Chapter 11 #2
It was hard to reconcile his feelings for her, which were more complicated than any he’d experienced before.
And let’s face it, he thought, he wasn’t the most touchy-feely of men.
He preferred to be in his dark office, with three computer monitors running different codes and algorithms to actually trying to decipher what his emotions meant.
But he couldn’t stop thinking about Scarlet.
He’d cut back on some of his client meetings to stay closer to her as she transitioned from the first trimester into the second.
He hadn’t told his parents about the baby yet because Scarlet wanted to wait.
In fact, he’d mentioned it just to Mo because his twin was the only one he trusted to keep it quiet.
Not that Bianca or his other brothers would intentionally spill the news.
But he wasn’t sure he was ready for anyone else to know about the baby.
Right now it was their little secret. Just between him and Scarlet and the few people they trusted.
If he told his parents, his dad was going to ask what their plans were.
Were they going to get married or live together?
His mom... She was always pressuring his brothers and him to settle down, so she’d push hard for him to make this permanent.
And he had no idea if that would work.
Her friends still weren’t sure about him.
And while Billie had gone back to New York, Siobahn was still here and had made it clear she still wasn’t certain he was good enough for her friend.
Given that Siobahn was still recovering from her breakup, that made a bit of sense.
She was hiding out while she recovered from her broken heart.
And he was doing everything possible to assure Scarlet and her friends that he was a decent guy.
But he also knew that he was afraid of how he could fit into her life. That if they were a couple he wasn’t going to be able to avoid her high-profile lifestyle.
White lies had always seemed like something that weren’t really harmful.
He thought about the number of times he and Mo had pulled the switch before and they’d never thought about the consequences, but this time it had impacted both of their lives in ways neither of them had anticipated.
He never wanted to put anyone through that again.
He’d hurt Scarlet and Hadley, something he never would have thought he’d do.
He always prided himself on being a gentleman, so it had been difficult to see himself as the bad guy.
“Fair enough. Who’s coming over?” he asked.
“Bianca, Helena, Hadley, Kinley and maybe Ferrin. She and Hunter are driving home tonight. It’s the start of the term break.” Lulu was curled up on Scarlet’s lap but then jumped down and trotted across the room to her chair, where Scarlet kept a cashmere blanket for her.
“Sounds like fun. Are the kids coming?”
“No. Derek is babysitting,” Scarlet said.
Alec chuckled at the thought. The onetime most eligible bachelor and notorious playboy had certainly changed a lot since he’d married Bianca. Alec liked the change for his sister’s sake. She’d been burned badly once by love so it was nice to see her so happy now.
“Do you need me to do anything before I leave?” Alec asked.
“I think lending me your housekeeper to cook meals for us and to keep me company is enough,” Scarlet said.
He shifted out from under her legs and leaned over to kiss her. As always when he touched her, he felt the tingling of desire burning through him. “If you need me, text me.”
“I will,” she promised, touching his jaw with her finger. “I’ll be fine.”
“Good.”
“Bye, Siobahn,” he said, as he straightened and walked out of the room.
She waved in his direction but didn’t take her eyes off the notepad on her lap. Scarlet had explained that her friend was busy writing lyrics for a new album. Scarlet thought it was an improvement over partying every night so Siobahn could forget her ex.
“See you later,” Scarlet said.
He nodded, not sure he could trust his voice. Because for the first time he had someone he wanted to come home to. It should have been nothing, really. This was a normal, everyday thing for people everywhere but for him it was different.
He drove to the clubhouse thinking about the future and realizing that he was starting to see himself with Scarlet. That the idea of having a family was no longer something foreign that made him feel like an impostor. And he wasn’t sure what that meant.
Scarlet stood in the doorway of the family room watching Siobahn laugh with Helena and it made her smile.
Of course she hadn’t intended to get pregnant but it had led her to something that she never knew existed.
It wasn’t just this Texas town. It was a lifestyle she’d never realized she’d actually like.
As good as it had been for her, she could see Cole’s Hill working its magic on Siobahn, too.
Her friend was recovering from her heartbreak in a healthy way and Scarlet had to wonder if it would have helped Tara to be in a place like this, too.
For once her sister’s voice was quiet in the back of her mind and she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.
One of the hardest parts about losing someone she loved was trying to hold on to that person.
Trying not to let the memories fade. Her therapist had said she should just accept whatever felt right, but a part of her didn’t want to ever let go of Tara.
“Hey, you okay?” Bianca said, coming up next to her.
“Yes. How about you? Your due date is getting close, isn’t it?” Scarlet asked.
Bianca’s stomach was large on her small frame and though she smiled easily, there were moments when Scarlet thought she noticed fatigue in her new friend. “Not soon enough.”
“I’m not sure what I’m going to do when I get to that stage,” Scarlet admitted.
“I don’t want to alarm you but I haven’t seen my feet in weeks and they are constantly swollen. Last night Derek had to help me get out of bed to go to the bathroom. I’m just so big now,” Bianca said. “I don’t remember being this big with Benito.”
Scarlet felt panic rising in the back of her throat as Bianca talked about her late-stage pregnancy. She felt a little queasy and started to see spots dancing in front of her eyes. Damn. She was going to pass out if she wasn’t careful.
“I have to sit down.”
Bianca’s eyes widened, and she put her arm around Scarlet, leading her to one of the armchairs. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said any of that.”
Bianca used her foot to push a small footstool over toward Scarlet. “Prop your feet on here. I’m going to get you a damp towel for your neck. Put your head back and breath. I’m so sorry.”
“You okay?” Hadley asked, coming over to Scarlet.
“Yes. Just not adjusting to the Texas heat as well as I’d hoped,” Scarlet said, seizing on the weather as an excuse.
“I was going to get her a damp towel,” Bianca said.
“I’ll get it, Bia. You stay here.”
Scarlet closed her eyes and put her head back. She had been so busy thinking about what she should do once the baby was born she hadn’t even considered the actual birth. Damn. She wasn’t sure she could do it. Frankly, what Bianca had described wasn’t something she wanted to experience...ever.
“I really shouldn’t have said anything. I’m so miserable that I didn’t even think... God, someone gag me. I just can’t stop talking,” Bianca said.
Scarlet had to laugh at that. She reached over to squeeze Bianca’s hand. “It’s okay. I mean I’d rather hear the truth than think it’s going to be some dreamy perfect feeling.”
“Me, too. The first time... Well, Jose wasn’t around, and it was much harder on my own,” Bianca said. She sat down in the chair next to Scarlet.
“I hope you don’t mind but Alec did tell me the reason why,” Scarlet said.
“I don’t mind. I mean, at the time I was horrified. I had that big, televised wedding... I’m sure you know what that’s like. Everyone saw it and I was really embarrassed by how fake it had become.”
Scarlet definitely got that. “I try really hard to think of all my social media stuff as a job. When I film, I think of it as getting dressed up for the day. I’m still me but I’m playing a part.
Then when I’m home I’m the real me... But if I had a wedding like yours, it would have been hard.
I loved it, by the way. My sister and I watched the entire thing. It was a gorgeous wedding.”
“Thank you,” Bianca said. “I had hoped to transition into doing more lifestyle modeling after it, you know, a prettied up version of my real life, focusing on being a new mother and all of that, but with my marriage breaking down and the baby, it just never happened.”
“I’m working with Kinley and Helena to do some subscription wedding boxes.
.. Would you be interested in sponsoring a month?
You would be perfect for a fairy-tale wedding planning one and then maybe you could keep it real by talking about living in the actual world after all that fantasy,” Scarlet said.
Hadley came back and handed Scarlet a glass of water and the damp towel, which she placed on the back of her neck. “I love the wedding box idea. I hope it’s ready before I get much further into planning mine. Do you have one for dealing with moms who want to take over the entire thing?”
Bianca and Scarlet both laughed at that. Hadley’s mom was definitely having a moment with two engaged daughters and enjoying planning both of them.
“Not yet,” Scarlet admitted. “We will have to do one.”
She continued talking to the other women and started to feel sort of normal again, but in the back of her mind was the reminder that no matter how much she was enjoying her time in Cole’s Hill, it was just a short interlude before she was going to have to return to her real life.
Bianca’s comments tonight had made her realize she needed to make a decision about Alec, so she could start figuring out the pregnancy and childbirth part.
She liked his family and his hometown. So, if they weren’t going to be together, the thought of asking him to raise their child was becoming harder because each time she pictured that future she imagined herself with him.
And she wasn’t sure that she’d fit in. Right now when she was out of control and adrift it was easier to think of letting Alec raise their baby alone, but she had started to change and she only wished she could trust herself and believe that she could be a good mother.
But had she ever been good enough at anything except scandal?