Chapter 34 #2
“I’m not sure but from the events that have unfolded, it seems logical..” Kaden groaned. “Next time I see him, I will make sure to ask.”
“I can’t trust anyone anymore,” she whispered to herself, seeing a few of them around her flinch at her words.
She needed air, the walls seemed to be closing in and she could feel her power start to simmer. Getting up quickly, she bolted back towards the door and darted out of it.
Panic was taking over and she was able to get a few feet down the side of the house before she started puking. Familiar hands pulled the hair from around her face and held it gently in his hand.
“I slept with him.” she breathed, her body shaking. “I fucking slept with him and he was possibly playing me the entire time.”
Kaden’s free hand rubbed on her back as she threw up again, only a small amount of vile coming up since her stomach was empty.
“How can I help?” he asked calmly and the fight she had in her faded.
He had saved her people, saved her, and just for that she should be grateful.
He handed her a small rag from his pocket and she wiped her mouth before standing up straight, her hand clenching the side of the house.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked quietly.
He let go of her hair and let it fall along her shoulder, the wind moving it every so often.
“I couldn’t,” he mumbled.
“No, you could have but you chose not to,” she hissed, agony forming in her chest again.
“You have to understand-”
“No!” she screamed. “I cried in front of you, I struggled every single day with the thought that my people were dead and you stood there and said nothing!”
She heard movement by the door but didn’t bother to look. The sting of betrayal hit her again, her fight returning and angry tears started to run down her cheeks.
“I wanted to-” He started.
“Obviously not enough.” she hissed
She went to move away from him, his hands grabbing at her and gently pushing her against the wall, the first time he hadn’t asked to touch her. His hands cupped her face and she tried to pull away, the feeling of his skin setting her body on fire in a way she didn’t want to feel at this moment.
“Look at me.” He pleaded, his hand pressing her face gently and she finally met his gaze.
“I spent a century looking for you, tracking down any lead I could and felt helpless. I never stopped. Then you show up randomly with Silas, who I already didn’t like and I almost lost my shit right there in that throne room.
” His voice was hushed, his eyes fixated on hers and she just stood frozen in front of him.
His hand shook against her cheeks but she didn’t try to pull away from him. She felt that thread pulse again and he stepped closer to her, his body now pressed against her.
“You were in love with him, and I couldn’t risk telling you about your home without putting everyone here in danger. I tried to keep you at arms length in hopes you wouldn't figure it out and give me time to investigate Silas some more.”
Her mind flashed to his demeanor the first few weeks he was there, and his reaction to the morning she had slept with Silas.
“That’s why you were so angry the morning after the ball when you came in and saw we had..” she grabbed at his shirt to try and keep her balance. “You already had the feeling he was up to no good.”
“He showed up after the war claiming to defect from Mavros’s army and wanted to fight for Emris.
I was sceptical but Declan seemed to believe him and we had lost too many men in the war.
He would randomly disappear on missions, or show up unannounced at war meetings when he was supposed to be on duty somewhere else.
Then he would disappear for a week once a year and I couldn’t figure out why. ”
“He was coming to see me,” she mumbled.
“Then when he hurt you, after all you had given to him, it became harder to keep my distance. To throw something so beautiful and precious away was unthinkable to me and I wanted to kill him then. I almost did when I put that blade to his throat.” His thumb brushed her cheek and she leaned into his touch.
“The first night I stayed and you had your nightmare, it was the first time in my life I was genuinely terrified. I didn’t know how to help you and when you woke up in such distress, I decided I couldn’t keep myself distanced from you any longer. ”
Her hands gripped his shirt tighter, all her anger towards him started to melt away and she pulled on that thread in her chest in hope he felt it.
She felt him tense, the thread now pulsing and she tried to figure out what it was. He could feel it too, it was obvious but he didn’t say anything .
“I want to trust you,” she said with quivering lips. “I’m just afraid I will shatter if you hurt me again and I won’t be able to put myself back together.”
He pulled his hands from her face and placed them over her own shaking hands against his chest. He gently tugged at them and placed them over his own heart.
“I never meant to hurt you,” he whispered. “I promise, I will never let anyone, including myself, hurt you ever again. I’m yours Alyra, in whatever way you will have me.”
He made her feel things that were new to her, things that felt so raw and real, but she was terrified to grab hold of those feelings. She had been betrayed too many times, and to let him back in, it would change everything.
“Kaden.” Finnley yelled a few yards away and they both turned their heads. “We have news.”
She pulled her hands away quickly, his touch still burning on her hands but didn’t look back at him. His confession pulled at too many parts of her and she was at a loss for words.
“What kind of news?” Kaden yelled back.
“Bad.”