Chapter 2 #2
It was her intent that this time she’d walk away the winner. She was intrigued enough by Jay to want to stay, and having a plan made her feel that much better about it. But the truth was he was her fatal weakness and something she was determined to change.
JAY KNEW HOW FRAGILE his control over Alysse was. He had thought an apology would be enough at least to get them back to a nice place to start over. But now he was admitting that wouldn’t do it. How out of touch he was struck him.
How could he convince her to trust him when he wasn’t too sure that leaving the Corps and starting over was what he truly wanted? He should have dinner with her and then send her on her way. She deserved a new start without him possibly dragging her down.
And that was the rub. In the field he was confident of his abilities. All the training and missions he’d had ensured that when he took aim he hit his target. But alone on the beach with Alysse, now that was something he wasn’t as confident of.
“Will you come back and have a glass of wine with me?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said. “But I don’t think I should stay for dinner.”
He escorted Alysse back to the table and for the first time understood how hard this mission was going to be. He wanted a second chance to make things right with her. He’d never meant for her to get hurt the way she had.
He poured them each a glass of wine. Their two-day affair had led to marriage and one week of red-hot sex in the honeymoon suite.
He still couldn’t believe that he’d married her.
When he’d been with her, he’d felt young—though he was only a year older than her.
He’d always felt older, but not during that week.
He’d felt young and a little bit carefree. That had all changed on the last night.
But he didn’t want to think about that now. Instead he looked at the way her pretty red hair blew around her shoulders. That attraction hadn’t dulled at all. She was dressed casually and had clearly been working all day but she was still the most beautiful woman in the world to him.
“Tell me about your job. Are you a baker or what at Sweet Dreams?” he asked.
He’d found her the old-fashioned way. Followed his lawyer’s address that she’d used to send him the divorce papers.
He’d been surprised she’d used a business address but really shouldn’t have been.
She’d been very clear in her letter to him that every conversation between them go through their lawyers.
“I own the bakery with a partner. We’ve been open almost three years,” she said as she took a sip of her wine. There was a faint smile on her face and she traced the raised lettering on the dessert box she’d brought.
“From what I hear on base and around town, you’re very successful.”
He’d asked about the bakery and had heard tales of the sexy redhead who worked behind the counter. He’d been jealous of the admiration that the other men had for her. She was his, but he knew he’d given up any claims to her when he’d walked away. And that hadn’t sat well with him.
“We are,” she said. “But then we put everything we have into it. Staci and I have to be at the shop every morning by four to start baking. Usually we try to have a seasonal cupcake so we brainstorm ideas for our next one and then once a week do a sample in the store to judge its success.”
“That makes for a very long day.” She would have to be pretty tired come evening.
“But I love what I do,” she said, then flushed.
There was passion in her voice and something that sounded like joy. She’d found her calling and clearly loved her life. But it seemed as one-sided as his was. “It really gave me something to focus on.”
“I’m sorry for the way I left you. Why did you marry me?” he asked. “I’ve always wondered. You didn’t seem like the kind of woman to fall so quickly.”
She shrugged and looked away. “You know. I was excited about finishing cooking school and celebrating in Vegas.”
“Vegas was a riot, wasn’t it?” he asked.
“Definitely. I guess I forgot that it wasn’t real, you know. The lights and the people, and you were so good with the grand gestures. I don’t even remember you asking me to marry you but I do remember standing in that chapel.”
“Me, too.”
“Why did you marry me?”
“You made me feel like I was a part of the world and not just an observer,” he said.
He’d known from a very early age that he was bound for the military. He’d always had an affinity for weapons and had gone hunting with his dad and uncles from the time he was eight. A certain sense had enabled him to sight his target and make his shot.
“I know you’re in the Marines, Jay, but I know so little else about you.”
She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and tipped her head to the side to study him. He wondered what she saw when she looked at him. He knew he was in top physical form thanks to the rigorous requirements of the Corps, but beyond that what did she see?
“I’m a sniper. And have been just about my entire career.”
He didn’t talk about his work and wouldn’t do it now except to give an overview of what he did. This was one part of his life that he never wanted Alysse to be too familiar with.
“Oh. And you like it?” she asked.
“I guess,” he said. He wasn’t about to reveal his near miss in Afghanistan or how it had hit him hard that he might die and no one would even care.
That changed a man, but not in a way he wanted anyone else to know.
Especially a woman he was hoping to woo back into his arms. It had made him return to the past and acknowledge he needed to make amends for how he’d left her.
“I don’t know, Jay. If you want me to trust you, you have to open up a little more than that,” she said.
“You’re not going to make this easy, are you?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Nope. I know that it’s not very nice but we did easy the first time and look how that turned out.”
He doubted that she didn’t really care. He’d hurt her and he wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to wound him the same way. He deserved that for running out on his marriage to her.
He was relieved when he heard the sound of footsteps behind them and glanced over to see the waiter from the hotel delivering their salads. Food was the distraction they needed so he didn’t have to continue to answer uncomfortable questions about himself.
He wasn’t sure that this plan of his was being executed to its best advantage. He needed to regroup. But he didn’t want just to approach Alysse as though she was a mission. He kept getting distracted by the scent of her perfume and the way her hair blew in the wind.
After the waiter left, he lifted his glass toward her. “To second chances.”
“To earned second chances,” she said, taking a sip of her wine. “I’m sorry if I sounded mean before...”
He had to laugh. It was not Alysse’s nature to speak harshly to anyone. He’d learned that during their week together. “You didn’t. Don’t apologize for your anger at me. I feel incredibly lucky that you agreed to stay for dinner.”
“I’m not sure I agreed, but I do have a lot of questions about the way our marriage ended and about you,” she said.
“You deserve to have them answered and much more. But not tonight,” he said.
She gave him a hard-level stare and he knew she was searching for answers in his eyes. He didn’t know what the future held so he tried to convey the only thing he was certain of, which was his sincerity.
They ate dinner and talked about things that didn’t really matter to him.
Books and movies that he hadn’t seen or read; he was behind on his popular culture.
And there was a little awkwardness to the evening.
But that was to be expected. What he hadn’t anticipated was how much he wanted her still.
And that that was the only thing he could think about.
“HOW LONG ARE you on leave?” Alysse asked after the waiters had left.
“Two weeks. I’m actually due to sign my reenlistment papers soon,” he said.
“And what?” she asked. “You want to spend them with me?”
“I’d like to.”
“I’m not changing my life for you, Jay.”
“I don’t expect you to,” he said. “I know that I’m very lucky that you agreed to have dinner with me.”
She gave him a half smile. “You are lucky. Are you thinking about getting out of the Corps?” she asked.
“I really don’t know. When we’re done eating I’ll take you on a ride on my Ducati, so you can let the wind clear your mind.”
“Um...a ride on a motorcycle will likely make me feel like I’m going to die,” she said.
“Ah, I won’t drive like a maniac, you’ll be safe with me. I promise.”
She didn’t want to believe him, but she did. She wanted to hold on to her anger and just stew in it for as long as she could, because being angry was insulation against starting to feel again.
“I’ll think about it. If you don’t go back in the Corps what will you do?” she asked.
“A lot of that depends on you.”
“It can’t. You have to want to get out for yourself.”
“I don’t really know,” he said, then pushed his hands through his hair. “I hate being indecisive but my future isn’t as set in stone as it once was.”
“Why?” she asked. “Did something happen? Our marriage wasn’t enough to change your mind?”
“Nothing happened,” he said. Nothing he wanted to talk about at least, she thought. He’d been raised to be strong and he wasn’t going to admit to her that he was a little scared of the future. “I’m just getting older,” he told her.
She knew there was more to it than that but he was still not ready to really talk to her. She put her napkin on her plate and stood up.
“It’s been nice but I think I’ll be going,” she said.
“Why? What did I say?”
“It’s what you’re not saying. You ask me to give you a second chance. Telling me nice-sounding platitudes and then when I ask you for something real, it’s back to the smoke and mirrors.”
She stared down at him. And then, when he kept silent, she shook her head. “Good luck, Jay.”
“Wait. Let’s go for a walk... I’ll tell you what’s going on,” he said.
“Okay, but you asked me to trust you, and I’m not sure I can but I’m at least trying. I need to know that you’re doing the same,” she said.
“I’ll try, I’m not any good at this sort of thing, which is why I probably should have just stayed out of your life.”
“If you believe that, why are you back here?” she asked. “Why did you call Sweet Dreams and order dessert for a woman—me—to try to win her back?”
“I want something more,” he said. “I had a close call on my last deployment and I realized that I really don’t want to live the rest of my life alone—without you.”
She didn’t either, which was why she’d always been...waiting for the right guy.
For honesty, that was pretty much on the mark.
And his words made her admit that she didn’t want him to be alone, but that didn’t mean that she wanted to be the woman at his side.
Jay was difficult to get to know and it was only tonight that she was coming to understand how difficult.
That week together had been almost a fairy tale and she’d seen in Jay only what she’d wanted to.
A man who was enamored with her and as caught up in the whirlwind romance as she had been.
“What do you want?” she asked.
“I have two weeks to figure it out,” he said. “I’m having lunch with some buddies who got out last year,” Jay said. “Something might come of that. If I can’t find work do you think you could use another cake-froster?”
“Cake-frosting is a delicate art. It requires a skill set you might not have.” He’d given her a little nugget of truth and then turned the topic to something safer and she let him do it.
She wasn’t sure how much “truth” she could take tonight.
Seeing him was enough of a shock, learning that he’d almost died before he could come back to her.
.. Well, that was something she didn’t want to dwell on.
“What skills exactly?” he asked. “I have steady hands.”
He held his big hands out to her. They were tanned and had blunt-trimmed nails. They were the hands of a man who took care of himself. No metrosexual manicure, but looked after all the same.
“That’s only part of it. I’d have to see how good you are using them,” she said, flirting just a little because she wanted him. And to be honest, flirting was safe. She flirted with uniformed Marines every day and nothing came of it.
“I thought that would be the one thing you’d know I could do,” he said.
She shivered as she remembered his hands on her body. He was very good at using them. He was a thorough lover who had taken his time with her, every time. The attention he’d lavished on her had made her feel like the most fascinating woman in the world.
“That’s a different type of hand work,” she said.
“Really?” he asked in a teasing smile.
“I didn’t mean it that way!”
“Of course you didn’t,” he said with a laugh. It sounded rusty.
“You’d be bored,” she said. “It’s quiet and repetitive. Most of the stuff we do for decoration is simple flowers or candies. Staci and I do all the work ourselves because it’s our favorite part of the job.”
“I get your passion. You both have a stake in making sure the business is successful, I’m sure it shows in your work,” he said.
“Yes, it does. You’ll be able to tell when we have dessert,” she said.
“What did you make for my mystery woman?” he asked.
“Wait and see.”
“About working at the bakery, I don’t think I’d get bored. Plus, you’d be there...we’d have some frosting.”
“Okay, enough with that. This is a first date not—”
“Not what? Our last first date ended pretty well.”
“The date did, but what happened afterward is something I’m not looking to repeating.”
“Me, neither,” he said.
He took her hand, cradling it in his own. He ran his finger over her knuckles. She felt an electric charge go up her arm and then shivers across her shoulders and chest. Her nipples tightened and her breasts felt fuller.
She remembered how one simple touch could lead to much more. She pushed her fingers through his and held his hand in hers. He tightened his grasp on her fingers and lifted her hand to his mouth.
The warmth of his breath brushed over the back of her hand. He looked up at her as he kissed her hand and then her wrist.
She pulled her hand from his grasp and put it in her lap.
She wasn’t ready to rekindle the sexual flame that had always been between them.
Not at this instant. But to reclaim herself she knew that she was going to have to.
And she was afraid that when she did she’d lose a little bit more of herself.