Chapter 14 #3
They pulled up to the front of the house, each in their own truck, and he opened the front door and held it for her.
She walked inside, and the minute the door closed, he wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her. She was as desperate for him as he was for her, the two of them consuming each other without words. Without explanation.
Pretty soon, it didn’t matter that there were clothes on the floor, because he started to strip off the clothes he was wearing too, until he had lost the jacket, the T-shirt, and was wearing only the white jeans.
Cassidy was still wearing that dress. He didn’t know why he found it so hot. She was like a sexy Santa, and he hadn’t realized that could be a thing for him until just now.
Then he realized that along with the clothes he’d left down in the dressing room, he had also abandoned his wallet.
Fuck.
He wrapped his arm around her waist and lifted her off the ground, carrying her back toward his bedroom. The place was in shambles, and it really wasn’t much to look at. But he had condoms in his bathroom.
“Hold on,” he said, setting her in the middle of the room and going into the bathroom to grab the condom box. It wasn’t open. He tore it, leaving half of the condoms spilling out of it, then grabbed one strip and carried it back into the bedroom.
He was at the end of his rope. Absolutely and completely. He kissed her, pushed her up against the wall, his hands shaking.
Her hands went to his pants, to the button on the jeans, the zipper.
Between the two of them, they managed to move their clothes out of the way in just the right way.
He tore open the condom and rolled it over himself, then pushed his hand between her legs, grabbing the little red silk shorts underneath the dress and pulling them down to her knees.
She was wet. He slid his fingers through her slick folds and pushed two fingers inside her until she was trembling as much as he was.
Then he moved his hand on her thigh, lifted her leg up over his hip, and thrust deep inside her.
“Yes,” he groaned.
He began to thrust into her, pushing her up against the wall. He grabbed the top of the dress and pulled it down so that he could see her breasts, her tight nipples, all of her. It made his mouth water. He lowered his head and took one deep into his mouth as he continued to move inside her.
She made small, kitten-like sounds as she clung to his shoulders, as she moved against him.
And when she found her release, her internal muscle squeezed him, pushing him right over with her. He braced his hand against the wall as he came, hard.
That had to be a record as far as quickies went. At least where both parties were satisfied.
He let out a long, jagged breath. “I think you might kill me,” he said.
“I know you’re going to kill me,” she said.
He moved away from her, and she slumped against the wall, her shorts still down around her knees, her dress top pulled down.
She looked debauched and glorious. And he had honestly never felt more interested in giving his full focus to another human being.
He didn’t feel bored. He didn’t feel that he’d had enough, solved the mystery.
No. He felt renewed in some way he couldn’t even begin to describe.
For one moment, he felt that he wasn’t even in this trailer.
Because he was building a house, a ranch. This wasn’t his real home anymore.
And Cassidy felt new. Like maybe she could be part of that new thing and …
He let out a hard breath and brought himself back. To his bedroom that had piles of clothes on the floor. To the box of condoms he had torn open with no care whatsoever. To the messed-up bed—messed up because the last time he had slept in it, he hadn’t bothered to make it.
That was the reality of his life and his lack of organization. Of who he was. But she was still here in the middle of it. And that was still the most interesting thing.
“Sorry,” he said. “I really lost my head there.”
“It’s okay. You … you’re really good to me, West. But you’re the only person who’s not careful with me.”
Her words hit him like a dagger square in the chest. He wasn’t sure he liked that at all. He had been accused of being careless for a lot of his life. He definitely didn’t want to be careless with Cassidy.
“I … don’t really know how to take that.”
“Maybe that’s not what I meant to say.” She adjusted the top of her dress, then rolled her eyes and unzipped it, kicking the shorts off, so that she was standing there naked.
But then she began to put her clothes back on, which was a disappointment.
He was still standing there with his jeans open and nothing else on. “Hold that thought,” he said.
He went into the bathroom and disposed of the condom, tucked himself back into his jeans, and buttoned and zipped them up.
And then he joined her in the bedroom, where she was now entirely dressed in her own clothes, much to his chagrin.
“I’ve been accused of being careless all my life,” he said.
“And that’s one of the hardest things. Because I do care.
I care a lot, but caring has so rarely gotten me what I wanted.
Because I don’t do the right things, or take the right steps.
I get it now. I was living my life with undiagnosed ADHD.
I didn’t have the tools I needed to figure myself out, and so I couldn’t do better.
Instead, I was constantly told I wasn’t doing enough.
The last thing I want to do with you is something that looks like carelessness. ”
“That’s not what I meant,” she said. “I just meant … They’re all so nice to me.
In a way that suggests I’m fragile. I told you when I got here that everyone else was nice to me because my mom abandoned me at Christmas.
And that’s pity. It is. No matter how much they love me, they also all pity me a little bit.
It’s really lowering. Even before I went away with Dalton, Austin was acting like a worried mother hen.
I’m twenty-five years old. But I treat myself the same way.
Like I have to be so careful or I’ll break all the good things in my life.
Like this is a tentative, fragile situation.
You don’t treat me like that. It’s not carelessness.
I think you’re the only person who sees me.
Even Dalton’s declaration was … so … careful.
There’s no risk. And I can’t blame my family for it because I’ve never shown anyone that I wanted anything else.
I’ve been living scared. And small. You confronted me with the truth, and that was uncomfortable.
And I don’t typically let myself be uncomfortable.
I don’t think I’m saying it all right.” She squeezed her eyes shut.
“Feeling uncomfortable isn’t always bad.
” She opened her eyes again. “The thing about being in a snow globe is that you’re just floating. I think eventually you have to land.”
“Well, you definitely landed in the arena,” he said, his throat tight.
“And you helped me get up.”
It was true. He had made her get back on that horse, which had been kind of a dick move. But she didn’t see it that way.
“Sorry about the mess,” he said, gesturing at the room.
She looked around. “Oh. It’s fine.” As if it didn’t matter. As if it didn’t make her think all kinds of things about him. About his carelessness, or that he was … a disgusting bachelor or whatever else.
“I need to go back home,” she said. “I need …”
“Yeah,” he said. “Sure. I’ll see tomorrow.”
“Yeah,” she said. “I’ll definitely see you tomorrow.”
They had rehearsal again. Maybe they would end up back here. Or maybe she was going home to tell Dalton that she was madly in love with him, and now that she had worked all the hot sex out of her system, she was ready to sink back into comfort.
Except that didn’t match up with what she had just said to him.
He wasn’t sure what to make of the explanation she had just given him.
“You did great today,” he said.
Because he wanted to tell her something good. Because he wanted to … win. Be better than Dalton. Something.
“Thank you,” she said. She turned, then stopped for a moment, but she seemed to think better of whatever she’d been about to say.
He stood there with his breath indrawn until he heard the front door of the trailer shut. And only then did he let out that breath.