Chapter Twenty
Kyle
In the darkness of his office, Kyle leaned back in his chair, a heavy sigh escaping his lips.
The quiet was a huge contrast to the storm of emotions that had been stirred up by Madison”s confessions.
Madison’s husband was dead, and he felt guilty that his very first thought had been that she was free to be his. His next thoughts were of all the lies she had told from day one. He wasn’t sure where her lies ended and the truth began.
It was too much like Regina. It hurt. It hurt damned bad.
Thing was…he didn’t blame her.
She’d been left in a hell of a spot by her husband and she was only doing what she needed to do to survive, to feed her kids and keep her house. He would have done the same thing.
Yet, even still it hurt.
He thought of all the times he’d sensed something about her, something warm and caring and maternal. He’d thought it was just because she had a baby, but it made sense. She had the aura of a longtime mother. She had the maturity of one, even though she was still very young. She wasn’t even thirty and she was taking on the role of head of household for her family.
He dropped his head into his hands and scraped his fingers through his hair, pulling the strands to relieve some of his stress. The beginnings of a migraine were working their way into his eyes and he popped open a drawer and took an aspirin.
“Fuck,” he muttered, wishing for once in his life that things could be simple.
She had a custody battle going too. She had been afraid all those times he’d sensed fear, but it was worse than a physical danger for her. Someone was threatening to take the kids away from her, at least partially, and that made him livid.
Couldn’t they see how good of a mother she was?
His gaze was drawn to the computer screen on his desk— the monthly payroll for McClellan”s Hope.
His hand paused as he reached for the mouse. Each name was not just an employee, but a part of the retreat”s family, each with their own story, their own battles. When his fingers brushed Madison”s name on the screen, a pang of something akin to betrayal mixed with apprehension washed over him.
He remembered her eyes last night, the way they held a vast depth of unspoken pain, the way they seemed to plead for understanding without uttering a word.
She was a survivor and she was doing what was best for her kids. That was the thought that had rolled through his mind ever since she’d confessed, and he kept going back to it like a sore tooth.
He found himself clicking the box to continue her pay for the next month. It wasn’t just about the money, it was an acknowledgment on his part, a silent gesture of support for what she was going through.
Kyle leaned back, rubbing his temples.
He thought about reaching out to her, to offer a word of comfort, maybe let her off the hook. But he hesitated, his fingers hovering over his phone. It had only been a day since they had rushed off, her world turned upside down, and his kind of crushed a little.
But it was a lot to process and he couldn’t find the words, not yet. He wasn’t even sure what he was going to do.
The clock on the wall ticked steadily, marking the passage of time in the stillness of the room. Kyle”s thoughts drifted, replaying the close moments he and Madison had shared.
Each laugh, each shared look, once tainted with his guilt over her marriage, now seemed to hold a different meaning. Without the weight of his guilt, he found it much easier to think about what he felt for her.
A knock on the door jarred him from his reverie. He straightened up, composing himself.
“Come in,” he called, his voice steady.
John entered, his presence filling the room with an easy, calming energy. “Hey, Top. Just wanted to check in and remind you about Neil. Everything okay?”
Kyle offered a half-smile. “Just the usual end-of-month admin shit.”
John leaned against the doorframe, his gaze perceptive. “Doesn’t look like ‘just usual shit’ to me. You’ve got that look.”
“What look?” Kyle asked, an eyebrow raised.
“That ‘world’s on my shoulders’ look. You’re thinking about Madison, aren’t you?”
Kyle sighed, the truth undeniable. “Yeah. It’s a lot to take in. Her situation, the kids, everything she’s been through…”
John nodded, understandingly. “Life has a way of throwing people into the gauntlet. But you’ve got a good heart, Kyle. Maybe that’s exactly what she needs right now.”
Kyle shook his head, a mixture of frustration and confusion in his eyes. “I don’t know, John. It’s complicated. I want to help, but I also don’t want to overstep…and then the lies. And there’s the retreat to think about…”
He groaned and looked at the man. “This could get messy.”
John walked over and placed a reassuring hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “You’ve built something great here, Kyle. This place is a sanctuary, not just for those who come seeking peace, but for you too. Don’t lose sight of that.”
Kyle met John’s steady gaze. “I just wish I knew the right thing to do.”
John shrugged. “Sometimes, the right thing is just to be there.”
The words resonated with Kyle, a sense of clarity beginning to pierce through the fog of his thoughts. He nodded. He could do that.
Just be there.
John shoved off from the doorframe, ready to leave. “And Kyle, remember, you don’t have to carry all this alone. We’re all here for you, just like you’re here for us.” He stopped in the doorway. “Oh, and Wyatt said if you try to make chili for supper again, he’s going full Rambo.”
Kyle groaned. “When’s Neil getting here?”
“Pete’s driving him from the airport. He’ll be here later today.”
As the door closed behind John, Kyle let out a deep breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. Maybe John was right. Maybe being there for her, despite the complexities, was the start.
Kyle stood up, feeling much better about everything. The lies still stung, but he could get past them easily enough if he remembered why she had done it. She had done it for those kids. When he’d seen them in that cold hospital, so damned little and scared and lost, he’d immediately felt a sense of protectiveness—the same one he’d felt for Maddy and Em.
He would give Madison the space she needed but would be ready to offer support when the time was right.
After all, McClellan”s Hope was more than just a retreat, it was a place where broken pieces were put back together, where healing began, and where hope endured.
Maybe in helping Madison, he’d find a bit of his own peace too.
∞∞∞
The gravel crunched under Kyle”s boots as he made his way around the path on the side of the house toward the front of McClellan”s Hope, where the new arrival was expected.
The late afternoon sun beamed over the retreat, creating a tranquil atmosphere that he hoped would set the new man at ease. It was a good day for a tour.
As he approached, he saw the van pull up. The driver, a new volunteer at the retreat, stepped out and offered a lighthearted salute.
“Got a new brother for you, Logan,” he called out with a grin.
Kyle returned the teasing gesture with two fingers, his mood lightening even more. “Thanks, Pete. How was the ride?”
“Smooth as a SEAL’s exit strategy,” Pete replied, winking.
“So, rocky as hell then?” John murmured from behind him.
Kyle smiled ruefully. “Don’t let the SEALs hear you say that.”
“Pfft. We could handle them no problem,” John boasted.
They both turned as the van’s side door slid open, revealing the new resident.
Kyle’s gaze settled on a man who appeared to be around his own, his late thirties, his right side marked by thick scars that ran down his face and neck, disappearing under his shirt.
Despite his scars, there was an undeniable handsomeness about him, his eyes bright and alert.
“Neil, right?” Kyle extended his hand. “Welcome to McClellan’s Hope.”
Neil hesitated for a fraction of a second before shaking Kyle”s hand, his grip firm despite the scarring on that side. “Thanks. Heard a lot about this place. Brochures don’t do it justice.”
As they walked towards the main building, Kyle made small talk, asking Neil about his trip. Neil’s answers were brief, but he seemed to relax slightly as they moved through the serene surroundings. Kyle noticed that he avoided his reflection in the glass near the door.
“3rd group, huh?” Kyle asked, noting the subtle flinch in Neil’s shoulders as he brought it up.
Neil nodded. “Feels like a lifetime ago.”
“I know what you mean,” Kyle replied, a sense of camaraderie already forming between them. “Let’s get you settled in. We’ve got a good group here. You’ll fit right in.”
The evening passed quickly as Neil was introduced to the other residents. Dinner was a lively affair, with the group sharing stories and light-hearted banter. Aiden and Wyatt, in particular, made it their mission to welcome Neil with their own brand of humor.
The only thing missing was Maddy’s beautiful smile, her comforting presence in the kitchen, and her delicious food on the table.
“So, Neil, you ready to jump into everything here?” Aiden asked, passing him a bowl of mashed potatoes.
Wyatt dished up some food and grinned. “Water aerobics on Mondays, pottery on Tuesdays, and oh! Cha-cha classes on Thursday afternoons,” he said, pointing at Neil. “We like to keep it lively around here.”
Wyatt glanced at Murdock. “Except for Murdock. He likes to stagnate.”
“Just happy to be static for a while,” Neil replied, a small smile playing on his lips.
Wyatt leaned in, his tone mock-serious. “You’ll have to get used to our spur-of-the-moment security patrol and random ruck runs. Tends to happen when you put a bunch of us former team guys together.”
The laughter that followed was genuine, the ease of shared experiences bridging any gaps between them. He felt good about Neil coming into the house.
Later that night, Kyle found himself on the back deck, a place he often retreated to for reflection. The stars were bright in the clear sky, a peaceful backdrop to his restless thoughts.
He was thinking about Madison and her kids, alone in their house.
The image of her, both strong and vulnerable, stayed with him. She might be feeling pretty scared and lonely with her friend Helen in the hospital.
Jace emerged from the shadows, a lit cigarette cupped in his hand. He leaned on the railing, taking a long drag. “Mind if I join you?”
“Not at all,” Kyle replied, welcoming the company.
They stood in silence for a while, the only sound the distant calls of night birds and the soft rustling of leaves.
“You did a good thing today, bringing Neil in,” Jace finally said, breaking the silence. “This place... it’s more than just a house. It really is. It”s like having all the good parts of the service back again.”
“Without the explosions,” Kyle nodded, his thoughts drifting back to Madison. “Sometimes, I wonder if it’s enough. If I’m doing enough. There’s so much pain, so much struggle out there.”
Jace flicked ash from his cigarette. “Can’t save everyone. But for those you can, it makes all the difference. I feel…better than I have in a while. I’m not there yet, but I’m close enough to see some of the light through the crack in the blinds.”
The words lingered in the air, a simple truth that struck him. Who was helping Maddy see the light, if it wasn’t him?
As Jace said his goodnights and headed back inside, Kyle remained outside, lost in thought.
Eventually, he stood up, stretching his tired muscles. It was time to call it a night. As he made his way to his quarters, his mind was filled with plans for the next day, for the retreat, for the people who depended on him.
In the solitude of his room, as he lay in bed staring at the ceiling, Kyle realized how deeply Madison and her situation had affected him.
He was ready to jump in with both feet. He’d do anything for her.
With that thought, Kyle finally drifted off to sleep.
∞∞∞
Kyle stepped out into the crisp morning air and headed for the shooting range. It seemed like a good place to ease some of his frustration.
However, when he heard the familiar patterns of gunfire, he figured someone else had already beat him to it.
As he approached, the sound of laughter reached his ears.
There, he found John and the new guy, Neil, each taking turns firing downrange. Neil”s stance was textbook and fluid, despite the scars and the obvious discomfort he tried to hide.
Kyle leaned against a nearby tree, watching silently.
Neil stepped up, taking a deep breath before steadying his aim. The shot rang out, hitting the target with precision. He still had good form, good control.
”Nice,” John complimented, clapping him on the back. ”Taking it like life, huh? One shot at a time.”
“What are you? Some kind of ragtag psychologist now?” Kyle called out during the lull.
”Hey, Top,” John called out. ”Come to give us a master class?”
Kyle shrugged, joining them. ”Just seeing if our new brother here is settling in okay. Doesn’t look like he needs any pointers.”
Neil fired another round, hitting the target dead center. ”I can hold my own, but I won”t say no to tips from an old timer.”
“Old timer,” Kyle grumbled. “We’re the same damned age.”
“Yeah, but you were in longer.”
“Makes you practically elderly, Top,” John informed him.
The men shared a laugh and Kyle felt a sense of pride watching them. This was what McClellan”s Hope was all about.
It was his dream come to life.
He felt his guilt over James McClellan recede just a bit more. He didn’t think it would ever go away completely.
After a few more rounds and some stories from their days in the service, Kyle excused himself, feeling a bit lighter. He headed back through the woods, taking the long route.
That”s when he stumbled upon Murdock.
Shirtless, his scars on full display, Murdock was a flurry of motion, attacking the wooden dummies with a ferocity that was both impressive and slightly unnerving. His movements were fluid and deadly, a dance of controlled aggression and brutal violence honed by years of training.
”Damn, Murdock, ever heard of a punching bag?” Kyle joked, watching as Murdock”s bare fists and feet struck the wood with thuds.
Murdock paused, panting, and glanced at Kyle, a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.
”Punching bags are too soft and they don”t fight back. Need something that feels more... real.”
Kyle nodded, understanding the need for something tangible to destroy. ”Just don”t take out all the trees, we might need them for cover.”
Murdock smirked, a rare sight, and swiped his sweaty hair back with both bloody hands. Kyle saw streaks of red in the blonde strands.
Cal swigged some water and resumed his training, picking up two wicked-looking blades. He started doing knife drills with both hands, displaying his ambidexterity in the skill. He wouldn’t ever want to take Murdock on in a knife fight.
Kyle sat down to watch.
The man took another break after a good ten minutes of rapid attack drills.
Kyle’s smile faded as he observed Murdock’s grim expression. ”You ever worry you”re going too far?”
Murdock scoffed, a humorless sound that echoed in the stillness of the woods. ”Too far? No such thing. You don’t survive by holding back.”
Murdock had an uncompromising nature that bordered on the dark. He had his own code, one that didn’t always align with conventional ethics, but it was a code that had kept him alive so far through some pretty deep shit.
”You know, not everything is a fight, Cal,” Kyle said, pushing himself up from the log. ”Sometimes it’s okay to step back.”
Murdock resumed his assault on the dummies, his movements almost a blur. ”Retreat is not an option. Not for me.”
Kyle watched for a moment longer before continuing on his way, wishing he could take on some of his own demons that easily.
Murdock had never spoken of his hatred of women, never blatantly acted on it, but Kyle knew it had something to do with his time under the Taliban’s “care”.
His strikes carried finesse, yes, but they also carried a deep-seated rage. Every block of wood was an enemy to be killed, to triumph over, or a woman to get back at the only way he could.
He had hoped that Murdock having the woods to disappear into might help heal him a bit, or maybe temper his rage, but it just seemed to invite him to become even more uncivilized, savage.
He didn’t know what to do with him. Didn’t know if there was anything to do with him. Like Murdock said, some men couldn’t ever go back. Some were too far gone.
He gritted his teeth and sniffed hard. “Damn it, McClellan. You should be here.”
At the edge of the woods, he pulled out his phone, finger hovering over Maddy’s name. He froze and blew out a breath.
Not yet.
There was something else he needed to do first.