Chapter 8
Nate
After my date with Callie, I head to the bunkhouse. It’s only a short walk from the main house. The guys are gathering for an impromptu dinner, and I haven’t seen some of them in years.
My boots crunch against the snow as I walk, Rudy happily bouncing along beside me. I can’t help the dopey grin on my face. I’m in love with Callie. She hasn’t accepted that yet.
She’s scared and shy, uncertain of love. But I’m going to show her that love sticks around. That love stays through the messy and the hard moments. I’m always going to be there for her and for Danny.
As soon as I step inside the bunkhouse, the familiar scents hit me. Cole’s chili, Mary’s lemon furniture polish, pine wood, and the sweet scent of an evergreen Christmas tree.
This communal living space changed my life. It helped me to realize that even though I felt alone in the world, I wasn’t. Mary and Christopher did so much more than take me in when I was troubled. They gave me a family, a brotherhood. It’s a gift that not everyone gets.
I toe off my boots at the front door, knowing better than to track mud and slush across these hardwood floors that Mary works so hard to keep in good condition. She’s always somehow made every bunkhouse feel like a home.
There’s already a fire crackling in the stone fireplace, and folded blankets resting on the couch for whoever needs a place to crash. There are bedrooms too, but I’m going back to the main house so I can be close to Callie and Danny.
I follow my nose to the kitchen where Cole is already staring down into a big, bubbling slow cooker. “There you are.”
“It’s been too long,” I agree, surprised when he reaches to give me a quick one-armed hug. He’s been different since he was injured on his last deployment. He’s always been quiet and reserved, but now he’s even quieter.
I give him a quick pat, ignoring the lump in my throat. I don’t even want to think about the things he’s probably seen and endured.
He reaches for a bowl of meat and sets it on the floor for Rudy. “It’s lean and unflavored. Nothing in there to hurt his stomach.”
“How’s the farm?” I ask. Like me, Cole is a rancher. He’s got a nice farm out in Wolf Valley, Oregon. He settled there after his deployment. Given what a loner he is, I’d be surprised if he knew a single person in town. I hope one day somebody drags him out of his shell and brings him to life.
He shrugs, and that’s about as much as he’ll say. He looks like he’s going to ask about my farm when Dallas comes in. He’s got his own place too. We exchange a hug complete with thumping each other on the back.
He grins, face flushed from the cold air and probably a little bit of Christopher’s spiked apple cider. “I made a girl hate me.”
“What else is new?” Cole mutters.
“No, she really hates me,” he says before launching into the story of how he met Ginger. It involves a striped candy cane dildo that she grabbed at the post office.
“She thought it was her package.” Dallas can’t stop grinning. He’s only here for a few days. It’s all the time he could get away from his ranch in Lucky River. But the way he lights up every time he says Ginger’s name, I’m pretty sure he’s going to have his hands full with her.
“What a charming story to tell the grandkids,” Grady says from the doorway without a hint of a smile.
His dry wit and quick observations never fail to make me chuckle.
He’s a big, brooding son of a gun who spent plenty of time on combat missions.
Like Cole, it’s changed him. Made him an even stronger leader than he was all those years ago when we were a ragtag group of lost kids.
Dallas waves away Grady’s comment. “There’s a thin line between love and hate.”
“That thin line is called a restraining order.” I can’t resist teasing him before turning to Grady. “What are you doing here? You haven’t been back in years.”
“Got to set some things right,” he answers as Cole starts handing out bowls of hot chili. He made the worst chili when we first arrived here as teenagers. He was a dreadful cook, but now, he could win awards.
I don’t ask Grady about what he has to set right. We all came back for reasons of our own, and I’m not going to pry. Instead, I just settle at the table with my brothers.
I still remember the surprise I felt as a teenager when Mary insisted the four of us eat around the table for dinner every night.
Getting three square meals a day was enough of a shock, but then to spend those meals with people who I’d grow to care about.
Some days, I wonder if she and Christopher have ever realized the difference they’ve made in so many lives.
“What about you?” Dallas asks around a mouthful of cornbread. “You got your girl locked down yet?”
“Working like hell on that,” I answer. I’m not telling them about Callie’s life before she came to the ranch or the things she’s been through. While I trust these guys with my life, protecting Callie’s heart will always be the most important thing to me.
“So, are you leaving Courage County then?” Grady asks with a frown. Courage has been my home since I left the Naughty List Ranch. I hadn’t even considered where we’d live. I’ve been so intent on getting my ring on Callie’s finger.
“Maybe,” I say. It’s something I’d need to talk with Callie about. I can live happily with her and Danny anywhere. But I want him to have access to the best physical therapy and medical support my money can buy.
“Remember that time we pranked Christopher?” Dallas asks, trying to lighten the mood.
“Which one?” Cole grunts. It’s a fair question. We loved to get together and find new ways to prank Christopher. He was always good natured about it all. He took everything in stride. He was our steady rock and safe place, everything a father should be. I want the chance to be that for Danny.
“You know, when we made the scarecrows look like Dolly Parton,” Dallas answers, kicking back in his chair now that he’s finished his chili. He puts his socked feet on the edge of the table, leaning the chair back casually on two legs.
Grady chuckles, a soft sound like he’s trying out his laugh again for the first time in years. “I remember you gluing those jumbo-sized tissue rolls to the front of every scarecrow in the field.”
“And how you got those blonde wigs—” Cole shakes his head.
“I did that,” I admit. “Borrowed them from community theater. Still can’t believe Mary never found out about that one.”
“We need to get another one over on him, just for old times’ sake,” Dallas says. Once a jokester, always the jokester.
I stand and take my empty bowl to the sink, my stomach filled with the warmth that comes not only from spicy chili but from good company. “Why don’t you worry about getting that girl of yours to fall for you?”
He grins at me. “Don’t you worry about that. I’ve got a plan.”
I snort. I’m not sticking around to listen to whatever disaster he’s got up his sleeve. Still, Dallas will get what he wants. He always does. “I’m headed back to the main house. We got a girl to see. Come on, Rudy.”
Grady follows me out into the snow, Rudy bounding ahead of us. The twinkling Christmas lights around the ranch house reflect on the bright snow as smoke curls from the chimney.
“You’re quiet,” I finally tell him.
He chuckles. “I’m always quiet.”
He’s got me there. Grady has never been the first to strike up a conversation, even when he needs someone to listen to him. “Quieter than usual. You good?”
“Still deciding.” He glances at me from the corner of his eye, assessing me and the situation. Always assessing. It’s in his DNA at this point to constantly be monitoring everything and everyone around him. “You?”
I nod. The sensation that my heart is too small for my body has been with me since the moment I first laid eyes on Callie at the rest stop. “Yeah, I am. I’ve fallen for Callie.”
He stops walking. “That fast?”
I shrug. “It’s not fast when it’s right. She’s everything. And Danny has changed me. I didn’t know I had this much room in me for someone else.”
He nods and for a moment, I think that’s going to be the end of our conversation. But then he says it quietly, peeling off the small piece of armor. “Angel’s got me twisted up.”
I don’t know who she is, but I know she has to be special if Grady has fallen for her. He doesn’t love easy, but when he does love, he does it with everything inside of him.
“I… told her some of it,” he confesses gruffly. “She didn’t look away. Didn’t look at me like I was broken. She’s got this quiet way of seeing things. And when she looks at me… it’s like she sees a version of me I forgot existed.”
He shoves his hands deeper into his coat pockets. “I don’t know how to do this, Nate. Emotions. Feelings. Relationships. I don’t know how to sit still and let someone in.”
The wind shifts, picking up and more snowflakes swirl in the air. My heart hurts for my friend, for the boy he was. The way we all became men too fast.
He lets out a ragged breath. “She makes the noise stop.”
“Because she means something to you,” I answer. I wouldn’t have understood that before Callie. But there’s something about being around her. She soothes the parts of my heart that I didn’t realize were still aching.
He clears his throat. “She means everything. And that’s what terrifies me.”
I nod. “We came from the same place, Grady. We got handed the same busted compass. But Mary and Christopher taught us how to point it somewhere better. You’re allowed to want more. You’re allowed to stay.”
We’re quiet again. Not because there’s nothing left to say, but because some things don’t need to be explained between brothers. Especially not the kind who survived the circumstances we came from.
Finally, I tell him, “You know what helped me most? Figuring out I didn’t have to protect myself from love. Just had to protect the people I love with everything I’ve got.”
We turn back toward the house, slower now.
“You really think we’re allowed to have this?” he asks.
I can’t help the smile that stretches across my face. My life before this taught me to fear every change, but now I’m thinking, sometimes good things do come into your life. The most unexpected, wonderful gifts I never could have imagined. “I think we’ve earned it, Grady.”
He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Hey. I’m glad you found them. Callie and Danny.”
“Me too. And I know you’ll find your peace, Grady,” I tell him. Christmas is a time for miracles, and no one deserves an angel more than Grady.
He nods. “I think I already did.”