Chapter 34
THIRTY-FOUR
My stomach flips and twists as I stare at Conrad. He comes forward and takes my school bag from me. I didn’t even realize how heavy it was until the relief hits me. I’m exhausted—mentally, physically, emotionally. But somehow with Conrad here, I feel the most at ease I have in days.
“Hey.” His voice is low and quiet, more reminiscent of the guy I first met than the one I last saw.
“Hi.” I smile up at him. “You’re back.”
“Late last night,” he says. “I missed you.”
My already very uneasy stomach gives another flip. “Yeah, me too.”
Conrad’s eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles at me.
“Does he know?” Victor calls out to me from the porch.
I glare at my brother. I don’t think he’s intentionally being a jerk, but this is not how I want to have this conversation.
“Know what?” Conrad asks.
When neither Victor nor I respond, Conrad ducks his head slightly to stare at me more intently. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” I assure him with a little pep in my tone. It’s optimism that I’m choosing to cling to right now because the truth is I have no idea how he’s going to react. We never talked about this.
Victor mutters something that sounds an awful lot like, “Well, this should be interesting.”
“Can we have a minute?” I ask my brother. I definitely do not want to have this conversation with him hovering.
“Fine,” he huffs. “I’m going to take a walk.” Victor steps down from the porch, slowly, eyeing Conrad as he goes. His gaze flicks to me at the last second. “If you need anything, holler. I won’t go far.”
I nod my understanding and shift awkwardly, wringing my hands in front of me.
“Why would you need anything?” Conrad’s brows furrow as he waits for me to reply.
“Let’s talk inside.”
The silence hangs uncomfortably as he follows me into the house. He sets my bag down by the door and watches me.
I take a deep breath, but before I can speak, Conrad says, “Wait. Let me say something first.”
He moves to me, reaching out, then dropping his hand almost as if he isn’t sure if he should.
“I’m really sorry about the things I said to your brother.
I hate the way he plays hockey and how he treats other people.
He’s dirty on the ice and he says awful things just to get a reaction.
I’ve known a lot of bullies in my life, but the other day in trying to protect you, I became one.
I used the things you told me in confidence to hurt him. And in turn, I hurt you.”
“Victor is not an easy guy to get along with and I have to learn to stand up to him more, I know that,” I say to him. “But he’s still my brother.”
“I get it. It’s easier to stand up for other people than for yourself sometimes.”
He takes a step closer. “Fuck, I missed you. I don’t know what I’d do without you. And I’m really hoping I don’t have to find out.”
The backs of my eyes sting like I’m going to cry.
“Same.”
“What did he mean when he asked if I knew?” Conrad asks.
“I . . .” I start to tell him, then reconsider.
“While you were gone . . .” Fuck no, that isn’t right either.
“I was helping Landon with geometry and eating a bunch of snacks, and he made an offhand comment about it not going well together and how his foster mom, Jenny, ate a lot of random foods together too.”
He says nothing, but Conrad’s eyes narrow as he searches my face for understanding. I thought the right words would come to me, but I don’t think there’s any good way to say it.
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out.
I watch my words slowly register on his face. From understanding to surprise to . . . a giant smile. Why is he smiling? Did he not hear me?
“I’m pregnant,” I repeat. “And it’s yours. In case that wasn’t clear.”
His eyes slowly widen, and he stumbles back, but his lips are still curled up into a smile. “How?”
“I don’t know.” I hug my arms against my stomach. “I didn’t lie about being on birth control.”
“I know. The thought would never occur to me, but we were careful.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “We were, but it’s not one hundred percent effective.” Obviously. “I know this is a shock. I’ve had some time to adjust and. . . . I want to have it. And you can be as involved or uninvolved as you want.”
“What?” His voice is sharp, and the smile slips from his face.
“We didn’t plan for this so it’s okay if you’re not on board.”
He laughs, but I can’t tell if he’s happy or upset until his lips pull into another wide smile. “I’m on board. I’m so on board.”
“Really?” I smile back hesitantly. I expected more surprise . . . maybe a little frustration at the situation. I did not expect this.
“You’re pregnant?” he asks, awe in his voice.
“Yeah.” Relief settles in slowly. “I am.”
If half a dozen pregnancy tests can be believed.
“I don’t know what to say.” He sweeps me up off my feet and spins me around.
The action catches me off guard, and I cling to him through a strained laugh and a squeal of disbelief.
He sets me back on the ground, but his arms remain around my waist. “Sorry. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No. I’m fine.” I look for any sign that he isn’t as happy as he’s acting. “You don’t look freaked out.”
“Not at all.”
“Did you hear the part where I said I was pregnant with your baby?” Maybe if I keep repeating it, it’ll sink in for him.
“Yeah, baby. I did.”
“But we didn’t plan this. I’m not even sure how it’s possible. We haven’t been together that long.” There are a lot of really good reasons for him to be upset right now. “If you were panicking right now, I’d totally understand.
“All I feel is happy,” he says. His hands glide around to my stomach. “Fuck, I should have brought D-Low with me.”
“What?”
“Nothing. I’m in. Let’s have a baby, baby.”
“When was the first day of your last period?” the nurse asks. She’s a young girl with dimples and a kind smile.
I rattle off the date. I came prepared with all the information Google said I might need for my first doctor’s appointment. Conrad stands next to me squeezing my hand so tightly, I have to wiggle my fingers to remind him to loosen his grip.
“Sorry,” he whispers.
“Okay. That puts your due date as August twelfth.” Her dimples deepen as she smiles at us.
“How is that calculated?” Conrad asks. He may be quiet and reserved in other areas, but he is not when it has anything to do with our baby.
At check-in, he told all three receptionists that we were having a baby like they couldn’t see why we were here from my appointment notes.
But because he’s him, they aww-ed and smiled and congratulated us.
The nurse gives him that same charmed smile. “It’s an estimation. Since knowing conception date is harder to pinpoint, we use forty weeks from your last period.”
“Oh. I know the conception date,” I say.
“You do?” Conrad asks.
“I think so.” My face flushes as I give the nurse the new date, then glance at Conrad.
“The first time?” His brows lift.
I nod. Based on my period and everything I could find on ovulation and when we had sex, it’s the only one that makes sense. They should really teach this stuff in school, or I should have paid better attention.
“Okay, that makes your due date July twenty-nine,” the nurse says.
Conrad repeats it with a doe-eyed look and squeezes my hand again.
“Before the season starts,” I tell him.
“We’re going to have a baby next season,” he repeats. Finally, a little of that shock I keep expecting from him flashes across his face, but no sooner than it registers, he’s grinning again.