Chapter 20
Isaac
Day four without my mate. It was enough to make a sane man crazy and no one would accuse me of being sane.
My wolf was on edge, and I was irritable. I’d even yelled at Gertrude this morning for backtalking me.
The first morning after I’d successfully managed to run her off had been hard, but I’d been righteously pissed.
She hadn’t even shown up to get the boys even though that had been our deal from the start.
She knew how I felt about going into town.
I’d even called Kyle to inquire about homeschooling them.
The last thing I wanted was to risk running into anyone in town, especially her.
He refused my request and ordered me to get them to school on time. At least that was early enough not to encounter anyone. After protest he conceded to personally pick them up and drive them home in the evening.
I’d been late getting them there that first day stupidly waiting to see if Vanessa showed up for them. Being mad at me was one thing, but she didn’t need to take it out on the boys. They all knew something was wrong, but they didn’t ask right away.
When she didn’t come by that night, the questions began. How the hell was I supposed to know what to say to them?
I managed to mutter some sort of bullshit excuse. Mostly I was just angry she put me in that position. I’d only taken the rodents in to please her, now I was stuck with them. They ate all my food and disrupted my schedule. I didn’t have to put up with it.
“Is she coming back?” Mason asked, vocalizing my biggest fear.
“I don’t know.” That was the only thing I could honestly tell them.
By day two, I must have been more irritable than I thought. I’d barked at them over a few things. I wasn’t sleeping well, even for me. I was exhausted and angry. Her rejection felt like the ultimate betrayal, and I wasn’t coping well.
Archie had called to ask me a question and I’d nearly bit his head off in the process. I wasn’t fit to be around humanity.
The boys did the best they could to help but also stayed out of my way. They ate and went to the basement without their showers. I almost lost it, but checked myself. Who cared if they went one night without baths. That wouldn’t be enough to dub them the stinky kids.
I felt terrible for them. They didn’t deserve this. Maybe they hadn’t been with me for that long, and Vanessa had only been in our lives a short time, but none of that mattered. She’d already established a routine and it felt like we were creating a life together with the pigs in the basement even.
It wasn’t all in my imagination. The boys seemed to feel her loss just as profoundly as I did. Somehow, she had swooped in and become this stable figure for all of us. We were lost without her.
I spent most of the night pacing circles around the house. It made me feel like a caged animal.
Major moments in my life had occurred, rendering me without control.
I hated that more than anything. It was a big reason why I’d retreated to begin with.
It wasn’t just hiding from the world or being ridiculous, I was protecting myself from the pain and cruelty of the world. Why couldn’t Vanessa understand that?
Because you didn’t share it with her.
I knew there were things I should have explained better. I hadn’t done that though. The bitch of it all was that I hadn’t fully shared my past out of fear of letting her get too close. I was worried that if I did, she would destroy me.
Guess the joke was on me, because trying to protect myself had done nothing but push her away.
Couldn’t she see that I wasn’t fit for civilization? I needed my space and my privacy. Kyle had understood that, so why couldn’t she?
It hurt so much knowing she would rather not be with me. It was a physical kind of pain, stronger than I remembered when I lost my parents, then my grandmother, and finally Freddy.
Everyone I’d ever cared about had left me. Why should she be any different?
But this was different.
They had died and she was choosing to walk away.
No, I was choosing to push her away.
I was so terrified of losing her that I severed my chance to be with her before it even began. I’d sabotaged my own chance at happiness.
Spending time with Vanessa had been some of the happiest moments of my life. I had tried not to let her know that, but I could be honest with myself about it.
As I was outside taking care of a few things over my lunch break, I had this uncanny feeling that Vanessa was close.
It was like I could feel her presence, though I knew it was all just wishful thinking.
She was at work and I suspected her work ethic was as strong as my own.
She wouldn’t play hooky in the middle of the day.
Plus, her absence had made it perfectly clear that she did not want anything to do with me.
I needed to go for a run and blow off some steam.
Images of Vanessa laying beneath me played out in my head.
“Stop it,” I growled.
How had she managed to consume me and change everything so quickly?
Without bothering to strip out of my clothes first, I shifted. Pieces of cloth flew in all directions. I didn’t care. And then I ran.
Turning off my human emotions, I gave myself over to my wolf who headed for town. I remained just conscious enough to stop that from happening, or I was about to. At the last second, he deviated and ran back into the woods.
I had no idea how long we’d been running, but my wolf stopped abruptly at the edge of the woods. Before me was Kyle’s house. It was one of only a few houses in San Marco that I actually knew.
My wolf sat back and lifted his head to the sky.
Shit!
I couldn’t howl at the Alpha’s house. Clearly my wolf had lost his mind.
Logically I knew my wolf was still me. It was kind of hard to explain and the animal instincts were often at odds with the human ones.
It kept things simpler to sometimes imagine the wolf as a second entity.
I think it helped to maintain our humanity.
For example, I would never purposefully howl at the Alpha’s house, but for some reason, my animal nature was crying out for me to do just that even if I didn’t actually understand why.
It would make a person’s head spin trying to figure it all out, so thinking of myself in fur and skin as separate parts, a we instead of a me, just made things simpler. Besides, this way, I could blame the wolf.
He fought me as I turned us around. Times like this it made it very easy to believe that just maybe the wolf did have a mind of his own. Ultimately, I won, though.
By the time I got back to the house, shifted, showered, and changed, Kyle and the boys were home.
“How was school?” I asked them.
It was pathetic that I was just waiting for them to give me some news of Vanessa. Anything. I was like a dog awaiting a bone, just begging for a treat.
“Vanessa wasn’t there,” Noah said.
“What? Why not? I got the impression she never takes time off.”
I was suddenly terrified that something had happened. This was it. The second I opened my heart to someone, they died.
My chest tightened and the world started spinning out of control.
“Yes, she was,” Cam corrected.
“Well, she was there in the morning before school, but not when the bus dropped us off there this afternoon,” Mason explained.
“Pack Mother picked her up at lunch and she didn’t come back,” Cam said.
I looked towards Kyle. He was sort of staring off into space with a glazed look in his eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. “Why did Kelsey take Vanessa from work?”
“Calm down, okay. Apparently, she hasn’t been doing well. My mother has been worried about her. So she got coverage for the afternoon and Kelsey picked her up for lunch and to talk. She’s still there. She’s fine.”
“At your house?” I guessed.
“Yes. But don’t go causing trouble.”
“I’m not looking for trouble. I was just out for a run earlier and my wolf kept going back to your place and trying to howl. Of course, I didn’t let him.”
“Guess he smelled your mate.”
“Guess so,” I muttered.
“This is bullshit!” Noah yelled. It felt as if he’d been keeping that pent up inside until it literally exploded from him. “You love her right? You want her to be with us. Tell me if I’m wrong.”
I was stunned silent. I had no idea how to respond to that.
Did I love her?
I wasn’t sure. Everything had happened so quickly, but I knew I could. Vanessa would be easy to love. She was everything I never knew I was missing in my life.
“That’s what we thought,” Cam said, approvingly.
“We’re guessing you screwed up and that’s why she’s not coming around. We heard you fighting the last time she was over,” Mason said.
I sighed, “Sorry about that. I hate that you heard it.”
He shrugged. “We’ve heard it before. It’s no big deal.”
“It is a big deal, and it shouldn’t happen. Listen to me, all of you. That is not normal. I was scared and I pushed her away. She was mad and yeah, we fought, but that’s the sort of thing that shouldn’t happen often, if at all. Do hear me?”
Kyle chuckled.
“What?” I snapped.
“It’s just funny seeing you as a father figure. I never would have guessed how naturally it would come to you.”
I scowled.
“We still need a mom too,” Cam added with a grin.
“I say, we get her back,” Noah proclaimed.
“Yeah, but it’s gotta be big. You have to go the extra mile because she was really pissed,” Mason explained. “You gotta do the big gesture.”
“The what?”
“You know, the big gesture, like in the movies.”
“One of our foster moms was addicted to Hallmark. Mase used to watch them with her,” Noah said.
I shook my head. “I heard you three were little terrors. I’m not sure I believe it.”
“Not even when we stole your straw?” Mason asked.
“That was hay, the stuff you feed to the animals to eat, not straw that’s used for their bedding,” I growled.
“And the eggs,” Noah reminded me, completely unaffected by my outburst.
“Plus, we moved into the basement without you even knowing it,” Cam added.
I groaned. “I know you’re a bunch of little monsters and big pigs who eat all my food and talk too much, but in general you’re not that bad. I’m kind of disappointed. I expected so much worse.”
“Is that a challenge?” Noah asked.
“No,” Kyle and I both said.
“Are we still just temporary?” Cam asked. “Or can we live here forever?”
Kyle gave me an apologetic look. “Actually, I was going to talk to all of you about this tonight. I have a family willing to give the three of you another chance. You’d get to stay together and if you continue to do as good as you have here, then they may opt to adopt you.”
The boys’ faces fell as they looked up to me.
My jaw locked and I growled at Kyle as I pushed the boys behind me.
“I may have lost my mate, but you aren’t taking my boys too. We may not be perfect, but we’re figuring it out.”
Cam’s little hand reached for mine. I gave it a squeeze.
“We can stay here?” Cam asked.
“Is that what you really want, Isaac? I mean I went to a lot of trouble and called in many favors to get them this placement. If I turn it down, I’m not sure there’s another family willing to take all three of them in.”
“We aren’t being separated again,” Noah said.
He tried to be so strong for his brothers, but tears streaked his cheeks as he looked up at me, begging for help.
“They already have a home, all of them. They aren’t going anywhere.”
All three boys hugged me and cheered.
“You’re positive this is what you want?”
“Want? Hell no. They drive me nuts. But that’s my problem and we’re working on it.”
“And we’re gonna get Vanessa back?” Cam asked.
“Hell yeah, we are.”
“It’s gotta be the big gesture,” Mason said.
“Like flowers,” Noah said.
“And chocolates. Vanessa loves chocolate,” Cam told me.
“Usually there’s a ring and you have to get down on one knee,” Mason instructed.
“You’re gonna have to go public,” Noah said. “We heard the fight and know it was because you don’t want anyone to know about you. But if we’re gonna get her back, you gotta.”
Kyle chuckled.
“Are we entertaining you?” I snapped.
It didn’t phase him a bit. The boys were making me soft and I was losing my touch.
“Extremely. Never would have thought I’d see this day.”
“Well, let’s go get her,” Cam said.
“No.”
They all froze and looked up with worried faces.
“Noah’s right. If I’m going to stoop to this big gesture theory, then it needs to be public.”
“And big,” Mason reminded me.
“This I can’t wait to see,” Kyle said with a laugh.