Chapter Thirteen
Madison
She wanted to tell him everything. It was on the tip of her tongue just begging to jump out, but she couldn’t.
There were too many lies stacked up. He’d have no choice but to kick her out the door and then where would she be?
She prepared the meal in silence, making sure that she didn’t let her mood affect her meticulous attention to the food.
She was making a triple batch of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, corn on the cob, and homemade biscuits. It was simple enough, and her mind kept going back to that damned paperwork.
Her in-laws were suing for partial custody and visitation.
She had a very short period of time to figure out what to do next. She had to file papers with the court. There was probably a fee of some kind that she couldn’t afford. She had no way to pay a lawyer and Helen had been just as clueless about the legal proceedings as she was.
She had searched the internet and what she’d found had been alternately reassuring and upsetting.
The whole legal process was going to take up time and money that she couldn’t spare. She was also deathly afraid that her poverty and status as a widowed single mother were going to sway the judge in their favor. It wouldn’t be hard for them to paint her in a negative light. She could see it now.
They would tell the court that she was always working, abandoning her children with a neighbor. They would tell the court that she was neglecting their education by homeschooling them, even though she wasn’t. They were bright kids and she knew they were ahead of the public school.
They would say that she couldn’t afford to feed them properly, which was almost the truth. She could feed them properly, but only at the expense of herself.
It was starting to catch up to her too. Too many skipped meals had finally gotten the scale moving in a nice direction, but she felt a bit shaky sometimes. Perhaps she just needed to give her body time to adjust.
Her milk supply hadn’t suffered at least, not that she could tell anyway. Emmie was still gaining weight and the last checkup had been perfect.
The whole thing threatened to send her over the edge, especially at the thought that maybe the judge would side with them, and then her children would be forcibly made to visit them as often as they’d asked for.
Not only did the thought give her horrible anxiety, but the lack of control over the situation made her frustrated and nervous.
Pam and Don wanted the children alone every weekend, including Emmie. They’d also asked for visitation rights on every other major holiday, including Christmas and Thanksgiving.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if they’d only shown a modicum of real affection and interest in them instead of trying to win the Grandparents of the Year award with their friends.
It sickened her, and now that Rob was no longer around to be a barrier between them, their real feelings had begun to show.
They had never liked her and she couldn’t be sure, but she knew they were the type of people to try to whisper poison in the children’s ears when she wasn’t around. Rob had told her stories throughout the years.
The very thought terrified her. The kids were all she had left and now they were being threatened.
The meal was ready before she knew it and she found herself reluctant to serve it. They’d taken to loitering around the living room in the evenings while waiting for the food. She hoped they had decided to do something else this evening. She didn’t want the men to see the pain on her face.
She pushed the chimes and took a deep breath, about to go through to the dining room. If she was lucky, maybe nobody was there yet.
“Who hurt you?” a bass voice growled near her ear.
She shrieked and jumped at least a foot into the air, possibly even two.
“Wh…what?” she asked, spinning around and clutching her heart.
She wasn’t sure, but it seemed as if it was still in her chest, though the beating was too fast to count.
“Who. Hurt. You?” Murdock repeated.
She opened her mouth to deny it, but he cut her off.
“Don’t lie to me. I can see the anxiety on your face and I can smell your fear.”
He could smell her fear?
“You know that’s weird and creepy right?”
He rolled his eyes but crossed his massive arms and stood his ground. “Did your husband hurt you?”
“No!” she said immediately.
He tilted his head and studied her face. She had to force herself not to fidget or look away. If he sensed a lie it was because Rob had hurt her, once upon a time. In fact, it still hurt every single day…but he hadn’t hit her or anything.
“No, there’s…something else. I can’t—”
“Don’t tell me you can’t talk about it. Tell me now and I’ll fix it.”
She scoffed and a slight smile twisted her lips. “Cal, it’s not that easy.”
“Everything can be that easy if you know what you’re doing,” he argued.
She wanted to confide in someone so much, but she didn’t dare. She couldn’t tell Kyle for obvious reasons, but Murdock was off-limits too. He was Kyle’s friend and would surely tell him anything she said. Evans was also a big fat no. He had a big mouth and he might see it as flirting if she approached him. John might have been a good choice, but again…Kyle’s best friend.
“I swear on my father’s grave that I won’t tell Logan,” he added, putting a hand over his heart and raising an eyebrow.
She narrowed her eyes.
“Let me take this into the dining room and then I’ll meet you on the patio.”
He nodded and helped her collect the beverages, other dishes, and flatware. She went to push the cart through but he nudged her out of the way and did it himself. The dining room was blessedly empty and Cal made himself a plate while she arranged everything. He was finishing up as they heard voices moving closer.
“Let’s go before someone proposes again,” he grumbled.
He waited for her to go first and followed her back through the kitchen and out into the humid summer evening. He roughly pulled a chair out for her on the deck and then sat to eat without waiting. His mixed manners mused her a little.
She twisted her hands nervously and looked around as she gathered her courage.
She spotted newly installed grip tape on the steps and a feeling of warmth infused her chest. Someone had been thoughtful enough to make them safer.
She knew she was being silly again. It was a rehabilitation home and it only made sense to fix fall hazards for the occupants…but still, the thought of Kyle making the steps safer gave her a giddy feeling that clashed horribly with her anxiety.
Cal caught her gaze and lifted his chin. “Kyle installed that the other night.”
She bit her cheek to keep herself from smiling.
“Out with it,” he ordered. “Who do I need to kill?”
She sighed and looked up at the evening sky, debating on how much to tell him. She finally decided that she could live with coming clean about having a baby. Kyle likely already knew that…but how was she supposed to explain the visitation situation?
“I’m just under some stress. I…was served papers today, after I got home from work. They just made me nervous is all, with caring for the baby and having two jobs…it was kind of just the last straw. I’m fine now, really. I just need to figure out how to fix it.”
“What did your husband say about it?” Murdock asked, frowning over her admission to having a baby.
Shit.
“Nothing,” she said quietly.
“You didn’t tell him?!” he asked incredulously.
She shook her head and he leaned in so close that she could see the flecks of emerald in his light green eyes.
“You have to tell him, Madison. He’s your husband. He has a right to know, to help you!” he urged in a low voice.
It was the most she’d ever heard him say at once.
“I can’t and that’s final,” she said, cutting off his appeal.
He opened his mouth to say more then abruptly cut himself off and leaned away from her. He was looking over her head.
She turned around and her heart dropped as Kyle shifted his gaze between the two of them. He looked hurt and confused and it made her feel absolutely horrible.
She could feel the guilty flush on her face, but she couldn’t do anything about it.
If she could turn back time, she’d go back and tell him everything at the very start, before he’d even finished the house tour.
By the time she stood to go in, he was already gone and Murdock was giving her a calculating look. She had a feeling he saw more of her thoughts than even Kyle did.
It was an uncomfortable feeling.
That evening, she cleaned up the kitchen and did the dishes faster than ever. She assumed Murdock had kept his word about not speaking to Kyle because he hadn’t come back to talk to her or ask for an explanation. She had a feeling he was going to spill the beans about Emmie though.
She hoped the two days off would give Kyle time to forget the little incident, but she wasn’t holding her breath.
“Yo, Madison!” John called, deep voice booming as he pushed into the clean kitchen. “Food was bomb, as always,” he said, leaning his forearms on the island. “Even Jace said so, and you know how he is,” he said.”Dude’s got issues with food.”
She grinned. “I’m glad you all liked it.”
“So, you’re coming back tomorrow and Monday right?” he wondered. “Because I’m not sure we’ll survive two whole days without you.”
“I don’t know, Kyle said we could work something out but—”
“Bring your baby too, if you want. I love babies. I could teach him how to shoot and maybe take him out for a SERE course in the mountains. I’d have that kid ready for SFRE before he’s five,” he boasted.
“She is only three months old,” Madison huffed. “And I don’t even know half of what you’re talking about.”
He looked chagrined. “Sorry. I could still teach her though. She’d be a real badass on the playground.”
Madison snorted.
“Who’d be a badass on the playground? Me?” Wyatt asked, swaggering into the kitchen dressed for a night out.
“No, idiot. Madison’s baby,” John said, taking a piece of chicken from the pan in the fridge.
“Didn’t you just eat?” she said with a mock glare.
John frowned. “It’s been, like, ten minutes. I’m hungry again.”
She stared at him and he grinned.
“Gotta power these muscles somehow,” Wyatt said walking by, patting his abs.
She scoffed.
He sidled closer to her, moving in and leaning a hand on the fridge over her shoulder. “So, what’s her name?”
She lifted her eyebrow and looked at his hand until he moved it. She didn’t feel threatened by him anymore. He was a wounded man in his own way, just as much as any of the others. He was doing his best to cope.
That didn’t mean she had to be one of his coping mechanisms.
He backed off with a sheepish grin and rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry. Can’t help myself sometimes.”
“Her name is Emma. She’s three months old,” she said, covering the chicken again and going to grab John a paper towel.
“Cool name. Are you bringing her on Monday? We’ll play beer pong and cornhole.”
“Threemonthsold!” she repeated with a laugh.
These guys…
“I wasn’t suggesting that she was going to be doing keg stands. We can get her some milk or something,” Wyatt teased.
“What’s going on in here?”
They spun around guiltily as Kyle snuck up on them.
“Nothing,” Evans said quickly, winking at her.
She rolled her eyes and moved away from the guys.
Murdock appeared from the shadows on the back deck, making her jump again. “Not much. John was suggesting that Maddy bring the baby here on Monday.”
She felt her pulse racing as the baby was mentioned so openly for the first time in front of Kyle. “Yeah, so he could teach her something about a sear and then play beer pong.”
Kyle looked incredulously at John, who raised his hands. “In my defense, I only suggested a mock SERE course and maybe some shooting. Doofus is the one who wants to teach the baby drinking games.”
Kyle still looked nonplussed.
“What’s a sear?” she asked suddenly.
“It’s a military school. It means Survival, Evasion, Resistance, Escape…it’s usually for people who have a higher-risk MOS…uh, job. It teaches them how to survive behind enemy lines and how to escape should they be captured—”
“It means they teach you how to eat snakes,” Wyatt said, and he looked completely serious.
John shook his head. “It’s more than that and you know it.” He looked at her. “Don’t listen to him, Mads.”
Mads?
“Mads? That nickname makes me sound insane.”
“No, it makes you sound like you have mad skills…which you do. This fried chicken is the best I’ve ever eaten.”
Kyle moved farther into the room, looking from one to the next with a perplexed expression before finally letting go of whatever was confusing him.
“I need to talk to Madison. Alone,” he emphasized.
Wyatt winked at her again and John had a smug smirk on his face as he saluted Kyle. She had no idea why. Murdoch faded out into the evening as silently as he had come.
After they left—with more chicken— Kyle relaxed a little. He stared at her so long that she began to wonder if she had something on her face. He looked a little tense and she felt a sense of something barely leashed inside him.
Anger?
“I’d like you to bring the baby on Monday,” he finally said, studying the wall in front of them.
She was surprised. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Why?”
“Why not?”
She smirked. “Are you always this difficult?”
He lifted himself to sit on the island and after a moment’s hesitation, she did as well. They weren’t touching, but their hands were a hairsbreadth apart. His closeness was slightly intoxicating.
She berated herself for acting like a preteen girl with a crush. Nothing could ever happen between them.
Honestly! His hand, Madison?
“I’m never difficult,” he finally answered, his smile fading. “I hope you know that you can trust me if you need help. If something is bothering you—or someone,” he said significantly, turning his eyes toward her for a moment.
She looked down at her feet, unsure what to say. “I know. I feel like I can trust you, but everything is just so complicated right now.”
“But you told Murdock,” he said flatly. She noticed something in his voice had changed.
She nodded shyly. “A little.”
“Then tell me.”
His profile was golden and classic and perfect in the sun-washed kitchen. His hair was light gold at the ends where it flipped up slightly, and his jaw was lean and pronounced. Devastatingly handsome was the phrase that came to mind, and it fit.
He could devastate her in one moment if she let him.
The colors of the sunset painted him in their warm, magical hues and made it seem like the easiest thing in the world to sit here and pour her heart out.
She deliberated. Would it really be so bad to just tell him what she told Murdock?
“What’s your baby’s name?” he asked gently.
“Emma…Em or Emmie sometimes,” she said with a small smile. His eyes caressed her face as she spoke about the smallest love of her life. Even talking about Em made her happy.
“She’s three months old, fat, and gorgeous if I do say so myself.”
“Does she look like you?”
She dared to look at him again. “Some. She has his blonde hair and blue eyes. She gets her fat rolls from me, I guess,” she teased.
He snorted and shook his head. “You aren’t fat and I seriously doubt you have rolls.”
She giggled. “Okay, maybe not as many as she does,” she allowed.
He shifted his position and she felt the barest hint of his finger brush hers where it rested on the edge of the counter. Her whole awareness became focused on that one small portion of her body.
He didn’t move away and neither did she.
She felt the most wonderful sensation of well-being and happiness at that moment. It temporarily eclipsed everything else.
“Will you bring her? I’d like to meet her,” he said, clearing his throat.
“I wouldn’t feel right bringing her to work and then getting paid—”
“Stop. I’m your boss, right? Leave that up to me,” he said. “Look, the guys are all excited about it too. You heard them. They weren’t joking.”
She thought about Ellie and Jack and James and how unfair it would be to have to leave them at Helen’s while she brought Em to the barbeque. She had to remind herself that she’d be working though. She wasn’t coming to hang out and eat or have fun.
“Okay. I’ll bring her. What time do you want to eat?”
“Probably a little earlier in the day. Maybe about three?” he asked, squinting as the sun blazed into the room through a gap in the trees.
The kitchen was becoming dimmer by the moment as the hour grew later. She needed to leave soon. Em was bound to be fussing already.
“Sounds good. I’ll be here at noon to start everything. Aiden’s helping me, right?”
“Yep.”
She jumped down and started to walk away when she felt him gently grasp her arm to stop her. His grip was calloused and his hands were large as they slid down to take her hand. He looked at her imploringly and slid from the countertop to stand in front of her.
She looked up at him, wanting so much to lean in and take the comfort he wanted to offer. He thought she was married and she knew his character well enough to know that he wouldn’t take things any farther. He wouldn’t go past the boundaries of an innocent friendship.
“Maddy, please,” he begged. “Tell me the rest.”
They were in shadows now as the trees blocked the sun”s rays. She looked up into his eyes and knew that she cared for him far more than she should. She cared for him in a way that was dangerous to her.
Rob had crushed her soul with his actions, and she had an inkling that this man could do far, far worse.
She was terribly afraid that she was beginning to fall in love with him anyway.
That thought made her stop breathing and look away. She couldn’t. Not ever. Not only was she a big fat liar, but she was also not willing to put herself in the position to be hurt by a man’s lies ever again.
She’d fallen in love once and look what it got her. Four beautiful children, yes, but also a lifetime of heartbreak, borderline poverty, and now a court case.
She couldn’t risk it. She had to get them back into their proper places.
As much as she hated to, she pulled her hand from his and backed away to get her purse. She missed his touch immediately, though she could still feel the sensation of it on her hand.
“I can’t. I have to get home to my family.”
He raised his head and his face hardened a little. She could feel him withdraw at the baldly stated word.
“At least tell me that you aren’t being threatened, that you aren’t in danger,” he said, eyes boring two holes into her.
She looked off toward the window. “I’m fine.”
He stared at her, she could feel it, and when she finally brought her eyes back to his, he nodded once. “Goodnight, Madison.”
“Goodnight, Kyle.”
She made her escape, practically running to the car before she started crying again. As she drove away, she clenched her fist and tried to capture the feeling of his hand around hers for as long as she could.