Chapter 30
Saturday was the culmination of the Harvest Festival: the barn raising. It was an ambitious project: building a barn in a single day. But if any town was equipped for it, Autumn Ridge was. We had an abundance of strong, capable—and single—men.
Because the barn was a community effort, both of the bakery and farm booths would only be open for half the day, which, combined with the fact that it was Saturday, meant even longer lines.
James and I had spent the evening baking, but I wasn’t entirely sure we’d have enough to go around despite the shorter day, especially because we’d agreed to supply some treats for those working on the barn.
I got a text from James after a mid-morning rush.
James
Mrs. Albany just came through the line
We hadn’t been giving each other play-by-plays of who had come through our lines, so I furrowed my brow over this, trying to decide how to respond. The high school secretary coming through wasn’t particularly thrilling news.
James
Guess who I saw her pass off her purchase to?
Mrs. Keller
I let out a disbelieving laugh. Mrs. Albany and Mrs. Keller were good friends, but he made it sound like Mrs. Keller had sent an envoy to avoid purchasing the products herself.
She must have too much pride to be seen buying anyone else’s baked goods—even mine. Or perhaps especially mine.
Sadie
Did you get to see her eat them?
James
No. She’s probably eating them in a dark corner behind the bakery right now
I smiled, but my curiosity over her reaction was genuine. Part of me wanted the validation of knowing she’d enjoyed them.
Or maybe the marshmallows were just a bridge too far for her, and she’d hated them.
I closed up shop just after noon and headed down the street to help with the barn raising.
They’d already made significant progress.
Wade and Dad were there, but I didn’t see Ryan anywhere.
Bennett was leading the entire effort, while Archer, Dom, and Tate took direction from him.
Carson—winner of Kiss the Pig and the new town dentist—was using a different kind of drill than he was used to while a guy I faintly recognized as Dean Alden held the wood in place.
My gaze snagged on James, carrying a load of two-by-fours, his sleeves rolled up past his forearms.
My heart swooped. It had never stood a chance against him.
We’d agreed it would be best not to spend the entire day side-by-side. Town gossip could be brutal, and we needed to figure out how to talk to Ryan before setting every tongue in Autumn Ridge wagging.
I spent the day with Emma and Rosie Harper, for the most part, helping out wherever it was needed and trying to keep my eyes and focus off of James.
Most of the town was here and a good number of tourists too, living their best New England lives—at a barn raising in Vermont’s peak leaf season with the promise of live music when it was done.
Slowly but surely, the barn took shape in front of our eyes.
The united effort was honestly inspiring, headed up by Bennett.
The last bits were nailed and screwed into place as the sun dipped below the horizon.
It was amazing what a group of dedicated people could accomplish together—all in a day’s work.
Electrical would be put in later, but for now, a generator would supply light for the celebration dance.
Dad left to help Mom with Mia, and when Ryan and Lily showed up, hand in hand, James and I shared a glance across the room.
I observed as they chatted with a few people.
My brain was still trying to process what I’d learned last night. Especially about Lily. I’d always admired her kindness, so it was a struggle to process that she’d let James take the heat for her choice.
Even more so that she was still letting him. No wonder she seemed so uncomfortable whenever James was brought up—and so worried about how he was doing.
As I watched my brother and his wife, though, mostly, I felt sad. I understood why both of them had made the choices they had. Fear was a powerful motivator, and they’d both been afraid of losing each other.
But I really wished they’d made different choices—ones that hadn’t affected James so poorly and for so long.
It wasn’t as though Ryan and Lily were living a lie, precisely; they really did love each other. I didn’t doubt that. But I’d told untruths before, and I knew how they ate away at you slowly. When you had a lie to protect, you could never truly relax. Dishonesty was its own form of self-torture.
How often did Lily think about what had happened with James?
A lot more now that he was back, I imagined. It had probably been a lot easier to forget about the whole thing before that. Out of sight, out of mind.
As the music started up, my gaze shifted to James. I wanted to go out on the floor with him and dance—to enjoy these moments together. Maybe it would ease Ryan into the idea…or maybe he’d start throwing punches in front of the entire town.
The tourists would have great stories to take home.
“So…”
I turned to find Wade at my side.
“You and James, huh?”
“What?” I said quickly.
Wade gave me a look that said don’t be dense. “You only look at him every five seconds. And when he’s not looking at Ryan, he’s looking at you. If everyone here was as distracted as the two of you, it would’ve taken a month to get this thing up.” He looked up into the rafters.
My cheeks flamed. “You’re seeing things. And you haven’t been exactly a model of work ethic with the flirting you’ve been doing with Ari.” My stomach was unsettled, though, as I forced my gaze away from James. “Have I really been looking at him that much?”
Wade smiled knowingly. “Maybe not every five seconds, but it’s been plenty. Also, I may have gotten a little tip about the two of you from one of my students.”
I groaned. “Ethan?”
“If I told you, I’d have to kill you. But, yeah, it was him. I’ve gotta say…falling for the enemy? That’s something I’d expect from me, not you.”
“Stop,” I hissed. “Does he know?”
“I’m pretty sure James is aware you were all over him on the river trail.”
I hit him in the arm. “Not James. Ryan.”
His gaze flicked to our brother. “I don’t think so. But it sort of looks like he’s about to.”
My head whipped around in time to see James walking toward Ryan with a look of determination in his eyes.
I sprang to action, but Wade grabbed my arm.
“Wade!” I tried to wrest it away.
He shook his head, watching them. “Let it be.”
Let it be?!
There was zero doubt in my mind what James’s intention was here. What I didn’t know was why he had chosen this precise moment for it.
But maybe with this large an audience, there’d be an added level of restraint on Ryan’s part?
My heart thumped against my chest, my eyes burning because I didn’t dare blink.
Ryan tensed up the moment he noticed James approaching.
I looked around for Lily, who was talking to Juliet and hadn’t seemed to notice the clear and present danger.
I could only spare her half a glance and half a thought, though; I was too invested in reading every body language cue James and Ryan were giving.
It was weird seeing them together again, not as the fun-loving duo they’d once been. I could only see the back of James, but it was enough. He wasn’t groveling—that much was clear. He stood tall, erect, unapologetic.
His confidence gave me confidence.
A little.
Ryan’s brow was dark as he listened. His gaze shifted to me across the room, and I inhaled sharply as his jaw tightened.
Wade sucked a breath through his teeth. “That’s not looking great.”
Ryan had been listening so far, but he started talking.
Understatement.
He started yelling and gesticulating, pointing his finger at James aggressively as his face grew red and the vein in his temple made an appearance.
A few people near them turned.
I swallowed, every muscle taut. “Wade…” His hand was still clamped around my arm.
“Juuuust a sec,” he said, though he sounded like he might be about to run over and get between them himself.
Ryan said—yelled—one last thing, then stalked off through the crowds, leaving James with a small but very interested audience that he seemed not to notice.
Lily was no longer oblivious, but rather than chasing after her husband, she looked at James, then at me.
I held her gaze, wishing I could see into her mind and know what she was thinking.
Even more, I wished I’d heard what James had said.
“Come with me.” The harsh voice hardly sounded like Ryan’s. I’d been too busy looking at Lily to notice that he’d made his way over here.
“Ry,” Wade said, letting go of my arm. “Maybe you should cool off for a minute.”
“I’m cool,” Ryan said, though the way the muscle in his jaw jumped told a different story.
“It’s okay,” I said, nodding at Wade to reassure him.
Wade searched Ryan’s face for a few seconds, then nodded.
I followed Ryan to an empty corner of the room, forcing myself to breathe.
He turned to me. “Tell me it’s not true.”
“What?”
“That you didn’t fall for that two-face.”
“He’s not two-faced, Ryan, despite what you may believe.”
He stared at me, his gaze unyielding.
“Do you really think that poorly of me?” I asked. “That I’d fall for some jerk?”
“What I think,” he said, “is that you’ve always had stars in your eyes when it comes to James. You all but worshipped him, Sadie, and I knew you’d fall for him again, even though you promised me you wouldn’t.”
My cheeks burned. I had told him it was just business and that the crush was a thing of the past. But that had been before I’d come to know how different he was from what Ryan thought him.
“I knew him my whole life,” Ryan said, “and he still fooled me. He’s not the guy he pretends to be.”
“Or maybe he’s not the guy you think he is. Everyone who really knows him loves him, Ry. Even Mia.”
His brows snapped together. “What?”
My stomach clenched. I really should’ve thought through that before saying it.
“Since when does my daughter know James?” The look in his eyes dared me to answer.
I hesitated, but I couldn’t lie to him. “She was at the stables with me and…” I trailed off, not knowing how to finish.
“You took her around him without my knowledge? Knowing how I feel? Knowing what he did?” It wasn’t anger in his voice. It was pain. Betrayal.
I looked around for Lily. She’d been the one to give the okay at the stables that day, but saying so to Ryan would open Pandora’s box.
I was pretty sure I understood now why Lily had allowed Mia to stay when James was present, though.
Guilt.
“I trusted you, Sadie,” Ryan said. “Trusted you with my daughter.”
“Ry,” I pleaded. “You don’t know everything.”
“I know plenty,” he said. “I guess I’ve just been the idiot over here, though—trying to believe you when you said it was just business. I never thought you’d choose him over me.”
“I’m not,” I said fiercely.
“Really?”
“Really. You’re my brother, Ryan. I love you. I would never give up our relationship. If that did happen, it’d be your choice, not mine.”
His jaw shifted, his throat bobbing, but the expression on his face stony.
“You have Lily,” I said. “Why can’t I have James?”
“I have Lily no thanks to James.”
The words bubbled up in my stomach. The truth. I wanted to tell him. But I’d sworn I wouldn’t. And deep down, I knew Ryan wouldn’t believe it. You couldn’t force someone to believe something they didn’t want to believe.
“He’s not the villain you think he is,” I said. “Besides, don’t you think it’s time to move on? Or are you really going to stay angry at him your whole life?”
The room went pitch black to a chorus of surprised intakes of breath and the sudden stop of music.
I blinked, trying to force my eyes to adjust, but it was just too dark.
“Ryan?” I tentatively reached a hand out toward him, but it met with nothing but air.
The surprise in the room turned to a buzzing chatter, and people started to take out their phones and use them as flashlights.
I followed suit, shining the light where Ryan was.
Or where he had been.
“Sadie,” James appeared, his face partially illuminated by his own phone. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, then blinked as an ascending whine sounded and the lights flickered back on. I looked around for Ryan, but there was no sign of him.
He’d just…left.
In the middle of the most important conversation we’d had in our lives. I’d been torn in two on his behalf for weeks, and he hadn’t even cared enough to stick around for thirty seconds to finish what we’d started.
The music started back up, and the chaos of the blackout gave way to more dancing. This time, the band started up a slow song, and couples started pairing off. Liv and Tate. Maven and Ben. Carson and Emma.
Jealousy settled in on top of my frustration at Ryan. They had no idea how lucky they were to be able to hold each other in front of everyone with no inhibition.
I turned to James, who was watching me with concern.
“Will you dance with me?” I asked.
He looked around at all the people, then back at me, as if to say here? Now?
An hour ago, I wouldn’t have dared.
But the cat was out of the bag. Ryan knew. And thanks to Ethan, a number of other people probably did too.
I was so tired of trying to navigate things carefully—to protect everyone’s feelings while James’s and mine took the hit.
I wanted to dance with the man I loved. I wanted him to hold me.
What everyone in town thought of it couldn’t be my problem anymore.
I slid my fingers through his, and he tightened his grip on them in response, then led me to the floor.
The stares made the skin on my neck prickle, but I ignored them. I understood now why James hadn’t tried to fight for his reputation. If I couldn’t even convince my own brother to reevaluate his opinion, what chance did I stand against anyone else?
People believed what they wanted to believe.
“We’ve got an audience,” James said as I slipped my arms around his neck.
“Good,” I said, a shot of adrenaline running through me.
There was a sense of liberty in letting it all out in the open. We weren’t just airing out dirty laundry; we were flying it like a flag.
“Are you uncomfortable?” I asked. Maybe I was pushing James onto a stage he had no desire to be on.
“Are you kidding?” He slid his hands around my waist and looked down at me in a way that made the blood rush through my veins and straight to my head. “I’ve been dying to let everybody in this town know you’re mine.”
I let out a little, breathy laugh as the chorus of Somebody Should Kiss You by Teddy Swims played.