19. Cass
CASS
PLAYLIST: ALL THE THINGS SHE SAID – T.A.T.U.
“Are you out of your fucking mind?” I shout at Addy as I get up from my chair and she jumps up immediately. “She fucking blackmailed you and you—you—“
I push her back. She’s ruining the entire plan. Even thinking about doing it! That Lilian is one of the elitists. She is playing her, manipulating her—The entire past weeks she has gotten between me and my plan and is ruining everything. EVERYTHING!
“She didn’t blackmail me,” she roars back at me, now pushing me back. “Calm fucking down.”
Illy and Nikki both just shake their heads.
In the planning of what we are about to do, Addy and I have been at each other's throats every ten minutes.
Probably because ever since that night in the hotel, things have been as strange and awkward as it can get, and now after what happened in the warehouse—
“I will not calm down! That woman walks in with a picture of your dead father, and you believe her? Did it ever occur to you that she’s a fucking billionaire elitist who tries to get you on her side so she can stay fucking rich?”
“She’s not like that,” she says and pushes me off the rails.
I grab a stack of paper from the table, flap them onto her chest. They’re printed-out screenshots from articles about Lilian.
“Read that shit,” she says. “Greedy billionaire, cares only about herself. And her father—“
She interrupts me, now shouting at the top of her lungs.
“Did you ever read what the press writes about me? Yesterday I was a sure bitch, today I’m their biggest love, last week I was a stupid opportunist. They lie and construct, and you don’t fucking get it because you think your problems are the only real thing.
” She is wildly gesturing and so angry that spit drops from her mouth and flies onto my face. And she’s not even done.
“You believe just because someone has money they aren’t allowed to have problems, but you believe in a fucking lie to those who don’t have it so you do everything to get it.”
My face hardens. She is so entitled that it makes my toenails curl.
“Oh yeah, and what is that lie?” I say with a sneer.
How I hate the rich!
As if their money can’t buy them any problem solution. And if it’s so bad, why not give it fucking away?
“That becoming rich solves all problems. It fucking doesn’t. It solves the problems you have right now, so you give it your everything to get money. But when you have it, you suddenly have a million other problems.”
I can’t help myself. “Uhhhh, the poor rich girl. So sad people talk about her. At least you can cry in your 80k a night suite while others don’t know how to feed their kids. Really, such a big prob—”
Her fist lands in my face before I can end my sentence.
I retaliate immediately.
She evades it by ducking.
“You—“ I curse out as I go after her again.
But then Nikki steps in between.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Nikki says. “We’re all breathing, okay?”
“Nothing is fucking okay!” I shout and aim to get past Nikki
Nikki pushes a hand into my chest. Breathing deep in front of me.
“Breathe with me,” she says calmly and breathes in deep.
“She fucking attacked me!” I roar. “Why are you keeping me in check and not her?”
“Because she knows my point is valid!” shouts Addy. “You measure your problems by your moral code, but the world doesn’t divide in fucking black and white.”
“You’re black and white. She’s like every shade in between. Things aren’t that easy.”
It is then that I remember what Nikki told me about her. About what Addy did. And then I remember what we talked about in the suite. That she can’t get out. The things that must’ve happened in L.A.
Gods, I’m so stupid. Why am I like this? Why does she make me so aggressive that I forget everything I know and just react like a complete idiot?
I take a deep breath in.
Nikki nods and removes herself from between us. She knows I boil fast and think later. It has gotten us in trouble countless times, but Addy…she has a way to get to me in a way no one ever has.
Breathe in and out, I tell myself.
“Why do you trust her?” I ask Addy in a forcefully calm voice, suppressing the anger I still had in me.
“Because she was the one who told me to get out while I can. It was her voice that made me choose to leave.”
“You've known her since childhood? What makes you trust her?”
Addy bites her lip.
“I do, but I can’t tell you why I trust her. It is not my story to tell,” she says.
I don’t ask any further. I value what she just said, because a code means everything to me. The question is, do I trust her enough to believe her judgment?
My blood pressure is still up; she’s still regulating her breathing, so I take a moment to contemplate her.
Do I trust her enough?
The woman who stares angrily at me, with eyes that flicker like the dangerous waves of an untamed ocean.
Goosebumps spread over my arms just from the way she looks at me. The way she stands there so present, dangerously daring…then she bites her lips.
My chest feels too small for the air I need in my lungs.
It’s fucking stupid what’s happening in my body simply because she looks at me.
I need air, need to breathe
I storm out of the house, past her, forcefully bumping into her with my shoulder.
Through the door and slam it behind me.
She got under my skin.
Elise’s sister—
I stumble onto the yard as I realize what is happening.
It’s raining, heavily.
Breathe, I tell myself.
I stand in the middle of the yard between all our cars with the rain pelting down on me.
The Eleanor stares reproachfully at me, like a visual reminder of the promise I am breaking. It was supposed to be Elise and me, until we die. And now, now I kissed her sister. Her sister who is making me lose my mind every day. Her sister who got under my skin.
My hands tremble.
“What is fucking wrong with you?” asks Addy suddenly behind me.
“Leave me alone,” I say through gritted teeth, desperately trying to hold on to my promise.
“Yeah, no. Not until you tell me what’s really going on.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters very much, because what we are about to do is not just breaking the law by speeding; it’s risky, without a safety net, and I need to know if you’re in the headspace for it.”
I scoff out derogatorily, still with my back to her.
“Suddenly you care about your life?”
“It’s not mine I care about,” she says, walking up to me with every one of her steps splashing from the rain built up on the yard.
“Tell me what’s going on,” she says. She is so close now; I can feel her behind me. I can feel her, because she got under my skin.
Her sister.
“You are her fucking sister!” I roar as I round on her. “We swore to each other till death do us part the day we met. It was her and me against the rest of the world. She was the one who was supposed to be here, and now—“
This time, it’s my eyes that flood with tears, and I am more than thankful for the rain.
“And now, it’s me,” she says, ending what I couldn’t say. “The sister, the one who is everything you ever hated, the one who reminds you of her every day.”
I suck in my lips because I can’t stand the feeling in me as I nod.
I don’t feel.
I don’t cry.
I don’t do emotions.
And right now I feel like I am destroying them both.
She closes the gap between us.
“Elise is dead,” she says almost casually as she trails her finger through my dripping hair, following it with her gaze. “She doesn’t fucking care about any of this.”
And then, she cups my face.
Bends slightly down.
Hesitates for one second.
Kisses me.
My entire body melts into her touch as I close my eyes.
Her tongue enters my mouth, daring me to claim what I denied myself all this time.
A part of me wants to fight it.
But I can’t.
I can’t fight what I feel.
I grasp her.
Kiss her back in a way I have never, ever kissed anyone before while the rain soaks us through.
I need more.
I want more.
I want to feel her.
All of her.