Chapter 28
Serena
It feels good to be back at work. To finally have a sense of normalcy.
I have had to answer questions from my co-workers and patients about the burns on my face, but that was easy. Everyone knows I’m clumsy. So, fabricating a lie that I burnt myself frying bacon was easy enough to have people believe.
I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I got here.
A deep sigh leaves my body as I sit in my chair for the first time in the last three hours. The schedule has been so busy that I have barely had any time to think about the fight with Isaac yesterday.
I expected him to be mad. In fact, I was hoping for it.
But I wasn’t expecting him to be that mad. When I compared him to Tyler… the anger that flashed in his eyes shook me to my core. I know he isn’t anything like Tyler, and I regretted saying it the moment the words passed through my lips.
Honestly, I am proud of myself for telling him off. I never would have been able to do that before. Any other time, I would have just bit my tongue and moved on. But I felt like he was crossing a line, and I refuse to fall into the same pattern as before.
Where does he come off thinking he can just control every aspect of my life? Don’t get me wrong, I love when he takes control. But there’s a fine line between taking control and being controlling.
And it is high time I take control of my own life. I’m done feeling suffocated.
I was going to stay at my house last night, but then I remembered that it was still trashed from the fight with Tyler, and I really did not want to be around that right now. The heavy reminder of what happened that night on my wrist was enough.
I didn’t need the stain on the floor and having to pick it up making it worse.
Instead, I decided to book a hotel room near the clinic. Having the time to myself in the room was good, but it also forced me to really think about things. The weight of everything hitting me all at once.
My entire life has been completely upturned in just a matter of a few weeks.
I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Jules isn’t talking to me, and it’s all my fault. She was just trying to tell me she was worried about me and all I did was jump down her throat and get defensive. I felt backed into a corner. Put into a position to just sit there and take their judgement.
Maybe it’s me?
Jules has been my constant for years, and now she has barely even looked my way today. We sit in the same office and haven’t said one word to each other. Like all friendships, we’ve had our spats before, but it's never lasted more than a day.
I can’t blame her. She thinks I’m choosing chaos. Repeating patterns that will end with me crying in her lap while we drink a bottle of merlot.
And I know what it looks like to her. An intense man with a protective streak and dark edges I pretend not to see. I guess that’s my white knight kink shining through. Always trying to fix someone.
I’ve done this before, with Tyler.
He didn’t start with bruises. It started with devotion.
Our nights were full of laughter and cuddling, sharing about our days with one another.
When I went out, he would want to know where I was going, and who I was going to be with.
Going as far as making me share my location with him at all times so he could track me without asking.
I told myself that it was love.
That it was just him being protective. That I mattered.
But I was just ignoring the obvious red flags. I was naive. So desperate for love, that I chose to look past them, until they just became so normal to me, that they didn’t phase me anymore.
I was fucking stupid.
Jules thinks I’m slipping back into something dangerous.
And I don’t know how to prove that I’m not.
On the surface, Isaac seems to check all those boxes. He watches too closely. Steps in too quickly and burns too hot. Even I’ve questioned myself for being with him, trusting him so easily. He can be a bit much at times. So, I understand why she would think that.
But there’s something deeper to things with Isaac.
For starters, I don’t feel small with him. I’m not watching what I say and choosing my words carefully anymore. I’m not bracing myself for the shift in his expression that means I’ve said the wrong thing.
I don’t have to listen to how heavy his footsteps are when he’s walking down the hall. Throughout my childhood, I had to learned to listen. Predict.
Eventually, I was so in tune with everyone around me, I could tell you who it was and how they were feeling, just by the sound alone.
No longer do I feel like I am slowly disappearing with every day that passes by. I know with every fiber of my being, that Isaac would never hurt me. And maybe it’s that certainty that scares Jules.
But what if I’m wrong?
Because I thought I knew Tyler, too. I thought that I knew he loved me and would never cross a line.
Until he did.
Maybe I’m just addicted to the intensity with Isaac. And after surviving something like what happened with Tyler, peace feels like a lie.
Unease coils low in my stomach.
I hate that I don’t have proof and all I have is a feeling to go off of. I can’t hand a feeling to Jules and say, See? This is why it’s different this time.
My feelings have betrayed me before. And I don’t know if I could survive being wrong like that again. Questioning myself, I consider texting him. Just to see if we were okay. He hasn’t called once to check on me, and I expected to receive at least something.
I pick up my phone and open my messages. My thumb hovers over his name. Just a simple, are we ok? Should be plenty.
Not too needy.
But I can’t bring myself to tap my screen, and lock my phone instead.
“Serena?” Bethany calls my name from the door. I blink, realizing she’s been standing at the door talking to me and I haven’t heard a word she’s said.
“Huh?” Setting my phone down in front of me, I turn and face her in the doorway. “I’m sorry Bethany, I didn’t hear you. What did you say?”
“I was just saying how good it is to have you back. I swear this place falls apart when you’re not here.” Bethany sits in the empty chair next to mine and places her hand on my cast. “How are you feeling?”
I pat the top of her hand with reassurance. “I’m okay. Thank you for asking.”
“You must have been so scared when you crashed.” She knits her brows together, her eyes searching mine.
“Oh yeah. Terrified.” The lie stains my tongue.
“And then being chased by some crazy lunatic?! Girl, you have had a wild couple weeks. I’m surprised you’re still here at all.” My body stiffens. How did she know about the chase?
The only one who knew about it was Jules. Did she tell her?
“Well,” She pats my leg and stands up. “Like I said, I’m happy to have you back.”
Bethany walks toward the door and then turns around. “What time are you off today?”
Since when did she care? “Umm 5:00. But I have a lot of stuff to catch up on, so I probably won’t be done until around 5:30. Why?”
“Oh no reason.” She responds quickly. Her voice jumps an octave as she pulls her phone from her back pocket. “Have a great rest of your shift.”
She’s already leaving the room before I have a chance to say thanks. Her thumbs moving over her phone screen in a hurried pace. Typing like she’s having an important conversation with someone.
The door clicks shut behind her, and I stare at it a little longer than I normally would.
Maybe I’m reading into it too much, but something inside me feels uneasy. I shake my head, convincing myself that I’m just being paranoid. My nerves are all over the place after yesterday is all. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.
Maybe if I say it enough times, I’ll start to believe it.
Jules walks into the office and my fists clench. There’s only one way that Bethany would have known about the motorcycle chase, and I’m looking at her.
“How could you Jules?” I spit out.
She turns and glares at me. “Excuse me?”
“How could you tell Bethany about the bike chase?” My voice rises. “First, you decide it’s okay to tell Keirsten I’m sleeping with Isaac. Then, you go and run your mouth to Bethany about the chase?”
She pops out her hip and rests her hand on top.
“First of all, Keirsten asked about you and Isaac because she wanted to make sure you were okay after the drugging. And all I told her, by the way, was that you were staying with him while you recovered so you weren’t alone.
Oh, and I never said anything to Bethany about the chase.
” She turns her back to me and sits down at her desk.
“Bullshit Jules.” My mind and heart racing. “You can’t help but stir the pot. You love the drama as long as it’s not about you.”
“Choose what you want to believe Serena, but that’s the truth.” She continues to work without another glance my way.
I stand from my chair, challenging her blatant lies. “How else would she have known Jules? You can’t help but to run your mouth and insert yourself into places where you don’t belong.” I regret the words the moment they leave my lips.
She stands up to face me, the force causing her chair to fall to the ground.
“Fuck you, Serena! All I’ve ever done is care about you and watch out for you.
When you were too much of a scared little bitch to stand up for yourself, who stood up for you instead?
Me! Who was there for you every time you got your heart broken to pick up the pieces?
Oh, that’s right, me!” She grabs her purse and storms past me towards the door.
“I don’t know how she found out, but it wasn’t from me. Don’t fucking talk to me again. As far as I’m concerned, this friendship is over.” She spins on her heels and slams the door on her way out.
I stand in the middle of the room. The sound of the door echoing in my chest. Her chair still lying on the floor.
I sit back down in my chair, my hands shaking in my lap. Tears threatening to break free. My throat tightens as her words repeat in my head.
Scared little bitch .
She’s not wrong. I’ve always been too afraid to stand up for myself. Always the quiet, passive pushover too scared to hurt someone’s feelings, even if it meant hurting my own.
And now I’ve ruined the only friendship that matters to me.
I slump back into my chair and stare at my computer screen. Not really seeing it. The hum of the fluorescent lights fills the silence, seeming louder than it should.
I blink, deciding that I need to get off my ass and stop feeling sorry for myself.
I walk down the hallway to do my final room checks, when movement at the front desk grabs my attention. Everyone else should be gone, minus myself, the doctor and Bethany. Keirsten and Bethany are whispering, leaning close together and their lips are moving fast.
Keirsten’s gestures are sharp, almost desperate. Bethany shakes her head at her, almost in warning. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but something about the entire exchange feels off.
Bethany glances around, ending the conversation with a wave and walking off when she notices me nearby. Keirsten turns around and sees me, but she doesn’t look me in the eye. She keeps her head down and walks away in the opposite direction.
I push the unease down, telling myself that I just need to finish my room checks and then I can leave. Do I go back to the hotel room? Or do I swallow my pride and go back to Isaac’s?
I’m not even sure he wants me there anymore. He didn’t even come after me.
After clearing the last room, I grab my bag and leave. But as I’m walking out, the clinic suddenly feels… different.
Quieter. Too quiet. The buzz of the refrigerator feels hollow, echoing in a way that I’ve never paid attention to before.
Pocketing my badge, I lock the door behind me and set the security alarm. I’m the last one to go home tonight, making the parking lot dark and empty.
It feels almost ominous. Like there’s a danger lurking in the shadows just beyond my sight.
I grip my purse tighter and quicken my pace. My stomach tightens with every step. Something causes me to pause, glancing over my shoulder.
Nothing. Just an empty parking lot.
Rustling comes from the bushes beside me. My skin prickles, goosebumps rising across my arm.
Taking a deep breath and telling myself I’m being silly; I continue to walk toward my car with shaky legs carrying me along the way.
A shadow flickers across the corner of my vision. I whip my head.
Nothing.
Get a grip Serena. You’re freaking out over nothing. Stop being a scaredy cat and just get in your car and go .
Every instinct I’ve tried to ignore since Tyler is screaming at me right now. Telling me that something is wrong.
My pace quickens, but the feeling doesn’t go away. It sinks deeper into my chest, tight and cold.
Suddenly my car feels a mile away. My pulse is pounding in my ears, and my breath fills the air around me. I should just go back to the clinic and call Isaac to come get me.
Would it be weak if I called him?
The hair on the back of my neck rises, and I have the feeling like someone is standing behind me.
Slowly I turn. Bracing myself for what I might see.
I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding. Nothing is there.
I am just being paranoid.
Nothing has ever happened here to give me a reason to be so nervous. I have nothing to worry about.
Just as I turn to open my door, a figure darts out from the bushes in front of my car and runs toward the neighborhood behind me. My scream is swallowed by the vast darkness around me.
After my heart returns to my chest, I realize that it was a raccoon.
Fucking raccoons.
Laughter bubbles up and explodes out of me. I can’t believe I was scared of a damn trash panda.
A little more relaxed, I open my door and sit behind the steering wheel, putting my purse on the seat beside me. Adjusting my mirror, I catch a flash of blonde before pain rips through my skull.
“Tyler says hi.”
Her hand grips my hair, yanking me forward as she slams my head into the steering wheel over and over. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth. My stomach lurches and bile threatens the back of my throat.
The world around me is blurring into shapes, melding together.
I can’t breathe through my nose, and I’m pretty sure it’s broken. And then everything tilts and my vision fades to black. My head lulls to the side as she lets go and leaves me laying across my steering wheel.
The last thing I hear are the sound of heels striking concrete, slow and deliberate, echoing in the night.
And the last thing I remember seeing before my vision goes black, is Isaac’s name as it lights up across my phone screen.