36. Kinsley
36
KINSLEY
Present—1989.
F or the first time in I don’t know how long, I have time in my schedule to sit at the wooden table I bought when I first moved in. I can finally sit on the patio and enjoy a goddamn cup of tea without having to answer to anyone. The June heat still lingers in the air, my skin coated in a light sheen of sweat. Wrapping my arm around my knees pulled to my chest, I hold the steaming mug of tea in the other hand and smile.
I have never felt so peaceful watching the sun setting low on the horizon with dark storm clouds brewing in the distance. The sky is a masterpiece of orange and pink hues Picasso would be proud of.
If I had the ability to take photos with my eyes and commit them to memory, I would snap this moment in time to keep with me forever.
I lean back on the wooden chair and sip the hot peppermint tea. After a long day of modeling shoots, I managed to sneak away early to enjoy some much-needed me-time at home. With everything that has been going on lately with Nash, I needed some time to just sit in silence and not think about anything.
Nash .
God, he’s all I’ve been able to think about this past week since the drive-in. Those mismatched eyes invade my every waking thought, and I smell his woodsy cologne no matter where I am. He’s been ingrained in my mind, pushing the demons to the side.
Being able to think clearly for the first time in years is exciting, yet overwhelming too.
I exhale slowly, grateful for the silence. In the back of my mind, I can’t help but wonder if my mother will barge into my home and harass me about not having booked another audition.
If Nash’s mother were still alive, would she be this overbearing with him or would she have taken a step back and let him do his thing?
I wish I knew more about her. He never answered my question at the award show about her, and I haven’t brought up the topic again since we agreed our parents were off-limits.
But I can’t help but wonder about her and what she would be like if she were still alive. Would she be supportive of her son? Would she allow him to stand in the spotlight while she stood back and watched him shine with a smile on her face?
I guess I’ll never know. Besides, I don’t want to bring her up again to avoid upsetting Nash, considering how well things are going between us. The last thing I want to do is ruin that. But if he were to ever mention her himself, I would listen with open ears.
The more I know about Nash’s past and his family, the more I can understand what he was like as a child.
But if I learn about his childhood, I would need to share mine as well. The thought alone is terrifying.
My thoughts are interrupted by my phone’s ringtone blasting across the backyard, scaring the birds in the trees at the edge of the yard.
Sighing, I look over at the device and wish I had left it inside. I could always ignore the call, but then it would eat at me for the rest of the night, wondering if it was important or not.
With a huff, I place the mug on the table beside me and lift the device to my ear. “Hello?”
“Kin, it’s me.” I smile at the sound of Sadie’s cheerful voice. “I was just calling to check in with you and make sure you’re all good after the scandal.”
Thinking back to the drive-in with Nash, images of us together in his car make my cheeks flare with heat. I don’t know what the hell is going on between us, but I can’t seem to keep him at arm’s length like I know I should. He told me not to fall in love with him the first night we met and I fear I’m not doing a very good job at keeping my word.
I clear my throat, ignoring how fast my heart is racing in my chest. “Ye-yeah, everything is good. Nash and I went out to a drive-in last week, making sure to get our photos taken. Ever since then, it seems the scandal has been forgotten about.”
“Yeah, I read the statements both agencies released about the photos of Nash with that woman. It seems they’re going for the crazy fan route.”
“It’s probably for the best,” I say. I hadn’t expected them to spin the story that way, but I’m grateful for it because now everyone seems to have dismissed the images and is no longer talking about them. This is good for our deal, but now it has me worried other Dark Angel fans might try to do the same thing. “Either way, it’s done with now and we can focus on moving forward. We’re only halfway through the deal, so we need to continue to make the relationship appear believable.”
Sadie is quiet for a moment before she asks, “Are you happy, Kin? Like, really happy?”
I ponder her question for a beat. Am I happy? When I’m with Nash, that is an easy question to answer.
Yes, I am happy.
But when I’m alone with my thoughts, I still struggle with the demons of my past and have to constantly fend them off enough to get through the day unscathed.
Whenever I’m with Nash… I forget about the demons altogether. And that’s never happened to me before. I’ve always been aware of them lurking in the shadows, but somehow, his presence is enough for them to cower in fear long enough that I don’t think about them.
In all my years of casually dating, a man has never been able to do that to me.
So, what is it about Nash that makes him different and sets him apart from the rest? I’m still trying to figure that one out. But I do know I’m happy.
I smile. “Believe it or not, yeah, I am happy. For the first time in a long time, it feels like nothing bad can touch me. Like I’m invincible. I just hope that feeling doesn’t go away any time soon.”
“I’m so glad to hear that,” Sadie squeals. Nothing but joy coats her words, and it makes me smile. “Continue to ride the high, okay? You deserve it. I also want to hear all the juicy details about you and Nash.”
I playfully roll my eyes and hug my knees closer to my chest. “I promise I’ll tell you once I know what the hell is going on myself.”
Sadie chuckles, the sound soft and airy as it floats down the line. “Deal. Don’t keep me waiting too long, okay? I fear I may explode if I have to wait any longer.”
Now I’m laughing at her dramatics. Before I get the chance to answer, Sadie tells me she has to run to get dinner with a work friend, but we promise to catch up again soon for drinks with Matt.
After the call ends, I barely take a sip of my lukewarm tea before my phone rings again. With a huff, I answer it. “Hello?”
“Kinsley, I have some good news I want to share with you.”
I lower my legs to the ground at the sound of Adam’s voice. “About what?”
“Well,” he begins, “I know you said you wanted to take a short break after the last project before I started booking your auditions, but something landed on my desk this afternoon that I couldn’t pass up.”
With a frown, I tilt my head as I watch a flock of birds fly by. The storm clouds are approaching fast, consuming the painting the sky had created. “What are you talking about, Adam?”
I hear the excitement in his voice as he speaks. It’s easy to picture him behind his desk bouncing in his chair like a giddy child on Christmas morning. “Well, I received an invite from the production team you worked with years ago when you starred in your first television show Schoolyard Quest, expressing their desire to get you back for a reunion special they want to film. How exciting is that?”
In a split second, the good mood I felt moments ago, thinking life couldn’t get any better, disappears. In the blink of an eye, I’m left feeling numb where I sit.
Just when I thought I had put some distance between me and my demons, they are now right on my fucking heels, threatening to drag me to the depths of the darkness they came from.
Of course, I was never truly safe from him . It was just a matter of time until he caught me after running for so long. And now he has me right where he wants me.