Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Fiona hadn’t meant for things to get physical between them today. But she'd never been one to listen to her mind instead of her heart. She knew that to truly be happy in a relationship with Alex, there had to be passion between them. And wow, there was definitely passion.
After a moment of lying in his arms,, she felt him moving next to her on the bed. He stood up. Then he just stared at her for a minute before leaning over and kissing her. “I need to clean up.”
She wanted him to use caring words to tell her how he felt, but she was beginning to believe he wasn’t able to communicate that way. Even though she felt a little vulnerable right now and needed reassurance, she guessed she could give him a break and let him escape.
“You can use the guest bathroom, out there second door on your left. I’m going to do the same and then check on Bella Ann.”
He nodded and started to walk away, but turned back with a huge grin on his face. “That was great.”
He pivoted on his heel and stalked into the house after saying that.
She just shook her head. He did need polish, but there was something about him that was unmistakably cute.
She got dressed and freshened up, then went into her daughter’s nursery.
Bella Ann was starting to wake up and move around in her crib.
When Fiona got there, the little girl smiled up at her.
“Hello, sweetie,” she said.
Bella Ann reached up and Fiona lifted her out of the crib to wrap her in a hug as she took her to the changing table to deal with her diaper.
She looked down at her daughter and thought of the man downstairs.
Was he the right man to be her father? Was Fiona making the wrong choice and taking the first man to come along?
She didn’t know. It was hard to see the future.
She didn’t like how awkward Alex could be, but she was putting that down to nerves.
She suspected that once they got to know each other better, well, he’d loosen up.
And there was a well of caring inside him.
She'd sensed and witnessed it more than once.
Next weekend would be a good test to see how he was with his family.
Her mother always said that a man would treat his wife the way his father treated his mother.
She didn’t know if that was true, but she had seen that Gio hadn’t known his mother at all.
So he didn’t care if his child knew him at all.
She picked up Bella Ann and walked downstairs to find that Alex was in her office on his computer.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“You were taking forever and I had an idea for some code. I hope you don’t mind but I logged into my server from here,” he said.
She wasn’t sure what he had done, but she thought she should probably mind. Her office was her sanctuary...her private domain. “I guess not.”
“Let me finish typing in this line of code. If you want I can help you put some chat software on your computer. You said you didn't know how to use it,” he said.
She shook her head at him. “Why?”
“It’s something I can do for you,” he said.
Though she was a little thrown off balance seeing him in her office like this, a part of her liked what he had suggested. In his own way, Alex wanted to give her a gift that was from him.
“Can you hold Bella while I run upstairs and get my notepad?” she asked. “I’ll do some sketching while you work.”
“Um . . . sure,” he said.
She handed Bella to him and then walked out of the room. Standing in the hallway, she listened to see how he handled being alone with Bella.
Bella Ann cooed one of her soft sounds.
“Are you wondering what I’m doing?” Alex asked the baby.
She made another little sound.
“I’m coding a new game. I’ve been stuck trying to think of a way to make it do what I wanted, but your mom helped me clear my head.”
Clear his head? The man definitely needed to work on—what?
Listening to him try to explain computer coding to a eight-month-old was funny and sweet and she realized that Alex in all his awkwardness actually had the potential to be a great father.
She hurried upstairs and grabbed her charcoal pencils and sketchpad.
She was on her way back down the stairs when she heard Bella start crying. She flew down them and ran into the office to find Alex pacing around the room and trying to rock Bella.
“What happened?”
“She pulled the keyboard down on herself. I tried to catch it but . . . ” he said.
She walked over to him and took Bella into her arms, rocking the little girl. There didn’t seem to be anything wrong with her; Fiona suspected that Bella had just scared herself with the keyboard.
“I’m sorry. I was paying attention to her. I never thought she’d do that.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. What if she’d really hurt herself? She needs a father who can watch over her and protect her. Not one who is busy trying to get things to work in a certain way . . . I’m very sorry, Fiona. I think I need to rethink this entire thing.”
“Why?”
He shook his head as he walked toward the door. “As you said before, Bella is a game changer and if I screw up it could have long-range consequences for her.”
“I know that. I think it was just a little accident,” Fiona said. “I’m not as upset by this as you seem to be. She chewed on one of my charcoal pencils the other day.”
“That’s what I mean. Babies are unpredictable and I’m not sure . . . I’m just not sure,” he said. “I think I’d better "
"Go? Back to Manhattan?"
"No I have home here too."
"Oh. I didn't realize that," she said.
"I’ll see you next week for our date.”
He walked out the door and she just watched him leave.
She wasn’t entirely convinced that he was leaving just because of the accident with Bella.
There was a lot more to Alex than met the eye and she wondered what had really spooked him.
Did she want to keep seeing a man she was starting to care about when clearly he wasn’t sure what he wanted?
Alex went back to New York the next day and spent three nights alone, dreaming of Fiona before he could come up with a solution to the problem as he saw it.
He knew that making Bella Ann the reason he left wasn’t fair to the little girl.
But he was unwilling to admit his fear about the situation.
So he’d lit on the one thing that made sense—the concrete thing.
He knew nothing about babies; all he knew was that he didn’t want to see Bella Ann get hurt—physically or emotionally.
And before he continued dating Fiona, Alex knew he had to be sure he could live up to his end of the bargain.
Bella Ann already had one father who didn’t want to know her.
Alex understood that once he committed to that role, he could never leave her.
So, finally, before his next date with Fiona, he’d called his mom.
If there was one parent he could go to for advice on this, it would be her.
To be honest, he hadn’t wanted to call her because he knew she’d ask all kinds of questions about Fiona and the matchmaker; he hadn’t even told his parents he was going to one yet.
But he didn’t let his natural reticence stop him. She was the expert and he needed advice.
“Hi, Mom,” he said when she answered her cell phone.
“Hi, Alex. Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Yes, it’s fine. I have two things to ask you. First, do you mind if I bring the woman I’m dating and her parents to our Mother’s Day brunch on Sunday?”
“Oh, that would be wonderful!” she said. “You didn’t tell me you were seeing someone. Who is she? And when did you two start dating?”
“Her name is Fiona McCaw and we started dating two weeks ago. Which brings me to my second question—what does it take to be a good a parent?” he asked.
His mother gasped. “Is she pregnant? How could you know you’re going to be a father already?”
“No, Mom. Calm down. She’s not pregnant. She already has a little girl and I thought I was ready to be a father, but then I realized I don’t have any idea how to be one.”
His mom started laughing. “Oh my God, you scared me! Welcome to the world of parenting. Everyone’s in the same boat when it comes to kids. You have no idea what they’re going to do. Or when they’re going to call you up and tell you they’re serious about a member of the opposite sex.”
“That can’t be right.”
“Why not?”
“It doesn’t make any sense. You were a good mom.”
“Thanks, sweetie.”
“You’re welcome. But I’m not just saying that as your son. You were really one of the best mothers in the neighborhood when I was growing up. I’m relatively well-adjusted. What are your secrets?”
“Alexander, listen to me. There are no secrets. Each kid is different. I just loved you and gave you boundaries and then rolled with the punches.”
His mom clearly didn’t know how to articulate what she’d done and listening to her now made him feel a little panicky. How was he going to figure this out?
“What did you do when I was a baby and you had to work?” he asked her. Maybe one solution at a time would be better.
“I put you in a playpen with a few toys so you couldn’t crawl away.”
“That's it? Surely you have some tricks that made me happy," he said.
She laughed in that way of hers that always made him smile. "You were happy on your own once you had something to occupy you. How did you meet this girl?"
He rubbed the back of his neck, realizing he'd never mentioned a matchmaker to his parents. "I went to a matchmaker."
"You did?" she asked with surprise. "Did you say you wanted a single mom?"
"Not exactly, I just...I want a family, and I don't want to wait any longer to have one. Fiona was matched with me because of her other traits too."
"Like what?"
How could he describe Fiona to his mother? "She's kind, Mom and funny and smarter than she like to let on."
"I can't wait to meet her," his mom said.
Thanks, Mom. I’ll see you on Sunday.”
“You’re welcome, son. Bye.”
Alex disconnected the call and immediately dialed Fiona’s number. When she answered, he got right to the point. “I’m sorry for the way I left the other day.”
“Why did you leave so abruptly?”
“I needed some time to think. I hadn’t realized how big a responsibility I have toward Bella Ann.
“In what way?”
“You and I know what dating is about and how sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want them to, but that little girl doesn’t.”
“I know. That’s why I went to the matchmaker. I figured I’d have a better chance of finding a man who had my best interests at heart.”
“That was smart of you, but I didn’t think of the consequences. I realized when you left me alone with her that I had no idea how to handle a baby.”
“I didn’t expect you to know how. I’m still figuring it out myself.”
“I don’t like doing something if I’m not good at it. I talked to my mom and I have some ideas I think will work. Do you still want to pursue a relationship with me?”
“Alex, don’t be an idiot. Of course I do. But you have to get better at communicating your feelings.”“Okay.”
“Are you in the city today?
“Yes, why?”
“My work is being featured in an exhibition with my father’s. The show is going to film a segment there. Do you want to come along and help me by watching Bella Ann?”
Alex wasn’t sure, but he knew he had to say yes. If he said no, things were sure to be on a dead-end path for him and Fiona from this point on.
“Absolutely.”
“Great.”
“What time?”
“Noon," she said, rattling off the address. "See you there.”
Alex checked his clock. He had a little over an hour until he had to meet her. He wanted today to be perfect. The beginning of the new Alex. A man Fiona wouldn’t be able to resist as both a husband and lover for her and a father for her daughter.