18. Ashley
EIGHTEEN
ASHLEY
Jared and I go on a hike for our second date since the weather has warmed up.
We’ve been texting on and off, but he had a packed schedule, so we haven’t been able to meet in person since last weekend.
I pick him up—he doesn’t have a car, which isn’t unusual in Toronto—and we drive east to the Rouge Valley.
It’s refreshing not to have to wear our winter gear on such a sunny spring day.
“I don’t make it out of my neighborhood too much either,” he admits.
We pause a minute and stop to look over a ridge that gives us a view of the Rouge River below.
The leaves are starting to come out and the beauty of the sun on the horizon makes me stop for a minute.
I take a photo then wonder if I should drag Jared into a selfie with me.
That’s what I’d do with a boyfriend, but something still holds me back from putting him in that category, even if I suspect he’d be up for it.
In the end, I opt not to take a photo with him.
“So, have you been on the Single In The Six app for a long time?” I don’t want to pry exactly, but I’m curious why he’s such a newbie at dating apps. If he’s recently come out of something long term that I should know about, or whatever else might be part of his back story.
“No, I’m new to this whole thing. I’m a little old school.” He hesitates, maybe trying to figure out how much to share. “I haven’t been dating at all in recent years.”
I respond with a non-committal “Oh.”
He sighs, turning away to face the tree line while I take a sip from my water bottle.
“My ex did a number on me, but that’s not the reason why.
For a few years, my grandfather was very sick.
He lived with my parents, but they both work and it was a lot of effort looking after him.
I moved in with them for a while to help with his care, so most of my evenings and weekends were tied up. ”
My heart swells. “That must have been hard.”
“It definitely wasn’t easy. His English was never great, and my Mandarin is awful.
There was a lot of yelling when I couldn’t understand.
It was hard to see him decline, but I’m glad I could be there.
My brother is married with kids, so he wasn’t able to help a lot.
” He takes a breath, looking away. “Anyway, he passed last year and now that I’m back on my own and not tied down, my friends have been pushing me to get back out there. ”
“How’s it been so far?” I ask, not wanting to push but also thinking of Cal and his experience dating after divorce. “My best friend’s boyfriend was new to dating apps, and he found them daunting. Though he’d been off the market for a very long time.”
Jared chuckles. “It’s a lot sometimes. I always met girlfriends through hobbies and stuff.
You’d think having access to hundreds of women in one spot would be amazing, but I get a bit overwhelmed with the constant messages and photos and trying to be funny and sexy but not creepy.
It’s definitely a learning curve. I’ve had a few dates, but at least one was a complete disaster. ”
“Oh, man, you should hear some of my stories,” I say, then wonder if it’s the right thing to do—tell your potential boyfriend about other men you’ve dated.
We let that hang as we resume our hike. I’m glad to know he’s been playing the field a little.
It makes me feel less weird about Sebastian, even though there’s objectively no reason to feel guilty since we aren’t exactly dating.
We enjoy the rest of our time in the valley and afterward, he takes me out to a café to get croissants and hot chocolate.
We chat about our siblings—his brother is a nurse like my sister.
I wonder if our siblings would get along.
I let myself think about a shared future for a brief moment.
Jared gives me half of his almond croissant when I confess it looks better than what I ordered.
He’s a sweetheart, and I feel a little heat in my face when our hands brush. Maybe this could be something.
“I had a nice time,” he tells me when I drop him off.
I’m tempted to ask him over to watch a movie, but his mom needs him to swing by, so we make plans to meet again soon.
He leans over the console, and we have a kiss that starts slow and then he threads his hand behind mine and pulls me in closer.
It’s perfectly nice, even if it doesn’t take my breath away.
He grins at me as we separate. “Let’s do this again soon, Ashley.”
The next day, my friends interrogate me about the date. I told myself not to get excited yet, but I wake up feeling cheerful, so that’s a good sign.
Stevie:
When can we meet him??
I don’t know. I’m playing it cool so far. I don’t want to get my hopes up again.
Or scare him with you two. No offense.
Laurel:
Fair. We are intimidating.
Stevie:
Counterpoint. We need to vet him. Don’t you trust our judgment?
Your advice is usually “Get it, girl” so no.
Laurel:
She’s not wrong.
Stevie:
That’s what I said about Cal, and I was right, wasn’t I?
Laurel:
You were right.
Oh God, she’s not going to start mooning again, is she? I jump in before things go in that direction.
You’ll have to wait. If things go well, of course I’ll introduce you.
Stevie:
Oooh, I have an idea. The other day, Andy was talking about hosting dinner parties like we’re fancy people. Send help. Anyway, it’s the perfect excuse. Bring Jared and tell him you can’t get out of it because your friends are obnoxious.
The obnoxious part is right…
Laurel:
Sounds fun! I’m in. I will rope Cal into coming too.
Okay, fine. I’ll ask Jared.
Stevie:
Let’s shoot for next weekend, then. Our next-door neighbors Anna and Jake will be there too. They seem fun, or at least their kids don’t make me want to claw my eyes out, so that’s an endorsement.
Stevie:
Seriously, they’re nice and invited us to play pickleball with them. Andy is the least coordinated person ever, but Laurel, maybe you and Cal will hit it off with them since you’re sporty.
My mood drops. Now Stevie is helping Laurel make “couple friends”?
Not to mention, being with three couples sounds like torture, even with Jared there.
I like Andy well enough, and I don’t mind being around Cal and Laurel except when they’re undressing each other with their eyes, but I don’t know these other people.
What if this turns into some Bridget Jones thing and Jared and I are the odd ones out?
But I suppose I already agreed, so I sigh inwardly and wait for Jared to weigh in.
Jared agrees to the dinner party right away, which seems promising.
We text a lot over the week, joking around and also getting to know each other.
I almost forget to keep checking my app messages; I should, so my account keeps the traction.
I exchange messages with a few guys out of habit, but they all seem boring.
I’m not disappointed when the threads peter out.
Meanwhile, the dinner party text thread is getting ridiculous.
Laurel and Stevie keep discussing side dishes, and it starts to feel very Stepford Wives as opposed to our usual girls’ time.
I stop reading when Stevie posts about choosing new napkins and Laurel, who has never once cared about table linens, gives a lengthy opinion on the patterns and colors.
This nesting thing is out of control. I send Sebastian a few catty texts about it, then feel guilty for complaining about my best friend.
On Saturday morning, I give myself a pep talk.
I should be grateful my friends care enough to throw together a party to interrogate a potential boyfriend.
Maybe Anna and Jake will be great and we’ll all end up becoming best friends.
Even if we don’t, at least I’ll get to see Jared—he’s been really busy this week.
I try not to read anything into the fact that we’re dating and yet I’m not chomping at the bit to meet up again.
I fake a big smile when I get to the group run and pretend to listen to Stevie talk about some new brussels sprouts recipe. By the end of the run, I’ve managed to say very little, and no one has noticed. Afterward, the crew heads to get coffee, but I hang back when I see a text from Jared.
Jared:
Ashley, I’m so sorry. I can’t make it tonight.
The disappointment splashes over me like a bucket of ice water. Of course, he doesn’t want to come to some stupid party with me. I’ve made things weird. I scramble to figure out how to respond.
Oh, I’m sorry. I understand.
I woke up feeling sick like I’m getting the flu. I don’t want to make anyone sick.
Oh no! I get it. You can meet my friends when you’re feeling better.
My spirit deflates. I get that he’s sick, but it seems too convenient. Maybe he didn’t want to come after all. Even if he really is unwell, it’s frustrating that we keep having setbacks. And now I’m stuck going to this couples’ dinner party alone.
If only the internet could see me now: Miss Midtown, permanent singleton, trying not to cry on Yonge Street after yet another love letdown. I walk toward the coffee shop hoping to grab Stevie before she leaves so I can bail on the whole thing. I catch her at the door and pull her aside.
“So, Jared’s not coming after all.” I thought I was keeping my disappointment in check, but her face morphs immediately into concern, so I hurriedly add, “He’s coming down with something.”
“That’s too bad! We were looking forward to meeting him.” She gives me a pitying look. “Do you want me to invite Jason or Victor so you won’t be alone?”
Her pity turns my stomach to acid. So this is a couples’ thing.
I don’t want to be everyone’s project, and I’m annoyed that she didn’t think to suggest Sebastian, even though I’m closer to him than the guys.
I’m going to be the odd one out while the happy pairs gaze into each other’s eyes and call each other sappy pet names.
At least if Bash is there, we can send each other snarky looks.