25. Audrey
AUDREY
PLAYLIST: DIAMONDS – RIHANNA
Cass parks the car in the Four Seasons garage, opens the door for me and helps me out of the car.
She fusses around me like a mama bear.
Part of me wants it. The bigger part finds it obscene and is repulsed.
No one has ever mothered me, least of all my own mother.
“It’s okay,” I tell her as she grabs under my arm to walk me to the elevator. “You don’t have to—“
“The doctors said rest and keep it slow.”
“Exactly, not that I can’t do anything on my own.”
The elevator doors open.
“Shut up and let me do this,” she says, pressing the only button in the private elevator.
“Cass,” I say. “There is nothing you have to make up for.”
“There is,” she says.
“No,” I say and turn to her. “You walked away from emotion. I ran into death. We did the best we could.”
Her hand wanders up to my face.
Stops.
She doesn’t dare touch me because of all the wounds I must have. I have refused to look in a mirror, but I know people tiptoe around me, most of all, her.
She removes her hand.
I grab it.
Move it closer to my face.
She lets me, reluctantly.
I bring her palm to the side of my face, not breaking the gaze into my eyes.
“It’s okay,” I say.
“Are you sure?” she asks, looking at me with her round eyes.
“I am,” I say and guide her hand onto the skin. It is a strange feeling. I still have tingling fingertips and the skin on that side of my face with the grafts feels slightly numb, and yet, this moment—
I let her in.
I let her in after everything that happened.
And this here, this is us.
Messy.
Fucked up.
But we’re here.
Both of us.
The elevator bings, bringing this moment to an end.
We let go of each other and get out into the suite—a suite that reminds me of everything that happened.
I stop.
“What?” she asks immediately.
I don’t answer. Instead, I stare into the void as I suddenly remember Lilian words.
‘You were never meant for this world. I still remember the day we first met. You had this light in your eyes when we talked about the cars. I envied you for the love you had for them. You lost your spark. That’s what this world does.’
“What’s wrong?” asks Cass, audibly stressed out.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
“Can’t do what?” she asks, now with panic in her voice.
“This here,” I say and point with my head at the surroundings.
Cass exhales sharply.
“Then don’t,” she says, shrugging.
“You know what, you’re right,” I say with a faint smile. “Give me my phone.”
Cass rummages in the bag from the hospital and hands it to me.
I unlock it.
Open the phone app and dial.
“This is Audrey Whitney-Morgan,” I say as I hold the phone on speaker in front of my face. “I’d like to make a transfer from the trust.”
“Of course, Miss Whitney-Morgan. We need identification and the exact details.”
“819476673,” I say. “Recipient is Annie Monroe, the same account the monthly payments are made to.”
“How much would you like to transfer?” asks the employee.
I look at Cass.
“All of it,” I say as I look at Cass. She doesn’t know what’s going on, so it’s natural that she mouths ‘What the fuck are you doing?’
I grin.
“Miss Whitney-Morgan,” says the employee. “Are you sure about this?”
“Very,” I say. “Please proceed as ordered and send me the closure agreement for signature.”
I have to run through another verification and talk to the manager to validate the closure and withdrawal for a second pair of ears; meanwhile, I press the elevator button.
The doors open.
I tilt my head, pointing Cass inside.
She is as confused as she can be.
“Of course, Sir. It was my pleasure,” I say before I hang up.
Cass opens her mouth, but before she can say something, I cup her face with my tingling fingertips, push her back against the elevator wall, and kiss her.
I kiss her in a way that sends warmth into my core.
We kiss the entire way down.
“What the fuck is going on?” she asks when we both sit in the Hellcat.
“There’s something you need to see,” I say. “Get to the Airport, Teterboro.”
She looks at me, completely taken aback.
“Um—“
“You won’t need anything,” I say.
“Not?”
“No,” I say, and laugh, texting the crew we need to be wheels up in an hour and they are supposed to pre-clear everything with the FBO for us.
We’re at Teterboro Airport more than an hour later because Cass refused to drive fast with me in the car.
“There,” I say and point to the gate we can drive through.
“You’re fucking kidding,” she says as we can simply drive to the hangar.
“No,” I say as I direct her into the hangar. “Your girl can wait here for us; we’ll be back tomorrow.”
“You own a fucking plane?” she asks, completely flabbergasted.
“Yeah?” I ask, because it’s so normal in the world I come from.
“You’re insane.”
“Yeah. Probably,” I say and laugh.
“Where are we even going?” she asks as we get out of the car and are welcomed by the crew.
“You’ll see,” I say.
We sit in silence the entire flight.
It’s not awkward, but what we do—not a forced conversation, but the presence with and in each other.
She stares outside the windows. I scroll through my phone for a while until I have caught up with the latest speculation about my persona, just to be aware of what might await us in L.A.
I have to thank Lilian—or more so Kat—that everything that happened hasn’t blown up in my face so far. Whoever Lilian’s wife is, she is fucking epic.
We land.
“Here,” I say and throw Cass a key.
She catches it.
I point at my modded black Mercedes 300 SL waiting for us.
“This is yours?” she asks as she caresses the car with her hand.
“Uh-huh,” I say.
“I’ve never seen one like this,” she says in awe.
“Because there ain’t many. She is in some ways very much unique. You will see.”
We get in.
She turns the key and laughs as she hears the gurgling.
“What did you do to her?”
“Let’s just say she’d beat the hell out of your girl.”
A grin—there it is, her fire back on to test the boundaries and challenge what I just said.
But she doesn’t. She breathes and drives as carefully as possible. Meh.
We drive from the Van Nuys Airport for half an hour, leaving North Hollywood and the L.A. behind us.
The moment we’re on the Old Topanga Canyon Road, I let down the window, close my eyes, and just breathe.
Goosebumps appear on my arms because I’m home.
The only place of peace left on this earth.
“Turn into that driveway,” I say, pointing left towards the old-looking wooden gate with no number on it.
It opens automatically and she looks at me, wildly irritated.
I nod to her, telling her to just drive, secretly grinning to myself, because she is so far out of her comfort zone.
We drive up the dry gravel path leading up to my hideaway.
“You live here?” she asks a tad too incredulous as she comes to a halt in front of the house.
“Yes,” I say with a laugh.
“Huh,” she says as if she has seen Santa, looks at me, at the house, back at me.
“Expected something different?”
“Yeah,” she says. “Figured you’d live in one of these elitist Hollywood Hills thingys with your own airplane and everything.”
“Nah,” I say and heave myself out of the car. “This here is me.”
Suddenly, a shout.
“Addy!”
Luke comes running towards me.
His hand shoots to his mouth as he reaches me before he hugs me.
“That bad?” I ask, laughing in gallows humor.
He needs one second to collect himself.
“Babe,” he then says, beaming at me. “Fabulous as ever.”
“Liar,” I say and hug him. Very, very carefully.
“Meet Cass,” I tell him when we let go. “Cass, Luke. I believe you know each other by distance.”
“So that’s the grumpy gremlin everyone fears,” he says as he walks over to her. “I imagined her to be…taller,” he adds sardonically.
“Permission to punch him?” she asks me.
I have to laugh even more.
“Granted.”
Whack.
“Ouch,” he says, rubbing his face.
“He likes it rough,” I say as I walk towards the entrance to the house with the small front porch and my loved ferns in front.
“Tommy, are you home?” I shout into the house.
“Yeah!” he shouts back.
“Are you clothed?” I ask, because from Luke’s red cheeks I’m sure they were busy doing other things.
“On it,” he says, and I roll my eyes. “You were earlier than expected.”
“Let’s get to the terrace,” I tell Cass, who has wide eyes and stares at me completely flabbergasted.
“Here,” I tell her as I grab a beer from the outside fridge. “That hanging chair is the best.”
She looks at it, looks at the view into the Topanga Mountains, at me.
“Relax,” I tell her and take her hand to close it around the beer bottle because she seems not to adapt as well as I hoped to surprise trips.
A meow at our feet.
“Throttle,” I say, pointing at my cat brushing itself against Cass’s leg, checking her out.
“You have a cat?”
“Cat distribution system,” I say, shrugging. “He was as lost as me.”
She picks him up.
“He’s old. Doesn’t hear that much anymore. Pees onto everything. But I love him. He’s family.”
“Are we celebrating?” asks Tommy silently in my ear as he hugs me from behind.
“Maybe,” I say, and add a bit louder, “depends on whether this one gets a shock from too much clean air or wants to stay or —” I point at Cass.
Her eyes dart over to me where Tommy and I are sniggering. People from New York aren’t made for L.A., let alone the nature here in Topanga.
“We’ll make her,” he says, only for my ears.
She cuddles Throttle, and Tommy says hi to her. There is awkward superficial talk between them until they dive into cars and are completely immersed.
It’s a moment of peace, and I am realizing how tired I am.
My body is still exhausted, and I feel the need to sit down. She is with me in one second, immediately noticing what is going on.
“Everything okay?”
“Yes,” I say. “Was a long day; I’ll sit, you talk.”
“Sit down there,” she says and navigates me onto the lounge chairs under the old oak tree I had the terrace built around.
I sit down. She sits down with me, a concerned look on her face.
“I’m okay,” I say.
“You don’t look okay.”
“I am,” I tell her and lie down on her lap, on the side that wasn’t burned by the flames, and look into nature.
I’m home.
We don’t talk. She just caresses my hair.
Luke and Tommy make themselves scarce.
The sun is already setting beautifully behind the mountains when she finally speaks.
“This is your home,” she says. “Your family.”
“Yeah,” I say and roll onto my back so I can see her.
A faint smile on her face, almost a bitter one.
“What?” I ask.
“Nothing,” she says.
“Cass,” I say warningly.
She sighs, scoffs sweetly, smiles.
“I finally get to see the real you,” she says. “And it’s someone I very much love.”
She bends down.
Kisses my forehead.
Yeah. This is the real me.