Chapter 35 #2
The basin shifted as she dipped the cloth into the water.
We’d sued the State for a lot of money. Due process violations.
A list of screwups as long as the Great Wall of China.
They dropped all the charges. Then they settled fast. One point five million.
Robert said it was low. But it meant no more fighting.
All charges would be dropped. No time in court.
He said that part mattered more than the money.
“Think about it,” my mom said. “It’s up to you if you want to ignore the AG or go after him.”
I nodded.
“Lavender or lemon?” she asked, holding up the bottles of body wash.
I pointed at the lavender.
Brian’s favorite smell.
Her eyebrows rose. Like she already knew.
“Dear God, Lacey,” she said, scolding but amused. “You were born with the spirit of a horny old man.”
A laugh shook out of me without sound. My shoulders bounced. I shrugged, as innocent as ever.
The doctor had said intimacy was good for me.
Mom had raised concerns about health, safety, energy.
All of it. But the doctor talked about how sick people were still humans.
He said that, in some patients, desire didn’t disappear just because they were ill.
That wanting someone was still human. Still allowed.
Intimacy had been one of the hardest parts of this whole cancer nightmare.
People didn’t want to talk about it. Didn’t want to picture it.
As if sick bodies weren’t supposed to love.
Of course, everyone was different, and it also depended on how sick someone was.
But I wanted my husband. I wanted him badly.
Watching him stand by me when it got ugly, when it was humiliating, only made my longing for him stronger.
So the doctor prescribed Brian Viagra without flinching. And explained it was normal to struggle with erection issues due to feelings of sadness and stress.
A knock sounded at the door, and Brian came in.
“I’ll take over,” he said, reaching for the lavender bottle.
My mom rolled her eyes and turned to leave. As she passed the bed, my hand shot up, and I closed my fingers around her wrist.
Her eyes dropped to my hand first. Then her gaze lifted to mine.
I tried to be strong, tried to keep my eyes dry, but my vision blurred anyway. There was so much I wanted to tell her. How much I loved her. How grateful I was. How I would already be dead without her.
My mouth opened, but I closed it again.
The cold feeling of shame radiated through me. This woman had saved me from so much horror, and I couldn’t even thank her and tell her I loved her.
My mom’s hand lifted instantly, cupping my sunken cheek.
“I know, sweetheart. I love you too.”
She held my gaze for a long moment. Her eyes filled with the kind of love only a parent carries for their child. Were there tears in her eyes?
She turned quickly.
“Well,” she said, “I’d better make sure Lila is doing her homework. She got a C on her last math test.”
Then she left.
Brian tipped the lavender wash into the bowl and then soaked the washcloth until it darkened.
“I love the smell of lavender,” he said. “You know what it does to me, right?”
A wide smirk spread across my face, and I pointed toward his crotch, then mimicked swallowing a pill.
He understood, grinning as he helped me pull my T-shirt over my head and unclasp my bra.
His eyes cut to the door for a split second, then back to me.
“Took the little bastard the moment I saw your mom grab the wash basin from the bathroom.”
A soundless chuckle shook my chest. I watched as he climbed into bed beside me and slid my pants down.
For a moment, shame crept in at the ruined body I was offering him.
It looked like something from a late-night horror movie—all bone and shadow.
Bruises all over. A skeleton pretending to be human.
Doubt flickered across my face before I could stop it.
He saw it.
“You look amazing,” he said, a little too fast, and quickly leaned in to kiss me.
Heat spread through my body all at once. Beautiful butterflies like I was eighteen again and didn’t know better.
Brian moved between my legs as my fingers found the hem of his shirt. He lifted his arms without a word. The fabric slid away, revealing that perfect body. Strong. Familiar. Still solid in all the right places.
My hands traced over his broad chest before drifting lower. I undid the buttons one by one. Slow. Intentional. I reached inside, and he groaned when my fingers wrapped around him. I guided him closer, until he pressed against me.
He slid in with a push, then started moving slowly, evenly. Almost mechanical, like a robot.
Another quick glance at the door. So fast I almost missed it.
A few more strokes, and my body’s aches finally eased off, slipped to the edges for a while. Love always did that to me. Blinded my heart, body, and soul.
My hands moved over him as he rocked back and forth. Over his strong shoulders, his muscular back.
His face stayed tucked against my neck, not looking at me.
I pulled back just enough to look at him. This loyal, beautiful man who was still mine. God, I loved him more than life itself.
And before I could stop it, tears ran down my face. I was so grateful.