Chapter Twenty Too Close
JULIAN
I’m already awake when my phone buzzes on the little table next to me. I don’t move from my seat on my bedroom’s small balcony, my fingers wrapped around a lukewarm mug of black coffee as I stare out into the gray dawn.
Going back to bed isn't an option. I glance through the open glass door toward the tangled sheets, already dreading the nightmares that are waiting for me the next time I close my eyes. It's easier to just stay out here, letting the biting morning air keep me anchored.
It’s not just the nightmares keeping my head spinning today.
My mind keeps drifting back to the rink yesterday.
Those moments holding her against my chest. The memory of her small frame melting into mine, the soft scent of her hair…
I want to wrap myself around her. Never let the outside world touch her again.
But then, I’m visualizing those same delicate arms wrapped around someone else. I’m seeing Theo’s hands on her waist, pulling her close, making her laugh. The mere thought of another man touching her hits me like a physical blow, sparking a dark coil of jealousy in my gut.
When the phone buzzes a second time, I finally set my coffee down and reach for it. I squint against the glare of the screen as the text message comes into focus.
A faint, tired smirk tugs at the corner of my mouth.
Hadley: First day today
Suddenly, I’m wide awake. I sit up and press my back against the headboard. That’s right, she’s starting at the recreation center today. I’m so proud of her for taking the job.
Julian: You nervous?
Her response is quick.
Hadley: Yeah, I am. Excited, also.
I huff out a quiet breath, a smile pulling at the corners of my mouth.
Julian: You’re going to kick ass.
Hadley: Lol, thanks
I hesitate a moment before posing my next question.
Julian: Have you tried talking to your dad again?
Three dots appear, then disappear, then reappear after a few moments.
Hadley: No.
I shift a little, resting my elbows on my knees.
God, I get the dad issues…fuck, I probably get them more than anyone on this planet.
But my situation was entirely different, and I have to remind myself that just because my own father was a neglectful monster doesn't mean the quiet, suffocating pressure Hadley is under hurts her any less.
She hasn’t spilled every single detail about the way her dad treats her, or the exact words he uses when he shuts her down, but I know enough.
I’ve seen the tight, anxious line of her shoulders whenever his name comes up.
I know he won't even hear her out. Dictating her choices as if her own dreams don't matter.
Hadley is so good, so sweet, and a people-pleaser at her core.
She loves her family fiercely. Because of that deep loyalty, I know the road to finally standing up to him and becoming her own person is going to be a painful one for her to walk.
It’s going to tear her apart to push back against the man who raised her.
I wish to God I could just step in and fix it for her.
Every protective instinct in my body wants to shield her from the fallout, to tell her father to give her the space she deserves, but I know I can't. This isn't a battle I can fight on her behalf, and trying to force my way into it would only make her feel more suffocated.
Julian: Kind of figured. Are you going to tell him?
Her reply is a lot faster than I anticipated.
Hadley: I want to get my footing first and a few paychecks under my belt, and prove the job won’t affect my grades. Then I’ll talk to him again.
I let out a slow breath. That sounds like a gamble, but it’s really not my business. She’s a grown woman. Still, I want her to be careful.
Julian: Just don’t get caught off guard if he finds out.
Hadley: I won’t.
Then, a second later, she sends another text.
Hadley: I have to go. I’ll text you later and give you all the details.
Julian: Looking forward to it. Good luck today!
Hadley: Thanks Have a great day, and great practice!
I stare at her message for a second longer before locking my phone and dropping it back onto the table.
I lean back, rubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes. Sleep is definitely a lost cause now.
What if I can't be what she needs? I think, staring blankly at the gray sky. What if someone like Theo steps in and replaces me?
It’s the same terrifying insecurity that bleeds into the rest of my life. It feels like everything is slipping through my fingers. Will Theo replace me on the ice, and then replace me in Hadley's life? Replace me with my friends?
Needing to anchor myself to something real, I grab my phone again. There’s only one other person who understands the absolute hell I’m going through, dancing between two potential teams and an uncertain path forward.
I open a thread and text Cruz Schaefer. It’s entirely too early, but he’s recovering from a much-needed surgery on an old injury, and knowing his schedule, there’s a decent chance he’s staring at a ceiling too.
Ever since he left the Night Hawks to go home and deal with family issues, we’ve been keeping in contact with each other.
It’s been a long time since we’ve actually seen each other, but he’s still a really close friend. I care about how he’s doing.
Julian: You awake?
My phone buzzes almost instantly.
Cruz: Always. What's up, man?
I exhale a breath I didn't know I was holding, leaning my elbows on my knees.
Julian: Just thinking. How’s the ice? Any updates on you getting back out there?
A few moments pass before the text bubbles appear.
Cruz: It’s coming along. Still a lot of bureaucratic shit getting ironed out with the medical clearance, but the doc says the knee is holding up. I’ll keep you posted when things are official.
Cruz: Might have to stay a lot closer to home for the rehab and the initial contract stuff. Logistics are a bitch.
I stare at the words, a wave of understanding washing over me.
Julian: I get it. Do what you gotta do. Keep your head down and handle it.
Cruz: Always. You good?
I look back toward the bedroom, then out at the cold morning air, thinking of Hadley’s text.
Julian: Just trying to figure out my next move.