19. Avery
AVERY
PLAYLIST: TRUST – SOPHIE LOWE
When I open my eyes, bright sunlight streams in, warming my skin even through the window.
I let my head fall to the side.
Shaw lies next to me on her side, still peacefully asleep, one hand still on my chest
She held me.
A stitch in my chest.
I feel so horrible about everything.
And yet, I am here.
I look at her for another moment, then I get up. I roll away carefully from underneath her and go find a bathroom.
On my way there, my eyes fall onto the living room with the horrible scent of whiskey swamping over me.
Another stitch in my chest.
The last time I drowned my feelings in whiskey was after—
So many emotions.
I see her service weapon lying on the sideboard.
I walk over to it.
She trusted me enough to leave it there.
After all the lying and deflecting, she trusted me with it.
I take it in my hand.
Goosebumps spread over my arms.
Because I hold a piece of her trust in my hand. Trust I don’t deserve.
I press it against my chest and feel.
Feel the trust she gave me.
And then I place it back on the sideboard.
Turn.
“Hey there,” she says, leaning against the wall by the double door leading to the living room.
“Hey,” I say, because I am not me right now, and everything feels extraordinarily awkward.
“You put it back,” she says, her eyes flashing to the gun next to me.
“Yeah,” I say. Nothing feels right. Everything is messy and fucked up beyond.
“Why don’t you shower and I make us some breakfast?” she asks, pushes herself off the wall, and walks away into the kitchen, giving me the chance to get some space for myself.
When I return from the bathroom, freshened up and with my messy hair up in a bun, she is standing at the kitchen counter waiting for a coffee to run through the machine.
On the table in front of the counter are two plates. One with an avocado sandwich.
She places a coffee next to it.
“Oatmilk cappuccino,” she says, pointing at the coffee pot for me as she sits down at her own plate with an egg sandwich.
A smile appears on my face.
Of all the things I have in my life, everything I own, everything I can get with a snap op my finger, this right here, the small thing right here, the avocado sandwich with the vegan oatmilk coffee, that is what matters.
It is the moment I feel myself again.
I walk up to her, push her chair around, and step between her legs.
I kiss her.
The way her lips feel.
I want more.
So much more.
I sit, climb onto her lap, not stopping the kiss with our tongues exploring each other, and cup her face.
I roll my hips, unable to contain myself.
Her hands wander around me, trail from my back to my ass, as she guides the movement of my hips.
With her hands.
And her hips.
She gasps out as her hands close around my ass.
The sound of it goes straight into my chest. I let go of her face and throw back my head with my eyes closed to get lost in the sensation.
She kisses my throat and the side of my neck up to my ear.
A shudder runs down my spine, and I grasp her shoulders.
Her hands caress my back, and she slings her arms around me, pulling me close.
She is holding me.
I lean into her touch.
Because she is holding me.
I trust her to hold me.
My fingers loosen from her shoulders and trail over her chest.
I massage her breasts, and there it is again.
The soft moan.
I bring my head back up and lean down to kiss her.
Kiss all the way from her neck down to her chest and lick from between her breasts up until I reach that sweet spot where the collarbone becomes the neck.
There, I bite.
She gasps, followed by a shiver.
I knew it.
“I want to fuck with you,” I whisper in her ear. “I want to feel every inch of your body, see you bend and moan and scream until you don’t know your name anymore.”
I feel the grin appearing on her face.
“Then why don’t you do it?” she asks me challengingly, biting my earlobe.
A devilish smirk tugs a corner of my mouth up as I push myself off her.
I stand in front of her, slowly opening the button to my pants.
I don’t break the gaze into her eyes as I open the zipper.
Pull my shirt up.
Let it drop to the ground.
Open my bra.
Let it fall down, too.
Push down the pants.
Step out and kick them away.
Before I can slide down my thong, she leans in.
Kisses my belly.
Her hands trail from my legs up to my hips, where she pushes down the thong.
She looks up at me as she kisses down to my pubic, and I am officially about to lose my mind.
That look.
And then she kneels.
Digging her face into me, her tongue trailing between my legs to my clit.
Not breaking the gaze into my eyes.
I shiver.
I gasp.
I moan.
As I grasp her head with one hand and lean onto the table with the other.
“Fuck,” I breathe out as she slides back and forth with her tongue.
One hand caresses up my leg, finds my labia, caresses over it, and grabs my pussy.
“Oh my god,” I moan out. I want to close my eyes, but I can’t stop looking into her eyes. I need to see her flickering eyes as she is turned on as much as I am.
I push her head into me.
“Fuck me with your fingers,” I say.
And she does as told.
Her fingers enter me as I am dripping with desire.
She slides them in in the most perfect movement, and a deep moan from the depths of my throat overcomes me.
I need more.
“Harder,” I breathe out, rolling my hips.
And she does as told.
My breath fastens.
A tingling sensation consumes my entire body, with my hands, feet, and face becoming numb.
I take my hand from the table, push her head full force into me as the orgasm builds in me.
“Oh god,” I breathe out.
“I can’t—“
My vision gets blurry.
“I can’t—“
My core pulsates.
My temples tremble.
And then everything becomes so clear as the orgasm rolls through my body.
“Agrrrrm,” I moan out.
I swallow. Freeze. Breathe in so deeply as if I have never had air in my lungs before.
And then the release spreads through me.
I close my eyes.
My head falls back.
Goosebumps spread over my entire body.
And I just feel.
I feel.
I feel so much that tears stream down my face.
Because this here, this is the most amazing thing I have ever felt in my entire life.
With her.
Kneeling in front of me.
Her heat is resting against me as she caresses my leg with her hand.