13. Sadie
Thirteen
Sadie
I wake up rested for the first time in as long as I can remember.
I realize that I’ve woken up naturally and my alarm didn’t wake me up, I like the feeling.
I lie there for a moment. I feel good. That's the simple version. I feel genuinely good.
I turn my head to the door, which is left open, wondering if the flowers are there? Did he come last night?
Throwing the cover off, I walk to the kitchen and smile.
There they are.
Fresh, they’re a deeper purple violet than yesterday. I’m not sure how many more he’ll leave me. The very first ones he left are still going strong, maybe next time he contacts me, I’ll tell him not to leave me any more flowers as there are too many now.
I lean in close and breathe them in. They smell cool and faintly sweet. My eyes glance over to the counter, and my smile spreads even more.
There’s a coffee beside them, picking it up I take a sip, and put it back down as it’s cold.
How did he know? It’s my order from Grounds, oat milk and sugar.
Next to it, there’s a croissant in paper from the bakery on the corner.
It’s the one I walk past every single morning and have never once gone inside because the prices of that place are crazy and I can’t afford it.
Should I be scared? Probably, but he’s not once tried to hurt me. Maybe this is what he wants, me to break my barrier of trust, and then bang, he hits me with something. I look at the flowers again, and I can’t stop myself from smiling.
Warming up the coffee, I grab the back to my bedroom to get dressed. I look over at my phone when it beeps with a message, but it’s not the phone that gets my attention, it's the object next to it.
A bracelet.
I pick it up, it’s silver, delicate, with a tiny charm hanging from the chain, a violet.
My throat tightens. Again, not with fear, but with something that sits right beside it and feels completely different.
Whoever this is has been paying attention since the beginning. Not just to where I live and what I order, but to the small things. The things you only notice about a person if you're actually looking.
I look at the message on my phone.
Ghost
Good morning, beautiful.
Then I fasten the bracelet, and again I’m smiling at how delicate it looks around my wrist.
My phone beeps again.
Juno
Meet you downstairs in 10 mins.
I quickly get dressed, still wondering who this person is. I wonder if they will give me a clue to who they are. Grabbing my phone again, I send a message back to the unknown number, still seeing all the messages from last night.
Sadie
Thank you for the flowers. And the bracelet is beautiful.
The reply is quick. Was he waiting for my reply?
Ghost.
Not as beautiful as you.
Sadie
Do I get a clue to who you are?
Three dots.
Ghost.
You see me almost every day.
What? I read the message again and again to make sure I’ve read it right.
Every day. Almost every day. That doesn’t narrow it down for me. This campus has hundreds of people I see every day without remembering who they are. Every walk to practice, every morning at Grounds, every afternoon in the library.
Sadie
That doesn't narrow it down. This campus has thousands of people.
Ghost
You notice me.
Sadie.
How do you know I notice you?
The reply takes longer this time. Long enough that I get up and start getting dressed. I grab my phone again when it beeps.
Ghost.
Because I notice you noticing.
So, this person has to be someone at college, as I spend all my time there. Another student? A teacher? Ewww, I hope it’s not a teacher.
The cursor blinks in the reply box, and I have absolutely nothing.
I don’t know what else to ask. I want to meet him, but I have a feeling he won’t agree to it.
Unless there are rules. What those rules are I have no idea.
I’m making this up as I go along right now, but I want to be in the same room as him while I’m awake.
I put my phone in my bag.
I get up and finish getting dressed. I take one last look at the violets, put my alarm on, and go down to meet Juno. I quickly grab my phone out of my bag, and before I can change my mind, I send a text.
Sadie.
Last night was nice, next time you help me I want you in the room with me.
Fuck, did I just write that? My heart is pounding in my chest, what am I doing? I’m finally living my own life, without having to look after my brother, and this is the first time someone is looking at me, and the train wreck behind me. But am I going to risk my life for this stalker?
Ghost.
And what will I be doing in the room?
My breath catches, and I stop mid-step going down the stairs. Heat floods my face as I reread what I wrote. This is crazy, but I don’t want to stop.
My thumbs hover, shaking slightly.
Sadie
I don’t know. Maybe just… watching like you always do. Or maybe more. I don’t know why I said that.
Ghost.
You said it because you meant it. Because last night wasn’t enough for you either. You liked knowing I was listening. You liked coming for me.
I bite my lip hard. He’s right. The memory of his low, distorted voice in my ear, the way he told me exactly what to do, the way I fell apart while he listened. It's been replaying in my head all morning.
I continue down the stairs as I type.
Sadie
This is crazy. You could be dangerous. You probably are dangerous.
Ghost.
I would never hurt you, Sadie. I’d worship you. I’d stand at the foot of your bed and watch you touch yourself until you’re shaking and begging. Then I’d crawl over you, taste every inch you let me have, and make you come so hard you forget your own name.
I stop walking again and squeeze my thighs together, there’s a fresh wave of heat rolling through me. My pulse is hammering in my throat. I’m scared. Actually scared, but the fear feels electric, and addictive.
Sadie
Why did you not wake me last night, when you came to my room?
Ghost.
Because I didn’t want to. You smelled of sex and strawberries. I held your hand, the one you came on. I tasted you on your fingers, and you tasted so good.
A sharp breath escapes me, and I look around to make sure no one hears me. I look at my hand, the fingers which he touched, and I didn’t feel him do any of that.
Ghost.
Keep the bracelet on. I want something of mine to be touching you at all times.
Sadie
It’s pretty. I shouldn’t like this.
Ghost.
But you do. You like being mine. You like knowing I’ll take care of you, watch over you, give you everything you need.
Next time you’re aching and wet and can’t sleep, I won’t just call.
I’ll be right there in the room with you.
Close enough to touch. Close enough to taste how sweet you are when you come.
I press my thighs together tighter; my breathing is uneven. Part of me wants to throw the phone back in my bag and stop this crazy conversation.
Sadie
I’m terrified. I’m shaking, scared, but at the same time I want it. I want you to touch me.
Ghost.
I want you to be happy. If you really want that, I’ll do it to make you happy.
“What are you smiling about? You looked flushed,” Juno says the moment I step outside.
“I ran down the stairs,” I quickly reply and put my phone in my bag.
Juno looks at me for a moment, waiting to see if she can tell if I’m lying or not. She links arms with me, and we make our way to Grounds to meet up with the girls and then go to practice.
But in the back of my mind, I’m wondering if he really means it. Will he come to my room and touch me if I ask him?
Do I want him in my room touching me?
***
I knew this was going to be the conversation this morning. I’m surprised it’s taken them this long. The pool party has been talked about for the last twenty minutes now.
"The white one," Juno says for the third time. She really wants us to all wear the same color bikini. Her reasoning for it is the college needs to know we are a team. My reply to that was, I think everyone knows we're a team they see us every day together.
"You always say the white one," Maya says.
"Because it's always the best one, and we’ll all look amazing in it.” Juno fights with us all. I don’t really care what I wear, I plan on spending most of my time in the pool.
"You said that about the green dress and then you spent the whole night pulling it down," Maya says, which makes me laugh. That was annoying. I was just happy it wasn’t me.
"That was a structural issue, not a style issue. Completely different." Juno turns to me. "Sadie, white bikini or blue one."
"White," I say, without looking up from my coffee.
I can’t be bothered with the argument. Does it really matter what we wear, as long as we have fun? My eyes move to the bracelet around my wrist. I smile wondering if he’s here now. Is he watching me?
"Thank you," Juno says, and I look up at her as I glance around Grounds.
"I'm wearing the black one," Bree says, and before Juno can moan at her that it’s the wrong one, Cara speaks.
"Obviously.”
"What does ‘obviously’ mean?" Bree snaps at her.
"It means it suits you. You have the whole black wardrobe vibe.” Cara points to her now in full black head to toe.
Bree looks at her clothes, laughs and says, "Fair point."
"Do we know who else is going? Because if it's just us and Mason's people that's one energy, but if it's a full party that's different." Maya looks around to see if the Crawford brothers are here, and they’re not. It was the first thing I did when I arrived. I was hoping Miles was in here.
"Mason said bring anyone," I say. "So probably a full party."
"Full party means I need the coverup," Maya tells us, and we all tell her to shut up.
"You look incredible in everything," Juno tells her.
"I know. But…” She stops when my phone starts ringing and I look at it.
The number on the screen makes something tighten in my chest. I push back from the table, telling the girls I have to take this call. "Two minutes."
I rush outside and answer it quickly.
"Hey."
"Hey." Dan's voice is lower than usual, and I already know something is wrong. "You got a minute?"