7. Sebastian #2
“Really?” She sounds so skeptical, I want to be offended. But after seeing Exhibits A through Z of male desperation, she has reason not to believe me.
“Look, if we’re exchanging flirty texts and she asks, I’m not opposed to it. I don’t send that shit to strange women, and I never will.”
“Good to know,” she replies. “So now what are you going to do about it?”
I pause and think. “Did you report the users? We have that function.”
She lets out a world-weary sigh that leaves me afraid of what’s coming.
“Firstly, I shouldn’t have to have my eyes assaulted.
I’d like better filters so I don’t have to see that stuff to report it.
Secondly, I reported all of it, and several of the text exchanges came back as ‘not violating the terms of the app.’ What the hell are the terms, then? ”
My stomach sinks. We outsourced that service and some of it is automated, so the system isn’t doing a good job of recognizing what our terms define as “mutual respect” and “harassment.” Fuck.
“And also,” she continues before I can respond, “some of them I’ve reported before, and they pop back in with new usernames.”
“I can’t control everything,” I say half-heartedly, but I know it’s a terrible excuse.
“Well, do better then. Look, you guys marketed this as a way to foster local connections. So now the creeps sending me their junk or calling me a bitch are not only in the same city, but they know what neighborhood I’m in.
They might be around the corner. I’m not a techie, and I’m not here to tell you how to do your job, but since you asked for my input, here it is.
Figure out how to improve the situation. ”
My mind is reeling, but she has a point. I’ve asked her to be active on the app regularly and promote it, and that shouldn’t mean she has to put up with predators and assholes. No one should have to deal with this as an unwanted side effect of genuinely trying to find the One.
“I’ll talk to Seth tomorrow. We’ll go through our automated reporting system and figure out how to improve things.”
There’s a pause, then she asks, “Do you want to get together and discuss it? We could brainstorm.”
After our last encounter, I assumed she wouldn’t be up to seeing me in person for a long time.
I snuck out at dawn, and she pretended to be asleep.
How much more awkward could we be? Still, she’s put a lot of trust in me today, and we’ve always enjoyed getting together.
“Why don’t you send me an email with some dates and we’ll go from there. ”
After we say our goodbyes, I sit down to think before reaching out to Seth.
He’s not going to like this, neither the extra work nor the grossness of these so-called men, a term I use loosely since clearly many of these guys have not matured since middle school.
Instead of writing the email, I scroll through my message threads, wondering where I sit on the Predator-to-Respectful Guy You Bring Home to Your Parents continuum.
I’ve always prided myself on being open and honest about what I want.
I learned as a teenager that girls liked me but that I had to be careful not to mislead anyone into thinking I was boyfriend material.
The women I’ve been with as an adult haven’t complained.
At least not to me, although I’m now realizing I’ve set a pretty low bar for myself if no outright complaints is a point in my favor.
So I’m good, right? I open my laptop to email Seth and stare at the screen, thinking about those nasty messages.
I don’t lash out when women aren’t interested, but have I ever come on too strong, made women uncomfortable, or suggested a physical relationship when they were just trying to have a conversation?
A memory flashes into my mind, a photo that a university friend showed me of my name on a bathroom stall wall at one of the campus bars.
“For a good time, call Sebastian R” surrounded by hearts.
It was a boost to my twenty-year-old ego.
Underneath, someone had written “Total man whore. Hook up at your own risk.” I laughed at the time, was even flattered to be seen as somewhat scandalous, but now I realize it wasn’t funny after all.
Mr. Six Reel (with transcript)
Mr. Six appears in his cap wearing a black T-shirt.
“Hey everyone! It’s Mr. Six again, and today I’m going to talk about rejection.
Ouch. It stings. I’ve been dating since I was a wee lad of fifteen, so that’s, well, a lot of years.
And while I’ve been fairly successful over the years, I’ve had my share of rejections, some of them painful.
I don’t calculate the yes to no ratio of my efforts on this app, but let’s just say I’ve had a lot of women ignore my messages or decline straight away.
And you know what? That’s okay. They’re not the right person for me and vice versa.
The point of the app is to find the right people, which means weeding out the wrong ones.
“Back when I was a kid, they used to tell us to persevere, be like that guy in the movie who keeps asking, but that’s BS. A no is a no. Maybe she doesn’t like your vibe, maybe she’s having a bad week, or maybe she met the love of her life yesterday. It’s not your business.
“I’m saying this as someone affiliated with the app, but also as a guy who gets rejected as often as he gets an enthusiastic yes. Harassing someone who rejected you isn’t a good look. Not everyone’s going to love you or even like you, and the people who don’t are not the right fit.
“Maybe assess your approach if it happens a lot, because starting messages to strangers with ‘Hey baby girl’ probably isn’t your best move. There’s someone else for you.
“Let’s keep this app safe and happy for everyone.”
Comments:
YES. Thanks for saying that. The number of dudes who can’t take no for an answer is disturbing.
Sad that this has to be said, but glad you’re saying it. Can you do something about the pics though? My dude, we do not want this from a stranger. Please no.
But what if you just KNOW you’re the right fit and she’s missing out? What then? No stupid reel is gonna tell me not to slap back.
Reply from Single In The Six Official to above:
Nope. No means no. If it’s meant to be, wait for the universe to reunite you. Single In The Six encourages users to report anyone who won’t take no for an answer.