Chapter 25 #2
She heard footsteps approaching and turned to see Finnley a few feet from her.
“We have the tents up.” he started “We just need to pair up who is sleeping with who.”
She glanced around and saw the three tents position up against the rock face and a fire pit being made in the center of them.
“I will stay with Alyra, the rest of you can figure it out.” Kaden said casually.
Her eyes snapped to him and she felt her stomach flutter for the first time in over a century.
“I thought the girls would bunk together?” Finnley said hesitantly.
“Alyra gets nightmares and I’m used to them. I would rather not subject anyone else to handling them and getting her to Bromel is our mission. I will be in charge of her protection.” Kaden’s voice hardened and she watched his face morph back to his stern expression.
Her butterflies instantly disappeared, her realization that he only made his decision based on duty rather than want. She cleared her throat and shifted on her feet.
“Raine knows of my nightmares as well, I know she wouldn’t mind.” she muttered and watched Kaden’s eyes narrow on her. “I am also the only one she really knows and don’t want her to be uncomfortable with strange men.”
She looked away from Kaden’s stare and glanced at Finnley who was glancing between both of them.
“Whatever you say princess.” Kaden said through gritted teeth and walked off towards the tents, Finnley following behind.
A groan escaped her throat and she clenched her fists at her side. It was like an emotional whiplash between them and she needed to do something to get her mind off it.
Without saying a word she maneuvered around the horses and started into the woods nearby. She didn’t intend to go far, but found her mind so jumbled that by the time she stopped, she couldn’t hear or see the rest of the group.
She found a small open area among the tree roots and sat on the ground with her legs crossed. She hadn’t been out in nature since the one time Kaden took her, and she felt she needed to connect again with it.
She closed her eyes and let her hands dig into the ground, the dirt engulfing her hands.
“Af óeins nafni, kalla ek á móeur til ae naerea logann ljóssins og vernda saklausa heimsins.(By Odin's name, I call upon mother to nurture the flame of light and protect the innocents of the world)” She chanted to herself.
She felt a small pulse vibrate against her palms, but not enough to chip the wall of her magic.
She took a deep breath, blocking out all sounds around her and delved deep into herself. She could see the wall she had built, a white glow could be seen through its cracks with small amounts of magic trickling out.
“Af óeins nafni, kalla ek á móeur til ae naerea logann ljóssins og vernda saklausa heimsins (By Odin's name, I call upon mother to nurture the flame of light and protect the innocents of the world),” she said louder, her chest rumbling.
This was a common routine she did at home before the war and was severely out of practice. She needed to connect with the earth again, but something was blocking her from fully giving herself to it.
Maybe it was the betrayal of her people, or the betrayal of her own heart and the distrust she felt in everyone. The Ivory Flame fed off of nature, love and life.
Deep down, she felt so unworthy of it, of love, and maybe that was the problem. Maybe the flame didn’t think she was deserving of her power anymore or maybe she just didn’t have the inner strength to fight for it.
The snap of a stick pulled her from her thoughts and she pulled a dagger from her thigh quickly. She turned and threw it, the blade landing in a tree right next to Raine’s head.
She gasped in horror and saw Raine’s eyes widen towards her then at the blade.
“I didn’t mean to scare you.” Raine’s voice was shaking.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, her own body trembling. “It was a reflex.”
“It’s ok.” Raine spoke. “Kaden was looking for you, it’s getting dark and wants us all at camp.”
She just nodded, her hands still shaking as she walked towards the dagger in the tree. Any energy she felt from her attempt to connect to the earth was gone and her heart was racing faster than ever.
Both ladies walked back to camp in silence and when they got to camp, Kaden was barreling towards her.
“You can not go wandering off!” he growled.
“I didn’t go far.” she snapped back.
“My job is to protect you, and I can’t do that if you are wandering in the woods.”
“Don’t worry, I’m well aware how much you care about your job. Seems to be the only thing you care about right now.” She snapped again, her eyes glaring at him.
She saw a flash of confusion in his eyes but she didn’t stick around to see if they changed, her shoulder slamming into him as she walked around him towards the fire.
“There she is.” Finnley said in a friendly tone. “You had us all worried, especially Mr. Tight-ass over there.”
She saw him gesture towards Kaden but she didn’t bother looking in that direction. She just gave a faint smile and sat on the nearest empty log that circled the fire.
“How was your nature walk?” Boone asked casually.
“I almost took Raine’s head off, but that was about it.” she muttered.
“Why did you go out there?” Finnley asked.
“I was trying to get some of my power back.”
“In the woods?” Boone’s eyebrow raised.
“Yeah,” She sighed. “My powers feed off nature, but it seems I'm unworthy of it right now.”
Raine sat beside her and shook her head at her.
“You are not unworthy, my lady, you just need to find yourself again.” Her soft tone was a welcomed change and it helped her calm as she stared at the fire..
“Who’s hungry?” Titus asked near the wagon and all the men jumped to their feet.
There was no way she was hungry at this point and could feel her stomach twist into knots. Stress was taking over her body and the thought of going to bed early was very appealing.
“You should eat.” Raine whispered.
“I’ll be fine,” she replied and stood up.
She intended on walking to her tent, but a familiar arm stretched in front of her to stop her just before she pulled the canvas back, careful not to make contact.
“Eat,” Kaden said softly, his tone throwing her off but she didn’t let it sway her.
“I’ll be fine,” she snapped and pushed his arm away.
He didn’t say anything, his eyes slowly scanning her face with a worried look in his eyes. She knew it wasn’t real, just a trick to her eyes and she ducked her head into the tent without another word.