12. Ashley #3
I lean in anyway and kiss him lightly. He waits a beat, then responds, our kiss deepening as our mouths open.
It’s familiar and right, even though I know it’s not a wise course of action.
The alarm bells keep ringing, but I ignore them, reaching out and pulling him closer, my body suddenly filled with need.
“Ashley.” He pauses, leans away. “You’ve been drinking and you’re vulnerable. I won’t take advantage of you.”
I shake my head. “I had two cocktails hours ago.” The tipsy feeling I had with Clint seems like a lifetime ago.
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, his curls unruly. “It’s been a rough night, and you’re emotional. I don’t want to be that guy.”
“You’re not that guy,” I say into his mouth. Despite his words, he’s running his hands up and down my back, nuzzling me with his forehead. “Do you want this?’
“I always want you,” he replies. Before I can question what he means by that, he adds, “But—”
“Make me feel good, Sebastian.” Need rises up in me, the desire to cover everything that happened, the shadow of that terrible man’s hands and mouth on me, with something beautiful and different and mine.
“I want to feel something other than what I felt before. It doesn’t have to mean anything tomorrow. ”
It’s a lie. I can’t imagine how it won’t mean anything given how we’re still dancing around what happened before, but it’s a lie we both want to believe.
He pulls back and stares into my eyes. “Okay, if you’re sure.”
I wait for him to take charge and make the move, to show me he’s really fine with this, and he does.
He pulls off his hoodie, leans in, and takes my lips.
It’s hot and full of electricity. I shake off my robe so I’m just in a thin tank top and shorts as he pins me onto the couch, moving his lips up and down my neck, his hips against me.
The anxious thoughts firing through my brain non-stop for the past few hours start to slow down, and I let my mind stop spinning and my body take over.
With Sebastian it feels natural, and despite the complexities of our relationship, I trust him.
I can let him take care of me like he’s been doing all night.
Sebastian’s breath hisses when I pull at his shirt, then run my hands through his gorgeous dark curls. He’s a beautiful man. Even when we were solidly in the friends and nothing more category, he was worth admiring, and from this close vantage point, I can’t help but find him gorgeous.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” I whisper, suddenly worried that I’m pressuring him to cross his boundaries.
He gives me a lopsided grin. God, he’s such a cocky bastard, and I both love and hate it. “You asked me to make you feel good. Let me.”
I let him take over, and wow, it’s overwhelming. All the thoughts spinning in my head since the bar—the self-recrimination and anger and powerlessness—are replaced with physical need and desire. The heat radiates off me like the sun.
We end up all over the place—the couch, the floor, eventually my bed. I thought I’d never be able to sleep after Clint, that I’d be seeing his face contorted in anger every time I closed my eyes tonight. But by the time Sebastian and I have worn each other out, I’ve banished Clint from my mind.
I’ve never been a person who cuddles in my sleep. I usually throw on my eye mask and retreat to my side of the bed after any action is over. Tonight, however, Sebastian feels like a weighted blanket making me safe and protected, and I drift off to the sound of his even breaths.
Miss Midtown Reel (with transcript)
Miss Midtown appears looking subdued, her face lined with stress.
“Hello viewers and followers and friends. It’s been a rough week, and today I want to discuss something serious: How we keep ourselves safe while online dating.
“The sad truth is that predatory behavior runs rampant on the internet. I know the developers on this app have been working to make it a safer place for users by adding more stringent content rules and updating the user terms, so please, if someone makes you uncomfortable, report it so that person can be removed. But the truth is there’s no real way to know what you’re getting into in the first place.
“Many of us women have safety plans such as sharing location with a friend, meeting in public places, and even having someone come along and hang back to ensure that the person we’re meeting is legit.
Even so, it’s hard. We’re on these platforms because we want to find love, and we can’t do that without being a little vulnerable.
“I, myself, have rules that I usually follow, like not meeting too late at night, and not inviting someone back to my place unless I know and trust them. But you can do everything right and still have bad things happen.
“I want to make it clear that assault is never your fault. Never. It’s a scary world, and I hate that women have to be afraid. I hope you all stay safe, and I hope we’re all working to make this space and every space we’re in safer. Lots of love, friends.”
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