Chapter One Dreary London Rain #3
And hot as hell.
My cheeks immediately heat up.
Ahhh, no! What am I doing, thinking like that?
Yes, he’s objectively gorgeous in that tough, rough-around-the-edges kind of way, but I can’t let myself get too caught up in thoughts like that.
He’s a friend—a good friend—and he’s not attracted to me, so letting myself wonder what he looks like shirtless, or remembering how good his big hands felt on me when we danced at the wedding, will only get me in trouble.
I will not risk losing myself in some unattainable fantasy and ruining this.
Shaking my treacherous thoughts away, I focus back on his text.
Hadley: Oooh, so pretty! Ugh, I miss the mountains.
Julian: There are mountains in England.
Hadley: Yeah, but they’re in the north. I can’t just walk outside and see them as you can.
Julian: That’s too bad. Still, from the pics you’ve sent me, there’s plenty else to see in London.
True. London is really an incredible city, and if I were here under different circumstances, I’d probably be having the time of my life.
I’m not here because I want to be. With a sigh, I decide to be honest.
Hadley: Yeah, London’s great, but I hate school.
A few moments pass as I wait for his response.
I thought maybe admitting how unhappy I am would make me feel better, but I think I feel worse.
Now I’m worried he’s going to tell me to keep my chin up, or some bullshit like that.
Those types of empty statements people always say when someone’s been just a little more honest than, “I’m fine. ”
At last, my phone buzzes with his reply.
Julian: Then why are you still there?
I blink, a little caught off guard by the blunt question, but then I remind myself that this isn’t just anyone I’m talking to. This is Julian, the most straightforward person I know. Still, I’m momentarily at a loss for words. How do I even begin to explain how complicated things are?
Dad pays for everything. School, my housing…
my entire life. I’m completely dependent on him, and I’m not an idiot.
Only twenty, with no degree and no extensive work experience, I wouldn’t make it on my own.
Not yet. As much as I hate to admit it, walking away from my dad, his support, and the security he provides me would put more than my education at risk.
Swallowing, I type out:
Hadley: It’s complicated.
What a lame response. What a cop-out.
Julian: I understand complicated. Don’t worry. I believe in you, Hads. You’ll figure shit out.
Sudden tears spring to my eyes, and I quickly blink them away.
He has such easy confidence in me. Dad always says he has confidence in me, but if that were actually true, he’d let me make my own decisions and plan my own future.
Julian trusts me to know my own mind, and it makes me realize just how much I’ve wanted someone to do that.
Hadley: Well, if worst comes to worst, I could always drop out and become a lollipop lady.
Julian: What the fuck is a lollipop lady?
I giggle, imagining his brow scrunched up in confusion.
Hadley: That’s what they call crossing guards over here. Women crossing guards, anyway.
Julian: What kind of Willy Wonka bullshit is that?
Hadley: I think it’s charming.
Julian: I thought you hated it there.
Hadley: I hate being here for school, but England’s cool. Takes some adjusting. Did you know they call eggplants aubergines?
Julian: Well, that explains the American Revolution, doesn’t it?
That makes me laugh. I didn’t expect him to be so funny when we first met. He seemed like the kind of guy that only ever snarled and grumbled under his breath…like Wolverine from X–Men. He’s actually pretty hilarious in a kind of sneaky way…also like Wolverine.
Hadley: Lol, it was the aubergines!
Julian: Makes so much sense.
Hadley: You’re ridiculous
Julian: Don’t tell anyone. I’ve got a rep to protect.
I’m grinning from ear-to-ear now, feeling almost giddy. Julian has that effect on me, and it’s a relief to have a few moments where I don’t feel like I’m drowning.
Hadley: How are things going for you? Feeling good about the new season?
Julian: Feeling solid. The team hit its stride, and I think we could make a third attempt at the cup.
Hadley: Damn, that would be impressive. Grandpa would lose his mind if you guys pulled that off.
Julian: Yeah, pretty sure he wouldn’t be the only one.
Pretty sure all of Colorado would go crazy.
Hadley: It’s your birthday this weekend, right? Any big plans?
It takes him a few moments to respond.
Julian: Heading to Chicago.
That surprises me a little. I figured he’d celebrate with the guys or something. Before I can question him further, he sends me another message.
Julian: I gotta get going, but I’ll check in on you later, okay?
My giddiness dims. I don’t want to stop talking yet, but he’s a busy guy. I know that.
Hadley: Okay, sounds good. TTYL!
Julian: Later.
I set my phone aside and stretch out on my bed to stare up at the ceiling. Julian’s question rolls over in my head.
Then why are you still there?