13. Chapter 13
CHARLOTTE
Two weeks into their relationship, Charlotte realized she had a problem.
Not a bad problem. A wonderful, ridiculous, life-altering problem. Specifically: she couldn't stop touching Jo.
They were on her couch, watching their show, really watching it, not just pretending, and Charlotte's hand was in Jo's hair. Had been for twenty minutes. She couldn't remember consciously putting it there. It had just... happened.
"You're not watching," Jo said.
"I am."
"Your eyes are closed."
Charlotte opened them. "I was resting them."
"You were petting me like a cat."
"Cats are lovely."
Jo laughed and shifted closer, pulling Charlotte's arm around her shoulders. "I'm not complaining. Just observing."
The touching was new in quantity, not instinct. Jo still put her feet in Charlotte's lap. Charlotte still fixed Jo's crooked collar without thinking. The difference was that now she could let her palm linger on Jo's thigh afterward and watch Jo smile like she knew exactly why.
For years Charlotte had counted seconds without admitting she was counting. A hug could be three beats. A hand on Jo's back could guide, never caress. Now there was no clock running in her head.
Now she didn't have to be careful anymore. And she didn't quite know what to do with that freedom.
"You okay?" Jo asked, tilting her head back to look at her.
"Perfect."
"You went quiet."
"I'm always quiet."
"Not like this." Jo turned fully, facing her. "What's going on in that head of yours?"
Charlotte considered lying. Deflecting. Being the version of herself that kept things controlled.
But this was Jo. And they'd promised each other honesty.
"I'm not used to this," Charlotte admitted. "Getting to touch you whenever I want. It feels..."
"Too good to be true?"
"Like I'm dreaming. Like I'm going to wake up and none of this will have happened."
Jo's expression softened. She reached out, cupped Charlotte's face in her hands.
"Then check." Jo took Charlotte's hand and pressed it flat over her heartbeat. "Still here."
"I know."
"Do you?"
Charlotte kissed her. Soft at first, then deeper, until Jo made a pleased sound and curled one hand into the back of Charlotte's shirt.
When they broke apart, Jo's eyes were dark.
"I've been thinking," Jo said.
"About?"
"About all the things I want to do to you." Jo's voice was lower now. Rougher. "I'm new to this, but I've been... researching."
Charlotte's whole body went hot. "Researching?"
"The internet is a very educational place."
"Josephina."
"I found some videos that were very informative." Jo's grin was wicked. "I've been practicing in my head."
Charlotte swallowed hard. "Show me."
Jo pushed her back against the cushions. Climbed on top of her, straddling her hips. Charlotte's hands went automatically to Jo's waist, steadying her.
"I've been thinking about this all day," Jo said. "During work. Margot asked why I was distracted. I blamed the database consolidation."
"What were you thinking about?"
"This." Jo kissed her throat. "And this." Her hands slid under Charlotte's shirt, palms warm against Charlotte's stomach. "And whether I could make you make that sound you made last time."
"What sound?"
"The one that made me lose my entire mind." Jo's mouth found her collarbone. "I want to hear it again."
Charlotte was already losing her composure. Already arching into Jo's touch, her careful control crumbling under the weight of Jo's confidence.
"You're getting very good at this," Charlotte managed.
"I'm a fast learner." Jo pulled Charlotte's shirt over her head in one smooth motion. "And I'm extremely motivated."
Charlotte reached for Jo's shirt, but Jo caught her wrists.
"Not yet." Jo pinned Charlotte's hands loosely against the cushion. "Tonight I'm in charge."
"Since when?"
"Since I did research." Jo's grin was wicked. "Specific, thorough, peer-reviewed research."
She let go of Charlotte's wrists to unhook her bra, fingers working the clasp with surprising dexterity.
"I practiced that," Jo said. "On my own bras. Very unsexy, but educational."
The bra fell away. Jo's expression shifted from playful to focused, her eyes tracing Charlotte's body with an attention that made Charlotte's skin prickle.
"See something you like?"
"I'm appreciating." Jo lowered her mouth to Charlotte's breast. "I've been thinking about this since breakfast."
"Breakfast?" Charlotte's voice came out strangled as Jo's tongue traced a slow circle.
"You were eating a bagel. You got cream cheese on your lip. I thought about licking it off." Jo demonstrated on her nipple instead. "Like this."
"That's..." Charlotte gasped. "Very specific."
"I'm a detail-oriented person." Jo sat back, still straddling Charlotte's hips, and reached for her bag on the floor beside the couch.
Charlotte watched her, breathing hard. "What are you doing?"
"Research yielded results." Jo pulled out a small box. Held it up with a grin that was equal parts nervous and proud.
Charlotte read the label. Felt her face go hot.
"You bought a vibrator."
"A bullet vibe. Beginner-friendly, highly rated." Jo's cheeks were pink, but she held Charlotte's gaze. "Twelve settings. Waterproof, though I don't see how that's relevant right now."
"Josephina."
"I watched a tutorial." Jo opened the box, held up the small silver device. "Several tutorials, actually. I may have taken notes."
"You took notes."
"I told you. Thorough." Jo leaned down, kissed her slowly, deeply. When she pulled back, her voice was lower. "I want to take you apart tonight. Just you. No switching. I want to see what this does to you."
Charlotte's breath stuttered. In two weeks together, Jo had always been eager to reciprocate. But tonight Jo wanted control. Wanted to give without receiving.
"Okay," Charlotte whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Whatever you want."
Jo's eyes went dark. She slid Charlotte's pants off slowly, deliberately, dragging the fabric down her thighs while holding eye contact. Then her underwear, Jo's knuckles trailing heat against Charlotte's skin.
A soft click. A low hum.
"I'm going to start slow," Jo said. "Tell me what feels good."
She pressed the vibe to Charlotte's collarbone. Just there, against the bone, the vibration traveling down through Charlotte's chest. It was barely anything. A whisper.
Jo dragged it lower. Over the swell of Charlotte's breast. Circling, not quite touching her nipple.
"Jo."
"Patience. I'm collecting data."
"You're torturing me."
"Gathering information." The vibe grazed Charlotte's nipple, and Charlotte's spine left the cushion. "See? Useful data."
Jo moved to the other breast. Same slow circles. Same deliberate avoidance. Charlotte's hips were rocking involuntarily, seeking contact that wasn't there.
"You bite your lip when it's good," Jo observed. "Did you know that?"
"I'm biting my lip because you're a menace."
"Your menace." Jo kissed her sternum, her ribs, the soft skin below her navel, while the vibe continued its slow descent. "Lift up."
Charlotte raised her hips. Jo settled between her legs, the vibe humming against Charlotte's inner thigh. Close. So close the vibration radiated through muscle and nerve, and Charlotte's hand fisted in the couch cushion.
"Please," Charlotte said.
"Please what?"
"Jo, I swear to god."
"Specific requests yield specific results." But Jo was done teasing. She pressed the vibe exactly where Charlotte needed it, and Charlotte's whole body jolted.
"Oh." Charlotte gripped the cushion harder. "Oh, that's..."
"Good?" Jo adjusted the angle, pressed firmer.
"Don't move. Don't change anything. Right there."
Jo held steady. Her free hand rested on Charlotte's hip, thumb stroking absently, her gaze locked on Charlotte's face with fierce concentration.
The same look she wore when debugging a stubborn system.
But underneath it, wonder. Awe at what she could do with a piece of technology and two weeks of determination.
The vibration was relentless, consistent, hitting the same spot without variation. Her body was tightening around it, heat coiling low and urgent.
"I'm going to add my fingers," Jo said. "Okay?"
"Yes. God, yes."
Jo slid two fingers inside her, keeping the vibe pressed steady. The dual sensation made Charlotte cry out. Jo curled her fingers, found the spot that made Charlotte's vision go white, and Charlotte's hips bucked hard against her hand.
"Look at me," Jo said, and the quiet command hit almost as hard as her hand.
Charlotte opened her eyes. Jo was kneeling between her thighs with her own face flushed, concentration sharpened into want.
She didn't look away when Charlotte tightened around her fingers.
"There you are," Jo murmured. "That's what I wanted. "
"There," Charlotte gasped. "Right there. Don't stop."
Jo didn't stop. She set a rhythm with her fingers, steady and deep, while the vibe held its position. Charlotte could feel herself unraveling. Every careful wall she'd built was gone. There was only Jo's hands, Jo's focus, Jo's rhythm pulling her closer to the edge.
"You're so beautiful like this," Jo said, low and rough. "I can feel you. I can feel everything."
"Jo, I'm close."
"I know." Jo clicked the vibe up one setting. Just one. The shift in intensity was small but the effect was devastating.
Charlotte shattered.
It hit her harder than anything before. Her body seized, back arching, thighs clamping around Jo's hand, a sound tearing out of her that she couldn't have stopped if she'd tried.
Jo kept going, fingers still moving, vibe still exactly where it needed to be, drawing it out until Charlotte was shaking, gasping, pushing at Jo's wrist because it was too much.
Jo eased off. Clicked the vibe silent. Withdrew her fingers gently. Kissed Charlotte's hip, her stomach, the hollow of her throat.
"That sound," Jo said, settling beside her. "Even better than last time."
Charlotte couldn't speak. The ceiling was a blur. Her body was still trembling with aftershocks.
"Where did you learn to do that?" Charlotte finally managed.
"The internet." Jo's grin was blinding. "I told you. Very educational."
"You're insufferable."
"You love it."
"I do." Charlotte reached for her, trying to pull Jo closer, trying to slide a hand under her shirt. "Let me..."
Jo caught her hand. Kissed her knuckles. "Tonight's about you."
"That's not fair."
"It's completely fair. I've had years of your patience." Jo laced their fingers together. "Besides. I liked that. Being the one in charge. Watching you come undone."
"You liked the power."
"I liked making you feel good. There's a difference."
Charlotte melted into her. Let herself be held. Let Jo's heartbeat settle against her back, steady and warm.
"The reviews were accurate, then?" Charlotte murmured.
"Five stars. Would recommend."
Charlotte laughed. The sound filled her apartment, and behind them the show played on, unwatched.
"We're never going to finish this season," Jo said.
"Probably not."
They lay tangled together for a while. Jo pulled the throw blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over them both, and Charlotte listened to the show's dialogue wash past without absorbing a word. Her body was still humming. Jo's fingers drew slow circles on her shoulder.
"I'm going to make tea," Jo said eventually, pressing a kiss to Charlotte's temple before untangling herself. Charlotte watched her pad barefoot to the kitchen in just her shirt and underwear, filling the kettle, opening the right cabinet without asking.
Jo knew where everything was. Had always known. That was the thing about loving your best friend. There was no learning curve for the small stuff.
Jo came back with two mugs, handed one over, and settled cross-legged on the other end of the couch, facing Charlotte.
"I want to talk," Jo said.
"Ominous."
"Not ominous. Good. I think." Jo wrapped both hands around her mug. "I've been thinking about where this is going."
Charlotte's stomach tightened. Two weeks. They'd had two weeks of this. And already Jo wanted to define it, name it, build walls around it.
Walls could collapse. People who promised things left. Charlotte knew that better than anyone.
"Okay," Charlotte said carefully.
"I don't want you wondering whether this is temporary while I figure myself out," Jo said. "I'm still learning things about me. I'm not undecided about you."
Charlotte swallowed. She took a sip of tea to buy time.
"Jo, it's been two weeks."
"I know the math." Jo set her mug down. "But we didn't start two weeks ago. We started a decade ago. We just didn't know what we were building."
"That's..." Charlotte stared into her tea.
The words were right. They were everything she'd wanted to hear.
And that was exactly the problem. Every person who'd ever mattered had said the right thing first, then disappeared.
Her father. Her college mentor. Sophie, who'd promised to stay and lasted six months.
"Charlotte." Jo's voice was gentle. "Where did you go?"
"I'm here."
"You're not. You went somewhere behind your eyes." Jo reached out, rested her hand on Charlotte's ankle. Not pulling, not demanding. Just there. "Talk to me."
Charlotte's throat ached. "Everyone who's ever promised me something permanent has left."
Jo didn't flinch.
"I know," Jo said quietly. "I know your history. And I know that me saying 'I'm different' is exactly what every one of them said."
"So what makes you different?"
"You don't have to believe a speech." Jo squeezed her ankle. "Watch what I do. I'll keep showing up. I'll learn how to fight with you without leaving. I'll make space when you need it and come back when you're ready. You don't have to promise me thirty years tonight."
Charlotte looked at her. Jo, cross-legged on the couch in Charlotte's apartment, holding her ankle like it was worth protecting. Jo, who had known where the mugs were for a decade. Who had never once, in all their years of friendship, broken a promise.
That wasn't nothing. That was the opposite of nothing.
"I'm scared," Charlotte said. "Not of you. Of wanting this as much as I do."
Jo's expression cracked open. Tender and fierce at the same time.
"Then we go slow," Jo said. "We don't have to name it tonight. We just keep showing up."
Charlotte set her tea down. Crossed the distance between them. Kissed Jo softly. She tasted like chamomile.
"I'm showing up," Charlotte whispered against her mouth. "I'm terrified, and I'm showing up."
Jo pulled her closer. Held on tight.
Behind them, the show played on, unwatched.