Chapter 76
During this song, I experience a reckoning of how Sorin started a ripple effect—a chain of events that continues to impact me. I met Brandon Dubois, who introduced me to my Shirts co-founder. We got Harris Ventures as a VC partner. Kate Albert … Declan … Adam … Gideon… I’m grateful for all of them.
I allow myself to remember some good times with Sorin.
How alive I felt. How sexy I felt. I loved the thrill of being bad, living in a constant state of exhilaration and sexual tension.
There was an element of new. Our first motorcycle ride together.
No one had ever been that obsessed with me before.
But then comes the bad, and it hits hard.
When he slapped me, when he pushed me to do more coke than I wanted, riding motorcycles under the influence, how much of myself I gave to him, how he put a guy into a coma.
I have not thought about how badly he beat my childhood friend in …
I don’t even know. The last night I spent with him, leaving me with a bruised temple, split lip, and scar.
I haven’t allowed myself to fully remember these moments in years.
The tears continue as I think about the impact Sorin has … had on my life.
If it never happened, what would my life even look like now? It wasn’t all bad. I’m grateful that Sorin happened. What a fucking thought, but it feels true. I wish the bad stuff never happened, but it made me who I am.
I like who I am. I know I need to work on some shit, but I own a successful business, I live on my own; my life is good. I don’t have the stresses of my childhood. I’m happy even though, at the moment, I’m crying into Declan’s chest, finally letting go of Sorin.