Chapter Nine
Madison
Madison blinked blearily, staring at the numbers on the clock as if they’d personally betrayed her.
In a way, they had.
Emmie had been up wanting to eat every two hours and she’d only just got into a good sleep a couple of hours ago. The red numbers taunted her every extra minute that she lay there thinking about them. She almost closed her eyes again—just for a minute—but she knew she’d fall asleep immediately and most likely be extremely late for work.
Christian was a good boss, a good man, but he was running a business and he couldn’t give her special treatment and she wouldn’t take advantage of him. He’d already given her a half-hour off to go over to McClellan’s Hope to start the evening meal before her lunch break. It would take hours to cook and there was no other way.
She had to get up, shower, and get the kids breakfast. She had to get Emmie ready for Helen’s, which meant feeding her, changing her, feeding her again, and then feeding her some more as she fried eggs and packed the kids a bag.
Em was in a cluster-feeding frenzy at the moment and it was exhausting.
She also had to run to the grocery store after she left her first job, rush home and put away the things, and then rush to her second job. She still hadn’t gotten into a routine. The kids missed her in the evenings and she missed them. Their schoolwork wasn’t suffering as badly as she had anticipated, but they couldn’t keep doing it at eight and nine o’clock indefinitely.
She was working Monday through Thursday from eight o’clock to two o’clock for Christian, then every day from four to seven-thirty for Kyle. She was thankful for the jobs, but she practically never got to play with the kids during the week anymore and the guilt was piling on.
It won’t be forever was the mantra she kept repeating in her head. She just needed to get enough money saved up for property taxes and a car. Then she could maybe start taking weekends off…or at least Sundays.
They had gone over the paperwork and Kyle had set up her direct deposit for Fridays. She was anxiously waiting for that first paycheck. She planned to save every single penny for the property taxes, and when she finally had enough to pay them, she needed to save for a car. She couldn’t use Helen’s indefinitely.
She finally rolled out of bed at six-thirty, deciding to forego taking a shower so she could lay there longer. Em was still sleeping soundly, so she went right to the kitchen to start breakfast and pack the diaper bag.
Jack came in first as he usually did. She pulled the carton of eggs from the alarmingly empty fridge, noting that they were low on those too. She added them to the list and then cracked four into the skillet while he told her about his dream and got the toaster from the pantry.
She plugged it in for him and he made toast.
Ellie came in shortly after with a sleepy James in tow, and she would pour the milk while Madison fed and dressed Em. It was something they had gotten good at doing. They practically had it down to an art form.
They all cleaned their plates and she thanked God that she didn’t have overly picky kids. True, Ellie didn’t like the eat the edges of her fried eggs, but Jack loved them.
“Is there any more?” James asked, looking at the empty egg plate.
Madison felt another horrible pang of guilt. They had just enough food for everyone to have two eggs and a piece of toast. She eyed her plate resting near the stove. She would usually eat last after making sure everything was ready.
“I’m not hungry. You guys can share mine,” she told them.
Ellie was full but the boys divvied up the rest between them. She ignored the rumbling in her stomach and drank more coffee instead. It probably wasn’t super good for Emmie, but she couldn’t function without it.
She pulled the kids over to Helen’s, borrowed the old car once again, and made her way to work.
∞∞∞
Christian was staring at her.
She heard a rumble of thunder overhead and pretended to watch the drizzle of rain along the large window. She fluffed the pillow on the chair and straightened a couple of books on an antique display table.
“Are you feeling okay?” he finally asked.
She spun around, confused. “Yeah?”
“You look tired,” he said.
“Oh, the baby is keeping me up more. I think she’s hitting a growth spurt or something. I’ll be fine.”
“You should rest more,” he said. “I know it can’t be easy for you, working here all day, taking care of the kids in the evening, and then losing sleep at night.”
She smiled at his concern. “I’ll be fine. I started working a second job and I’m just not used to the full-time hours yet. It’ll be okay though, it’s just temporary.”
“A second job?” he asked, sounding concerned. “How can you do that with the kids? What about the baby? What about their lessons?”
“Christian, it’s fine. I said it’s temporary. I just need to earn enough to pay the tax bill and buy a car. After that, I can cut back some.”
He shook his head. “I wish you’d let me help.”
“I’m not taking your money,” she reiterated. “I know how much you”re doing for Karen and her family. There’s no way I will accept a penny from you beyond what I earn here.”
He still looked upset.
She set down the rag that she used for dusting and looked at him hopefully. “However, I could use a little extra time today to stop at the store, if you wouldn’t mind letting me leave a little early?”
His face cleared and he checked his watch and nodded. “Sure. It’s been slow today anyway. Go ahead now if you want,” he said. “Be careful driving in this rain.”
She smiled and nodded. “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it,” he said gruffly, returning to his usual standoffish manner.
She wasn’t sure why he pretended to be so distant, but she hoped they could be more friendly in the future. He was a good man and he deserved to have friends. She didn’t think he saw many people outside of the bookshop. It was a shame because he was intelligent, caring, and hard-working.
He would be a good catch for some lucky woman.
∞∞∞
The rain splattered against the windshield as she drove the short distance to the grocery store.
Ed’s Market was the only place in town, aside from the gas station, to buy groceries. The place had been in his family for generations and had never really been modernized. The freezer cases were old, and the cash registers were older, but she loved the nostalgic atmosphere of the shop.
She pulled into the closest available parking space and got out, running through the downpour and into the cold store.
She stopped to let an elderly woman with a plastic rain cap over her perm get her cart first, then grabbed one for herself.
She checked her phone for the time and rushed through the aisles, consulting her short shopping list. She got eggs, milk, and bread. Apples were on sale, so she bought two bags of them. The smell of the rotisserie chickens made her mouth water.
She hadn’t had anything so good in a long time.
The kids were always hungry and needed snacks. She picked up the cheap brand of peanut butter and a box of saltines while eyeing the jelly. She had to buy diapers, she reminded herself, and so the jelly stayed on the shelf.
It was the end of summer and fresh vegetables were cheaper than frozen, so she bought those. At the meat case, she debated, but in the end, she just bought chicken again because it was cheaper than turkey and healthier than pork. With the dried beans, rice, and flour, she could make up a week”s worth of meals.
One day, she wouldn’t have to worry so much about money.
She tried to see this as a learning experience, a way to test herself, but the lesson was harsh and she just barely kept herself from tearing up in the cereal aisle.
Oatmeal went into the cart, but the cereal was too expensive.
It’s not healthy anyway.
But it still hurt that she couldn’t get the kids little treats like that sometimes.
She felt hollow inside as she put her groceries on the conveyor belt and watched the numbers add up. She felt the tingle of nerves in her throat as the cashier announced the final total. She carefully pulled the bills from her purse, counting out the exact change.
She loaded up the groceries in the rain and tried not to think about how she was out of money for the week. Everything else was needed for bills.
The drive home was slow and she tapped the steering wheel impatiently, wanting to have a little time to hug the kids and cuddle with Em before she had to go to Kyle’s.
∞∞∞
She pulled up to the kitchen door as she had gotten used to doing, but there was a Jeep parked in her spot. She backed out and went back around front, steeling herself for yet another dash through the rain.
She wasn’t even dry from the grocery store trip yet.
Emmie had been content and happy when she left after feeding her and putting the groceries away. Helen had bought the boys some kind of game that had them completely engrossed. Ellie had her face buried in a book but had given her a good hug and assured her that she’d keep the boys in line.
She sounded so grown up. Madison worried that she was missing out on just being a kid.
She slammed the car door and dashed to the back porch. Her foot slipped on the slippery wooden step and she slammed her shin into the edge of the rough wood. She gritted her teeth and pushed herself up before walking more carefully to the back door, cursing a blue streak in her mind.
The door was unlocked and she pushed her way in.
A man was standing at the dubious dishwasher, transferring clean dishes to a cart. He looked up suspiciously as she came in and she felt awkward and gauche under his scrutiny. He was older than she was, and he seemed angry, sullen.
He must be the daytime cook—chef, she reminded herself. She was the cook and he was a chef, a master of the skill.
She had to be careful, or he’d sniff out her lie faster than a hound dog on a rabbit’s trail.
She stiffened her lips and raised her chin. She wouldn’t let some stranger make her feel inferior. She ignored the throbbing of her shin and walked into the kitchen as if it were her own. She had every right to be here.
“I’m Madison,” she said, nodding at him politely.
“I know who you are,” he said, narrowing his eyes and looking her up and down. He was inspecting her. It made her a tad bit angry.
“I’m here to start the evening meal and then I’ll be out of your way,” she said tersely.
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you about that,” he said and she froze.
“There’s no cabbage on the menu,” he said, pointing with a wooden spoon at the clipboard with the curling pages on the wall.
She raised an eyebrow. “I was given the impression that I was responsible for planning the evening meals.”
“That may be so, but your food pairings puzzle me a bit,” he said, not backing down.
“And?” she asked. “Has anyone complained?”
He glowered. “Not yet.”
She let out a brief prayer of thanks without letting him see it. She pulled on a spare apron and washed her hands.
She went to the refrigerator and took out the four corned beef roasts. She rinsed them under cold water to remove some of the salt and found the seasoning that she needed. She pulled two heavy Dutch ovens from the shelf and rubbed the inside with oil before sprinkling the roasts with a bit of fresh pepper.
She seared each side for a moment before adding a bit of water to the pots and placing the fat side up. She sprinkled in the seasonings and placed them in the oven. She set the timer on her phone and checked the cold pantry for the vegetables she’d need later.
The potatoes and carrots were there.
“Why no cabbage?”
The voice behind her made her jump and she spun around. The chef was blocking the only exit. He crossed his arms and waited.
She didn’t appreciate his intimidation, not at all.
“Look around,” she said. “Do you see any cabbage anywhere?”
He frowned, confused. “Why didn’t you put it on the list?”
“Why should I cost my employer any more money when I can make a perfectly good meal without it? There’s no need to go buying extra food when it isn’t necessary,” she said.
Plus, there was the fact that she was a fraud. She wasn’t going to be an expensive inconvenience as well.
He looked at her like she was crazy. “They can afford it, trust me.”
“That’s not the point,” she snapped.
He sighed and threw his hands up. “Crazy woman.”
“There’s requisition forms for a reason…” he left the room muttering as she finished her quick inventory.
She checked her watch again. She’d need to be back at four to make the horseradish cream sauce and roast the vegetables. She wanted to make a pineapple cake for dessert too. She could do that while the food was roasting.
She walked out of the pantry and straight into a hard body.
“Oof,” she said, putting her hands on the man’s chest and pushing away.
She knew by smell alone that it was Kyle, and for a second she was extremely glad it wasn’t the chef she had run into…or Wyatt.
She had a feeling he would chew her out for it and she’d reached her limit for the day.
“Sorry.”
“Madison,” Kyle said, looking her over with amusement sparkling in his eyes. “Been swimming?”
She grinned and tried to ignore the fingers wrapped around her upper arms. He seemed to flinch and quickly let her go, backing away.
“Almost felt like it when I was running for the door,” she joked back, enjoying their easy banter.
“It’s coming down that hard out there?” he asked, looking at her dripping hair and soaked shirt.
”Not too bad now, but I went to the grocery store before I came here. It was really pouring then and I didn’t have time to change.”
“I can see that,” he said, smirking at her before his smile dropped away. “Did you fall?”
She looked down at her shin and swore in her head. There was a spot of blood on her jeans, but even if there hadn’t been, the giant wet mark on her leg would have given her mishap away.
She chuckled self-deprecatingly. “Yeah. I was in a hurry and slid on the steps out there. It’s nothing, really,” she said.
He grabbed her arm. “You’re bleeding. It’s not nothing,” he insisted.
Her arm tingled where he touched it as he led her down the employee hallway to the small living room and sat her on the couch. She jumped up. “I’ll get the couch wet.”
“It’ll dry. Sit.” He gave her a gentle look, but the command was firm.
She sat because it would be silly to argue about it.
He went to the small attached kitchenette and looked under the sink. A moment later, he returned with a first aid kit and a small towel. “For your hair,” he said, smiling gently.
She took the towel, unbraided her hair, and began squeezing the excess water from the strands. “Thanks. I can do this.”
He gave her a grin that made her forget her own name and she gaped at him.
God, what is it with this man?!
It was a completely horrible and inopportune time for her sex drive to make a reappearance.
Even if there was a universe where Kyle would want her, she couldn’t be intimate with a man. She was a mother to four children and it showed on her body.
More than that, she would feel guilty for leaving her children with Helen just to satisfy her untimely urges and she would never in a million years invite a man to her home for that.
It was an impossible situation and she wished Rob were alive so that she could scream at him, and maybe punch him in the nose for good measure.
How dare he put her in this position. They were supposed to be forever. She was supposed to be settled and past worrying about all this.
She was supposed to be cherished as a wife and mother. Instead, she was alone and lonely.
“Hey, I’m not a combat medic, but I’ve had some training,” he reassured. “I’m more than qualified to slap a bandaid on your leg.”
That wasn’t the point. She felt guilty for having her boss literally kneeling at her feet and taking care of an insignificant injury.
She ducked her head, embarrassed for her clumsiness earlier and her situation now. “I’m sorry. I’m wasting your time,” she said, shaking her head.
“Madison,” he coaxed. “You are not a waste of my time and it’s just a bandaid,” he said. “Everyone falls sometimes and everyone needs a little help. Now let me help you before your leg turns gangrenous and we have to amputate.”
She snorted and smiled as he rolled up her pant leg. The jeans were fairly tight, but he managed to expose the area without too much trouble. She had a moment of panic where she couldn’t remember if she shaved her legs recently, but then remembered that she did.
She remembered it because Jackson had sat outside the bathroom door the whole time singing Chris Stapleton songs to Emmie to keep her happy.
She didn’t even know how he knew the words.
He hissed through his teeth when he saw the injury. “Woman, you’ve done some damage,” he said, gently pressing the area around the cut. “It’s swelling and already turning colors. Let me get this cleaned up and I’ll get you an ice pack.”
She sat patiently while he wiped the blood away and applied the ointment and the bandage. He threw the trash in the can and washed his hands, then came back with a small ice pack wrapped in a cloth. “Keep this on for about ten minutes, take it off for ten, and then put it back on.”
She gaped at him. “I can’t stay here. It’s only one-thirty!”
“You’ll be back in a couple of hours anyway,” he pointed out. “It’s no big deal. We’ve got a T.V. and there are books in the library if you’d rather not have my company,” he teased.
“I…it’s not that. I have obligations at home. I have to do things before I can come back here,” she explained.
“Your husband, right,” he said apologetically. “Sorry, of course you have to go.” He seemed to stop and think something over. “Is he home a lot?”
She paused as he looked at her inquiringly. “Uh, no. No, he’s gone a lot.”
“That’s hard, I know,” he said commiseratingly. “I’m sure you want to see him every chance you can. Is he in the service?”
“No. He’s a sales manager for a large marketing firm.”
It wasn’t a complete lie. He used to be one.
“Well, that sounds like good, safe work at least,” he said and she felt her chest tighten. He’d meant it to be comforting. He couldn’t know.
“Yeah,” she said smiling uneasily.
“Do you want me to drive you home? Are you okay to drive?” he asked, staring at her.
“I’m fine. It’s just a bruise,” she promised with a little smile. “I didn’t break my leg.”
She got to her feet and he did as well. She handed him the ice pack. He took it carefully without touching her. In fact, he made sure to put distance between them.
She felt bad. Was it because she was lying to him yet again? Was it because she was on the receiving end of his compassion and knew that she didn’t deserve it?
She wanted to bring them back to their easy companionship.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be back in plenty of time to feed you guys.”
“You better or we might have to put together a mission to steal you away for a few hours. The guys would have absolutely no qualms about it either,” he promised, but it lacked his earlier openness.
“That might be harder than you think,” she assured him.
She had a mental image of the guys showing up to kidnap her and ending up having to pack up the kids, the diaper bag, the playpen, and Em’s car seat. She smiled at it.
“I think we could handle anything you could throw at us.”
Four kids? My kids? Highly debatable.
She laughed. “Maybe.”
They walked into the now-empty kitchen. “You met Jimmy?” he asked suddenly. “I meant to introduce you but it completely slipped my mind.”
She tightened her lips. “Yeah, we met.”
He caught the microexpression and frowned. “Was he polite?”
She smiled ruefully. “Polite?”
He laughed. “Was he respectful, at least?”
“Aside from questioning my food pairings and general money management skills, yes.”
“Money management?” he asked, perplexed.
“I saw no need to go buy more ingredients when I can cook a perfectly good meal with what we have on hand,” she explained. “I’ve never been extravagant, and I intend to be a frugal employee.”
“Ahh, the lack of cabbage,” he remarked, crossing his arms.
“Exactly.”
“It’s not that big of a deal,” he reassured her. “Just ignore him and go on the way you have been doing. If you need something from the store just write it down. We have a generous food budget and I trust you.”
The words were like a knife to her chest. He trusted her.