Chapter 16 #2
She leaned forward in her chair, her free hand curled into a fist where it rested on the table.
“To do what, exactly? At best, they would have had what, four minutes? And that’s if nothing slowed you down.
Like checking in before being allowed back into camp.
And relaying the information to whoever was in charge.
Did you even know where to find your batch-siblings? Comms were jammed. Right?”
It was obvious. Wasn’t it? “We could have warned them somehow. Made sure they got clear of the blast area.”
“How far would they have had to run? If you’d gotten back, cleared the perimeter, and somehow made contact. What would have been the minimum safe distance?”
Her questions made him angry, and he didn’t understand why. While he glared at Tix, Xaber answered her question.
“Based on the damage we saw afterward? At least a klick from the edge of camp.”
“And could any of you have run that far in less than two minutes? Because that’s about how long you’d have to get clear.”
“We could have done something!” Mace snapped.
“If you’d made it back to the camp, the only thing you could have done was die there with your batch-sisters.”
He wanted her to be wrong. The more he thought about it, the harder it was to argue.
Even though he and Xaber had both agreed that things would have been different if they’d found a way to get back to camp.
Except they’d never talked about why they hadn’t accomplished that.
Had his brother been blaming himself all this time?
“You both feel guilty because you weren’t there when it happened. Right?”
He nodded. So did Xaber.
Tix gave them both an understanding smile. “That’s called survivor’s guilt.”
Xaber grunted and banged the table with his fist. “I hate that you might be right about this.”
“I am right. You told me that both of you have scars on your psyche because of everything you survived. You made it. They didn’t. You’ve been alone, the two of you against the galaxy, ever since.”
She covered Xaber’s fist with her free hand. “You’ve never talked to anyone else about this. Have you? You don’t even interact with other cyborgs much. You keep to yourselves because you don’t trust anyone else to have your back.”
“We trust you,” Mace said. And it was the truth.
Her eyes glimmered, and her smile faltered for a second.
“Thank you. I’m honored to have your trust. Truly.
I wish I could help you both with this, but I don’t think I can.
My scars come from different experiences.
I know about survivor’s guilt because that’s something Javid, one of my fathers, had to deal with. ”
“You’re saying we need to talk to someone else about this instead of you?” Xaber asked defensively.
“Not instead of. I’m here, and I will listen and do what I can to help.
” Tix scowled and chewed on her lip for a minute before speaking again.
“You said the cyborgs at the Nova Club formed a resistance movement. That they came together as a family. Do you think that helped them heal? Being together like that?”
Mace nodded with ponderous slowness, weighing every word she said. “Maybe. But we don’t know them. They can’t help us.”
“It doesn’t have to be them. It just…I don’t know, you need another perspective. Someone who went through the same things. The rest, we can work out together.” Tix uttered a sharp, brittle laugh. “I could probably use some help to work through my own shit.”
“Talking goes both ways, you know. We can listen too,” Mace said. It occurred to him that as much as they’d talked over the last while, they still didn’t know much about Tix’s life before she’d arrived at the station.
Xaber’s expression was somewhere between solemn and stormy, but he gave Tix’s hand a squeeze before withdrawing it. “Thank you. I’m going to need some time to think about everything you just said.”
“Take all the time you need. Remember something, though. If you’d died back then, we wouldn’t be here now. Being with you is one of the best things to ever happen to me.”
Tix swallowed hard, and a wave of emotions crossed her face too fast for him to categorize. “I’m tough. I think I would have done okay on my own. But everything is better now because I don’t have to do that. I’m not alone anymore.”
Mace was on his feet before he knew what he intended to do. Without a word, he came around to her side of the table, wrapped his arms around her, and gave her a hug.
Xaber leaned in and threw an arm around her too, and the three of them stayed that way until the mood in the room returned to something like normal.
When they untangled themselves, Xaber raised his mug to his lips and drained it. Then he declared, “I propose a new rule. No deep emotional conversations until after we’re fully caffeinated.”
“Agreed!” Tix said.
The laughter healed them almost as much as the hug.
After that, they rose, cleared the table, and started on the tasks of the day.
“I’m headed to the engine room to finish those calibrations. If everything looks good, this ship will be ready to fly again soon. Two, maybe three days.”
“You’re that close to finishing up?” Xaber asked.
“I think so.”
He exchanged a look with Xaber. Time had flown by too quickly.
Xaber nodded but kept his smile in place as he turned to Tix. “Then it’s time we check the message boards and start looking for work.”
“We should talk to Flek and let him know we’re back in business,” Mace said.
“Don’t agree to anything too far away until we’ve done a shakedown cruise to make sure everything is working.”
She kissed them both and then headed to the engine room. They watched her go before turning and making for the main hatchway.
If the ship was almost ready to fly, they had some decisions to make.
Having Tix on board while they didn’t need to fly away was one thing, but they hadn’t really talked about what came next.
“Brother. We need to talk,” he sent over their link.
“For the record, that is never a good way to open a conversation. Especially when you have that look on your face,” Xaber sent back.
“I look this way because I’m not happy.”
“No shit. That was a rough conversation over breakfast. How are you feeling about it?”
“Like our little temptress hit me upside the head with a deck plate. But that’s not the problem.”
A brief pause followed, but Xaber didn’t slow down. They would have this conversation while they organized a delivery of food for the galley, arranged for the extra repair parts Tix had suggested, and then had a chat with Flek.
“I know what you mean. Once the repairs are finished, things are going to change.”
“They are. And I don’t want that to happen. She belongs with us.”
Xaber put his hand on Mace’s shoulder, the contact somewhere between a slap and a squeeze. “She does. Any ideas on how we keep our sexy mechanic on the ship and in our lives?”
Mace relaxed a little. They hadn’t talked about this before. Which, now he thought about it, seemed to be a habit they would need to break. Avoiding hard conversations wasn’t working.
“I think we need to make it official,” Mace said.
Xaber’s head snapped around to stare at him, and he stopped walking so fast Mace left him a pace behind. He was so stunned by the statement that he spoke the next bit out loud.
“Huh? Make what official? We’ve only known her for two fraxxing weeks. I mean, I care about Tix a lot. Hells, I probably love her, and I know you do, you big sop. But marriage?”
“Of course I love her. We wouldn’t be having this conversation if I didn’t. But I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way. And, no, I didn’t mean marriage.”
He had to admit the idea was appealing. He could see that happening at some point in the future, but they needed to take other steps first.
“I meant we should make her role official. You called her our mechanic. Why don’t we ask her if she wants the title permanently?
We’ve learned a lot over the last while, but there’s no way we can keep the True flying on our own.
We need an engineer, or a mechanic, or whatever title she wants, on board. ”
Xaber nodded. “You’re right.”
“We need her. I think she needs us, too. Now, we have to figure out how to make this happen.”