34. Kinsley
34
KINSLEY
“ I ’ve never been to a drive-in before.”
I twist my body in the passenger seat to face Nash. He’s staring straight ahead at the black screen a few rows of cars ahead of us with one hand gripping the top of the steering wheel, even though we’ve been parked for the past ten minutes.
“Are you serious ?” I ask in disbelief. “How in the world have you never been to a drive-in before? They’re so much fun.”
Nash shrugs and flicks his eyes to mine. “I mean, don’t people just come here to hook up?”
“You mean people like you ,” I shoot back with an amused grin. “Then yes, you’re correct. But some of us enjoy coming here to actually watch a movie.”
Nash rolls his tongue in his cheek. “That was a cheap shot and you know it, little devil.”
I shrug and lean back in the seat, getting comfortable. I know I promised Nash he could choose the movie, but he was too busy the past week to give me a final answer on what to watch, so I made the decision for us.
The movie I chose is a rom-com; although, I can’t remember the title. I know it has Harry and Sally in it, but the full name eludes me.
Either way, Nash wasn’t the least bit impressed when I told him what the movie was about on the drive over here. I know he was contemplating turning the car around and not going at all until I reminded him of the importance of this night out.
If he hadn’t fucked up, then we wouldn’t be in this situation.
“Try and tell me I’m wrong,” I challenge with a raised brow.
Nash huffs and drops his hand into his lap. “I’ll tell you you’re annoying, which you are .”
“And you’re still an asshole.”
He gazes at me, his green eye hidden in the shadow cast over his face. The contrasting darkness makes the icy blue iris more vibrant and intense. “Keep running that mouth of yours, little devil, and I’ll find something to shove down your throat to keep you quiet.”
I’m unable to find a witty comeback in response to his crude remark because I believe every word that came out of his mouth. Nash Beck is a man of his word and although I’m curious to see if he would make good on his threat, a drive-in isn’t the place for it.
Open wide for me, Kinnie. You’re such a good girl .
I squeeze my eyes shut, his voice echoing in my mind.
Fuck . Not now. This is not the time.
To keep the panic from spreading through my body, I close my mouth and stare ahead as the movie starts rolling on the big screen.
I feel Nash’s eyes on me throughout the opening credits, but I don’t pay him any mind. Thankfully, I asked Nash grab me some popcorn from the food stand when we arrived, so I have something to distract me instead of glancing over at him.
But of course, I’m not that strong.
Every now and then, my gaze sweeps over to Nash who is surprisingly watching the movie. His head rests against his propped-up arm on the door handle and his right leg bounces absentmindedly as he stares straight ahead. My eyes roam over the black long-sleeved shirt rolled up to his elbows and the black ink peeking out from beneath the fabric. I allow myself to properly look at his tattoos, noticing the most random designs. I spot images related to music, animals drawn in crazy forms, and even some flowers.
But one particular design etched between two other tattoos above the crease in his elbow stands out to me. I squint ever so slightly, wondering if the flower I’m looking at is a?—
“Like what you see, little devil?”
My eyes snap up to meet Nash’s. An amused smirk turns up the side of his lips, and I want nothing more than to slap it off his face but also kiss him at the same time. “I was just looking at your tattoos.”
His mismatched eyes gaze down at the ink embedded into his skin. I wonder if he ever gets tired of looking at the art on his body every day. “Which one?”
I swallow softly and point to the purple flower shaded beautifully. It’s so realistic I’m convinced I could pluck it off his arm and hold it in front of my eyes. “Is that a Wisteria?”
Nash drags his lip ring between his teeth, staring at the tattoo. “Yeah.”
“Is it new?”
“Yeah.”
“How new?”
“Seven days. Since the last day I saw you.”
“Did you get it because I said Wisteria is my favorite plant?”
“Yeah.”
Oh, my fucking God.
I inhale a sharp breath, unable to speak. Despite the air conditioning blowing out a cool breeze, my skin is hot to the touch and my lungs begin to burn.
What the hell do I even say to that?
I have no words. None.
“Why?” is all I manage to choke out, breathing heavily.
Nash lifts a shoulder and tears his eyes away from the tattoo to meet mine. “I don’t know.” He licks his lips slowly, almost seductively. “I was drunk when I went into the shop after our last meeting with our managers. The guy asked me what I wanted done and the first thing I thought of was you. Something about you and that damn story about the stupid plant stuck with me enough that it was the first design that came to mind. So, I got it.”
All I can do is stare at him in awe. Awe that I was at the forefront of his mind. Awe that he would get a tattoo related to me. And awe that my childhood story stuck with him enough he would get it permanently inked into his skin—forever a reminder of me when we’re only in a temporary situation.
I can’t believe this man.
“I, uh…” My throat is so dry the words come out odd sounding. “I just… don’t understand.”
“I don’t either, little devil.” Nash shifts in the seat, resting his back partially against the side of the door. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing to me, but you’re all I can think about. Whenever I want to have a drink or indulge in the drugs that have been my best companion since I was sixteen, all I hear in the back of my mind is your voice telling me not to do it. That I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. That I need to take care of myself because I only get one chance at life.”
Nash laughs humorlessly and runs a hand through the inky waves falling around his face. “And you want to know the worst part? I’m fucking listening to that voice and I don’t know why. Not all the time, but enough that it’s becoming a problem. And I don’t know what to do.” His eyes meet mine, an intense fire burning behind them as he holds me captive where I sit. “I don’t know what to do about you .”
All the air in the car seems to evaporate with the last of his words. My chest tightens painfully as I stare at Nash, unable to move or say anything.
Again, I’m at a loss of words for this man. How is it that he can be so intimidating and crude one minute, and then say all the right things the next?
It’s a head fuck, really. One that has my world tipping on its axis.
“Nash,” I breathe, my throat dry and scratchy.
He leans forward so suddenly my heart jumps into my throat. A woodsy scent mixed with nicotine consumes my senses as Nash invades my space, his eyes boring into mine.
“What are you doing to me, little devil?”
There is that same question again. What are you doing to me? The question should be: what are you doing to me ?
The internal battle I’ve been fighting since the day I met Nash has been exhausting. The more I get to know him, the more he shows his true colors and the man he truly is. I’m finding it harder to view him as the arrogant, womanizing rockstar who gave me attitude the first night we met.
Now I’m starting to see him as a man who struggles with the demons from his past and has so much potential to be better, to do better, but is also constantly fighting to stay afloat.
The struggle between wanting to keep him at arm’s length to protect my heart by sticking to the guidelines of the contract we signed, and the need to feel the heat from his skin against mine merging with the fire he elicits within my soul is a daily battle.
The more I get to know Nash, the harder it is to stay away.
Realistically, could we make it as a couple? Would Nash be capable of letting me in and allowing me a glimpse of his past?
But then the question becomes: am I capable of letting him in on the details of my past?
If you had asked me ten weeks ago, the answer would be no. The thought alone of Nash knowing the details of my demons would be enough to send me into a panic attack. But now… the idea doesn’t scare me as much because, despite the darkness that consumes us both, if anyone were to understand me and the struggles I face each day, it would be him.
That’s never something I thought I would ever admit, but here I am.
“What are you doing to me?” I breathe, my chest heaving with each sharp inhale. The air in my lungs is cold despite the heat burning across my skin.
Nash’s jaw ticks as he gazes longingly at me. The fire burning in his mismatched eyes reflects the wildfire raging throughout my body, burning for him. Longing for him.
If I wasn’t already suffocating from the lack of air in the car, I would combust from the sheer tension sizzling between us.
Neither of us makes a move as we stare at each other, waiting to see who will make the first move. My body aches to be touched by him. To feel the tips of his fingers glide against my skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. I crave the feel of his lips against mine and the way his crude words send me into a dizzy spell.
I want him .
“You told me we couldn’t keep doing this, little devil, and here you are tempting me as usual. You’re the goddamn Devil on my shoulder whispering in my ear like a siren, making me lose my mind.” Lust coats his voice. He tilts his head to the side slightly, his eyes never leaving mine. “I want to hear you say you want me, but only because you believe the words. Because I want you, Kin. I need you. And I want to hear you beg for me.”
Every fiber of my being is telling me not to say the words because there will be no going back. If I tell him what he wants to hear, everything will change. And although that thought alone scares the shit out of me, I know deep down I can no longer continue pushing this man away and pretending I don’t want him, because I do . So fucking badly it consumes me.
The voices in the back of my mind try to make themselves known, but with Nash’s mismatched eyes bearing down on me, they’re pushed to the depths of my mind, allowing no space for them to try and ruin this moment.
I blow out a shaky breath, not trusting my voice to speak the words on the tip of my tongue. “I want you… Nash.”
He stares at me, blinking slowly as if unable to believe I said the words out loud. The silence makes me wish I could retract the words for fear that maybe he was playing me this whole time and was looking to humiliate me.
What if he doesn’t want me the way I want him?
What if this is just a sick, twisted way for him to reel me in to then toss me aside like a piece of garbage?
What if he?—
Nash steals what little breath I have the moment his lips crash against mine. We meet in an explosion of lust, raw desire, and fucking need. It’s enough to make me feel dizzy, my body growing warm and fuzzy as our lips move feverishly together.
Neither of us care about the other cars around us, the movie long forgotten now, as I crawl across the center console into Nash’s lap. A moan bubbles up from my throat the moment his hands snake around my waist to rest firmly on the curve of my ass, pushing me against his hard length. I fight the urge to rock against his crotch to create some friction to relieve the tension building in my core.
If the paps are watching us from wherever they’re hiding, they’re about to get some good content.
“Nash, we can’t do this here.” I’m breathless, but I’m not so unaware that we can’t do this in public.
Nash ignores my concerns and presses his lips against my neck, sucking and nipping at the skin. I throw my head back, unable to control the breathless moan that slips past my parted lips.
“Stop pushing me away, Kin,” he says against my neck before lifting his eyes to meet mine. The two different colored irises glow in the darkness of the car.
I glance to the right at the car next to us. Unsurprisingly, the man in the front seat isn’t as discreet as he thinks is; it’s obvious he’s been watching us. The flick of his eyes from us to the screen is the dead giveaway. The two women in the car to the left are no different.
At this point, everyone in the drive-in may as well be watching us instead of the movie.
“I’m not pushing you away,” I reply softly, rocking my hips ever-so-slightly. The movement is enough to make Nash groan deeply into my neck as he holds me close to his chest. “But having public sex at a drive-in could get us both thrown into jail.”
Nash leans back to look at me, his eyes hauntingly dark. “You have my head so messed up the thought of that happening doesn’t sound that bad. At this point, I’m willing to burn this goddamn earth to the fucking ground if you so much as asked me, little devil.”
Again, I’m at a loss for words. No man has ever said anything like that to me with that much conviction in their voice. And I know he means it, too.
My skin is feverish and my vision blurry as I stare at the man before me, taking in every one of his features. Nash is so devastatingly handsome that sometimes I wonder if he’s real. But I know he is. His hard cock pressing against my core is enough of an indicator.
Before I can lose my nerve, I climb off Nash’s lap and settle into the passenger seat. He opens his mouth to protest but quickly snaps it shut when I reach over and run my fingertips along the waistband of his jeans. As my fingers work the zip down slowly, I feel his eyes burning holes in my skin, his breathing shallow.
“What are you doing?” he rasps, sending a shiver down my spine.
I don’t answer him. Instead, I shove open the fly on his jeans and trace my fingers along the waistband of his black briefs. His skin is what I imagine it would feel like to touch molten lava.
He’s trying to control his breathing, waiting to see what I’m going to do, but I know Nash. He wants to control the situation, except for once… I’m the one in control.
Nash’s breathing turns erratic when I pull down the front of his briefs enough to free his hard cock. It springs to life, the veins wrapped around the shaft thick and throbbing. Each head of the barbell stares back at me, reminding me how much I love the feel of them inside of me. The size of him still shocks me and I’m not sure if it’s something I’ll ever get used to.
I run my hand down the front of his shirt, teasing my fingers along the fabric until I reach the base of his cock. When our eyes meet—his wild and intense—I can’t help but smile sweetly. “Eyes forward, Beck.”
Nash rolls his tongue inside his cheek, regarding me long and hard for a moment. He wants to fight back, but can’t bring himself to do it. Or he just doesn’t want to. Pure curiosity, perhaps.
Either way, he settles back in the seat, his arm resting on the door handle, and casts his eyes straight ahead at the movie.
I pop my head up and glance at the cars on either side. Thankfully, they must assume the show is over because no one is watching us.
Thank God .
Without his intense eyes watching me, I lower myself down until I know I’m out of view of prying eyes. Settling uncomfortably against the center console, I wrap my hand around the base of his cock. A hiss slips past Nash’s lips, but his eyes don’t stray from the big screen.
In the darkness of the night, I pray to God no one sees what I’m about to do. I’m in way over my head, but that’s nothing new when I’m with Nash.
Somehow, he manages to bring out a side to me I never knew existed.
Giving the lead singer of Dark Angel head at a drive-in seems to be part of that hidden side to me.
The moment I wrap my mouth around the head, the silver barbells pressing against my skin, Nash hisses again, his right hand balling into a fist on his thigh. I use his reaction as encouragement to take more of him. He glides down my throat easily. The invasion of his length in my throat is a lot to take, but I just focus on the groans falling from his lips to take my mind off it.
Nash stretches his long legs out as he sinks into the seat, groaning once more. “Fucking hell, Kin.”
I pull back, dragging my tongue across the hot, sensitive skin until I’m back at the throbbing head. While my mouth works the top half of him, licking, sucking, and teasing, focusing on the barbells, my hand works the base, pumping him slowly.
The combination is enough to make Nash throw his head back and hiss, “ Fuck .”
His reactions don’t help the dampness of my panties or the fact I want nothing more than to replace my mouth with my pussy, but I know I can’t.
This will have to do. For now.
I continue at this pace, my mouth growing sore as I suck and tease him. I fight through the pain, wanting to please him. But this mustn’t be enough for Nash. He allowed me to have my fun for a moment, but now it seems he wants to take the reins.
His large hand wraps around my neck, pushing my face down to the hilt. Thank God my gag reflex is almost non-existent because that rough movement would make anyone gag. It doesn’t stop the saliva pooling at the corners of my mouth or the tears forming in the corner of my eyes while he controls my movements. His hips lift slightly to match the pace, allowing himself to slide deeper down my throat.
“That’s it,” Nash groans lowly, his breathing heavy as his movements grow sloppy. “You take me so fucking well, little devil, almost as if I were fucking made for you.”
I grip his thigh for support as he continues to fuck my mouth, pushing himself closer and closer to his release. His hand tangles in my hair, tugging on the roots roughly as he guides my head up and down his cock.
My core is throbbing at this point. I fear I may come without Nash even touching me.
That would be a first .
I manage to sneak a glance at Nash through my lashes, who is no longer watching the movie. His eyes are focused on where our bodies are connected, almost as if he were fixated on the sight.
When our eyes clash, he quickens his pace, his cock hitting the back of my throat in quick succession. I fight the urge to gag, instead focusing on the sounds he’s making.
“Touch yourself, Kin. Now.”
I don’t think twice before I pop open the button on my denim shorts, slide the zip down, and shove my hand down the front of my black lace underwear. My pussy is soaked and throbbing. I need something to relieve the pressure before I lose my goddamn mind.
The moment my fingers graze my clit, I cry out around Nash’s cock. He hisses in response and uses his free hand to trace my lips as he slides in and out of my mouth.
“That’s it, little devil. Touch yourself,” Nash says gruffly. “I want to hear what you sound like coming with your mouth filled with my cock.”
My clit throbs painfully as I circle it, searching for that release I need so badly. I wish it were Nash’s fingers doing this, touching and teasing me, but I guess this will have to do.
My fingers are soaked as I work my clit roughly, flicking and teasing as Nash continues to guide my head down his cock mercilessly. I can’t seem to focus on one thing because there is too much happening at once. Between Nash fucking my mouth and me circling my clit so hard I’m about to start seeing stars, I’m surprised I haven’t passed out yet.
Everything about this moment is intense and thrilling, and so insanely hot.
I cry out as the pressure begins to build rapidly in my core and Nash’s pace quickens, gripping my hair tighter. His movements grow sloppy while mine quicken, chasing the release that’s on the tip of my fingertips.
If someone were to see me now, they would see my hair a mess around Nash’s fist and saliva dripping from the corner of my mouth. Stars dance across my vision from the lack of air I’m getting and the pressure building in my core, ready to explode at any second. My lungs are on fire from the lack of oxygen in them, but I don’t stop.
Nash groans, throwing his head as he continues to pump into me. He’s gasping for air as he climbs to his release, and I’m not too far behind. My head feels heavy and my vision begins to blur as a tidal wave crashes over me, forcing Nash’s name from my throat in a muffled cry, just like he wanted.
Nash’s hips jerk forward one last time before he comes in my mouth, hot and thick. I can barely breathe, but somehow manage to swallow every last drop, not wanting it to seep out between my parted lips and onto his very expensive car seats.
I’m finally graced with air as Nash pulls out of me. My mouth is sore and my head fuzzy, but I don’t care. That was the most intense sexual encounter I’ve ever experienced and it blew my goddamn mind. I had no idea giving head could be that sensual and passionate. Or maybe it’s because it was with Nash.
“Holy fuck, little devil,” Nash says, breathing heavily. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
I pull myself into an upright position, my elbows and stomach sore from leaning over the plastic console, and gaze over at Nash. His cheeks are flushed red and the curls falling over his eyes are slightly damp with sweat, and yet somehow, he’s the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on.
I had no idea a man like Nash Beck could exist, and somehow, he’s sitting right there, staring at me with so much longing and adoration it makes my heart squeeze painfully.
You’re too broken, Kin. He’s never going to love you .
I swallow hard, ignoring the demon’s harsh words echoing in the back of my mind. They have the worst fucking timing.
Nash leans across the console and presses his lips against mine in a delicate kiss, taking me by surprise. He pulls back enough to meet my gaze, an emotion swirling in them I can’t quite make out through the haze in my mind.
A slow grin turns his lips up in a smile. “I guess we’re no different than the people who come here just to hook up, right?”
I laugh and shove him by the shoulders. “Just shut up and watch the movie.”
“What’s left of it anyway,” he comments, amusement soaking his tone.
As we settle into a comfortable silence, having straightened ourselves up, self-doubt creeps into the back of my mind, fuelling the demon's harsh whispers. They grow louder with each second, making it harder to block them out.
What if I’m not good enough for Nash?
What if he says at the end of our contract this was just a little fun for him and I mean nothing to him?
My heart clenches painfully in my chest at the thought, and I fight to keep from grimacing.
No man will ever love you like I do, Kinnie. No man will ever want you because they’ll know you belong to me.
Nash reaches over to rest his hand on my thigh, his fingers splayed out. I focus on my breathing and the warm sensation spreading throughout my chest.
I will not let that asshole get the best of me. If I allow him space in my head, he will consume my mind, my body, and my life again. I can’t let that happen.
I exhale a long, low breath and rest my hand over Nash’s warm one. Somehow, the simple touch eases the storm brewing in my mind and quietens the demons enough for me to think straight. My heart softens when I meet Nash’s eyes from across the dark space.
Even though the future for us is unclear, I take solace in this moment right now. If everything were to go to shit at any point, I could look back on this moment and know I was truly happy.
And that’s something I haven’t felt since I was twelve years old.