15. Hope
“As your older sibling,I will always protect you from getting hurt. I’ll start by warning you not to annoy me.” ~Unknown
My heart’s pounding in my chest and my palm grows so sweaty, I’m afraid my phone will slip out of my hand and meet its doom in the Ostrichland dirt. Shane must notice my predicament because he quickly plucks the device from my fingers, then pulls me to his side. I find solace in his warm, broad chest and breathe a little easier when he puts his arm around me. Make that a lot easier since he smells so amazing. The comfort he provides is almost enough to make me forget that I don’t have an answer to Amelia’s question. How in the world do I tell her about me and Shane?
I look up at him and shrug helplessly.
“The thing is, sis,” Shane replies for me, “it all happened pretty fast.”
“No kidding! You guys just got there yesterday! How in the world did Hope manage to get a guy’s attention so quickly? Not that I’m saying she’s not amazing, but she doesn’t usually put herself out there. And especially not this year since we’re on our dating sabbatical! Is that out the window now? Are you leaving me in the dust, Hope? Hello, Hope, are you there? Tell me who this guy is and everything that happened!”
“I’m here, Ames,” I reply, trying to keep my tone light. The situation’s not as serious as I’m making it out to be, I tell myself. It’s not like Shane or I have done anything wrong in liking each other. But I can’t help but feel like I’m keeping a secret from my best friend. A secret that could very possibly change our friendship. I swallow hard, wishing I could stick my head in the ground like an ostrich. “H-how do you know about me and him?”
“I saw the pictures on social media! He’s so tall and gorgeous!”
I trade confused looks with Shane. We haven’t taken a single photo together, let alone posted anything online. And while Shane and Ames get along, I’m pretty sure he’d be the last guy she’d call gorgeous. “What pictures are you talking about, Ames?”
“The ones at Ostrichland. You were tagged in them by someone named Adam. Who is he and how did you guys meet?”
“Ohh, Adam! That’s who you’re asking about!” My shoulders sag with relief. “He’s just the dad of one of my former students. We bumped into them here and Adam asked to take a selfie with me.”
“He did? He must be interested in you, Hope! I saw how cozy the two of you were. He even had his arm around you.”
“No, no, no. Adam Jr. asked to take a selfie with me. Then he wanted to take a picture of me and his dad, so I took one with him just to be polite, but we were not being cozy. Not. At. All,” I add with emphasis in case Shane has any doubts. Every time I mention Adam’s name, his complexion turns a little green. I prefer seeing my favorite color on clothing or things in nature, but not on my boyfriend’s face.
My boyfriend.
I’m suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of relief. It’s like I’ve been traveling in the desert for miles and miles—or if we’re being realistic, maybe a few feet—and someone just welcomed me into an oasis. He gives me shade to sit under and cold water to drink and says I’m done walking. I’m home. That’s how I feel in Shane’s embrace. I’m done wandering in the sea—err, the Sahara—of non-committal men. I’ve found my home. And I should be proud to tell everyone about us because I am proud to have him as my boyfriend.
If only everyone didn’t include my best friend.
A loud sigh of relief comes over the line. “I’m honestly so happy to hear that, Hope. I was dreading being on this dating sabbatical by myself. Can you imagine? It’d be like signing up for a marathon and having a buddy to train with, only to have her drop out halfway. It’d be so hard to keep going. I’m glad we’re still in this together!”
“Um, yeah, that would be hard,” I agree, even though I have no idea what training for a marathon would be like. I personally don’t have any desire to find out either. But what is apparent is that Ames is set on us finishing this sabbatical together. I feel terrible letting her down. The sabbatical was actually my idea; she only offered to do it with me out of sympathy.
I know she’s given up a lot these past six months. If I’m the too-stupid-to-live character in a story, Amelia is the golden girl. Strong, independent, and popular with all the boys—that’s how she’s been since we were kids. Our book club girls joke that Amelia would never need to pay for her meals if she said yes to every man who asked her out. Which is what she’d been doing before the sabbatical began. I know it’s really put a dent in her bank account. What kind of friend would I be to treat her sacrifices so lightly?
“I really appreciate you being on this sabbatical with me, Ames,” I say. “You’re the best.”
“It takes one to know one,” she replies without hesitation. “This time off has been so good for me. It’s really helped me learn how to be okay on my own. We don’t need a man to be happy—besides Jesus, of course.”
“Yes, for sure.” My tone sounds weak even to my own ears. I feel like such a hypocrite. “I mean, we should totally be content without a guy. Our happiness doesn’t depend on other people.”
“Exactly! People come and go, but God is the only one we can depend on to stick around.”
“But sometimes,” Shane pipes up, “God brings people into our lives to support us and help us grow. We’re not meant to do life alone.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Amelia mutters. “But sometimes people do things that hurt or disappoint us.”
“Are you okay, Ames?” I ask. This doesn’t sound like my usually upbeat friend, the woman who never flinches at the mention or even the sight of bodily fluids. She takes all things, big and small, in stride. Does this have something to do with Ryder? “Did something happen, like, did someone from your past try to reach out to you recently?”
“That sounds oddly specific.”
“It’s just a question.”
“It’s this stomach bug. I’m exhausted and not in the best mindset. But I’m determined to get past this. I’ve decided to come down tomorrow. Maybe a change of scenery is what I need.”
“Oh, okay. Don’t push it though, Ames. If you don’t feel well enough, you can wait a day.”
Shane gives my arm a squeeze. “Are you going to tell her?” he whispers to me. “Or do you want me to?”
“Tell me what?” Amelia asks. “What are you guys whispering about?”
“Y-you heard that?” My heart’s about ready to jump out of my chest. Apparently, Shane is the loudest whisperer in the world, or my phone is super sensitive in picking up sound. If it’s the latter, Ames must be getting an earful of my pounding heartbeat. I use my eyebrows to plead with him for help since I have no idea what to say.
“Leave it to me,” Shane whispers again, oh-so-unsubtly. “It’ll be okay.”
“Leave what to you?” Amelia echoes. “You guys are being so mysterious. What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing, Ames!” I wince as my voice cracks. I guess neither of us are good at flying under the radar.
“There is definitely something going on,” insists Amelia. “You guys are making me worried. Did you get in some kind of trouble? Oh! Did an ostrich try to attack you guys? I heard their kicks are powerful enough to kill a lion!”
“Are you serious?!” I glance around at the open plains before us, suddenly wary of those innocent-looking birds. “They only have two toes on each foot! I had no idea they could do so much damage!”
“Right?! You need to watch your backs around them at all times!”
“Sis, we’re fine!” Shane sputters with a shake of his head. “The ostriches are fine, too. This isn’t about them. It’s about us—me and Hope.”
I gasp like an ostrich has kicked me in the gut. No, no, no! It can’t happen like this! Shaking my head, I quickly mouth to Shane, Don’t tell her now! It’s not the right time! I think she’s going through something! Not now, Shaney!
“You and Hope? What about you and Hope?” Suspicion coats Amelia’s voice. “What’s going on?”
“We’re dating.”
Silence comes over the line for three heartbeats too long before Amelia bursts out cackling. That’s the best word to describe the raucous sound. It’s a deep, throaty laugh, the kind one has when they hear the funniest joke ever. I wonder if it’s a good sign? Maybe Ames is so overjoyed for us, she can’t stop laughing?
“You guys are hilarious!” she finally exclaims when she catches her breath. “This is some kind of attempt to cheer me up, right? Don’t worry, I’m tougher than salmonella, E. coli, and Campylobacter combined. But thanks for trying! You guys are dating—ha! As if that would ever happen!”
“It’s true, sis. Hope and I like each other. We’re dating now.”
“Dating?! Have I been that sick?” she murmurs more to herself than to us. “My little brother and my best friend? What is happening?! I thought I was feeling better…”
“It’s true, Ames,” I manage to utter as my heart sinks. So much for thinking Amelia would be happy about this development. “I didn’t come on this trip thinking I would fall for Shaney; it kind of just happened.”
“You’ve spent, what, a day together and now you’re girlfriend and boyfriend? This makes no sense.”
“Love isn’t always logical,” Shane says matter-of-factly. “But when you know, you know. I’ve always liked Hope. The moment I saw her at the airport yesterday, I remembered why she still has a special place in my heart. It’s totally by God’s grace that she likes me, too. I don’t deserve someone as amazing as her.”
I balk loudly. “That’s so not true! You’re the one who’s amazing, Shaney! You’re like a character straight out of a romance book. I still can’t get over how good you are to me.”
A gagging sound comes over the line. “Oh, my goodness, this is really happening. My little brother and my best friend! How did this happen?! Don’t answer that. It’s a rhetorical question. I just—do you guys realize what this means? Have you thought about the ramifications? You guys live in different states. You hardly know each other, at least not the adult version of each other. Do you realize how much is at stake? This isn’t a decision you can make lightly. What if things don’t work out between the two of you? Who am I supposed to side with then? It would be a mess!”
Shane and I exchange a somber look. He doesn’t seem nearly as worried as I feel, but there is a wariness in his eyes. What does he think about Amelia’s concerns? Because if I’m being honest, they’re very valid and things I’ve wondered about as well.
Where do we go from here?