Chapter 12
chapter
twelve
Farrah could watch Darren sleep for hours. His handsomeness was only enhanced by the lack of cares, the unconsciousness of his mind. But Corey hadn’t sent her up here to watch him sleep.
“Darren, wake up.” She brushed her fingers across his forehead, his hair so close and calling to her so strongly.
He’d called late last night, but she’d already been in bed.
She wanted to tell him about the therapy session with her parents, which she’d thought had gone pretty great. He’d told her to call.
She’d been disappointed until she’d learned about Rae’s accident. Then his behavior made sense. “Come on now,” she whispered, leaning down. “You’ve gotta wake up. Corey’s gonna—” She squealed as his arms snaked around her and pulled her onto the bed with him
“I’m tired,” he moaned. “What time is it?”
“Almost eight, sleepyhead.”
His eyes blinked open. “My mouth feels like I’ve swallowed a dead animal.”
“And here I was gonna kiss you.” She grinned as she pushed herself off the bed, away from him.
He stayed stock still, watching her. “I wouldn’t do it,” he said, though his eyes screamed at her that he wanted to kiss her badly. He pushed up on his elbows. “Will you come out to Steeple Ridge for dinner tonight? I’ll cook.”
Panic bolted through her like lightning. But she couldn’t put him off forever. That was something Dr. Kenna had told her. You have to make concessions too.
Relationships are two way streets.
He needs something from you too, or he wouldn’t still be with you.
And at the group therapy session last night, she’d confessed to everyone that she didn’t like Steeple Ridge Farm, because that was where she’d learned the truth about who she was, and everyone in the room had disagreed with her.
Dr. Kenna said she learned the truth about who she was each day.
Her father had said she’d learned the truth about who she was when she rode a horse.
Her mother had said she’d learned the truth about who she was when she left LA and came home.
Farrah wasn’t sure who was right. What she did know was that it meant a great deal to Darren that she go to Steeple Ridge.
“Yeah, sure,” she said, trying for carefree and only halfway achieving it.
“Really?”
“Tell me what to bring.”
He got to his feet and ran his hand through his hair. She wanted to do the same. “Just yourself, sweetheart. I’ll even grill.”
“Do you know how to use a grill? That’s fire, you know.” She folded her arms and grinned at him. So much in her life had improved over the past few weeks. Some because of him. Some because of what he’d challenged her to do. Some because of what he’d suggested she do.
She was talking to her parents again, and the therapy sessions helped more than she’d thought they would. Seeing him every day also brought a measure of peace and happiness to her life she’d been missing since May.
So overcome with gratitude and love for him, she stepped into his arms and hugged him tight. “How’s Rae?”
“I don’t know. Haven’t heard anything this morning.” He yawned and dipped his mouth to her throat. “I should get over to the hospital and then out to work. I’ll call you later?” He tried to step away from her, but she held him in place.
He looked down at her with questions in his eyes.
“Tonight,” she said, her gaze wandering to his mouth. She hadn’t kissed him in months, had forgotten what he tasted like. But her cells knew what a strong mouth he had, how much tenderness he possessed in his lips, how safe and adored she felt when he kissed her.
“Tonight what?” he asked, his hands landing on her hips.
“Tonight, at the farm, after dinner….” She let her sentence hang there, sure by the way she was staring at his mouth that he’d be able to complete the sentence.
“You want ice cream?”
She giggled and looked up to see the teasing glint in his eyes. “No,” she said. “I want you to kiss me.”
He growled and pulled her closer. “Do we have to wait until tonight?”
“Yes.”
He kissed her earlobe, rendering her weak and breathless. “Darren, you have to wait.”
“I’m impatient,” he whispered, his mouth migrating along her throat to her collarbone. “I don’t think I can wait.”
“You can.”
“How are you so sure?” His breath mingled with hers, and if she’d had her eyes open she was sure she’d find his face only inches from hers.
“Because.” She opened her eyes to his blinding good looks. “We’re going to ride through the forest after dinner.”
His eyebrows went up and his eyes widened, searching hers. “We are?”
“I believe that was the fantasy you described to me last week.” She smiled. “You said you wanted to hold my hand while we rode out somewhere private. And then you wanted to kiss me.”
“Did I say that? Are you sure I didn’t say I wanted to kiss you in a spare bedroom at the Bybee’s? Dreams change, you know.”
“Farrah?” Corey called from downstairs. “Everything okay?”
Darren smiled wolfishly, his mouth dropping to her temple, then her eyelids, then her nose.
“Darren,” she whispered.
“You don’t have to come out to Steeple Ridge,” he said. “We can ride here if you want. Jim will let us borrow his horses.”
She shook her head as Corey called for her again. “Steeple Ridge. Tonight.” He kissed her right cheek, then her left. “She’s going to come up here, you know.”
Darren pulled away just as the sound of footsteps came closer. “Steeple Ridge. Tonight.” He moved away from her and said, “Mornin’ Corey,” before bending to swipe his cowboy hat from where it had fallen to the floor.
Farrah was left weak, hardly able to stand from the magical way he’d kissed her. And he hadn’t even hit his target. Farrah shook her head at Corey, her hand lighting against the last place he’d kissed—the corner of her mouth—and a smile pulling against her resolve.
She moved to follow him into the hall and down the steps, but Corey blocked her way. “Farrah.” She wrung her hands and she wore doe eyes. “I need you to be careful with him.”
“Careful?”
“That man is in love with you, and he has been for months and months.” Corey took a step closer and swallowed, her nerves clearly present but not preventing her from speaking. “When you broke up with him in May, it about killed him. I won’t watch him suffer like that again.”
That man is in love with you.
Farrah couldn’t hear anything else. He’d said he’d fallen in love with her once. Could he still be in love with her now? Was that even possible after all she’d done, all she’d put him through?
Of course, she’d hoped for a second chance, and he’d been so willing to give it to her. But she hadn’t expected him to fall in love with her so quickly.
“I won’t hurt him,” she promised Corey, who nodded, her bottom lip trembling the slightest bit. She backed out of the way, and Farrah stepped past her and hurried down to the botanical boutique.
That man is in love with you.
And for the first time in the last twelve years, Farrah felt like maybe, just maybe, she was lovable.
That evening, she took great care with her clothes, her jewelry, her makeup. She wanted everything to be perfect, romantic, for her second first kiss with Darren.
Her blouse billowed in the autumn wind, and she ran back inside to grab a jacket before leaving for the farm. She’d worn tight jeans and a pair of cowgirl boots she’d bought that very afternoon. She’d thrown away everything from her horseback riding life, an action she now regretted.
She pulled in at Steeple Ridge to find Darren sitting on the front porch, his hands between his knees. He’d obviously showered and changed into a fresh set of clothes too. She breathed in the spicy, sandalwoodsy scent of his cologne and skin before saying, “Hey, cowboy,” in her best Southern drawl.
He grinned at her, that smile she’d craved every day since they’d broken up. “Hey, yourself. New boots?”
“Yep.”
“Dinner’s ready.”
“Already?”
“It’s getting dark earlier,” he said, taking her hand and leading her into the farmhouse. This time, she didn’t feel the insatiable need to glance around and remember everything that had happened here when she was a teenager. It had happened. It was done. Over.
“And I didn’t want to cut our ride short.
So dinner’s ready.” He stepped into the kitchen, bringing her with him.
“Farrah, this is my farm family. Cody and Wade Caswell. Shiloh Davenport. Missy and Tucker Jenkins.” He indicated each person as he said their name.
She recognized everyone from church except for Shiloh.
“Guys, this is my girlfriend, Farrah Irvine.”
Though she’d dated Darren for eight months before breaking things off with him, she’d never been out to the farm to officially meet his friends.
His “farm family.” They all shook her hand, and welcomed her, and then Tucker said a prayer for the safety and prosperity of the farm and all who worked it.
He asked a blessing on the food, and they all moved outside, where the food had been laid out on a long picnic table to eat.
She learned that Shiloh had only been in town for a month, and that she wasn’t particularly religious.
She learned that Wade liked to speak less than Darren did.
She learned that Cody had an affinity for dogs the same way Logan had.
And she learned that Missy and Tucker had just bought four more horses for next summer’s riding camp.
Finally, Darren stood from the backyard picnic table and said, “We’ll catch up with y’all later.
” He tucked her hand in his as they strolled toward the barn.
The sky was starting to bruise, and she hurried to saddle the horse he’d given her, a beautiful dark chocolate-colored horse named Mint Brownie.
She swung easily into the saddle, the feel of it against her legs absolutely right. She basked in the evening sunshine as she and Darren steered their steeds toward the tree line beyond the pastures.
He reached over and took her hand. “You’re a beautiful rider,” he said.
“I miss it,” she confessed.
“Yeah?”
She nodded, a smile forming on her face as she realized she’d been depriving herself of things she loved for a long time. And why? Because she didn’t think they were emblems of her authentic self. Because she hadn’t known who she was.
She still didn’t have all of the pieces, but she had several. “I like horseback riding,” she said, more to herself than to Darren.
They rode in companionable silence until Darren pointed up ahead. “There’s the clearing where we usually stop for lunch.”
“You ride out here everyday?”
“I wish.” He chuckled. “Just sometimes. If we’re working in the pastures or the fence lines. Then we pack lunches and eat out here. It’s peaceful.”
That it was. She swung off Mint Brownie and tossed his reins over the same branch Darren did.
The two horses began to graze on the tall forest grasses, and Darren spread a blanket on the ground.
“If we sit here, we can watch the sun set right over that hill.” He sat and then moved to the left a few inches before patting the blanket for her to join him.
She did, curling into the warmth of his embrace. “Dinner was great,” she said.
He breathed in deep and then released it. “I can’t lie; Missy made most of it.”
Farrah startled and pulled back to look at him. “You didn’t cook me dinner?”
“I set the table. Does that count?”
“No, it does not.” Farrah giggled and cuddled in closer. “It’s fine. It was grilled chicken and asparagus.”
“And balsamic glaze. Tucker made that.”
Farrah shook her head. “Why didn’t you make it?”
“I was too busy freaking out. They took pity on me.”
“Freaking out? About what?”
He waved his hand toward the horizon. “This. You coming to the farm. Rae. Sam. All of it.”
“What’s wrong with Sam?”
“Nothing. He’s great.”
She waited for him to say more, but he didn’t. “Darren.”
“I just miss him,” he said. “He was like my dad for a while, and I’ve just had some experiences that have reminded me to be grateful for what he did when our parents died.” He cut her a glance out of the corner of his eye. “That’s all.”
She watched the sun dip lower in the sky. “Will we be able to get back in the dark?”
“We’ll leave as soon as the sun goes down,” he said. “There will still be enough light to get back.”
Several more seconds passed before Darren shifted beside her. She glanced up at him, and he stroked his fingers down the side of her face. “Farrah, I know it’s crazy, and probably way too soon to tell you this, but I think I’m in love with you again.”
She blinked, unsure of how to respond. So she tilted her head back and received his kiss willingly, sparks shooting through her whole body at the contact.
She’d kissed Darren before—lots of times—but this kiss definitely held something more. He really did love her. She basked in the warmth of it, let it send shockwaves through her muscles, and deepened the kiss so he would know she might be in love with him too.