11. Hope
“We all havethat one friend who always gives the best relationship advice but is still single.” ~Unknown
I am in so much trouble.
That’s the conclusion I come to as I toss and turn all night long. It doesn’t help that Shane, the cause of my confusion, is asleep two feet away from me. At least he’s on the floor and not on the hotel bed. Not that I want the poor guy to be camped out on the floor, but it’s a lot easier to breathe when he’s not right beside me. And especially when he’s not touching me. If there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that his touch is deadly.
Yesterday, when he had wiped the powdered sugar off my lip, my sense of reasoning went up in flames. I couldn’t think or respond for a good ten minutes. In that time, however, I’d managed to follow him back to his car, and we headed over to the New Haven Inn. After checking in, we had some dinner delivered, then Shane announced he was hitting the sack. I hadn’t realized he’d gotten off a long shift that morning and hadn’t had a good night of sleep in days. I’d offered him the bed, but he’d insisted that he’s used to sleeping anywhere, anytime. And true to his word, as soon as his head hit the pillow, he’d dozed off.
At least one of us will look well rested while the other one gives off raccoon vibes.
I decide I need to do something other than stay in bed. Because the longer I lie here, the more tempted I am to watch Shane sleep. I don’t know how he does it, but he looks even more gorgeous unconscious. With his hands clasped behind his head, his broad chest rises and falls in a slow, mesmerizing rhythm. There’s a peaceful expression on his face, along with an occasional smile that curves his lips. It’s a beautiful sight that makes my heart race and my gut twist at the same time. Or the latter could be the cheese from last night’s pizza.
Yeah, I’m not buying that either.
Whatever the case, I get out of bed as quietly as possible and throw on a hoodie over the shirt and leggings I’m wearing as pj’s. I sneak out to our private patio with my phone in my pocket. Above me, rays of light break through the darkened sky as the sun rises over the horizon. From the vantage point of the second story, I can see the entire courtyard below. A row of green rental bikes stand on one side while chairs and planters line the other. As I sit down onto the cushioned bench, goosebumps gather on my arms. It’s at least ten degrees cooler here than what I’m used to, so I turn on the rectangular tabletop fire pit before I can morph into a human popsicle. What can I say, Arizona heat has turned me into a weakling when it comes to any temps under ninety.
First things first, I spend a few minutes reading Psalm 100 on my Bible app, which always puts me in a good mood. It’s hard to complain when I’m reminded of God’s faithfulness and love. I also spend time praying and telling Him about my current situation—not that He doesn’t already know all about it—but it helps me to unload my worries. I also pray for Amelia, that she’ll recover soon from her stomach woes. I’ll admit, I may have some ulterior motives for that last prayer. It would be a lot easier to not think about my feelings for Shane if Amelia was my vacation associate like she was supposed to be.
My phone vibrates with an incoming call, and I quickly answer. “Lily, you’re awake!”
A soft groan resounds in my ear. “You better have a good reason for texting me S.O.S. at six in the morning.”
“I waited as long as I could, honestly. I almost texted you at four, but I held myself back. I know how much you value your sleep.”
“Four o’clock—what’s going on, Hope? Did you stay up reading, then get a book hangover because the story was so good, and you couldn’t sleep?” Lily’s voice grows louder and more energetic, the way it usually sounds. “If so, do tell me the title. I’ve been in such a reading slump, it’s not even funny.”
“No, not this time.”
“Then what is it? What’s eating you up?”
“I’m fine. Well, not really. Amelia and I are supposed to be in Solvang together, but she has food poisoning, so she stayed home and sent her brother in her place until she recovers, and now I’m on vacation with this gorgeous and incredibly sweet man who is nothing like the boy I grew up with.”
“Ohhh. Wait, let me guess, you’re developing feelings for this gorgeous and incredibly sweet man?”
“Kind of. Sort of. Yes?” I drag the last word out like it’s three syllables long.
“Ah! That’s my favorite trope—best friend’s brother! But this is even better than a book ’cause it’s real life! Tell me more, tell me more!”
Now that Lily sounds fully awake, I can picture her sitting in bed, likely with one of her face masks on and her long black hair pulled back with some kind of no-heat curlers. An engineer by day, her side gig is as a social media influencer who makes videos about beauty and style. She’s the person who showed me what products to use to tame my unruly locks. Lily’s also the one gal from our book club who has no qualms about speaking the truth. I know if there’s anyone I can talk to about Shane, it’s Lily. Because I certainly can’t talk to Amelia about her brother.
I give Lily a recap of yesterday’s events, beginning with my luggage fiasco prior to boarding the plane, to the eye-opening moment Shane picked me up, and through all the activities that we did in Solvang. Of course, I highlight the important parts like the multiple times when Shane captivated me with his leaning and the socks he gave me. I then end with his vision of reality. “He said he likes me, Lily, and he said I like him! What am I supposed to do with that?”
“What do you mean? You do like him, don’t you?”
“I suppose so, but the whole thing’s just so unexpected. This was not in my vacation plans. I didn’t come to Solvang to meet a guy. I’m on a dating sabbatical, remember? No dating until my birthday, which is still five months away.”
“Is this sabbatical as strict as the no-sugar fast you did earlier this year that lasted all of one day?”
“Ha ha ha,” I reply, unamused. “It was a very long twenty-four hours, thank you very much.”
“Mm-hmm.” If eyerolls were audible, they’d sound very much like Lily’s response. She sighs before continuing, “You want to know what I think?”
“Yes, please. That’s why I interrupted your beauty sleep.”
“Yes, you did.” A loud yawn comes over the line. “Okay, I’m only going to say this once, so listen up. You, my friend, are afraid of commitment.”
“Me? I’m afraid of commitment? According to Shane, it’s the men I tried to date who didn’t want to commit.”
“I didn’t say you don’t want to commit, I said you’re afraid to, which are two different things.”
“Huh?”
“It’s simple. You’ve been let down and disappointed by quite a few guys, so it makes sense that you’re unsure about Shane, no matter how great a catch he may be.”
“That’s it, Lily. He’s too good to be true. Guys like him only exist in books. He was talking like he’s going to move to Arizona for me! Why would he do that?! We hardly know each other. How can he be so sure?”
“That’s a good question that you should ask him. But first, let me ask you how you’re so sure he’s not the guy for you.”
Tucking my legs underneath me, I watch the flames in the fire pit dance to and fro. The sight makes me think of Shane and his suggestion to make s’mores, and all the swoony and sweet things he did for me yesterday flood my memory. Especially the gift of those socks! Thinking about their message warms my body even more than the fire. I have to try extra hard to come up with a good answer for Lily—and myself.
“Well, for starters,” I begin, “Shane’s younger than me.”
“So? We read age gap stories all the time. There’s nothing wrong with a younger man so long as your level of maturity is the same. What else? Don’t say he lives in a different state because he already said he’d move for you.”
“There’s also the important fact that he’s my best friend’s brother.”
“And?”
“And?! What’s Ames going to say when she finds out? What if she hates the idea of me and Shane together?”
“She has no reason to hate it. She already treats you like family. This’ll just make it official.”
“But what if Shane and I don’t work out? That’ll put her right in the middle of us and make things awkward. I don’t want her to have to pick sides.”
“So, don’t break up.”
“Lily Lam, why do you have an answer for everything?”
“Because you, woman, have too many excuses.” She laughs. “Come on, give the guy a chance. Don’t say no just because you’re not ready to say yes.”
I blow out a long breath as I wrack my brain for more excuses. It only takes me three seconds to realize I’m all out of them. “So, I’m supposed to say maybe?”
“Don’t write him off yet. Take the next few days or however long you have with him and get to know him better. And if you want to stick to your sabbatical, you guys can always be pen pals until the new year. It’ll be like that epistolary romance we read last month. Snail mail’s so timeless and sweet.”
I shake my head at how quickly Lily’s voice changed from practical to dreamy. Despite her engineering brain, she’s a hopeless romantic at heart. I suppose I used to be one, too, before all the ghosting and letdowns I experienced with the opposite sex. Half of me wants to believe that a relationship with Shane could be different. But the other half doesn’t want to get hurt, or worse, end up hurting Shane or Amelia.
If only real life could be as smooth and predictable as fiction.
“Thanks for listening, Lil. It’s good to have a different perspective than my own.”
“No problem. That’s what I’m here for. And don’t worry, I won’t say anything to Ames about this until you figure things out.”
“I appreciate that.”
“So, what are you and Mr. Young, Hot, and Gorgeous going to do today?”
Her teasing tone makes me smile. When I think about it, I really have nothing to complain about. I’m in a cute town for vacation, and I have a really great guy to spend the day with. I just need to get over myself and have some faith in God that He knows what He’s doing, which is a lot more reassuring than thinking I know what I’m doing. “You mean Shane?”
“Yes, Shane, AKA your dreamy vacation date.”
“Shane and I are going to visit some ostr?—”
The crackling sound of a suitcase rolling over gravel steals my attention. Despite, or maybe because of, my aphantasia, I have a good memory when it comes to my other senses. The high-pitched squeaking sounds distinctly like the wheels of my luggage. One glance down below to the ground floor confirms my suspicions. I see a white-haired woman entering one of the inn’s rooms with my green suitcase in tow!