Chapter Seven
Seven
Blake felt as if he’d had the breath knocked from him. Dazed, he stared at her. “I’m going to be a dad,” he said. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud.
“Yes, you are. We have a long time to sort things out and decide what we’ll do, so all you need to do right now is get used to the idea. It’s a big, unexpected shock,” she said, sitting quietly and letting him think.
“I used a condom every time,” he said, more to himself than to her. He had gotten Sierra pregnant. They would be tied together for the next eighteen years. They would never view life the same way, but he was certain she wouldn’t want to marry him any more than he wanted to marry her.
But how else would he be the kind of father his own never was?
He raked his fingers through his hair and stood, going to the kitchen and getting a beer, more to move around than to have something to drink. He walked to a window to gaze outside. The daylight was growing dim and night was creeping in, changing the landscape.
He knew he would never forget this moment. He was going to be a father. The idea shook him. He had dimly thought that someday he would marry, someday he would have a family, but it was in the distant future, a fuzzy prospect that had held no reality for him until now.
He was going to have a baby. When he glanced at her, Sierra sat looking at her fingernails, remaining quiet while he absorbed the news.
He was thankful for that. Thankful she wasn’t in tears or yelling at him or asking him what they would do.
He focused more on her and wondered what she thought.
She had already known about this. She looked calm, poised, and she had obviously adjusted to the idea.
He thought of her big family and knew she would have their support.
Blake realized if he walked away now, her family would be there for her.
Not that he intended to walk away or abandon her.
He thought about his father. He would never be a father like the one he’d had.
He wouldn’t abandon or reject his own child, not ever.
There was one way to put himself in his child’s life forever—marry Sierra.
That seemed to be the only solution to being a real dad to his child.
Blake’s gaze shifted back to Sierra who looked up, giving him a level stare.
He crossed the room to face her. “You caught me by surprise.”
“I knew I would. There was no way to avoid that.”
“You’re very calm about this,” he said, looking into wide blue eyes, and he realized she had passed the point of shock and was thinking calmly about the situation.
“It won’t help to get hysterical,” she said.
“Damn straight on that. I’m thankful you’re not.”
“We’ll have to make decisions and work things out, but we don’t have to do anything right now except adjust to the idea. I think we should take a little time before we start trying to figure out what we’ll do.”
“It all looks simple to me.”
“Blake,” she interrupted, shaking her head. “Don’t propose.”
“I don’t see why not,” he said, startled that she wouldn’t even discuss marriage. “You know your family will want us to marry.”
“None of them will if they know I don’t want to. You and I are opposites. I don’t like your work, and you don’t like mine.”
“That’s nine to five, and we can get around that,” he said, surprised she let their jobs be the reason for rejecting what would be best for their child. “Our jobs will have little to do with life at home,” he said.
“For us and our chosen fields, it has everything to do with life at home. I may want to foster kids or find homes for more dogs. We’ll work something out, I’m sure, because we’re both willing, but it isn’t going to be marriage.”
Shocked, because she seemed so firm in her refusal, he stared at her. “I want to be part of my child’s life,” he said, trying to hang on to his temper.
“You will be. I promise. I want you to be. But that doesn’t mean we have to be married.”
“Damn, Sierra.” Once the idea had presented itself, it hadn’t occurred to him that she would reject his proposal, at least not under the circumstances.
She sat calmly facing him, her long legs crossed at the ankles and her hands in her lap.
She looked composed and determined. He suspected he was going to find out how strong-willed she could be.
“You don’t want to marry. You made that clear,” she added.
“My life has changed since I said that. I was single and not expecting to become a father. I want to know my baby, to be with him or her every day I’m not away for work.
There is no way I’m going to be the father that mine was and abandon my child.
I can promise you that,” he said, determined that he would not let her stop him from being the father his child needed.
“I want to take care of both of you. The easiest way to do that is if we marry. If we try, we can make marriage work.”
“This is a knee-jerk reaction, Blake. We don’t have to decide today, this week or this month, so let’s consider the possibilities. I know you want to be a dad to your child, and I want that. I want to be a mom to our child. We don’t have to marry to be parents, or even to be good parents.”
“You’re not being sensible,” he said, his gaze running over her.
“I’m not being sensible?” she snapped, her eyes narrowing. “I’m the one being the most sensible. We’re opposites, Blake. Marriage won’t work. We’re not in love.”
“Marriage can be a partnership. It’s something we can work at. We can get along. If we share a child, we can probably get along even better than now.”
“I can’t believe you’re saying that,” she said. “You’ve dedicated your life to increasing your fortune because you want to get back at your father. You’re concentrating on competing with him just to ruin his business. That’s revenge.
“Revenge drives you, Blake. Not love. Meanwhile, I’m trying to save people. I’m not marrying someone who is driven by revenge for childhood hurts. I’m sorry for what you went through, but there’s a better way.”
“That may seem foolish to you because you had an abundance of love and attention, but having a father abandon you hurts, Sierra, and it’s the kind of hurt you never forget. It’s not a silly childhood notion.”
“I know that, but you’re grown now. Move on and do some good in the world,” she said.
“I believe you have a very sizable check from me that will do some good. Don’t forget that,” he said.
She was being stubborn. They had a fabulous relationship, and if she would give it a chance, they could work out something that would give their baby both a mom and a dad.
“I only have that check because it was a bribe. You wanted me for this job, and you wanted me in your bed. You said you were attracted to me, and you wanted to see me again.”
“Yeah, I did. And you acted glad to take both checks I gave you, and glad to be in my bed,” he said.
Her cheeks grew red, and he suspected she was trying to hold her temper just as he was. She stood and clenched her fists. “I think we should call it a night and cool down. I have a lot to do tomorrow, and you’re leaving town. We can talk later, when you’ve had time to think about this.”
“I’ll think about it constantly, and I imagine you will, too.
You might give some more thought to my proposal before you turn it down.
Try to think of the baby—you shouldn’t turn down my proposal just because you don’t want to marry me.
You’re not allowing our child to have both a father and a mother full-time, in a home we all share.
And think of what I can provide, including my name.
Marriage will make raising our child more convenient, more workable.
Think about the baby you’re carrying before you reject my proposal. ”
“I’ll do that, Blake. I have done that. There is nothing about a loveless marriage that would be good for our child!
Look at us now—you think this would be good for a child to be part of our squabbling?
I don’t think so.” She took a deep breath.
“I think we’ve talked enough tonight. I’m going to my suite before we say something one of us will really regret. ”
She brushed past him and hurried into the hall. Her back tingled because she felt his gaze on her as she left the room.
Anger and hurt filled her. Why had she ever been so wildly attracted to Blake? Worse, why had she succumbed to his kisses and then to his lovemaking?
Now there would be no way to forget him.
She was tied to him for the rest of her life.
Her anger grew. She had tried to be calm and reasonable with him.
She had expected him to propose and to insist on her accepting.
She had no intention of marrying a man who was building a hotel chain with the sole purpose of getting back at his father.
In the privacy of her bedroom she paced the floor, not only angry at herself but that Blake wouldn’t stop and think before he started pushing for marriage.
Yes, that had been her first thought, too, but if he would give the future some thought, she expected he would come to the same conclusion she had—they were not compatible out of bed, and they shouldn’t be married.
By one in the morning, she had given up on getting to sleep. She was exhausted and yet still angry when she thought about Blake’s stubborn insistence on marriage before he had really had time to think things through.
It was almost dawn when she fell asleep, and then she overslept. As she showered and dressed in green slacks and a matching cotton blouse, she hoped Blake had already left the ranch.
She soon found out from Etta that Blake had left for Dallas, and she didn’t know when he would return. Trying to concentrate on the tasks at hand and put him out of her thoughts, Sierra went to work. The sooner she could get his new wing finished, the sooner she could return to Kansas City.