Chapter Thirteen
Oakley was not the type who kicked himself, but the next day at the office, as he stared at Rachel’s empty desk, that’s what he did, over and over.
How could he have let things go so far? The first time they’d been dancing and living in the moment.
She’d been in a sexy dress. They’d gotten carried away.
He had none of those excuses for last night.
While every step of the way had been mutual, confirmed by asking her consent, he’d let his desires overrule his common sense.
He had to be strictly professional from now on. He was treading on dangerous ground.
He was already way too deep. He’d built a nursery in the office, for goodness’ sake! He picked up one of Allie’s toys and set it back in the playpen.
Oakley sat at his desk and wiggled in his chair to get comfortable, which was hard to do as he kept staring at the couch where he’d had the best sex of his life.
It had been transcendent, everything he’d hoped for.
He’d dreamed of finding such a woman, and she’d been right in front of him all along.
But doubts remained, planted by his brother, who’d warned him to avoid doing the very thing Oakley had done.
And what did he do next? He felt as awkward as a gangly teen on his first date who had no clue how to lean in and kiss the girl.
What would Rachel be thinking? Did she have regrets?
Should he have stopped them from falling into bed like he’d promised her in Dallas?
When Rachel had started working from home, they’d established a ritual of having coffee every morning.
He logged onto his computer and brought up the video conferencing program and clicked their chat link.
He found her in the virtual space, but her microphone was off, and so was her video feed.
He had both of his on. She’d see him and unmute soon.
The ceramic mug emblazoned with his company logo was warm in his hand but did little to calm the chill traveling through him. Let everything be normal, he prayed. Then the screen flickered, and she came into focus. “Good morning,” he said. “How’d you sleep?”
“Fine. You?”
“Like a log.” They were both lying, and they knew it.
“That’s great. I heard back from Augustus in response to the email I sent two days ago…”
So this is how she wanted to handle things, by ignoring them.
Fine—he could do that. But he found his mind wandering as their meeting progressed.
His computer monitor did nothing to keep him from remembering the softness of her skin, or the way her lips had felt under his, or the way she’d tasted on his tongue.
Twice he had to ask her to repeat herself before he managed to buckle down and concentrate.
When she put Allie on her lap, his mind lost focus again, especially when the baby saw him and began babbling dada dada.
He’d crossed a line by letting himself care for both of them.
He’d been what she’d said she didn’t want: unethical and unprofessional.
When she lifted Allie’s hand and waved it at him, a tremor of regret ran through him.
“We should probably talk about last night,” he said.
Whatever bright light had been in her eyes dimmed. “Okay,” she said.
“We’ve…well… I…” He faltered. “We clearly have a chemistry between us,” he told her. “But…”
“Let me put Allie in her playpen.” Her chair remained empty on the monitor until she returned and her face came into view.
“Okay,” Rachel said, her expression now unreadable.
When she didn’t say anything else, it was clear she was going to make him start.
Whatever he said, it would have huge implications.
He felt damned if he did, damned if he didn’t.
“I can’t deny I’m attracted to you,” he began, already sensing he was on shaky ground, especially as they both knew another but was coming.
Perhaps he should have asked her thoughts first. Was she in love with him?
Could she be? Did they want to try to date and have a relationship? Should he bring that up?
“We work together…” He faltered again. He’d just made the error of starting the conversation from the position of her boss, and suddenly he was like a runaway train, unable to stop. “Despite an obvious attraction and a mind-blowing night, we work together.”
“Yes, I know.” Her tone was clipped and tight, her face a cold mask. For a man who had built a thriving business, he was blowing this.
“I promise to be strictly professional from now on. I’d also understand if you choose to quit. If you do, I’ll pay your salary until you find an equal or better job. I’ll also give you a glowing reference.”
“Really? I see. That’s generous. How kind of you.”
Oakley could see he’d stunned her and not in a good way. She glanced away from the video. He willed her to look at him, but she didn’t. He didn’t want her to quit—he wanted her to choose him.
He could tell he’d blown this. But before he could ask about her true feelings, she swiveled back to the camera but didn’t raise her eyes to look at him. “Is there anything else? I think I hear Allie.”
There were tons of things he wanted to say.
He’d messed up. But he worried if they kept talking, he might ruin things even more.
He needed to retrench and think. Figure out what to say.
“We can talk later. Go get her. She’s your priority.
” Since the video ended as she exited the call, he wasn’t certain if she’d heard him.
He yanked a hand through his hair before banging his fist against the table. Several pens rattled inside the holder. He exhaled a curse word. Why had he told her she could quit? He rubbed his fingers against his temples. Somehow he had to salvage things. But for the first time, he had no idea how.
* * *
Hours later, as night fell, Rachel lifted Allie from her playpen.
She clutched her daughter tightly. “You’re the one great thing in my life,” she whispered before putting Allie into her crib.
She sat on the edge of her bed as her daughter fell asleep.
“What am I going to do now?” she asked the universe.
She’d had the worst day ever. She’d say she’d done her job like a robot, except for the tears that had threatened over and over.
She’d been grateful she’d been able to communicate with Oakley via email and nothing else.
Seeing him would break her heart more. She couldn’t keep doing this.
Not when it was clear he didn’t return her feelings.
She reached for her phone and texted Jenny and told her she wanted to talk. Within two seconds, Jenny called her.
“You never contact me this late with something so cryptic unless something’s wrong. What happened?”
Rachel nibbled her lip and couldn’t bring herself to admit that she’d botched things up by sleeping with her boss.
“Oh, honey.” Jenny’s sympathy and understanding radiated across the distance. “Your silence says it all. It’s bad, isn’t it? It’s only seven. I’m on my way.”
Jenny arrived twenty minutes later with two pints of ice cream from Emerald Ridge’s local creamery. She passed a plastic spoon and the Rocky Road flavor to Rachel. “Unless you want vanilla bean?”
“No.” Rachel removed the lid, set it on the coffee table and dug her spoon inside the chocolate, marshmallow and nut-flavored ice cream. She tucked her legs underneath her as she ate a few bites. “You know Rocky Road is my favorite.”
“Which is why I got it for you. What’s going on, Rachel? Talk to me.”
“Last night I had sex with Oakley. In his office, on the couch.” The words poured forth, including the rest of what had happened, and ending with his severance offer. “Jenny, I ruined everything.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” her friend soothed.
“It is.” She swallowed a lump in her throat. “I’m falling in love with him, but he has no feelings for me.” As the reality set in, she started crying.
“Are you sure? Have you asked him?” Jenny put the lid back on her ice cream. She handed Rachel a napkin, which she used to dab her eyes.
“I can’t. It would be too painful if he says no. A girl has to have her pride.”
Jenny tried to be the voice of reason. “You can quit, Rachel. I’ll help you find another job. In fact, go to the office tomorrow and collect your things. I’ll watch Allie for you while you give your notice.”
“I loved this job.” The tears flowed again. “Everyone was so nice.”
“I’ll find you one better,” Jenny vowed. She reached for both ice cream pints and put them in the freezer. “It’s going to be okay, Rachel. I promise. Bring Allie to the house first thing. I’ll work from home tomorrow.”
“Thank you. You’re a good friend.” Rachel threw herself into the other woman’s arms. “I messed up. Maybe ruined your business.”
“No, you didn’t, and I’m always your friend first, Rachel. And whatever you decide, I’m on your side, okay? Oakley’s a great guy. Find out how he feels. Talk to him.”
“Why do I feel like I’m about to lose everything again?” Rachel moaned.
“You won’t. But at least you will know where you stand. Maybe he’ll declare his undying love, and you’ll ride off into the sunset together.”
Rachel’s heart leaped at the thought, but she tamped the overwhelming emotions down. She was an adult. A mother. She could do hard things and had proven that over and over again. This would be yet another example. Princes didn’t fall in love with girls like her. They simply fell into bed.
* * *
The next morning, Rachel was already at her desk when Oakley arrived. “Good morning,” he said as he came through the door.
“Good morning,” she replied, and when she shifted, he noticed the small cardboard box she’d set under her desk. She was leaving.
As panic clawed him, his gaze scanned her face and tried to read the expression she’d schooled into neutral. She rose to her feet, revealing she’d worn far more casual clothes than she usually did. She’d made a decision. She was quitting, and there was nothing he could do to stop her.
“I’ve placed your agenda on your desk, filed the papers that needed filing and set things up for the day.”
“Thank you. Rachel, are you sure you want this?” His arms folded over his chest and immediately recognizing the defensive gesture, he loosened his limbs. “I know I need to apologize for yesterday morning, and that if I seemed too abrupt or…”
“It’s fine,” she said hurriedly, her eagerness to leave making him freeze as she reached to retrieve the box.
“It’s fine, Oakley. Let’s be honest. It needed to be said.
We can’t keep going on like this, so I’ve decided to accept your severance offer.
Jenny and I discussed it last night. In fact, she’s watching Allie for me today while I collect my things. She’ll find me a new position.”
“I see.” He didn’t move, although he wanted to gather her in his arms and convince her to stay.
He felt the corner of his cheek twitch as he tried to keep the emotions in check.
Part of him wanted to argue, another part ached to beg for forgiveness and ask her to stay.
He felt torn in two, as if someone had taken dull scissors to his heart and chopped with abandon, caring little for how much it hurt.
She was so beautiful. He wanted her to be his completely, in all aspects.
“At least now, if we’re not working together, we won’t have to worry about avoiding our physical attraction,” he said.
As her face whitened, he realized he’d said the wrong thing again.
He winced. In business, he was Mr. Cool and Collected.
He made deals with a flick of his wrist. But he couldn’t get the correct words out with Rachel to save his life.
She picked up the box, which he saw was already loaded, the photo of Allie on the top. His heart shattered.
“Oakley, I’m grateful you gave me this opportunity. I won’t regret what we shared. But we can’t continue, and you and I know that. As you said once, I’m worth more.”
He blanched as he realized she thought he was only interested in her physically. “Rachel, I…”
She already had her hand on the door. Oakley reached for her arm but let his fall.
He didn’t have the right to touch her. She’d made up her mind.
How many times had his ex-wife done this, and he’d tried to make things work?
He couldn’t fix this. He had to let Rachel go.
He might love her—damn right he did. Why did that realization come too late?
But loving someone meant respecting their decisions.
Oakley knew he’d been selfish in the past. He’d been so determined to fix his marriage that he’d kept convincing his ex to stay even though she’d wanted to leave.
While it didn’t excuse her cheating, he’d been wrong to pressure her.
He’d wanted the idea of marriage so greatly that he’d been trying to make things work even when he knew they weren’t.
He couldn’t fall back into the same old patterns. He’d chased Rachel once. He’d violated their agreement by making love to her. And saying he loved her now would come across as a manipulation. He wouldn’t be that man ever again. He couldn’t be.
She had the door to the hall open. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out,” he said hoarsely. “I’ll get in touch with Jenny and work out the details.”
She gave a nod and dipped her head. “It’s been nice knowing you.”
Before he could react, the door had already closed.