Chapter 78
As dinner arrives, Ben shares how business is booming already, even before summer’s busy season. Kelsey tells us about a few conspiracy theories she’s buying into, and Declan explains the basics of Bitcoin to them. It’s so nice and normal. A great break from the high drama of the day.
“Dani,” Kelsey says as Ben clears our plates. “Have you heard from Sam lately?”
“No. I’ve been really bad about keeping in touch with everyone.”
“I think she’s going to call off the wedding.”
“What?” I ask, then finish my Moscow Mule.
“Yeah … I guess Jake has a gambling addiction. She was wondering why their credit cards were maxed out and then started digging into it.”
“Fuck! What?”
“That’s on the rise,” Declan adds. “With everyone able to download gambling apps on their phones, it’s a growing problem.”
“She should call off the wedding! Fuck him for maxing out their credit cards. That’s worse than cheating to me.” Both of them give me questioning looks. “I don’t know … it’s worse to me.”
Then I think about my parents. That’s why I think that. My dad had debts. We lived paycheck to paycheck because of it. Financial trauma is fucking real.
Then I think about how Adam is fucking with my money and now Gideon’s and ask Declan, “Did you know Adam wants Gideon out as CEO?”
“Who’s saying that?” Declan asks, and I know it’s the first he’s hearing of it.
“Adam. He said it to Gideon.”
“Tell me more.”
“He’s getting kinda crazy. I told him we were done, but he isn’t listening.”
“What’s he doing?”
“Well, I guess he bought me a house, as you saw from the text. He also sent me a watch telling me ‘tick tock’ and a revised prenup.”
“You were seriously thinking about marrying him?”
“I was considering it.”
Disappointment. There it is on Declan’s face as he shakes his head. “He’s a spoiled brat. He’s not used to hearing the word no.”
“Now, he’s threatening Gideon. He told Gideon that he needed to break up with me, or he is going to vote him out as CEO or whatever. Also, I don’t know how he even knew we were dating or how I’m in Wisconsin right now.”
Declan shakes his head, frustrated. “I’m putting security on you.”
“For what?” I ask, stunned.
“I don’t like this. I want you to be safe.”
“Calm down. I don’t need security.”
“When was the last time you saw Adam in person?” he asks, too serious.
“He showed up at my apartment, the one you walked me to, a couple of months ago.”
Declan’s face is tense, concerned. “How about you schedule a meeting at his office—a safe space. And tell him definitively that you are done with him.”
Definitively. If only I could definitively tell Adam to his face that I’m done.
“If he keeps being weird,” Declan says, “I’ll handle it.”
I make a little face, thinking about the gravity of what that could entail.
Feeling stressed again, I tell the group, “I’m going to call it an early night.” My mind is reeling with all the man drama in my life. “You’re picking me up at nine tomorrow morning?” I ask Declan.
“Yeah. Let me drive you back.”
“It’s less than a half mile, and this is a sleepy little town. I’m good.”
“You have that huge bag. I’m driving you,” he says firmly.
I’m nearing my wits’ end already and don’t fight him. We walk out of the restaurant, and I buckle myself into his SUV.
“My parents are waiting,” I finally say. “I’m not going back to your place. I can’t handle all of this.”
“I didn’t ask you to go back to my place.”
“Your face did.”
“Sorry. Where do your parents live?”
“Don’t you already know, stalker?”
He smirks before putting the car in reverse and drives the short distance. We’re silent in the car until he’s in my childhood driveway. The entire day, the past week, and my life all catch up to me.
“I’m never going to be sober,” I say, sharing my internal thoughts halfway through the story instead of at the beginning. “Caffeine in the morning and a drink in the evening are me. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Dani, what are you talking about?”
“I know what it’s like being partners with an addict.
I don’t want that life.” His eyes go soft, understanding what I’m getting at.
“Of course, I’m attracted to you, fucking look at you.
I don’t want to be my mom. These fucking tears,” I ramble, wiping them from my face.
“The daily concessions she makes to accommodate my dad. The fear that he is going to relapse at any moment. The mental load she carries being with him. I can barely manage myself, let alone another person.” He squeezes my hand, and I sob for at least a minute before saying, “You’re never cured.
It’s a daily battle. I don’t want that life.
Being the keeper, the constant cheerleader. ”
“You don’t want my life?” he asks softly.
“I’m saying, I’ve seen what a relationship looks like when one person is an addict, and the other isn’t. That life … I don’t want it.”
“You think you’re going to be the keeper in our relationship?” He chuckles, and I squint at him. “Is that why I’ve always taken care of you? Helped you? Supported you?” He brushes my hair behind my ears.
“Declan … we’re never going to be together.”
“Why do you keep telling yourself that?”
Looking away, I say, “I hope you’re not waiting for me. If you are, don’t say it. I can’t handle it right now.” He leans away from me. “In another life, I would fuck the shit out of you.” I laugh, wiping away my tears.
“In another life … you would want to be sober.” I hear the longing and sadness in his tone as he says it.
“In another life, you wouldn’t be my ex’s brother. You wouldn’t …” I can’t talk because I’m seriously crying. Considering all the men in my life, I know Gideon is the best for me. It’s easy. It isn’t heavy. “You wouldn’t be linked to so many bad memories. You would accept my messiness.”
“I accept your messy.”
I shake my head, not believing him. “I love Gideon.”
“You mean it? You love him?” Declan’s eyes well up. Fuck. It feels like I’m breaking up with him.
“More than I’ve ever loved anyone else.”
“I believe you for once,” he says, the tone unmistakable. He’s sad about that.
I sigh. “Yeah … You can’t be with someone who drinks, and I can’t be with a recovering addict. It’s as simple as that. We’re never going to be together.”
He shakes his head, his eyes disagreeing.
“I still care about you. I always will,” he says after a moment, wiping a tear from his eye.
Seeing Declan cry, I know I’ve broken his heart, and that hurts so fucking bad.
Worse than I ever would have thought. “If you pick Gideon, then you can’t flirt with me,” he says.
“Flirting off,” I whisper.
“If you flirt with me, I’m going to flirt back because it means there’s a chance.”
“Got it.”
“Gideon doesn’t deserve that either.”
“I know.”
“He’s a great guy. The best one you’ve ever dated, not that that’s saying much.” He playfully pokes my shoulder.
“Fuck you.” I laugh, and we both smile. “You think so?” I ask because I still don’t know if I can believe Gideon’s promises.
“I know you two are working through some stuff … But if it isn’t me, I’m happy it’s him.”
The air in this SUV is beyond tense. “So, friends?” I ask because I want Declan in my life. I think we could be great friends.
“Friends.” He smiles, leans in, and kisses my cheek.
“Do friends do that?” I scold.
“I spend a lot of time in Europe.” He smiles.
“Thanks for encouraging me to come to the wake and everything,” I say, simmering on the day. “It was good for me.”
“Is that you being nice to me?”
“Seriously, thank you. You’re a great friend.” His heartbreak is evident again. Declan Kruk is never going to happen. I’m happy with my choice: Gideon.