Her Affections and Wishes

Chapter 1

Chapter One

If there was anything worse than suffering an insulting proposal and realising how dreadful your judgment had been, then surely it must be enduring those feelings under the watchful eye of Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

Elizabeth Bennet had not wanted to dine at Rosings so soon after her ladyship’s nephews had left, but Mr Collins would not hear of her missing another evening.

She could not admit that, had she answered Fitzwilliam Darcy differently, she would have been presented to Mr Collins’s esteemed patroness as her future niece.

She sighed to herself over all she and Darcy had said the other night. Thank goodness he left Kent, but how blind she had been. Not that she regretted refusing Darcy’s proposal, but his letter had changed everything.

She was close to knowing most of its passages by heart.

The style of Darcy’s address still insulted her, but when she considered how unjustly she had upbraided him, that anger turned toward herself.

She had not appreciated it at the time, but his words, his restless manner, and his pale face showed he had been genuinely attached to her.

She did not approve of his pride, but his disappointed feelings were now an object of her compassion.

“They were excessively sorry to go,” said Lady Catherine of her nephews when they were in the drawing room after dinner.

“The dear colonel rallied his spirits tolerably till just at last but Darcy seemed to feel it most acutely; more, I think, than last year. His attachment to Rosings certainly increases.”

Elizabeth winced. Darcy’s feelings were acute. He may be proud with repulsive manners, but she had refused him and championed the man who nearly ruined his sister. Was it any wonder his feelings were in turmoil? Her own were a muddle, and she had not been disappointed in love like he had.

“I am sure,” said Mr Collins with an unctuous smile at Miss de Bourgh, “that Mr Darcy is attached to far more than just Rosings.”

Had she broken his heart? That was a crushing thought. Although proud, he was a good person after all, whereas Wickham was unworthy of every kindness she had shown him.

“Miss Bennet, you have been sighing all evening,” observed Lady Catherine.

Elizabeth opened her mouth to refute this accurate statement, but her ladyship went on. “You must not like to go home so soon.”

It was better to agree to that than admit she had been proposed to by the man Lady Catherine expected to marry her daughter.

A long discussion then passed about Elizabeth’s plans to go to London next Saturday with Maria Lucas to reunite with Jane and return to Longbourn.

“I wonder at your wanting to return home, especially when Mrs Collins would be glad to keep you longer,” Lady Catherine said. “Are you instead hoping to find yourself a husband whilst in town?”

The struggle to keep her patience deepened.

She caught the eye of her friend Charlotte Collins and chose not to argue with Lady Catherine.

Any rudeness from her would make Charlotte’s life more difficult.

“I assure you, Maria and I are returning home after a brief stay in London. We will do nothing more than a little shopping. Perhaps one night at the theatre.”

“Is that all? You must do more to mix with the world. A poor—a young woman like you with no connexions is not likely to marry a man of any consequence. You will need my help, I suspect.”

Elizabeth blinked and asked, fearing the answer, “Help with what, madam?”

“I am always disposed to help a young person, whether it be employment or education or even a spouse. You will never meet a proper gentleman with a mother who neglected your education and a father who will not take you to town. I will do what I must to introduce you to a wider circle.”

“You are too kind, but—”

“Lady Metcalfe and her eldest daughter will attend the Epsom races and stay with our friend, Mrs Tessier, at Woodcote Park.” She paused as though these names were significant.

“Lady Metcalfe’s son, Sir Edward, is very young, and she has three older daughters.

She has decided the time has come for Miss Metcalfe to find a husband.

She will find one at the races. Mrs Tessier always has friends about her during race week; she has a son your age, or a little younger.

There are certain to be young men there for the races who would be happy with a girl such as you. ”

The last thing she wanted was to be tossed amongst strangers who did not want her with them. “I could not leave Maria. We are returning home next Saturday, and I cannot inconvenience my uncle and father a second time.”

“Miss Lucas could go with you to Woodcote, I suppose, and then the arrangements need only be made once.” Elizabeth looked at Maria to insist with her eyes that she refuse, but Maria’s pale face and uncontrolled shakes answered for her.

Lady Catherine took in Maria with a grimace that only made her tremblings worse. “Perhaps Miss Lucas is too young for such an engagement, but you, with four sisters out, need my help.”

“You are all kindness, madam, but we must abide by our original plan. Besides, your friend Lady Metcalfe may not be inclined to have another young lady with her if she wishes to see her own daughter wed.”

For Charlotte’s sake, she kept an even temper and maintained her travel plans with Maria could not be changed without inconveniencing others. The conversation dragged on, and every mention Lady Catherine made of Elizabeth needing a husband reminded her she had refused Darcy’s offer to be his wife.

Lady Catherine finally seemed resigned. “I suppose it is proper to first ask Lady Metcalfe if she will take you, and then arrangements for your return home can be made. Although, if you are successful in securing an engagement, then your chosen suitor and his family could return you home to speak to your father.”

Since Elizabeth doubted Lady Metcalfe would agree or that anyone could get a proposal during the four days of races at Epsom Downs, she returned to the parsonage certain she would leave Rosings a week from tomorrow as planned.

Their engagements at Rosings were as frequent during the last week of her stay as they had been at first. The very last evening was spent there, and to Elizabeth’s surprise, Lady Metcalfe was also invited.

Elizabeth had assumed she would only have to listen to Lady Catherine talk whilst they played cards, but foreboding filled her.

Lady Metcalfe was a stately woman who must have once had every young male head turned her way and still expected it to happen. Her hair was still blonde with no streaks of grey, and she wore a gown Elizabeth thought rather daring for a widow with a single daughter.

After the introductions were made, Lady Catherine gestured to her neighbour and said to Elizabeth, “I have spoken to Lady Metcalfe, and she has agreed to bring you to Woodcote Park for the week of the Epsom race meeting.”

“I shall be glad to have you with us,” Lady Metcalfe said in a tone that suggested the opposite.

Indignation overwhelmed her. Lady Catherine’s officious interference far surpassed Darcy keeping his friend from what he feared was an unequal attachment. How had she ever thought aunt and nephew were alike?

“This will not do! What am I to do until the races in May? How am I to return to Hertfordshire from Surrey? Lady Metcalfe will return here to Kent. And what about my parents? And my uncle? They expect me, and he is sending a man for us in the morning.”

A heavy silence filled the drawing room.

Elizabeth suspected herself to be the first creature who had ever dared to trifle with so much dignified impertinence.

Mr Collins looked as though he had never seen such a disgusting display.

Maria had audibly gasped. Charlotte had dropped her eyes, and Lady Metcalfe shifted out of Lady Catherine’s line of sight. Miss de Bourgh was silent as always.

“Miss Bennet, I am shocked,” Lady Catherine retorted.

“Shocked and astonished that the first words from your mouth are not ‘thank you, madam.’ And to suggest I did not arrange matters fully is offensive. Miss Lucas can return to town tomorrow with the servant your uncle sends, and can bring a letter to your sister for your parents to explain that you have the great fortune to be noticed by me and sent to be amongst grand people. Mrs Tessier will send you back to Hunsford—she has two carriages—and Mr Collins can send a manservant with you to your uncle’s.

You can travel post with your uncle’s man as far as you need to where your father can send his carriage.

It is a slight inconvenience to pay for the price of a magnificent opportunity. ”

Anger burned in her chest. Mr Collins said how deeply he appreciated her ladyship’s notice and although he had but one manservant he would be honoured to send him to accompany his cousin to town and that she must of course stay with him and his dear wife until race week.

Whilst he prattled, Elizabeth forced Charlotte to meet her eye.

Surely her friend would support her, for Lady Catherine had gone too far.

But when Charlotte raised her eyes, Elizabeth saw the truth: her friend silently begged her to accept. Charlotte would have no peace if she refused.

For the rest of Charlotte’s life, Lady Catherine would complain at length about her ungrateful friend.

And if she refused, Elizabeth could never return to visit Charlotte.

Lady Catherine had removed all reasonable objections, and no one cared that Elizabeth had an interest in neither horse racing nor meeting whatever young men thought a week at the races was enjoyable.

And she had been exceedingly rude to Darcy, so how could she be impolite to his aunt? Was that the sort of person she wanted to be? She must be less quick to judge and more forbearing. Knowing she ought to have behaved better by him, she could at least keep her patience with his aunt.