Chapter 21 #2
Sadie sat back slowly. “Has Evan ever spoken about the baby as if she were a burden?”
“Never.” Abby rubbed her thumb over the lid of the cup. “That doesn’t mean he won’t feel trapped later.”
“No relationship comes with proof of what someone will feel later.” Sadie reached across the table and covered Abby’s hand.
“You had nine years of history and a wedding date, and neither protected you. You can ask Evan what he wants now, then pay attention to whether his actions agree with his answer.”
Abby looked toward the living room, where the edge of the unfinished crib was visible through the open nursery door. “What if I’m choosing him because he feels safe after Hudson?”
“Safety is not a lesser reason to love someone.” Sadie tightened her fingers around Abby’s hand. “The question is whether you also like the life you have with him around.”
Abby thought of Evan reading beside her, taking the less comfortable side of the bed because she needed more pillows, and calling from the hospital because a percentage on an audit had finally justified years of work. Their happiest hours never involved discussing Hudson or Makayla.
“I do,” Abby said as she met Sadie’s eyes. “I like him even when nothing is wrong.”
“Then stop treating that as suspicious.” Sadie released her hand and reached for the registration forms. “You still need to discuss the baby, but you don’t have to begin the conversation by preparing to lose him.”
Abby picked up the top form. The line marked support person remained empty.
“I was going to put your name here,” she said as she turned the paper toward Sadie. “I assumed you would be in the delivery room.”
“I will be if that’s what you want.” Sadie took a pen from her purse and placed it between them. “Evan can still attend the class if you want him prepared. You’re allowed to have more than one person care about you.”
“The class permits two support people.” Abby filled in Sadie’s name and left the second line blank. “I’ll ask him before I write anything.”
Sadie nodded and began sorting the remaining pages. “Ask him what he wants too. You’ve both spent months being careful enough to avoid making demands, but eventually careful can become another way of not speaking.”
Evan returned shortly after six with his laptop bag over one shoulder and a paper sack containing dinner. Abby met him at the door and took the sack before he could carry everything into the kitchen.
“How was the hospital?” she asked as she placed the food on the counter. “Did the expansion survive another day?”
“It did.” Evan set his bag beside a chair and loosened his tie. “One department found a way to enter the same shipment three times, so we spent four hours discovering a problem we had not anticipated.”
“Can it be fixed?” Abby asked as she removed two containers from the bag. “You look worried.”
“It can be fixed.” Evan watched her arrange the food, then reached out and touched her elbow. “You look worried too.”
“I need to talk to you after we eat.” Abby met his eyes before turning toward the plates. “Nothing happened, and I’m not ending anything.”
Evan’s shoulders lowered by a fraction. “Thank you for including the second sentence.”
They ate at the kitchen table, though neither of them spoke much about the food. Evan described the hospital problem in enough detail to keep himself from asking what Abby wanted to discuss, and Abby listened because she appreciated the effort.
When they finished, Evan cleared the containers and sat across from her again. He placed both hands on the table and waited.
“Sadie and I registered for the childbirth class,” Abby began as she slid the form toward him. “They allow two support people, and I want to know whether you would attend with us.”
Evan looked at the blank line. “Do you want me in the delivery room?”
“I don’t know yet.” Abby resisted the urge to apologize. “Sadie will be there, and I’ve also been thinking about asking Julia. She has been kind to me through all of this, and she offered without putting pressure on me.”
“Then you should ask her.” Evan pushed the form back toward Abby without touching the pen. “You don’t need to reserve a place for me because we’re together.”
“Would you be hurt if I didn’t?” Abby asked as she folded her hands over the table. “Please don’t give me the answer you think will make this easier.”
Evan looked down for a moment. “I would want to be close enough to know you were safe. I would also want to see both of you when you were ready.”
“But?” Abby prompted when he stopped. “There’s more.”
“I would be hurt if you kept me away because you thought I didn’t belong in your life.” Evan raised his eyes to hers. “I would also understand if you decided I didn’t belong in that room.”
Abby reached across the table and took his hand. “When you said ‘we’ last night, what did you mean?”
Evan’s fingers closed around hers. “I meant that if we are still together when she comes home, I expect to help care for her.”
“Still together,” Abby repeated as anxiety tightened beneath her breastbone. “That sounds temporary.”
“I’m trying not to promise you a role you haven’t offered me.” Evan leaned forward, his expression steady despite the color rising along his neck. “I don’t know what you want me to be to her.”
“I don’t know either.” Abby held his hand more tightly. “I know Hudson is her biological father. Whatever legal arrangements come later, I can’t antisipate.”
“You shouldn’t.” Evan rubbed his thumb across her knuckles. “I’m not asking you to replace him on a form or pretend he doesn’t exist.”
“What are you asking?” Abby said as the baby shifted low in her abdomen. “Tell me plainly.”
Evan drew a slow breath. “I want a life with you. I want to be present for her if you allow it, and I understand that loving you means she will be part of every decision we make.”
Abby’s eyes filled before she could stop them. “What happens when the company needs you in another city, or she’s sick for the third night in a row, or Hudson makes everything difficult?”
“We decide what to do when those things happen.” Evan kept his gaze on her. “I can’t promise I’ll never be tired, frustrated, or afraid. I can promise I won’t punish either of you for a choice I made freely.”