Chapter Forty-One Whatever it Takes
JULIAN
The next morning, the team leaves at four in the morning for our next away stretch.
I sit by the window of the charter plane, staring out at the black Colorado mountains, my chest feeling like it’s being compressed by a hydraulic press.
I wanted to drive straight to Carson’s apartment last night, knock the door down, and fix things with Hadley, but she asked for space.
If I’ve learned anything from Mrs. Clay, it’s that you have to respect the boundaries of the people you love, even when it kills you.
Instead, I spent three hours in my dark apartment typing and retyping a text message until my fingers ached.
Julian: Hadley, I understand why you’re hurt.
I should’ve told you sooner, and keeping it from you was the biggest mistake of my life.
Chicago started before Vegas, before you, before any of this.
Somewhere along the way, you became more important than any contract or safety net ever could be.
I don’t expect you to forgive me right away, but please…
just wait for me until I get back on Saturday.
Let me fix this properly. I’m not going anywhere.
She never replied.
Our next set of away games are a complete disaster.
I’m so distracted and trapped inside my own head that my play on the ice suffers.
During Tuesday’s game in Phoenix, I miss a glaring defensive assignment on the penalty kill that leads to a goal.
On Thursday in San Jose, I get caught flat-footed on a transition play and take a stupid, unnecessary two-minute minor for hooking.
At least Coach isn’t acting differently, which I was genuinely worried about. He’s pissed at me the usual amount when I fuck up, but he’s not raging at me because of Hadley. That makes me think he doesn’t know about us and that Liam never told him.
By Friday afternoon, after a brutal, exhausting practice at a local rink, the guys are starting to notice the cracks in my armor.
I’m sitting on the bench in the empty locker room, staring blankly at the tape on my stick, when a heavy shadow falls over me.
“You’re skating like you’ve got cement in your breezers, Wilder.”
I look up. Theo is standing there, his gear already half-undone, his wet hair sticking to his forehead. He looks at me with that observant gaze that usually makes me want to punch him.
“I’m fine, Theo,” I mutter, turning back to my stick. “Just tired.”
“Bullshit,” Theo scoffs, tossing his towel onto the floor and sitting down on the bench right next to me.
He crosses his arms, leaning back against the lockers.
“You’ve been a ghost all week. You missed three checks in the third period yesterday, and you looked like you wanted to murder the referee just for breathing your air.
When Jensen or any of the other guys try to talk to you, you stonewall them. What the hell is wrong with you?”
I let out a long, ragged sigh, my shoulders slumping.
The pressure in my chest has been building for six days, and I don’t have the energy to fight it anymore.
Maybe Theo’s the one person I can actually be honest with right now.
He went out of his way to get Hadley my jersey and encouraged me to go after her.
He clearly cares about her. He wouldn’t say anything to anyone and risk hurting her.
“I almost transferred to Chicago,” I admit, my voice a rough whisper in the empty room.
Theo stiffens, his eyes widening in genuine shock. “The Ironclads? When?”
“Over Thanksgiving. It was a massive four-year contract, guaranteed money, close to home,” I mumble, staring at the floorboards.
“I went to Hadley’s dad to look over the financial structure before things got serious.
I turned it down because… I want to be here.
To be with this team, and with Hadley. Then, her dad caught us kissing and let it slip in front of her.
She had no idea, and she…didn’t take it well. ”
Theo winces, shaking his head. “Oh, man. That’s…that’s a brutal way to find out, Julian.”
“Yeah.” A bitter chuckle escapes me. “I lied to her, and she thinks I was going to abandon her. She asked for space, and now I’m stuck here while she’s back in Denver hurting, and I can’t do a damn thing about it until tomorrow.
” I shake my head, the dark thoughts from my childhood creeping back to the forefront of my mind.
“Maybe it’s better this way. With you on the roster now, the blue line is set.
I’m older. I’m dispensable to this team anyway.
If I left, it wouldn't change the standings.”
Theo looks at me for a long, quiet moment, his expression hardening. He reaches out, punching my shoulder hard enough to rattle my frame.
“Don't ever say that shit again, Wilder,” he snaps.
“You think because management brought me in, you don't matter? This team doesn't function without you in that locker room. You’re the guy who keeps the peace, the guy who takes the hits so the younger kids don't get destroyed. You’re not dispensable. Not to the Night Hawks, and definitely not to Hadley.”
I look at him, stunned by the sudden defense from a guy I’ve spent weeks being intensely jealous of.
Theo looks down, a self-conscious, nervous smile touching his lips. He rubs the back of his neck, his posture shifting into something uncharacteristically vulnerable.
“Look,” Theo whispers. “Since we’re clearing the air…I think you need to know something. Part of the reason you’ve been so wound up around me is that you thought I was a threat to what you have with Hadley, right?”
I tighten my jaw, but I don’t deny it. “You’re a good-looking kid, Theo. You’re young, you’re talented, and you’re her friend. Of course I worry about you.”
Theo lets out a bright, genuine laugh, shaking his head. “Julian, I’m gay.”
The words hang in the air for a second. I blink, my brain stalling out as comprehension hits me. All those weeks of simmering jealousy, the territorial anger, the stupid, childish anxiety of him stealing her away. Totally pointless. I feel like an absolute, world-class idiot.
“You’re…'”
“Yeah,” Theo says, smiling this time. “And Hadley knows. So trust me when I say this, man, there’s no one else for her but you. She loves you, man. You’re the only guy she sees.”
I let out a breathless laugh, rubbing a hand over my face as I groan. “Jesus Christ, Theo. I’m an ass.”
“A massive one,” he agrees cheerfully, standing up and reaching for his stick.
“Now, since you’re stuck here until our flight tomorrow morning and you’re clearly about to lose your mind, let’s do something useful.
Get your skates back on. Come out to the ice for a private session and train me on some of those defensive positioning tricks you used against Dallas. ”
I look at him, surprised. “You want extra ice time?”
“I want to get better,” Theo states. “And you’re the best teacher on this roster, Julian. Honestly, you’d make an incredible coach yourself someday. You see the game better than anyone else.”
The corners of my mouth twitch, his statement causing a spark of…something inside me. For the next hour, I lose myself in the drills, pushing Theo hard, his comment about Hadley lingering in my thoughts.
“Hey,” I say during a water break, leaning against the boards. “I need to do something big when I get back tomorrow. To apologize. Any advice?”
Theo takes a long swig from his water bottle, wiping his mouth with the back of his glove. He thinks about it for a second, a small smile appearing on his face.
“Honestly? Anything that gets her to just loosen up and relax,” Theo says at last. “Hadley is amazing, but she’s very much a planner. She’s always in focus mode twenty-four-seven, even when she’s doing things she actually enjoys like ice skating or studying.”
That’s a good point. If I want to show her that she can trust me, I need to take the wheel. I need to plan a day where she doesn't have to think, doesn't have to organize, and doesn't have to worry about what comes next. A day of pure, unstructured adventure where she can just breathe.
As I skate back out to the center ice to finish the drill with Theo, a plan begins to form in my mind.
Mrs. Clay told me that great things are worth fighting for. Hadley is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and I’m done sitting back and letting the fear of my past dictate my future. I’m going to win her back. Whatever it takes.