Chapter 15 #3
She felt oddly relieved. But also stunned that somebody she had seen as being older and wiser could make the same dumb mistake she had. She was grateful that he wasn’t mad. That he wasn’t hurt.
But still.
“Well, this is … weird,” she said.
“Hey. It’s a good thing we realize it now. That you said something.”
“Were you going to … pity-date me?”
“It wasn’t pity. Trust me on that.”
“Well, I’m glad we didn’t. I’m glad we didn’t mess our friendship up. Because it’s not even worth it if the sex isn’t good,” she said.
The look that crossed his face was embarrassment mixed with horror.
“Well. It’s not,” she insisted.
“Fair point.” He took a deep breath. “Now let’s you and I never talk about sex again.”
“Okay,” she said, laughing because she felt such an odd release of tension.
“I’m going to go finish work,” he said.
“Okay. I have … something to do too.”
“Okay. I’ll see you later. I’ll let Flynn know that nothing is happening between us.”
“He’s going to have questions,” Cassidy said.
“I’ll tell him that you let me down gently,” Dalton said, giving her a smile that would’ve melted her insides only a few weeks ago.
“Thanks.”
When she got back in the truck and drove away, it was as if she was driving toward a completely different reality.
It was so weird to have let go of such an intense, important fantasy after so many years.
But she could also see it so clearly for what it was. Her feeling for Dalton wasn’t true love. It wasn’t going to save her.
It would’ve actually created its own set of problems. They could’ve gotten married, but it would’ve been practically a marriage of convenience.
Neither of them would’ve felt real passion for each other.
They could’ve had companionship, and maybe that would’ve been enough.
Maybe the snow globe would have felt nice enough, but there would have been whole aspects of herself that she never got to understand.
And before the last week, she would’ve said that those parts of herself should be repressed. Because she had blamed sex and desire for what had happened with her mom. Now she knew better. Now she felt changed.
She stopped at the end of Dalton’s driveway, and texted West.
Where are you?
Wow. More punctuation.
Don’t be a jerk.
I can’t help it. I’m at the new house. Just finished installing light fixtures. So if you come over again, you can flick the lights on and off.
Okay. I lied. I’ll see you tonight.
Again, she didn’t wait for a response. Instead, she drove back up to her house, and rushed inside, packing an overnight bag and heading back out to her truck as quickly as possible.
“Cass.”
She shrieked, because her brother’s voice startled the hell out of her.
“Dalton just told me that you let him down easy?”
“What are you doing here?” she groused.
“I was coming to talk to you.”
“There’s no talking to be done.”
“You had a crush on him for years. And suddenly he makes a move on you, and you don’t want him?”
“I don’t. But it’s not sudden. I just didn’t get it before.”
“You would be great together.”
“What makes you think so? You’ve never felt that way before.”
“Because I’m in love. And I love being in love. And now that I have it, I want you guys to have it.”
“Then you want me to have the right thing. Dalton’s not the right thing.
But thank you for … Thank you for meddling, Flynn.
And thank you for caring so much about keeping me safe.
About me being happy. But I don’t need you to intervene.
And I don’t want you guys to treat me like I’m a kid who needs you to make things magical for me.
I don’t. I know I’ve been acting that way.
I know I’ve stayed close to home and I have let you do it.
But I don’t want that anymore. Maybe it’s not the right time for me to get married and do all this stuff.
I felt like maybe it was because you all were doing it.
But I think it might just be time for me to find a little bit of independence. ”
“You’re independent.”
“Kind of. I’m so dependent on everything being good here, though. And you can’t be there for me like this all the time. You and Jessie Jane are going to get married and have babies.”
“No babies for a while,” Flynn said.
“Yeah. But you have your own life. So I need to have mine too. But it is kind of cute that you meddled.”
“It wasn’t meddling. I just thought you guys made sense.”
They kind of did. They made more sense than her and West. But this wasn’t about thinking.
It really wasn’t.
“You and Jessie Jane are the two most unlikely people to ever end up together,” she said. “A Wilder and a Hancock.”
She bit the inside of her cheek. “But you did.”
“Yeah. But there’s other stuff.”
Yeah. Of course there was. Attraction. And maybe they had a lot in common—she didn’t really know. They fit together; she could see that. Even if she couldn’t quite figure out all the ways they fit.
But maybe that was part of it. Maybe that was part of the reason she hadn’t fully understood the situation between herself and Dalton. She thought back to what Perry had said. About how she and Carson had not been easy. About how West was definitely not the best kiss of her life.
Yeah. There was always a significant part of the connection between a couple that the people outside the relationship couldn’t see.
The secret things.
The intimacy.
“Where are you going?” Flynn asked.
“Somewhere. I won’t be back tonight.”
“I’m sorry?” Flynn sounded like an outraged maiden.
“No need to be sorry. But it’s still not your business.” She climbed up in the truck, closed the door, and drove away from her brother’s house just as West called.
“You on your way?”
“I went to get an overnight bag,” she said.
“Presumptuous.”
“And is my presumption going to pay off?”
“Depends.”
“I told Dalton that nothing is going to happen between us.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone. And then finally after thirty seconds, West said, “Drive faster.”