Chapter 1
Serena
Don’t move.
Don’t make a sound.
Don’t move.
Don’t make a sound.
Maybe if he knows I’m awake, he’ll stop.
What if I do, and he doesn’t stop?
What if I do, and he hurts me?
Don’t move.
Don’t make a sound.
“No!” The word echoes throughout my cold bedroom as I shoot straight up in bed, the blankets twisted around my legs and my hair sticking to my forehead and neck. The nightmares are getting more frequent. Night after night for the past month, he’s been visiting me in my dreams.
Even as an adult, I can’t escape him.
My rapid breathing fills the empty room and drowns out the soft snores of my boyfriend sleeping next to me.
Jerk.
As I work on untangling the sheets from around my legs, I remind myself that it was only a dream. It’s in the past, and he can’t harm me any longer. One deep breath in, and another breath out through my nose.
In. And out.
In. And out.
Over and over until my breathing steadies. Skills I learned from the many years of therapy I endured because of my childhood.
I let out a deep sigh and roll over to my left to pick up my phone from the end table. Squinting my eyes, I try to make out the time on the bright screen.
3:00 am.
Great. Not only did I have a terrible night’s sleep, but I have to get up in a few hours to get ready for work.
Who am I kidding. Like I am going to be able to go back to sleep right now.
With a frustrated groan, I reluctantly untangle my legs and throw the down comforter to the side. I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed and place my feet on the hardwood floor.
Fuck, its cold.
I really need to remember to buy myself some slippers. Or convince myself that it’s worth it to invest in those heated floors I’ve heard about. Seattle isn’t always the warmest during the early Spring months.
Definitely a stark difference from the warmth of Florida. I’ve lived here for a few years now and I’m still not used to it.
Washington tends to be a bit bipolar, which doesn’t make it any easier. I once witnessed all four seasons in one day. The brisk coldness of the rain, followed by a hailstorm and snow melted by the warmth of the emerging sun.
This state really needs to figure it’s shit out.
Next thing I know, I feel a wet nose press against my leg.
Golden eyes, like liquid honey, look up at me and straight into my soul. The tension in my body slowly starts to fade away when she rests her head in my lap and nuzzles my hands. My smart girl with her sixth sense.
“Oh, my sweet girl. You always know when I need you.” I gently pet the top of her head and scratch behind her ears. She lifts her head up closer to me in response. I close the gap between us and she gives me a gentle kiss on the nose with her tongue.
“You’re so wonderful. How did I get so lucky to find you?” I brush my nose against her cold one and wiggle it back and forth.
Belle takes that as an invitation and jumps up onto my lap. My head whips side to side while I try to escape the onslaught of slobber, when she overpowers me and I fall backward, her heavy body following my lead.
I lay there with my giant furball weighing down my chest and take a deep breath, no longer trembling from the nightmare that woke me up.
My boyfriend is still sound asleep next to us in bed. Shocker. A bomb could go off next to the house and he still wouldn’t wake up. I roll my eyes and struggle to lift Belle off my chest, so I decide to shuffle out from underneath her instead.
My purple silk robe hangs from the chair in the corner of the room. Grabbing it, I wrap it around myself and quietly exit the room. The silk brushes softly against my skin while my feet pad against the cold hardwood, filling the quiet night air around me.
A single stream of moonlight peeks through the curtains as I make my way to my kitchen. Belle decided to stay behind and curl back under the blanket to cuddle up next to Tyler, so I am on my own for my middle of the night adventure. The little traitor.
How nice it must be not to have a single care in the world. I try to not let it bother me, but I wish he would care about me a little more. You would think that your girlfriend screaming and thrashing around in bed would wake you up.
Yet he doesn’t ever move a muscle.
We have lived together for the past two months, and ever since he moved in, I have never felt more alone. It’s like the moment he moved in, he became a completely different person than when we first started dating a year ago.
I grab myself a glass of water and get comfortable on the couch, turning on the T.V. and putting on my favorite comfort movie Psycho . No matter how many times I have seen this movie, I will gladly watch it again.
Call me morbid, but it is one of my favorites.
I am just getting to the part of the movie where Norman, A.K.A his mother, is about to stab Marion when my phone buzzes on the arm of the couch beside me. Only two people that could be at this time of day, and I have a horrible feeling I know who it is.
Ice Queen: I need you to come in early, Keirsten called out and we have no one to cover her shift.
Yep. Just as I suspected. I do not need my manager up my ass right now. Sighing through my nose, I type out my reply.
Me: What time do you need me there?
Ice Queen: If you can get here at 5, that would be great.
I look at the time on my phone. 4:00 am. How the fuck does she expect me to get there at 5? She knows I live thirty minutes away from the clinic. And that doesn’t include time to shower, dress and make sure Belle has food and water for the day.
Me: I don’t know if I can make it there at 5, but I’ll do my best to get there as soon as I can.
Ice Queen: I expect you here no later than 5:30 .
Wonderful. It’s going to be that kind of day today.
Me: *thumbs up*
Yet another day I am having to cover someone else’s ass. Mark my words. One of these days, I’m going to quit this soul sucking job.
Walk out and never look back.
***
The smell of freshly ground coffee fills my nose as I open the door to my favorite café.
There is no better aroma than the rich, bitter smell of coffee first thing in the morning, and this is a hill I would happily die on.
And the way I’m feeling right now, there is no way I am going to make it through the day today without caffeine. At this point, I should just hook up a caffeine I.V. because one cup is not going to cut it.
Pulling out my E-reader from my bag, I open the book I started yesterday while I wait for my turn in line.
“Morning Serena! Your usual?” A bright, brace-filled smile greets me as I approach the counter, and I fight the urge to roll my eyes. They should have a study on people who are this cheerful on a Monday morning. It’s just not normal.
“Mmmm…. yes please. Thank you, Carrie,”. I groan out.
“Rough night?” Carrie asks as she enters my order into her computer.
“You can say that.” I reach into my crossbody for my wallet so I can pay for my coffee. Taking a glance at the time as I do so. I have fifteen minutes to get to the clinic.
Thankfully, the café is only a ten-minute drive away, and they don’t seem very busy yet. I should be able to get out of here soon as long as everything goes smoothly. My manager is just going to have to accept that I’m going to be late. Coffee in hand and all.
I pay for my order and sit in the benches at the opposite end of the counter to wait.
Java the Hutt is a small little mom and pop café that I discovered when I first moved here five years ago while I was getting familiar with the area.
My nerdy heart is so full every time I come here.
Black cushioned benches line the walls behind tables with Lightsabers as legs. The chairs on the other side of the table are circular and designed to look like the Death Star. They’re cute and all, but my favorite part of the entire cafe would have to be the ceiling.
It is painted to look like space, with thousands of small stars scattered across the top, and hanging from the middle is a large Millennium Falcon. Ever since I was younger, I would find myself wishing I could just float away and disappear into the stars.
Drifting away to a world where the world feels softer and the weight of it all could no longer touch me.
Sometimes I still feel that way.
On top of the amazing theming, the owner, Victoria, is the sweetest woman with the kindest heart I’ve ever met.
I once watched her open up the shop to a family who was kicked out of their apartment because the owner decided they were selling the duplex.
Gave no warning to the families who lived there.
Leaving them all out to fend for themselves on the sidewalk with nowhere to go. Many of them with small children. The asshole.
Afterwards, I found out that the family ended up staying a week in the apartment upstairs while they found new housing. Victoria gave the mother a job at the cafe, and now she is the assistant manager.
She is the kind of person I wish I had in my life growing up, but I’m glad to know her now.
“Iced White Chocolate Caramel Mocha, with toffee nut and oat milk for Serena!” The voice of the teenage barista with purple hair and a nose ring behind the counter cuts through the hum of the cafe.
Slipping my phone back in the front pocket of my purple scrub top, I get up and grab my drink from the counter. I turn around to leave and walk straight into what feels like a brick wall of a man. The cup crushes between us and my coffee splashes across my chest.
The liquid seeping into the fabric of my top. Par for the course for today.
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” My hands shoot out to my side.
“Excuse me?”
The deep voice stops me mid wipe, leaving foam still clinging onto my scrub top. I look up and forget how to function for a second. He is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen.
That, or maybe it’s the fact that my boyfriend and I haven’t had sex in almost a month.
But I digress.
“I-I’m sorry.” I stutter. “I wasn’t saying that at you, more like… near you? Around you?” I wince. What am I even saying?
I gesture vaguely at the mess on my shirt. “Ugh I don’t know. I’ve just had the last twelve hours from hell, and this was just the icing on top of the cake.”
“That’s a shame. A beautiful woman such as yourself doesn’t deserve so much trouble.” His dark brown eyes slowly soak in my body, moving from my face down my legs and back up before meeting my gaze again.
I shift on my feet, and heat rushes up my body. Painfully aware that he is not hiding the fact that he is checking me out. I’m not used to this kind of attention, and it makes me slightly uncomfortable.
“Oh please,” I snort, “you can’t be serious?” I roll my eyes and walk away to the bathrooms to clean myself off.
No man actually believes that a line like that works. Right? To be honest, if I wasn’t currently drenched in coffee, I might’ve let it. Glancing down at my ruined top, I frown.
Damn it. I was really counting on that cup of coffee.
Now I am going to have to suffer through a ten-hour day because some guy doesn’t know the meaning of personal space.
I examine my failed attempt to clean my top in the mirror before giving up and accepting the fact that I am going to have to walk around with a brown stain across my chest. Tossing the soiled paper towels into the garbage, I open the door and enter the hallway to the dining area.
I was already cutting it close on time. And with having to clean up, there’s no way I have time to order another drink with the line that has formed since being in the bathroom.
Defeated, I head for the door.
“White Chocolate Caramel mocha with toffee nut and oat-milk for Serena!”
A dull voice shouts and stops me in my tracks, my hand hovering over the metal handle shaped like a droid. My brows crease with confusion.
That… can’t be right. I didn’t order another drink.
I approach the counter and the same purple-haired teenager stands there watching me expectantly, a fresh drink waiting.
“Uhh…. Jason?” I ask, reading his name tag. “I think there has been a mistake. I already-”
“Listen lady, I just make the drinks. Your order printed, I saw it, so I made it.” He cuts me off and shrugs in response. Setting the coffee on the counter, he turns around to make more orders.
“Oh, that nice man you ran into ordered it while you were in the bathroom.” I hear Carrie’s bright voice from down the counter. “He was awfully sweet to do that.” She sighs, a dreamy look taking over her face. “And handsome, too.”
Of course she saw that. How fucking embarrassing. I grab the drink and leave, making a mental note to consider finding a new place to go so I don’t have to show my face here after that debacle.
It was really nice of him to order me another drink. I mean, it was his fault I spilled mine in the first place. Okay, partly mine as well for not paying attention.
But at least now I still get my caffeine fix.
As I slide the coffee into my car’s cup holder, something on the side of the cup catches my eye. It’s a note.
I am very serious.