Chapter 17 LEENA
LEENA
“Rise and shine.”
I open my eyes, a little startled to see Grant in my room. It still looks dark out when I turn to the window. My entire room is shrouded in darkness, making me realize that it's not morning yet.
“Come on, sleeping beauty, it's time to get up.”
“What time is it?” I ask, looking for specifics.
“It's four in the morning,” he says.
I groan, shaking my head and pulling the covers back over myself. “Man, you'd do anything not to have a good night's sleep, wouldn't you?”
Grant chuckles, a hearty sound that fills the room. It's not enough to make me feel any less tired than I already am though.
“Come on, we're getting up early because of you. There's a lot for us to do today and it's time we got started on it.”
It becomes painfully clear to me that nothing I say or do is going to get Grant to leave me alone. After lodging myself under the covers, I finally sit up in bed.
Grant's arms are folded and his head is cocked to the side. He waits for me as I slowly rise to my feet and battle with keeping my balance.
“There we are,” the alpha claps with a smile. “How're you feeling?”
“Like all the energy in the world has been drained out of me,” I confess.
“You'll feel better once we're outside.”
Sleep vanishes from my body. “I'm sorry, what? What do you mean outside?”
“We're going outside,” he repeats, like it's something I'm already supposed to know.
“For yoga or…” I rub my eyes, interrupting my train of thought.
“Nope, we're going outside to have another lesson on how to control your wolf side.”
I feel a pang of guilt in my chest. This exercise is definitely because I lost my cool two nights ago. It's not something Grant and I have talked about since then, but it's clearly something he's thought about to be doing this.
“Hey, this isn't a punishment,” he tells me, like he can sense my thoughts. “I'm just trying to do things that I should have done long ago. You need control and I'm here to help with that, okay?”
I slowly nod. “Alright, let's do it.”
We travel out of the empty house, which has only seen two visitors in the past two days. Molly and Jackson have come and gone, with no obligation to actually live at the house. Although I know Molly won’t stay away for long—neither will the twins.
Grant and I get downstairs, and I can still see the moon in the sky. There isn't much indication that it will be daylight soon, but I already look forward to seeing the sun rising over the horizon.
“One of the perks of being a shifter is your sense of smell,” Grant says, walking towards the woods. I slowly follow behind him, nodding as he gives his lesson. “You've clearly had trouble with that, but it's time to get it under control.”
The reference to how I'd run off because I thought I smelled gunpowder isn't lost on me. Still, I can't make any arguments, so I just nod along.
“How do I control it exactly?” I ask.
“By trying to be distinct about what you smell. Everything has a scent, even if you think it doesn't. You can smell much more than you realize, but there's a tendency for things to overwhelm you, and that's the common problem.”
“Okay…” I note, following everything he has said so far.
“This morning, we're going to do an exercise. I want you to try and find me in the woods.”
“That seems easy en—”
“On smell alone,” he adds. He produces a blindfold from his pocket.
“What?” My voice goes up an octave. “Grant, I can't—”
“You can, I'm sure of it. Now, you just have to prove it to me and yourself.”
Grant takes the blindfold and secures it around my eyes. He makes sure that I can't see through it at all. While he does this, I take a small whiff of him, letting his scent flood my senses.
Once my ability to see has been stolen, I realize that my other senses begin to compensate. The slightest brushes of his skin on mine feel like electricity shooting through me. I even get closer to him, so the accidental touches happen more.
Sadly, Grant finally steps away, but his scent remains, almost like a cloud around me. I keep taking whiffs, in awe of how great he smells.
“Are you ready?” he asks.
“Nope,” I reply.
Grant chuckles a little. “Once you begin to feel like you've lost my scent, I want you to come running. Okay?”
I nod in response. The next thing I hear is the sound of Grant zooming into the woods. I do as I've been told, waiting there, just at the edge of where the trees start. Grant's scent still lingers around me for a while, until it slowly disappears.
Soon, it's almost like I can't tell if it's still there or if I'm imagining it. Eventually, I know for sure that it's gone. My heart gets a sinking feeling, and I realize it's time for my search to begin.
As I enter the woods, the fact that I'm blindfolded becomes an even bigger issue. I can smell everything around me, from the trees to the smallest blades of grass, to the birds that have made this land their home.
I can also smell some small animals running in the distance, and while I'm pulled toward that, my main concern is finding Grant.
I take measured steps through the woods, walking in one direction, hoping that it helps me find Grant. Still, with everything I can smell, there's no hint of Grant's scent. My frustration grows the deeper I move into the woods.
Why can’t I get this right?
I pause for a second before I get too angry to do anything. This time, I take a few deep breaths to reset and then start again. I stand in place, trying to filter through the scents that are being thrown my way.
In the jumble of all of these, I finally find the one I'm looking for. In the darkness, Grant's scent feels like a small golden thread.
I walk in that direction, avoiding the trees and obstacles in front of me using only my senses. Soon, I'm able to jog and even run through the forest without hitting anything, while still pursuing Grant.
This golden thread gets thicker and thicker, until it becomes like a rope that pulls me through the woods. I happily let it pull me in, dragging me through the forest with ease.
I can do this!
I gain more confidence the further I go, feeling this tug as my nose sniffs the air. Soon, it’s almost as if my nose has nothing to do with it. The tug pulls me further and further until I finally hear Grant’s steps.
“I've got you now.”
I pick up the pace, running as fast as I can. Grant is clearly not running at full speed because I catch up to him easily. Once I'm close enough, I launch myself off the ground, tackling Grant to the moist earth, and straddling him as he lies there.
I take off the blindfold triumphantly. “Yes! I did it! I—”
My eyes lock with Grant's, and it feels like my heart is going to burst from my chest. A very strong tightness grips me, and the look on Grant's face shows me that I'm not alone.
Eventually, release comes, and it feels like I'm finally breathing normally for the first time in my life.
Grant and I stare at each other for several moments, unsure of what just happened. “I found you,” I eventually say.
He smiles at me, a gesture that almost turns my body to butter on a hot pan. “Yes, you did,” Grant says.
I move off of him, letting Grant stand up. He dusts himself off, properly cleaning up. “I'm proud of you, that was faster than I thought it would be.”
I want to bring up the fact that smell was only one of the things I used to find him, but I'm not sure how to explain what had happened.
“What’s the next lesson?” I ask.
Signs of morning begin to creep up. The sky doesn't have its dark blue and gray tint anymore. Instead, it brightens up minute by minute.
“We've still got some time before the sun comes up,” Grant announces. “Let's go on a hike.”
“A hike is what brought me into this mess,” I joke.
“Last time you were alone,” Grant chuckles. “This time, it's you and me together.”
Something about the way he says it is all the reassurance I need. I follow him and we begin our excursion.
Grant points at the highest point on the land, a hilly area that rises just above the trees. To his credit, it looks like a wonderful hiking spot.
We walk, despite the fact that both of us were running minutes ago. “Do you ever feel like your wolf side is way too strong to hold back?” he suddenly asks.
I don't even have to think before responding. “Yes. It's almost like I can't control her,” I remark. “I can tell there's something brewing inside me, and there's nothing I can do when it's time for that thing to bubble to the surface.”
“It's different for you shifters who got turned because you've lived a whole other life before this,” he explains. “For us, while there's a wolf side, it's not prominent.”
“So you can control it more?” I inquire.
“Yes and no. There's little to control because we're the same being. I'm in tune with this side, so all my reactions are mine, does that make sense?”
“I guess so. Nothing is trying to come to the surface for you.”
Grant nods. “That's right. You'll need to stop thinking about the other side of you as something separate and imagine that you're the same being.
The more you get these new abilities under control, like your sense of smell and your raw strength, the easier it will be to accept that you're one entity.”
I've never thought about it like that.
We continue up the trail that leads to the hills. Grant shows no signs of fatigue, just happily moving along. I can't believe how much I'm learning from him already.
“How do I stop my eyes from changing like that?” I ask. That's one of the major things that's been bugging me.
“That's one of the easiest things to do,” he states. “Try to change it often, controlling it. It's like working out and having muscle memory. Instead of it changing with your emotions, it'll change when you want it to.”
“It can't be that easy.”
Grant lets out a laugh before stopping. He turns to me, making me face him. Watch my eyes,” he says.
I obey the instruction and stare into his eyes. As I wait to hear what comes next, I slowly feel myself slipping away, falling far into the pools in his face.
He stares at me with a compassion that I'm not used to. The feeling is new and scary at the same time.
Slowly, Grant begins to lean in, bringing his lips closer to mine. Anticipation builds up in my chest like an air bubble.
It only releases when Grant finally kisses me. All my senses fire at once, nearly sending my brain into overdrive. The kiss knocks me out of my mind as pleasure fills my body.
My hands move to his face, and I pull him in deeper, letting my tongue travel into his mouth. Grant snakes his hand around my waist, bringing me closer to him and deepening our affection.
Breathing becomes a thing of the past as we try to consume each other. No kiss we've shared has felt this intimate or real. Everything about this kiss is perfect, like our lives have been leading up to it.
We finally find a way to separate, and it's only then that I notice the sun above the trees. It looks more beautiful than it has ever been. Everything around me does.
There's a look on Grant's face that I can't quite read. It's like a mix between surprise and happiness. Something is going on that I can't really explain, but it looks like Grant is just as confused as I am.
“I think we should get back,” he says thickly.
I nod in agreement, and we walk back to the pack house, not saying much along the way. Inside, we part, and I rush to my room to take a shower so that I can feel refreshed.
My body continues to tingle, not letting up after what I'd definitely considered the most amazing kiss I’d ever had. Even as I let the water in the bathroom run over me, I keep imagining if another kiss with Grant will feel the same.
I get out of the shower and throw on some casual clothes before heading out to make breakfast. Just before I can go downstairs, I hear Grant's voice coming from the office beside me.
What's he doing there so early?
I barely move to the door when I begin to hear bits of the conversation. My hearing is still heightened from earlier, and even though I don't mean to eavesdrop, I end up hearing everything Grant says.
“I just need more information,” he says. “You've got the experience. Tell me what it feels like when the mate bond is established.”
There's silence as I assume the person on the other line is responding. At this point, I almost press myself against the door, curious about why Grant is suddenly interested in a mate bond.
“That's… that's exactly what I felt this morning,” Grant confirms. “That means Leena is my—”
He doesn't even complete his sentence before I realize what he's talking about. The blood in my body grows cold with the realization. I feel myself starting to panic as I try to make sense of the situation.
We're fated mates? Everything I felt today, everything I've felt since we met… is it because of this?
The conversation happening in the office stops, and I realize why. Grant knows I'm here. He's sensed me. I don't bother trying to run and hide as he opens the door.
“Leena,” he starts, but I cut him off.
“What does this mean?” I ask. “Everything I feel for you—it's because of this bond?”
“No, that's not how it works.”
“Then how does it work? Because I'm starting to feel trapped, like I don't have a choice. I want to fall for you because I'm falling for you, not because of a bond. I want control.”
“You still have that,” he tries to explain. “The bond doesn't mean that you have to be with me or have no choice in anything. Fated mates still have a choice in what they want to do.”
I shake my head vehemently. “How can someone feel the way I feel and decide not to stay? I don't have a choice.”
“You do,” he insists. “You still get to choose what you want.”
I feel my eyes beginning to water, but I do my best to try to keep my feelings in check. My emotions continue to run wild, though, so much that I can barely control them.
“I already feel like I'm losing control of who I am, and now I've lost even more control. I—I can't do this right now.”
I turn around and run.
“Leena! Leena, wait!” Grant chases after me, trying to reason with me, but we're far beyond that now. I run out of the house as he keeps following closely behind. “Just wait, let's talk about this,” he offers.
“There's nothing more to say,” I respond, letting the tears flow. I make a beeline for the woods, pausing just in front of the tree line and doing the last thing I ever expected to do.
I start to transform.