Chapter 11 #2
Because as he held her in his arms he acknowledged that he wanted her to be by his side for the rest of his life. Inside a part of him that had never been alive before awakened and he realized that he loved her.
Sleeping in here tonight, holding her in his arms, might be something he needed but another part of him knew that if he did that he’d lose all hope of protecting a part of himself that he’d never known was vulnerable before.
Until he came clean with Staci and told her all about Gastrophile.
Until she knew everything about him and he about her he couldn’t let her know how he felt.
He wasn’t completely sure if she’d return his emotions.
As wary as she was of the opposite sex, a big part of him believed she’d never be able to forgive him.
And he had to figure out how to let her know who he really was and convince her that he hadn’t really been lying to her the entire time they’d known each other.
He shoved his newly realized feelings to the back of his mind, knowing that people who made decisions based on anything other than logic often regretted them.
When he left her room he’d call Jack and start the process of revealing who he really was.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked him.
“Cooking,” he said and it was partially true. “I’ve never met anyone like you before.”
“I didn’t want to trust you, Remy, but a part of me can’t help it. Every time I start to think you’re lying to me about something you prove that you aren’t...”
Her words were like a dagger in his heart and he knew if he were a braver man, a stronger man, he’d confess then and there.
But he wasn’t. He’d never seen this particular look in Staci’s eyes before and when she gazed at him with all that trust and devotion, he couldn’t help but want to bask in it.
To want to pretend he was the man she thought he was.
Hell, he thought he was that man. At least, he had been until the show.
“You make me want to be better than I am.”
“You’ve already proven yourself to be a man of honor,” she said, touching his cheek softly and then leaning up to kiss him.
He deepened the kiss trying to show her with actions how much she meant to him and how deeply he cared for her. Even though he knew how he felt for her, the words were far away and hard for him to say.
“Please don’t,” he said at last.
“Don’t what?”
“Make me sound like something I’m not,” he said.
“What do you mean?” she said, pulling away to face him. “What is it that you aren’t?”
He searched for a way to answer her. He knew that he was on shaky ground. “I’m not anything more than who I am.”
“That’s very zen of you,” she said.
He sighed and rubbed his hand over his eyes. “I think I’m a bit tired.”
“I know I am,” she admitted. “What is it that you’re trying to tell me?”
He took her hands in his and lifted each one to his mouth. He kissed the back of her hands and then drew her into his arms and squeezed her close. He didn’t want to see the look in her eye right now because she seemed to see through the subterfuge and to the very heart of him.
“I care about you, ma chère. More than I have any other woman and that frightens me.”
She squeezed him back, dropping a soft kiss on his neck before she glanced up at him.
“I care more for you than I have for any other man. In fact the only one who comes close almost ruined cooking for me. That’s why I’ve been so recalcitrant with you.”
“Recalcitrant? Really?” he asked, focusing on her personality instead of the fact that he might be responsible for doing the same thing to her and her passion for food. If he did ruin cooking for her, he’d never forgive himself.
“Okay fine, I’ve been stubborn and difficult. Alysse would say that’s the only way I know how to be.”
He could easily believe that. Since her nature was just contrary. “I think you’re passionate.”
“Ha. You say that now because I’m lying in your arms but I bet the last two weeks you thought of me differently.”
“You’re right, I did.”
“See? But you’ve won me over. I can’t help myself. I’m tired of fighting the both of us. If you can call us a couple, well, I guess I can, too.”
He hugged her close as she stared up at him and he knew he needed to say something.
Though the only words he had would be lies, so he kissed her and made love with her until the wee hours of the morning when she at last fell asleep and he snuck back to his room.
He didn’t call Jack or talk to anyone about his secret, but he felt like time was running out for him.
And he only hoped he’d done enough to convince Staci that even though he’d been playing at being another man, the one he truly was adored her.
STACI WOKE ALONE AND that seemed to set the tempo for the entire morning.
There was something distant about Remy though he was good to his word and held her hand during the flight take-off and landing.
When they exited the flight and were out of the airport Fatima and Jack met them with two Escalades.
The crew were waiting for them as well and soon they were all miked and had make-up applied.
“Okay, guys, I hope you’re all ready for some fun in The Big Apple,” Fatima said.
“You will be taken to the Time Square Marriott Marquis where you will drop your bags at the desk and have one hour to shop for food that represents the excitement of this trip and how you feel about having made it to the last half of the show.
“You will then have thirty minutes to cook your dish in the Marquis’s convention kitchen. Are you ready
to go?”
“Yes!” Staci shouted along with the other remaining contestants.
They were divided into groups, Remy in a different opposite one than she and then they headed to Times Square.
They had been given directions to a Whole Foods market and sent to buy their ingredients.
Staci tried to get close to Remy but he was in competition mode and she decided she should be, too.
She hadn’t let him influence her this much since the first week of competition and she had decided that for the rest of the competition she would go back to making cooking her priority.
She let the essence and vibe of the city sink into her soul as she walked to the grocery store and back.
When she was in the kitchen and directed to her work station she started preparing her dish in her head.
Going over each step in her mind since she’d only have thirty minutes to actually cook.
Fatima and Jack were there as they were all once again made presentable for the cameras and told to get ready to meet the guest judge.
Staci hoped it was Bobby Flay or someone equally famous.
She couldn’t have been more shocked than when Jean-Luc Renard entered the kitchen.
The guest judge was definitely someone she’d heard of.
She felt all the blood rush from her body and literally felt faint. Oh no, why hadn’t she anticipated this?
Everyone was talking and she quickly raised her hand. “Jack, I need a minute.”
“Cut,” the director yelled.
Everyone was staring at her. She knew there was no graceful way to do what needed to be done. Jack came over to her station but Jean-Luc had already noticed her.
“Ma petite, Staci. Good to see you again,” he said in his slightly accented French.
“You know Chef Renard?” Jack asked.
“Yes. I’m sorry I wasn’t sure if you needed to know that before we started cooking for this challenge,” Staci said.
“Thanks for letting us know. I will talk to the other judges and our producers and get back to you. Everyone please go to the temporary green room,” he said.
They all filed out of the kitchen and Staci was careful not to meet anyone’s eyes, but as they reached the doorway, Remy took her arm and drew her to a halt.
“That’s the man from your past?”
“Yes,” she said.
“Why didn’t you say?” he asked. “I was thinking your ex-lover was some—”
“Why does it matter?”
“Now I understand more what you meant by how he ruined cooking for you. Are you going to be okay cooking for him?”
“Yes,” she said and realized it was true. A few weeks ago her answer might have been different but now all Jean-Luc was to her was an old boyfriend, nothing more. He didn’t have the effect on her that he had previously. “I really am.”
“Good. I’m still going to beat you,” he said gesturing for her to enter the green room.
“I don’t think so, southern man. I’ve got a dish planned that’s going to blow the judges away.”
“That’s all well and good, Staci, but how do you know Chef Renard?” Quinn asked. “Doesn’t seem fair if you have the advantage.”
“I worked under him at his restaurant in Paris almost six years ago. We had a brief fling and I left,” she said.
It was easier for her to talk about the past if she just dealt it out in facts.
No one would know that Jean-Luc had broken her heart when he’d dumped her to start an affair with the new pastry chef.
Or at least, she hoped they wouldn’t. It was hard enough to be on her A-game cooking against Remy—who she definitely had feelings for and knowing she’d be judged by Jean-Luc.
“Well, that’s interesting,” Whit said. “I guess you had more of a surprise than the rest of us when he walked through the door. I didn’t even know who he was.”
“He’s one of the best chefs in the world,” Staci said.
“Figures they’d get someone French. I think the next competition is going to be working in Ramsfeld’s restaurant here,” Christian said. “He’s the only judge with a kitchen here. And his new menu is French cuisine inspired.”
The door opened before anyone could comment and Jack stood there. “We need to see you, Staci.”
She got up and followed Jack. She hoped they weren’t going to penalize her for this. But really how could she have known that Jean-Luc would be asked to judge. She had noted on her experiences that she’d worked in Paris before opening her own bakery.
“Am I in trouble?” she asked.
“Not at all,” Jack told her. “Chef Renard was a surprise and you couldn’t have anticipated it. Fair enough. The judges just want to talk to you before the Quick Cook.”
She entered a small office where Fatima, Hamilton, Pete and Lorenz all waited. They gestured for her to have a seat.
“We’ve talked to Jean-Luc and he feels that he will not be biased against you in any way. Do you feel as if you could cook for him?” Lorenz asked.
“Yes. I don’t feel as though having him for a judge will influence me one way or the other. It was a shock to see him,” Staci acknowledged. “I just wanted to make sure you all knew that I’d worked for him.”
“You did the right thing,” Fatima said. “We will reveal the fact that you worked for him in a voice-over during the edited version of the show. How long has it been since you’ve seen him?”
“A little over six years,” she said.
“Good. I think we’re ready to get on with the competition,” announced Hamilton. “Unless you have any further concerns, Chef Rowland?”
“I don’t,” Staci said.
“Good,” Hamilton repeated. “Please go back and wait with your peers.”
She nodded and did what he asked her to. The hallway was empty and Staci paused while she was still alone. Her bravado had seen her through this, but a tiny part of her felt betrayed all over again.
It made her appreciate Remy all the more. She was lucky to have him in her life. She stood a little taller as she walked down the hallway determined to put up a dish that made Chef Renard realize what a good cook she was, and possibly regret forcing her out of his kitchen all those years ago.
Her mind was focused on food as she re-entered the temporary green room.
Remy waited just inside the door and took her hand in his, immediately squeezing it.
Instantly she let go of all thoughts of the past instead focused on what was her future.
She didn’t need to cook to prove anything to Jean-Luc, she needed to cook for the joy of it.
Cook for the new life that was waiting for her when this competition ended.