire she’d only ever brushed against. She felt it fully now.
She needed him, all of him. The certainty she’d craved and received in more ways than one had her drawing back and whispering his name. “Theo.” Sweet salted caramel chocolate.
His warm hazel eyes assessed her face, reading her decision. “Are you sure?”
She nodded and he kissed her again. Effie fed off the love and desire she felt with the press of his lips. He lifted her up, her legs wrapping around his waist. She laughed. “Where are you taking me?”
“I’m not making love to you against the kitchen counter,” he said.
“At least not yet,” he grumbled with a devilish kind of grin.
A thrill went through Effie. Her insides twisted with anticipation as they crossed into his bedroom and he laid her gently on the mattress.
Their passionate need softened to a romantic sensuality as his hands explored her body like a work of art.
His kisses promised to make her feel adored, and as their clothes were shed Effie was aware that she had never in her life been so certain of anything.
She wanted everything with Theo, and she was pleased as punch she was finally letting herself have it.