Chapter 19
chapter
nineteen
Darren had barely settled into his new home—most of which sat empty as he owned two pieces of furniture. A bed and a recliner—before he boarded a plane with Ben and flew to Billings.
Sam and Bonnie were hosting Thanksgiving dinner at their farm in Coral Canyon, and Logan and Layla were coming.
Rae was too far along in her pregnancy to fly, and she and her mother had volunteered to help out with the church meal.
Pastor Gray sponsored a holiday meal for anyone who didn’t have family in the area to celebrate with.
“No one should have to eat alone on Thanksgiving,” he’d said from the pulpit a few weeks ago.
He was a master at getting people to volunteer to help others, and Darren half wished he could stay home and fry a turkey for the church get-together.
After all, he didn’t really want to hash out why Farrah had broken up with him again. He’d texted the news to Logan, who had called. Darren had avoided the call, and Logan hadn’t tried again.
He did send motivational texts all the time, almost to the point that when Darren’s phone made its snappy ringtone he’d specifically chosen for Logan, dread filled his stomach.
He didn’t need to see things like She’ll come around.
Or Be patient with her. Remember what happened when I wasn’t patient with Layla?
Or Layla says she can talk to her. See how she’s doing.
Darren had finally responded to that one. Don’t let Layla talk to her. I’m fine. We’re fine.
He was anything but fine, living on his dream farm with the woman he loved as an employee. An employee who hadn’t spoken to him in almost two months, but still. His desire to have Farrah on the farm with him sometimes threatened to drive him mad.
He’d heat something for dinner, only to think of her eating with him someday, and then his appetite would flee.
But as Ben navigated toward Coral Canyon on the east side of Yellowstone National Park, Darren knew he’d have to explain more of the situation to his brothers if he wanted them to stop asking questions.
The questions themselves didn’t bother him. It was reliving the pain that still echoed in his heart. Remembering the agony in her eyes as she said it wasn’t his turn. Experiencing the pure powerlessness he had over the situation.
Most days, he could just go to work around the farm and not have to think about Farrah. But as winter arrived, and there was less physical labor required, his distraction wouldn’t last for much longer.
“Here we are.” Ben pulled into the driveway at the blue farmhouse where they’d grown up. “I wish Rae had been able to come.”
“I know, bro.” Darren flashed Ben a sympathetic look and got out of the car. He collected his luggage and headed up the steps on the side of the house. The door opened to warmth, cheery yellow light, and the scent of milk and powder—like his new niece.
“We’re here,” he called, and the piano playing in the other room silenced. Sam made an appearance a moment later, followed by Bonnie, who carried a little bundle Darren really wanted to meet.
“Hey.” Sam grinned as if Darren and Ben were celebrities. He crossed the distance to them and drew them into a double hug. “You made it. How was the flight?”
“Long,” Ben complained at the same time Darren said, “Just fine.”
“Logan just called. He said there’s a storm coming in fast. They’re hoping to beat it here.”
Darren hoped they would too. He and Logan had been close growing up, and until Logan had moved to California last January, they’d never slept in two different rooms. He hadn’t realized how powerful their twin bond was until his brother wasn’t there.
Feeling overly emotional and nostalgic, he slowly approached Bonnie. She smiled down at the baby with such love—love that Darren felt burning through him too.
“This is Jacqueline,” she said, tilting the little girl toward Darren. She had feathery dark hair, the exact same color as Sam’s. “We’re calling her Jackie.”
Darren tore his eyes from the baby to his brother. “After Mom?”
Sam gazed at his daughter with unadulterated love and nodded, his throat working against his emotion.
Darren tried to swallow and couldn’t. “Can I hold her?” His voice sounded choked, and he wasn’t quite sure how to hold an infant, but Bonnie turned the baby into his arms effortlessly.
She gurgled and grunted, and Darren chuckled, wishing with everything inside him that he lived close enough to Sam and Bonnie to see Jackie every single day. Watch her grow up on this farm the way he had.
And he suddenly understood why Sam had felt such a powerful call to return to Coral Canyon and their father’s farm.
“She’s beautiful,” he murmured, automatically bouncing the baby like his fatherly instincts were alive and well.
“We sure like her,” Sam said, clapping his hand on Ben’s back as he joined them.
Darren passed Jackie to Ben, who cooed at her like his baby had already been born. “What should we name our little girl?” he asked.
“You’re havin’ a girl?” Sam asked.
Ben grinned and nodded. “We’ve known for a while, but wanted it to be a surprise. Don’t tell Rae I told you.” He swayed with baby Jackie, the little two-month-old seeming to smile in her sleep.
Darren turned back toward the door and the steps that led down to the basement. “So I’ll be in my old room?”
“It flooded last spring,” Sam said. “It’s brand new down there.
Let me show you.” He led the way as the brothers went downstairs, and Darren’s breath caught in his throat.
This basement wasn’t anything like what they’d had as boys.
Light gray paint on the walls and bright white trim kept the airy atmosphere of upstairs present even underground.
“The windows are huge,” he said as Ben came thundering down the steps, obviously having passed Jackie back to Bonnie upstairs.
“I had them enlarged,” Sam said. “It’s so much brighter, don’t you think?”
“Yeah.” Ben spoke with the same reverent tone that Darren felt in his soul. His mother would’ve loved a basement like this. She was always telling their dad that it was too dark down there, and she worried about her sons sleeping in a damp, dark dungeon.
New carpet stretched from wall to wall, and Darren found a queen-size bed in each of the two bedrooms downstairs. Fresh linens adorned the beds, and there were even live plants.
“Bonnie has a green thumb.” Sam gazed at the plants like they were his children. “I don’t know how she keeps them alive down here, but she does it.” Love colored his voice, and Darren’s throat tightened. He cleared it, and set his bag on the end of the bed in his and Logan’s old bedroom.
“I put Logan and Layla upstairs with me and Bonnie,” Sam said. “You and Ben can have the basement. Then you won’t hear Jackie scream in the middle of the night.”
Ben nodded like it was no big deal, but Darren wanted to sequester himself in the bedroom and wait out the weekend. He didn’t want to be relegated to the basement because he was single. It wasn’t a bachelor pad, for heaven’s sake.
Ben left, leaving his bag in the remodeled living room, leaving Darren alone with Sam. “You okay?” Sam asked, his voice low and filled with concern.
Darren collapsed onto the end of the bed next to his suitcase. “Some days, I don’t know.” He ran both hands over his face, pushing off his cowboy hat and pulling his fingers through his hair. “Some days, yeah, I’m okay.”
“What’s today?” Sam asked, leaning into the doorway as if they were talking about the weather.
“Today’s unknown.”
“I’ve had those days.”
Darren was sure he had. It didn’t make his heart hurt less or his muscles release. But at least someone else knew what it felt like to be alone. While Rae wasn’t here physically, she was still with Ben.
Out of the Buttars brothers, only Darren was still alone. And he’d never felt it more powerfully than he did sitting in a room he didn’t recognize.
“Stay down here as long as you want,” Sam said. “You’ll know when Logan gets here.”
Darren appreciated Sam’s brotherhood. The way he’d always taken care of the family.
The way he seemed to know when to push and when to back off.
Still, something seethed inside him, and he fell back onto the bed, wondering if he could simply sleep away the next four days and then fly back to the cozy, quaint, quiet farm that he’d just bought.
Sometime later, the crunch of tires on gravel forced Darren into a sitting position. Logan had arrived, and with him, Darren knew his reprieve from answering questions had ended.
He sighed as he stood, straightened his hat, and started for the stairs. He almost wanted to get everything out in the open so his family could help him come to terms with things. He reached the top of the stairs at the same time Logan tried to knock him down them again.
“Darren.” Logan’s eyes sparkled, and the hole in Darren’s life that his brother had always been able to fill disappeared.
“Hey, bro.” Darren grabbed onto Logan and hugged him. “You look tanner than I remember.” They clapped each other loudly on the back.
“The California sun is amazing.” Logan laughed. “You really should come out at Christmas. It doesn’t snow or anything.”
Darren loved Vermont in the winter, but he just smiled and said, “I really should come at Christmas.”
After all, anything would be better than hanging his single stocking by the fireplace and buying himself a gift to put under the tree. When he’d bought the Bybee’s farm, he’d imagined it filled with family, with friends, with faith.
And with Farrah.
But the only thing there was him.
“So, let’s talk about Farrah.” Logan cast a glance over his shoulder. “Layla’s been dyin’ to solve your problems. I think she wants you to be happy more than I do.”
Darren smiled. Layla had a good air about her, and she’d always helped people in Island Park. How his brother had managed to marry her boggled Darren’s mind.
“I’m happy,” Darren said, which only elicited a laugh from Logan.